FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you get jealous ?
Do you get jealous ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life? |
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Yes, I get jealous on here. It depends on how intense the relationship (fb/fwb) is and how much contact there is (and to a point, how good the communication is).
I'm not jealous of people in real life though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I get jealous on here. It depends on how intense the relationship (fb/fwb) is and how much contact there is (and to a point, how good the communication is).
I'm not jealous of people in real life though"
I find it very refreshing that you have said this, it’s clear that many people do get jealous but no one ever admits to it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life? "
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don't get jealous, but I do get irritated if they talk about people they've met, because i simply have no interest! "
This for me too. It annoys me because I don't want to know.
As for the OP, yes I get jealous about allsorts of things. Or maybe it's envy, I never know the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet! "
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really "
There is. Entirely different definitions! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lifted explanation as easier:
“Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person
And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).“ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really
There is. Entirely different definitions!"
Thanks for that. Words make my head hurt so it’s good that you cleared that up for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really
There is. Entirely different definitions!
Thanks for that. Words make my head hurt so it’s good that you cleared that up for me."
Soz about meeeeee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really
There is. Entirely different definitions!
Thanks for that. Words make my head hurt so it’s good that you cleared that up for me."
No worries, sorry I’ve not got back to you yet btw. Got loads to update you on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lifted explanation as easier:
“Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person
And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).“"
this is a much easier way to explain the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though. "
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really
There is. Entirely different definitions!
Thanks for that. Words make my head hurt so it’s good that you cleared that up for me.
No worries, sorry I’ve not got back to you yet btw. Got loads to update you on. "
Ooh! Can you do it with pictures though please? You know how I don’t deal well with words and writing too good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Lifted explanation as easier:
“Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person
And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).“"
I'm both jealous and envious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed. "
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
I’m the exact same. Especially just now, it’s oretty much impossible for me to meet. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to meet!
I’d call that more envious than jealous, I think there’s a big difference really
There is. Entirely different definitions!
Thanks for that. Words make my head hurt so it’s good that you cleared that up for me.
No worries, sorry I’ve not got back to you yet btw. Got loads to update you on.
Ooh! Can you do it with pictures though please? You know how I don’t deal well with words and writing too good "
That could be revealing.  |
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"Yes, I get jealous on here. It depends on how intense the relationship (fb/fwb) is and how much contact there is (and to a point, how good the communication is).
I'm not jealous of people in real life though
I find it very refreshing that you have said this, it’s clear that many people do get jealous but no one ever admits to it! "
I also know the reason behind it is a lack of self-esteem. Especially with the ease it is for someone to find a new fwb (in my head, possibly not in reality). |
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
"
In real life relationships, yes I have been jealous but I'm not in a relationship with anyone on the site...hence no jealousy |
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
"
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now  |
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"On here, nope.
In real life in an open relationship, nope.
Heartless bugger  "
I resemble that remark lol.
Seriously though, if everyone is upfront and honest in a relationship then I'm not going to get jealous.
If it's agreed that it's an open relationship then why get jealous?
That's just daft to me.
An agreed monogamous relationship is different.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
In real life relationships, yes I have been jealous but I'm not in a relationship with anyone on the site...hence no jealousy "
You don’t *have* to be in a relationship to feel jealousy. You can experience feelings of losing out on someone due to someone else etc. Not saying *you* per se, but not being in a relationship does not negate the possibility of having jealousy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now "
If that puts them off then surely you're not compatible anyway.
I think if someone tells another person to stop being jealous or ignores them, they are guilty and hiding something. Otherwise they'd talk about it. So the feeling spiralling out of control is actually a gut feeling that something is wrong and not necessarily a jealousy issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now
If that puts them off then surely you're not compatible anyway.
I think if someone tells another person to stop being jealous or ignores them, they are guilty and hiding something. Otherwise they'd talk about it. So the feeling spiralling out of control is actually a gut feeling that something is wrong and not necessarily a jealousy issue."
Or they might think simply stating it was enough, it’s not foolproof as an indicator of guilt. I have a good friend who is Asperger’s and far more literal in their conversation than I am. Sometimes their bluntness throws me, when all they are doing is trying to be precise and clear. |
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now
If that puts them off then surely you're not compatible anyway.
