FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What do women want in a message
What do women want in a message
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi fab people. Been on here for a few years on and off and always come across the same problem. When you see a profile that catches your and you send a polite message it gets deleted. If you send a message thats a wee bit more suggestive it gets deleted. My question is what do women want in a message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All women are different and will want different things.
You are bound to message women who you aren’t interested in you and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Just send polite messages, if they delete, assume they’re not interested. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All women are different and will want different things.
You are bound to message women who you aren’t interested in you and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Just send polite messages, if they delete, assume they’re not interested."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people "
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi fab people. Been on here for a few years on and off and always come across the same problem. When you see a profile that catches your and you send a polite message it gets deleted. If you send a message thats a wee bit more suggestive it gets deleted. My question is what do women want in a message. "
they want hi how are you, what you looking for on fab and they need to see your hairy balls obviously not all do, Patients is the quay  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs."
Some people will still consider no replies as rude. It's just the way it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Some people will still consider no replies as rude. It's just the way it is."
They will, and some people will consider those who think they should get a reply entitled.
This has been spoken about many times before and the junk mail analogy on how we don’t reply to that is a great one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All women are different and will want different things.
You are bound to message women who you aren’t interested in you and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Just send polite messages, if they delete, assume they’re not interested."
Exactly this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs."
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect."
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect."
If you have 30 messages a day like some claim to get (mostly women and couples), would you still answer them all individually? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect."
The problem is exacerbated when polite replies are not accepted. Counter replies often follow......why....give me a chance.....but I am genuine.....
Then there are the 'I wouldn't have fucked you anyway you fat sad cow'.....I know who you are and I am going to out you in public......
Which leads to people not risking a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people "
Thanks for taring us all with the same brush.
It is not rude not to reply. It's in fab fqs. It means that the person you messaged is not interested. We get hundreds of messages a day.
It takes time to chat
It takes time to connect.
Its not a rush.
Good things come to those who wait.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First time on the forum thanks chanelle "
No problem!
You’d probably benefit from some public photos aswell, not many just a couple so that those who are interested can have a look rather than having to friend request.
Also adding a bit about you and what you like sexually and what kind of woman/couples you’re into would do good in your profile.
Hope it improves on here for you! |
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect."
Dude I'm sitting on 310 unread, despite it clearly stating on my profile that I rarely read messages! You coming round to reply to then all for me? And then respond to the responses of my replies? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care if you find me 'rude'. I'm not going to be tone policed or forced into replying to someone because they chose to write to me. Expectations are rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men should spend more time listening to women as opposed to questioning us. Save the questions for your fellow men if you want to really know why women don't reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't care if you find me 'rude'. I'm not going to be tone policed or forced into replying to someone because they chose to write to me. Expectations are rude."
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I will usually reply to all messages if they are polite and friendly. I look at profiles first so if he ticks my boxes that's a guaranteed reply.
It's probably easier to ask what not to put i.e.
Don't refer to me as hun, babe etc.
Don't say what you want to do to me.
Don't ask me what I'm wearing.
Don't invite me to your hotel.
Just a few examples!!
Just keep it short and sweet, otherwise it's going to get tedious. I usually say something like
'Hi, I've read your profile and think we could get on. Why don't you look at mine and if you agree perhaps we could meet for a coffee soon'.
This tells me that he's read my profile and knows I always do a social first. It also puts the ball in their court so to speak.
Hope that helps  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I will usually reply to all messages if they are polite and friendly. I look at profiles first so if he ticks my boxes that's a guaranteed reply.
It's probably easier to ask what not to put i.e.
Don't refer to me as hun, babe etc.
Don't say what you want to do to me.
Don't ask me what I'm wearing.
Don't invite me to your hotel.
Just a few examples!!
Just keep it short and sweet, otherwise it's going to get tedious. I usually say something like
'Hi, I've read your profile and think we could get on. Why don't you look at mine and if you agree perhaps we could meet for a coffee soon'.
This tells me that he's read my profile and knows I always do a social first. It also puts the ball in their court so to speak.
