FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why cheat?
Why cheat?
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"“The Allure of Lives Not Lived Here, instead of transgression, it’s missed opportunities that draw cheaters in. They think about the one that got away, or the one that never was, or the life they could have had if only… This may cause them to feel limited and fenced in by the life and relationship they’ve chosen—regardless of how much they enjoy that life and relationship. So, they indulge their curiosity. They use extracurricular sex to see who they might have been if they’d opted for a different path. Again, this is a form of self-exploration, where infidelity introduces the individual to the stranger within.”" I guess this is why some people see an ex still as well as their current partner or hook up with someone they knew from the past. Maybe it’s as simple as some people can cheat so they do. | |||
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"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?" Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. | |||
"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?" It’s addressed in the OP, have a read | |||
"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding? Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. " I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning. So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then? | |||
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"You apologise to the TLDR brigade then cut and paste more 2/3 times. Suffice to say didn't read. However to answer your question, don't know. " That’s fine, it was four more times as was the detail of the four points. And you misunderstand what I was apologising for and why. But glad you commented  | |||
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"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding? Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning. So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?" You’re forgiven. | |||
"You apologise to the TLDR brigade then cut and paste more 2/3 times. Suffice to say didn't read. However to answer your question, don't know. That’s fine, it was four more times as was the detail of the four points. And you misunderstand what I was apologising for and why. But glad you commented "You're right I did. | |||
"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding? Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning. So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then? You’re forgiven. "I wasn't apologising. I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion. So? | |||
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"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding? Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning. So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then? You’re forgiven.
I wasn't apologising.
I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion.
So?"My answer is I don’t know. I don’t know because it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in. And not knowing is the reason for reading about it and posing the question. What’s your thoughts? | |||
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"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today? You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding? Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this. I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning. So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then? You’re forgiven.
I wasn't apologising.
I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion.
So?
My answer is I don’t know. I don’t know because it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in. And not knowing is the reason for reading about it and posing the question.
What’s your thoughts?"I used to be very black and white about it. Not something I have done. Experience has made me more understanding and consequently tolerant. | |||
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Good luck OP, you're going to need it! | |||
"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!
Good luck OP, you're going to need it!"Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...? | |||
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"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly? " Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall... | |||
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"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly? Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall..." Or just a desire to win. | |||
"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?" That’s kinda what the article is saying though! Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise). | |||
"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly? Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall... Or just a desire to win. " Is that your motivation? To win? | |||
"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly? Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall... Or just a desire to win. Is that your motivation? To win?" Well maybe better expressed as the other side of the coin of not losing. In my case I started cheating after an existential crisis where I confronted my mortality. The idea that I only have one life and that monogamy would mean denying a whole range of options and experiences felt like a huge loss that I wanted to avoid. | |||
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"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. " Then don't enter into a monogomous relationship! | |||
"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much? That’s kinda what the article is saying though! Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise). " Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling? It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel? | |||
"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much? That’s kinda what the article is saying though! Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise). Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling? It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel? " What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense. | |||
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"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. " Studies have shown that male and female rates of cheating are roughly equal. | |||
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"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much? That’s kinda what the article is saying though! Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise). Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling? It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel? What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense." We can rationalise feelings cheating love lust friendship until we reach the point that the emotions themselves are something we no longer feel. They are just abstract concepts divorced from whatever relationships we may enter, because we are always trying to find the understanding rather than just getting in with living. I don't have an answer I just have the questions. But I would rather feel, it's part of being alive, instead of trying to analyse why I feelm Maybe I like to think we are sentient organic irrational complex and all totally unique. All the things that make us human. Too much analysis to many attempts to unravel why we feel why we may cheat, perhaps takes us a little away from our humanity and the need to connect with others at all levels. | |||
"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. Studies have shown that male and female rates of cheating are roughly equal." Studies have also shown that men lie more | |||
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"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!
Good luck OP, you're going to need it!
Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...?"Not at all, just suggesting that not all replies you get might be in the same constructive spirit as your own, based on previous threads I have followed. Perhaps you missed my point? But good luck and I'll follow the debate with interest. | |||
"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much? That’s kinda what the article is saying though! Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise). Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling? It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel? What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense. We can rationalise feelings cheating love lust friendship until we reach the point that the emotions themselves are something we no longer feel. They are just abstract concepts divorced from whatever relationships we may enter, because we are always trying to find the understanding rather than just getting in with living. I don't have an answer I just have the questions. But I would rather feel, it's part of being alive, instead of trying to analyse why I feelm Maybe I like to think we are sentient organic irrational complex and all totally unique. All the things that make us human. Too much analysis to many attempts to unravel why we feel why we may cheat, perhaps takes us a little away from our humanity and the need to connect with others at all levels." But understanding doesn’t have to remove feeling. Hence that makes no sense. It might be what happens for you, but that doesn’t make it universal. Understanding something and feeling something are not mutually exclusive. | |||
"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!