I think if someone tells another person to stop being jealous or ignores them, they are guilty and hiding something. Otherwise they'd talk about it. So the feeling spiralling out of control is actually a gut feeling that something is wrong and not necessarily a jealousy issue.
Or they might think simply stating it was enough, it’s not foolproof as an indicator of guilt. I have a good friend who is Asperger’s and far more literal in their conversation than I am. Sometimes their bluntness throws me, when all they are doing is trying to be precise and clear. "
I think it was a controlling thing actually. Trying to manipulate my behaviour to his acceptable standards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now
If that puts them off then surely you're not compatible anyway.
I think if someone tells another person to stop being jealous or ignores them, they are guilty and hiding something. Otherwise they'd talk about it. So the feeling spiralling out of control is actually a gut feeling that something is wrong and not necessarily a jealousy issue.
Or they might think simply stating it was enough, it’s not foolproof as an indicator of guilt. I have a good friend who is Asperger’s and far more literal in their conversation than I am. Sometimes their bluntness throws me, when all they are doing is trying to be precise and clear.
I think it was a controlling thing actually. Trying to manipulate my behaviour to his acceptable standards. "
Oh yeah, I wasn’t at all meaning *your* scenario. I was replying to the globalising comment that SH made, but I also appreciated the point she was making. I couldn’t comment on your specifics, I wouldn’t have the foggiest. |
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
I 100% agree with this. Jealousy is easier to deal with if there is good communication. If I'm told to stop being jealous (or even worse ignored), the feeling spirals out of control.
And yes, I know this means no one from the forums is likely to want to meet me now
If that puts them off then surely you're not compatible anyway.
I think if someone tells another person to stop being jealous or ignores them, they are guilty and hiding something. Otherwise they'd talk about it. So the feeling spiralling out of control is actually a gut feeling that something is wrong and not necessarily a jealousy issue.
Or they might think simply stating it was enough, it’s not foolproof as an indicator of guilt. I have a good friend who is Asperger’s and far more literal in their conversation than I am. Sometimes their bluntness throws me, when all they are doing is trying to be precise and clear.
I think it was a controlling thing actually. Trying to manipulate my behaviour to his acceptable standards.
Oh yeah, I wasn’t at all meaning *your* scenario. I was replying to the globalising comment that SH made, but I also appreciated the point she was making. I couldn’t comment on your specifics, I wouldn’t have the foggiest. "
I know, just putting it into the mix as well |
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So , I like seeing my wife with another guy .
Why ?
Because it makes me feel jealous , and in turn I use that feeling to further enhance my desire for her . I love her to bits anyway , but facing the jealousy as she flirts , snogs , and gets off with a guy who is invariably much younger and better looking than me really gets me horny . I can’t really explain it any better than this to be honest . I know she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me . She plays because she knows how horny it makes us both , and wouldn’t dream of doing it if we weren’t in it together . So the reality is that it’s a game we play with willing participants . No one is coerced into it , it’s always consensual fun between us and who we meet . So although I know she would never leave me for someone else , I thrive on the jealousy . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On here, nope.
In real life in an open relationship, nope.
Heartless bugger
I resemble that remark lol.
Seriously though, if everyone is upfront and honest in a relationship then I'm not going to get jealous.
If it's agreed that it's an open relationship then why get jealous?
That's just daft to me.
An agreed monogamous relationship is different.
"
If im honest i only feel it due to my own insecuritys after a long term relationship |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Truthfully, only ever felt jealous and still feel jealous when I see the status post, verification for 1 person. I control it as best as I can, it's irrational as I am in a brilliant and loving relationship but still.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So , I like seeing my wife with another guy .
Why ?
Because it makes me feel jealous , and in turn I use that feeling to further enhance my desire for her . I love her to bits anyway , but facing the jealousy as she flirts , snogs , and gets off with a guy who is invariably much younger and better looking than me really gets me horny . I can’t really explain it any better than this to be honest . I know she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me . She plays because she knows how horny it makes us both , and wouldn’t dream of doing it if we weren’t in it together . So the reality is that it’s a game we play with willing participants . No one is coerced into it , it’s always consensual fun between us and who we meet . So although I know she would never leave me for someone else , I thrive on the jealousy ."