Hope that helps "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I will usually reply to all messages if they are polite and friendly. I look at profiles first so if he ticks my boxes that's a guaranteed reply.
It's probably easier to ask what not to put i.e.
Don't refer to me as hun, babe etc.
Don't say what you want to do to me.
Don't ask me what I'm wearing.
Don't invite me to your hotel.
Just a few examples!!
Just keep it short and sweet, otherwise it's going to get tedious. I usually say something like
'Hi, I've read your profile and think we could get on. Why don't you look at mine and if you agree perhaps we could meet for a coffee soon'.
This tells me that he's read my profile and knows I always do a social first. It also puts the ball in their court so to speak.
Hope that helps "
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
Chances are op you could write the most erudite message and use a lexicon of words... however if the other person doesn't find you attractive nothing you'd write would get a positive response..
The picture attracts and the words create the further interest..
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
"
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a separate folder from my inbox. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
If you have 30 messages a day like some claim to get (mostly women and couples), would you still answer them all individually?"
Used to be in a couple - been there and done exactly that. Sorry it’s the person I am forgive me for being polite. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
If you have 30 messages a day like some claim to get (mostly women and couples), would you still answer them all individually?
Used to be in a couple - been there and done exactly that. Sorry it’s the person I am forgive me for being polite. "
I have to agree... Manner are everything to me too.
I reply to every message individually, whether. We have 2 or 222 messages. Even the FAF ones get a friendly polite reply.
You reap what you sow on here.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a
separate folder from my inbox. "
Junk mail doesn’t just come on the form of email.
It comes through your letter box, via text, cold calls...
So my comment still applies.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a
separate folder from my inbox.
Junk mail doesn’t just come on the form of email.
It comes through your letter box, via text, cold calls...
So my comment still applies.
"
Then I would suggest you do what I do. Block cold calls/text (I don’t get any) and re post - don’t sign up to things you don’t want therefore you don’t get junk post.
Your comment doesn’t apply if you use the available blocks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a
separate folder from my inbox.
Junk mail doesn’t just come on the form of email.
It comes through your letter box, via text, cold calls...
So my comment still applies.
Then I would suggest you do what I do. Block cold calls/text (I don’t get any) and re post - don’t sign up to things you don’t want therefore you don’t get junk post.
Your comment doesn’t apply if you use the available blocks. "
It still applies.
You don’t have to sign up to anything to get junk mail, people walk around posting it through freely.
If I want to delete a message or block someone I’m not interested in without replying I’m well within my rights to without other people judging because their view of “politeness” is actually entitlement.
I have filters on my profile thank you, doesn’t stop anyone from getting messages from someone they aren’t interested in.
I am sure there are plenty polite people here who don’t reply to messages from people they aren’t interested in and I’m sure there are equally plenty of rude people who reply to all their messages, I can vouch for the latter from first hand experience.
You reply “no thanks” and get a barrage of abuse, block them, and they sign up on a new profile to do it again, so now I make it clear on my profile a deleted message equates to “Not interested”.
Deleting & blocking if necessary works perfectly for me and I’m sure hundreds of others.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a
separate folder from my inbox.
Junk mail doesn’t just come on the form of email.
It comes through your letter box, via text, cold calls...
So my comment still applies.
Then I would suggest you do what I do. Block cold calls/text (I don’t get any) and re post - don’t sign up to things you don’t want therefore you don’t get junk post.
Your comment doesn’t apply if you use the available blocks.
It still applies.
You don’t have to sign up to anything to get junk mail, people walk around posting it through freely.
If I want to delete a message or block someone I’m not interested in without replying I’m well within my rights to without other people judging because their view of “politeness” is actually entitlement.
I have filters on my profile thank you, doesn’t stop anyone from getting messages from someone they aren’t interested in.
I am sure there are plenty polite people here who don’t reply to messages from people they aren’t interested in and I’m sure there are equally plenty of rude people who reply to all their messages, I can vouch for the latter from first hand experience.