Good luck OP, you're going to need it!
Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...?
Not at all, just suggesting that not all replies you get might be in the same constructive spirit as your own, based on previous threads I have followed. Perhaps you missed my point? But good luck and I'll follow the debate with interest."Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another. | |||
"Most men I know have cheated. Especially if working away. They just need the opportunity " Shurrup man ffs !! | |||
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"Best not to overanalyze it. If you are cheated on and want to move on then just park it and move on... This is not a science it's just sex.. it cannot be fixed. Men will always cheat.. who cares and does it matter ? " I haven’t, but thanks for your concern! 
I’d need to get a partner first! | |||
"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has! It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships. " I rest my case ... | |||
"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!
Good luck OP, you're going to need it!
Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...?
Not at all, just suggesting that not all replies you get might be in the same constructive spirit as your own, based on previous threads I have followed. Perhaps you missed my point? But good luck and I'll follow the debate with interest.
Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another. "Luck with the posts, not the thread itself. So hopefully a meaningful and enlightened discussion can take place, not a witch hunt. | |||
"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!
Good luck OP, you're going to need it!
Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...?
Not at all, just suggesting that not all replies you get might be in the same constructive spirit as your own, based on previous threads I have followed. Perhaps you missed my point? But good luck and I'll follow the debate with interest.
Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another.
Luck with the posts, not the thread itself. So hopefully a meaningful and enlightened discussion can take place, not a witch hunt."Right. So you going to join in with some meaning and enlightening? | |||
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"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. " I don’t really think it’s just “nature”. Every boyfriend of mine has cheated, I believe they not only were c*nts they were also very insecure, if I got looked at by another guy or I mentioned a guy tried to chat me up and I declined they’d be seething with jealousy. From my experience it seems men are happy to cheat, lie and deceive themselves but when it’s done to them it’s the crime of the century. | |||
"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has! It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships. " Their loss, whatever their excuse.  | |||
"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. I don’t really think it’s just “nature”. Every boyfriend of mine has cheated, I believe they not only were c*nts they were also very insecure, if I got looked at by another guy or I mentioned a guy tried to chat me up and I declined they’d be seething with jealousy. From my experience it seems men are happy to cheat, lie and deceive themselves but when it’s done to them it’s the crime of the century. " And that is a case study I recognise. | |||
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"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has! It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships. Their loss, whatever their excuse. "Ha thank you! It sure is their loss, every single one of them except one attempted to beg me back, still to this day I have one following me on social media liking my photos! I’ve never cheated or had the temptation to. In my opinion you can’t be truly happy in the relationship nor can you truly love someone if you’re willing to do one of the most hurtful things that can be done to them. A lot of people try to justify their cheating, in my opinion they try to justify it because they know its wrong. It’s like a thief who’s been caught trying to justify why he stole. You’re still a thief! Haha. | |||
"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory? Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons. Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?" I’d agree as I cheated at various times during my life and there were different reasons that came into play at different times. I had a disposition to cheat from an early stage. I have fancied lots of girls and women from an early age I ‘lost’ the first love of my life, as a teenager, because my best friend told her I danced with another girl at a disco, that she wasn’t at, and she dumped me. As a result I got a reputation as a ‘Lothario’ via the grape vine. Ever since that I have cheated in relationships. I’d fall in lust easily and was reasonably capable of charming and captivating those I desired. I found lust intoxicating and every so often for a variety of different reasons at different times, I’d stray when in a relationship. I guess the only thing I couldn’t resist was temptation. As I grew older and shed my inhibitions and allowed myself to explore my sexual curiosities I continued to find my predilections couldn’t be satisfied. I haven’t had physical sex outside of my marriage for over 4 years and have tried to curb my exploits. But infidelity for me is not just the physical act it is also in the mind and can be played out in the cyber world, in lots of different ways. I find myself still on this site despite a part of me deeply wishing I could just leave and be faithful in thought and deed for the rest of my life. If only there was a simple root cause that I could find and fix, but the complexity of it and the dilemmas potential solutions create for me, leave me caught on the horns of them frequently. | |||
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"“The Allure of Lives Not Lived Here, instead of transgression, it’s missed opportunities that draw cheaters in. They think about the one that got away, or the one that never was, or the life they could have had if only… This may cause them to feel limited and fenced in by the life and relationship they’ve chosen—regardless of how much they enjoy that life and relationship. So, they indulge their curiosity. They use extracurricular sex to see who they might have been if they’d opted for a different path. Again, this is a form of self-exploration, where infidelity introduces the individual to the stranger within.”" Ohhh dear. I know someone who's this to a T. | |||