I totally get this. It’s a heady mix if you channel it like this, hot as fuck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jealous over others, definetly not. I understand the concept of swinging and that sharing is caring.
I can feel frustration occasionally when I want to get out to play but I can't. |
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I would say I'm unsure. I think jealousy would mean I don't want someone to have something, I want it. I'm not like that, I want people to enjoy themselves and be happy. I do get envious, like, "ohhh I wish I could have been there" kinda thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve had an experience of feeling jealousy or more accurately acute envy once. I felt physically sick. I let go of it very quickly once I realised what it was and took a decision to monitor my feelings of attachment more closely. It hasn’t happened since. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lifted explanation as easier:
“Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person
And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).“"
If I am in a deep relationship I do feel jealousy as hard as I try not to. Not in a swinging point of view as a couple cos that is just sex but if they had feelings for someone else as well then that would make me feel jealous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get very jealous.
I don’t wholly believe anyone who says they don’t.
It’s how you process, and whether you act on the jealousy, that is key though.
I think this is a very valid point though. I sometimes think that jealousy is the constant elephant in the room on fab, it shows itself in so many different ways and yet it’s never addressed.
People in denial mostly. It’s the thing I find most impressive about ethical polyamory is the emphasis on discussing jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone gets at some time, it’s being able to acknowledge it and deal with it that is a mature and learned skill.
"
This is it! Jealousy looked at as a positive emotion opens up a whole new way of dealing with it. Question why you feel jealous, envy may well play a part and shouldn't be focused on....yet. Likely jealousy is present because you care/ love that person, that's positive! Ride the positive waves!
I'm just an old hippy really 
Peach x |
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life? "
Yes whenever my wife is playing with somebody else there is a little jealousy, or flirting or...... But far outweighed by the, sexiness and trust we have. But I don't think I can ever not be at least a little jealous unless I didn't care.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im finding my jealousy is closely related to how much I like someone or how close we have got. It can twist you up a little bit and I might indulge myself for a while but I can usually talk myself round with logic, or talk with the person about it. If I can be reassured our link is still there it helps, and to know they might feel the same. Im a work in progress |
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life?
Yes whenever my wife is playing with somebody else there is a little jealousy, or flirting or...... But far outweighed by the, sexiness and trust we have. But I don't think I can ever not be at least a little jealous unless I didn't care.
Mr"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not going to lie, I do a little.... but jealousy is a normal.... feeling.... it’s if and how you act on it that’s the game changer "
Yup I agree. It's natural, AMD oh so painful, but can be overcome or fond ways to work round it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only get jealous if she has better shoes than I do
That's envy ; )
Hat white, white hat
Except that they have different meanings!
So what Estella? "
Just my pedantry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never used to. But very recently experiencing insecurity that then leans into mild jealousy.
I envy people who are naturally confident and don't have to fake it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only get jealous if she has better shoes than I do
That's envy ; )
Hat white, white hat
Except that they have different meanings!
So what Estella?
Just my pedantry. "
Knock yourself out if it makes you feel better hun |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
Occasionally yes. Have never really done in long term relationships but that's probably due to feeling secure. Jealousy doesn't have to be a bad thing, but as others have said it's a natural emotion that you need to process at times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only get jealous if she has better shoes than I do
That's envy ; )
Hat white, white hat
Except that they have different meanings!
So what Estella?
Just my pedantry.
Knock yourself out if it makes you feel better hun"
I knocked a few out last night. It was gooood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life? "
Exactly this. I feel like I never have enough free time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I definitely do, but I know it and how to manage it.
And as other say it’s about how into someone I am.
As long as there is respect with clear and honest communication it’s no problem.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say I'm unsure. I think jealousy would mean I don't want someone to have something, I want it. I'm not like that, I want people to enjoy themselves and be happy. I do get envious, like, "ohhh I wish I could have been there" kinda thing."
This for me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm never jealous of what someone I fancy or I’ve met has done with another person on here. My only jealousy is free time, I never have as much as I’d like.
Do you get jealous on here or elsewhere in your life? "
Everyone has the capacity for jealousy, it just has to be sparked by the desire for something you want more than anything else and here that could arrive quicker than you think |
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