You reply “no thanks” and get a barrage of abuse, block them, and they sign up on a new profile to do it again, so now I make it clear on my profile a deleted message equates to “Not interested”.
Deleting & blocking if necessary works perfectly for me and I’m sure hundreds of others.
"
And you wonder why the country / youngsters and world are fucked.......
Call me archaic but never call it an entitlement. It’s a requirement when speaking to people you don’t know. Etiquette - we were all taught it.
You do what you do. Can’t stop you and I ain’t going to argue further since we have our own opinions.
I just feel sad that there isn’t any scope any more for those genuine gents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
I don’t look at my junk folder..... as it’s a
separate folder from my inbox.
Junk mail doesn’t just come on the form of email.
It comes through your letter box, via text, cold calls...
So my comment still applies.
Then I would suggest you do what I do. Block cold calls/text (I don’t get any) and re post - don’t sign up to things you don’t want therefore you don’t get junk post.
Your comment doesn’t apply if you use the available blocks.
It still applies.
You don’t have to sign up to anything to get junk mail, people walk around posting it through freely.
If I want to delete a message or block someone I’m not interested in without replying I’m well within my rights to without other people judging because their view of “politeness” is actually entitlement.
I have filters on my profile thank you, doesn’t stop anyone from getting messages from someone they aren’t interested in.
I am sure there are plenty polite people here who don’t reply to messages from people they aren’t interested in and I’m sure there are equally plenty of rude people who reply to all their messages, I can vouch for the latter from first hand experience.
You reply “no thanks” and get a barrage of abuse, block them, and they sign up on a new profile to do it again, so now I make it clear on my profile a deleted message equates to “Not interested”.
Deleting & blocking if necessary works perfectly for me and I’m sure hundreds of others.
And you wonder why the country / youngsters and world are fucked.......
Call me archaic but never call it an entitlement. It’s a requirement when speaking to people you don’t know. Etiquette - we were all taught it.
You do what you do. Can’t stop you and I ain’t going to argue further since we have our own opinions.
I just feel sad that there isn’t any scope any more for those genuine gents. "
The country and the world isn’t fucked because a few thousand people on Fabswingers won’t reply to someone they’re not interested in LOL!!! Very dramatic.
Sending an unsolicited message to someone & demanding or expecting a reply from them IS entitlement. And I personally find that far more rude than someone not replying. |
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My inbox isn't like a few people standing waiting to talk to me. It's more like being mobbed by paparazzi. They don't care what I want, they want what they want and they want it now. (not everyone, but the effect is the same when there's that many)
I don't have staff, I don't care to open myself to (more) abuse, and 70% or more of my messages, it's clear they haven't read my profile. The deletion for no thanks is the norm here, and for damn good reason. I do it, and if that makes me rude... I actually don't care. I curate my experience here, and replying to every idiotic demand I got would make me quit the site, along with the masses and masses (ha) of active verified single women. I don't have the time or the energy. I never will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Out of interest - if a sent message remains unread in yellow then it could have been deleted without reading?? I’ve had a few unread messages like this and never quite sure if they just haven’t got round to reading them or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My inbox isn't like a few people standing waiting to talk to me. It's more like being mobbed by paparazzi. They don't care what I want, they want what they want and they want it now. (not everyone, but the effect is the same when there's that many)
I don't have staff, I don't care to open myself to (more) abuse, and 70% or more of my messages, it's clear they haven't read my profile. The deletion for no thanks is the norm here, and for damn good reason. I do it, and if that makes me rude... I actually don't care. I curate my experience here, and replying to every idiotic demand I got would make me quit the site, along with the masses and masses (ha) of active verified single women. I don't have the time or the energy. I never will. "
The perfect response.
People want to enjoy their time on here and by doing so we all tweak things to make sure our time is enjoyable. Like you, if I replied to every single message it would very quickly become a chore and become boring and not enjoyable at all, so I reply to the ones I’m into.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to make your experience on here as enjoyable as possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This demand for a response just feeds more into the whole treating women on fab like sex workers. If someone is acting in a commercial capacity or you are dealing with a customer service function then you may have a right to demand a response. But I don't see any moral, commercial or legal argument for men demanding a repsonse from women. How about you pay me to respond to you? I have limited time and I will spend it how I choose. Only my boss can tell me what to do while they're paying me and even then I can walk away. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
I like getting messages, often have as many as 20 when I logon in the morning and of those maybe 2 or 3 have read our profile.
I still reply to all and field the ongoing "chat" as a result of replying. I enjoy chatting with new people. I rarely get bored with the conversation and can't say I get any abuse either.
It doesnt hurt to be nice.
As far as what I like to see in a message, a friendly smiley face pic is always a hit for me. Doesn't matter if I fancy them or not, they will always find I will engage in a conversation.
I believe we all have our own ways of dealing with messages and everyone should do what suits them and let others do as they please too.
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"This demand for a response just feeds more into the whole treating women on fab like sex workers. If someone is acting in a commercial capacity or you are dealing with a customer service function then you may have a right to demand a response. But I don't see any moral, commercial or legal argument for men demanding a repsonse from women. How about you pay me to respond to you? I have limited time and I will spend it how I choose. Only my boss can tell me what to do while they're paying me and even then I can walk away."
Oh god yes. A good 50% or more of guys on Fab would do better if they remembered that women are people, that we're not at work, and to have some manners and respect. Not "bow down before me the mighty unicorn". Just basic respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This demand for a response just feeds more into the whole treating women on fab like sex workers. If someone is acting in a commercial capacity or you are dealing with a customer service function then you may have a right to demand a response. But I don't see any moral, commercial or legal argument for men demanding a repsonse from women. How about you pay me to respond to you? I have limited time and I will spend it how I choose. Only my boss can tell me what to do while they're paying me and even then I can walk away."
Where is the clapping emoji when you need it! |
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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago
the land of saints & sinners |
If someone catches my eye I say something like this....
“Hi, I’m Alex and I've read your profile and I think we could get on.
Why don't you look at mine and if you agree perhaps we could arrange a social meet for a coffee soon.
Rather than boast how good I am let tell you one of my best features....
Cat like reflexes - Now you see me Meow you don’t.”
This keeps it quiet short, adds a bit of humour and even appeals to cat lovers
BTW this is copywrite protected so a fee applies if you want to use it..... lol
Let me just plug my new business venture of writing introductions on fab....
Please form an orderly queue below....
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
"
People's feelings are not junk mail, I'm sure you have been and will be treated the same one day and I hope you will stop and tell yourself "I know how it feels now" weather it fab or just a phone call to a friend.
And I understand that there are a few twats on here with the usual "Fancy a fuck" message and you have a right to delete those but if a person is at least polite and simple hi or hello back might not be to hard you never know where it might lead |
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I did try replying to all the polite messages at one point. It led to more work, more abuse, and lots of whining about giving them a chance.
Like, we've had these profiles awhile, we were brought up with similar manners to you, what makes guys think we deliberately set out to hurt feelings? We do what works best for us. And ultimately those we hope to find. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And you wonder why the country / youngsters and world are fucked.......
Call me archaic but never call it an entitlement. It’s a requirement when speaking to people you don’t know. Etiquette - we were all taught it.
You do what you do. Can’t stop you and I ain’t going to argue further since we have our own opinions.
I just feel sad that there isn’t any scope any more for those genuine gents. "
I’ve been trying to stay out of this but...
Jasper, your refusal to take on board incredibly well-argued and cogent descriptions of the female experiences on fab precisely demonstrates why it is not necessary to reply to every message received. You don’t feel better as a result of this interaction, and you haven’t made yourself look better in any way with the posters or the readers of this thread. If your initial post had been ignored you would have been mildly pissed off and moved on.
I’m here for fun, not to take on an admin burden. I have VERY simple requirements for messages if people want a response, clearly stated in my profile. More than 50% of my initial messages do not adhere to them. These men may well be genuine, but if they aren’t courteous enough to read my profile and message appropriately, I don’t owe them the courtesy of a response. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
I hope you reply to the junk mail you receive with a “no thanks” then.
I mean those people sending you junk mail have taken their time to do that and you can’t even send a simple no thanks back? So rude!
People's feelings are not junk mail, I'm sure you have been and will be treated the same one day and I hope you will stop and tell yourself "I know how it feels now" weather it fab or just a phone call to a friend.
And I understand that there are a few twats on here with the usual "Fancy a fuck" message and you have a right to delete those but if a person is at least polite and simple hi or hello back might not be to hard you never know where it might lead "
It’s unsolicited contact, so it is in the same category as junk mail.
You’re obviously a hypocrite if you have no issue with someone deleting a “fancy a fuck” message but have an issue with someone doing it to a message that you deem as polite.
Your polite & my polite may be too different things and being polite doesn’t mean I need to reply, that makes you entitled.
I have been ignored many times, I’ve messaged a couple people on here and my message has been deleted... guess what I did? I moved on because I’m not entitled and don’t think so highly of myself that I think just because I send a message I’m entitled to one back.
If I’m not interested in someone I don’t have to reply to them, end of. If you don’t like having your messages deleted by women who have no interest in you maybe make the women come to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling."
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t. |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
"Hi fab people. Been on here for a few years on and off and always come across the same problem. When you see a profile that catches your and you send a polite message it gets deleted. If you send a message thats a wee bit more suggestive it gets deleted. My question is what do women want in a message. "
Personally I send a message and delete it from my sent box. This way im not constantly watching it to see if its been read/deleted or ignored. If i get something back then great, if not then oh well. Its all part and parcel of this site.
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"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t. "
Back when I was being "polite", I had heaps of guys tell me just that. It's not fair, they're much better in person, I should just give them a chance, I'd love them! My selection criteria are my own. If sending messages doesn't present you as your best self, try another method.
And of course that's not including the ones who turned abusive after a no thank you or a delete without reply. Bullet dodged! |
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You have to have a thick skin on here, that was one of the first pieces of advice we were given. Personally we very rarely send the first message now, that’s not being arrogant but because we don’t have enough spare time to meet the couples who we are already in contact with. Occasionally we will and it will be an introductory message and we will make sure it contains some relevant references to the recipients profile, forum post or update.
As for received messages, we’ve received all sorts and reply to the majority. The only ones we don’t respond to are crude ones or repetitive ones after we’ve already responded politely with our lack of interest to them.
We’ve had ongoing discussions about music, sci fi, railways, cake and football to name a few. Message people the same way that you would introduce yourself to them in a pub, not everyone will be interested but some will.
Best of luck |
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"
The problem is exacerbated when polite replies are not accepted. Counter replies often follow......why....give me a chance.....but I am genuine.....
Then there are the 'I wouldn't have fucked you anyway you fat sad cow'.....I know who you are and I am going to out you in public......
Which leads to people not risking a reply."
Are there really people (not just men) that nasty here?
Actually, given the behaviour you see on the roads and out in public . . . I think I know the answer  |
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First and foremost, I'd expect them to have read my profile, and that they match my preferences.
If not what was the point in wasting both our times.
I'd want them to then stick with the simple requests made in my profile, if they can't do that then I take it as they're rude, and I wouldn't want to meet them.
I know making a first message intresting can be hard, but adding some humour or something that catches my attention isn't that tough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The problem is exacerbated when polite replies are not accepted. Counter replies often follow......why....give me a chance.....but I am genuine.....
Then there are the 'I wouldn't have fucked you anyway you fat sad cow'.....I know who you are and I am going to out you in public......
Which leads to people not risking a reply.
Are there really people (not just men) that nasty here?
Actually, given the behaviour you see on the roads and out in public . . . I think I know the answer "
People really are like that.
I’ve had racism, fat shaming, abusive about what I look like and how my parents would be ashamed of me and all sorts.
The abuse doesn’t get to me, it does however make me wonder what kind of person they are to fly off the handle like that over a simple “no thanks” or “no reply”! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t. "
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To me it really doesn't matter as long as it isn't crass or insulting or war and peace. If I don't see anything attractive in your pics I won't read it anyway. |
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"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation ."
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I did try replying to all the polite messages at one point. It led to more work, more abuse, and lots of whining about giving them a chance.
Like, we've had these profiles awhile, we were brought up with similar manners to you, what makes guys think we deliberately set out to hurt feelings? We do what works best for us. And ultimately those we hope to find. "
Bloody hell more work!! Oh no!
Surely that’s what makes it worth finding the right meet........ ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation .
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it. "
So true.
I’m 7 weeks in on here and haven’t met yet, some who’ve messaged think it’s because I’m a timewaster here for the attention, when infact I’m very wary and picky because of previous bad experiences.
|
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"I did try replying to all the polite messages at one point. It led to more work, more abuse, and lots of whining about giving them a chance.
Like, we've had these profiles awhile, we were brought up with similar manners to you, what makes guys think we deliberately set out to hurt feelings? We do what works best for us. And ultimately those we hope to find.
Bloody hell more work!! Oh no!
Surely that’s what makes it worth finding the right meet........ ?"
I'm not sure how coddling dozens or hundreds of often arseholes improves my experience at all. As some have put it, Fab is like searching through shit to find a diamond. The diamond is not any more beautiful or valuable because I've forced myself to dig through particularly rancid shit.
And replying to everyone would be a full time job. Quite literally. I'm sorry, I don't get paid for this lark, I have a life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And you wonder why the country / youngsters and world are fucked.......
Call me archaic but never call it an entitlement. It’s a requirement when speaking to people you don’t know. Etiquette - we were all taught it.
You do what you do. Can’t stop you and I ain’t going to argue further since we have our own opinions.
I just feel sad that there isn’t any scope any more for those genuine gents.
I’ve been trying to stay out of this but...
Jasper, your refusal to take on board incredibly well-argued and cogent descriptions of the female experiences on fab precisely demonstrates why it is not necessary to reply to every message received. You don’t feel better as a result of this interaction, and you haven’t made yourself look better in any way with the posters or the readers of this thread. If your initial post had been ignored you would have been mildly pissed off and moved on.
I’m here for fun, not to take on an admin burden. I have VERY simple requirements for messages if people want a response, clearly stated in my profile. More than 50% of my initial messages do not adhere to them. These men may well be genuine, but if they aren’t courteous enough to read my profile and message appropriately, I don’t owe them the courtesy of a response."
Tiger - I am sorry you have felt the need to ‘Admin’ this post but surely even you can tell me blanking a polite message is rude.
This thread has discussed many different experiences and as previously stated I was in a couple on this site before and I am well aware of the problems on this site. I have never refused them (if I failed to acknoledge them properly I apologise) however I have stayed to my point - why is not replying deemed okay. It’s rude - end of. You can’t deny it.
Eg. - in person someone’s asks you a question politely, you respond. Even with a no thank you. You certainly don’t blank them. Why should that change online?
That is my point.
I didn’t want to bring my personal experiences into it but oh well. I send messages that include details of statuses, pictures and profile comments of said profile I have read. I also in my message hope that person is well and they are enjoying fab. I never ask to meet up or social or numbers or anything else. What’s wrong with a simple no thanks to that.
By all means tell me what I’m doing wrong..... read my profile and make suggestions.
(I hope this makes sense to all) |
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"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation .
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it.
So true.
I’m 7 weeks in on here and haven’t met yet, some who’ve messaged think it’s because I’m a timewaster here for the attention, when infact I’m very wary and picky because of previous bad experiences.
"
I only met two guys or through them for about four months. And they were both very well verified (and sent impeccable first messages). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation .
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it. "
It’s not all about violence against women. Men suffer from violence too.
Everyone has the right to say no thank you. You say ‘polite’ yet it you who decides what polite is. Please elaborate on your experiences and define the messages you are willing to reply to so that we can have an example of a polite message please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation .
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it.
So true.
I’m 7 weeks in on here and haven’t met yet, some who’ve messaged think it’s because I’m a timewaster here for the attention, when infact I’m very wary and picky because of previous bad experiences.
I only met two guys or through them for about four months. And they were both very well verified (and sent impeccable first messages). "
Examples of impeccable would be greatly appreciated for all the males reading this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like a well written personal message and not a cut and paste that's been sent to others. I like them to read my wants and preferences. Polite and respectful.
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"I did try replying to all the polite messages at one point. It led to more work, more abuse, and lots of whining about giving them a chance.
Like, we've had these profiles awhile, we were brought up with similar manners to you, what makes guys think we deliberately set out to hurt feelings? We do what works best for us. And ultimately those we hope to find.
Bloody hell more work!! Oh no!
Surely that’s what makes it worth finding the right meet........ ?
I'm not sure how coddling dozens or hundreds of often arseholes improves my experience at all. As some have put it, Fab is like searching through shit to find a diamond. The diamond is not any more beautiful or valuable because I've forced myself to dig through particularly rancid shit.
And replying to everyone would be a full time job. Quite literally. I'm sorry, I don't get paid for this lark, I have a life. "
The site provides tools so the "100's of often arseholes" wouldn't be able to spoil your experience, it provides tools so you don't have to search through shit to find a diamond..
You could search for the diamond yourself and message ....I suggest folk do that because they know better thand anyone as to whom theyu seek..  |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Your message can be the most fabulous message I have received that day.
If however, your profile is shite and you have no pictures on show, then, no I don't reply, because then you obviously haven't bothered to read my profile as I have said in there how I will treat their message
I am however, seeing a hell of a lot of self entitlement in this thread and in general.
I will continue to do what I do and not be told what men expect me to do  |
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My profile indicates the kind of message I like to receive. If it interests me, the profile is good, and I'm feeling it, I'll reply. If not, I won't.
I never said men never suffer violence. I said the risk of violence is real.
I'll Fab the way that works best for me, based on what I've tried. If that makes me rude in your eyes, well so much the better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All women are different and will want different things.
You are bound to message women who you aren’t interested in you and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Just send polite messages, if they delete, assume they’re not interested."
Agreed there is no magic formula to messages, just hope you catch their eye and you don’t talk about meeting up too soon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People's feelings are not junk mail. ... But where is the consideration for women's feelings who don't want to receive your 'feelings'? Do yourself a favour slot expecting anything and protect your own feeling.
Exactly.
Some men think we should be forced to reply to them because they’ve sent a “polite” message.
If a man politely asks me out does that mean I should be forced to go on a date with him just because he is polite?
People need to stop being so entitled and thinking they have a right to things, you don’t.
Well we all know where men's entitlement to women can end up. This could literally be a life abd death situation .
This needs repeating. The risk of violence is real. People wonder why I can be slow to meet... this is a large part of it.
So true.
I’m 7 weeks in on here and haven’t met yet, some who’ve messaged think it’s because I’m a timewaster here for the attention, when infact I’m very wary and picky because of previous bad experiences.
I only met two guys or through them for about four months. And they were both very well verified (and sent impeccable first messages).
Examples of impeccable would be greatly appreciated for all the males reading this. "
Why do you need examples?
A message can be polite, if I’m not interested in the person I am not going to reply to save any hassle.
So even if I did explain what a polite message to me is, it wouldn’t change the fact I’m not going to reply to those I’m not interested in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your message can be the most fabulous message I have received that day.
If however, your profile is shite and you have no pictures on show, then, no I don't reply, because then you obviously haven't bothered to read my profile as I have said in there how I will treat their message
I am however, seeing a hell of a lot of self entitlement in this thread and in general.
I will continue to do what I do and not be told what men expect me to do "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I hate this word entitlement as I don’t feel I personally am entitled to anything I work for it. But there are certain social etiquettes that are clearly missing for all aspects of society. As mentioned that is what my above point was all about.
I apologise to all persons reading this if my comments caused them to think I am entitled (I bloody know I’m not).
Shame that in questioning a ‘rule’ I feel I am being labelled as entitled. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And you wonder why the country / youngsters and world are fucked.......
Call me archaic but never call it an entitlement. It’s a requirement when speaking to people you don’t know. Etiquette - we were all taught it.
You do what you do. Can’t stop you and I ain’t going to argue further since we have our own opinions.
I just feel sad that there isn’t any scope any more for those genuine gents.
I’ve been trying to stay out of this but...
Jasper, your refusal to take on board incredibly well-argued and cogent descriptions of the female experiences on fab precisely demonstrates why it is not necessary to reply to every message received. You don’t feel better as a result of this interaction, and you haven’t made yourself look better in any way with the posters or the readers of this thread. If your initial post had been ignored you would have been mildly pissed off and moved on.
I’m here for fun, not to take on an admin burden. I have VERY simple requirements for messages if people want a response, clearly stated in my profile. More than 50% of my initial messages do not adhere to them. These men may well be genuine, but if they aren’t courteous enough to read my profile and message appropriately, I don’t owe them the courtesy of a response.
Tiger - I am sorry you have felt the need to ‘Admin’ this post but surely even you can tell me blanking a polite message is rude.
This thread has discussed many different experiences and as previously stated I was in a couple on this site before and I am well aware of the problems on this site. I have never refused them (if I failed to acknoledge them properly I apologise) however I have stayed to my point - why is not replying deemed okay. It’s rude - end of. You can’t deny it.
Eg. - in person someone’s asks you a question politely, you respond. Even with a no thank you. You certainly don’t blank them. Why should that change online?
That is my point.
I didn’t want to bring my personal experiences into it but oh well. I send messages that include details of statuses, pictures and profile comments of said profile I have read. I also in my message hope that person is well and they are enjoying fab. I never ask to meet up or social or numbers or anything else. What’s wrong with a simple no thanks to that.
By all means tell me what I’m doing wrong..... read my profile and make suggestions.
(I hope this makes sense to all) "
I value courtesy and manners more than most, but if someone asks me a ‘polite’ question in real life because they have failed to attend to clear information that they have been provided, and which answers their question, it isentirely possible that I will blank them to get on with something more important.
Surface civility can often be used as a cloak for aggression and sarcasm. Phrases like ‘surely even you’ are flags for such behaviour. |
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"So basically you’re saying ‘do you wanna shag tonight’ is a crap approach?
"
It has its merits. It's a question rather than a demand, it's grammatical, it's spelled correctly (depending on your view of wanna), and it's not abusive or obscene. 4/10. |
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"Hi fab people. Been on here for a few years on and off and always come across the same problem. When you see a profile that catches your and you send a polite message it gets deleted. If you send a message thats a wee bit more suggestive it gets deleted. My question is what do women want in a message. "
What they want one day will annoy them on another day.
If anyone had the answer to what they want at any particular time they'd be a billionaire.
It's not just the wording in a message, it's your profile photos, looks,cloths, smile etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc |
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Some people will still consider no replies as rude. It's just the way it is.
They will, and some people will consider those who think they should get a reply entitled.
This has been spoken about many times before and the junk mail analogy on how we don’t reply to that is a great one. "
But don't people love to just rattle on about it all the same. |
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"Over the past year its getting worse for time wasters and rude people
Timewasters and rude people will always be an issue on any site, it’s just the way it is.
However, it is not rude to not reply. This is stated very clearly in Fabs FAQs.
Fab is wrong. General manners of everyone these days have gone down the toilet. I refuse to be a sheep and not use manners.
Manner maketh man (and woman!) and I expect the same. Mutual respect.
Dude I'm sitting on 310 unread, despite it clearly stating on my profile that I rarely read messages! You coming round to reply to then all for me? And then respond to the responses of my replies? "
And then explain why not, followed by trying to convince you you're wrong followed by insulting you for not giving in. What a great use of your time when you could be meeting the people you do want to meet instead, lol. |
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