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A sincere message for all couples
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow."
Fuuuuuuck I feel you. You having this at 58... Man.. I'm having this at 23.... I felt genuinely sorry and laughter at the same time when I went over it. You definitely put some time in to write it. Have a pint or 2.  anyways ladies hit me up while your on it. I'm 23 good looking guy. With smooth balls. Not saggy and wrinkly Christmas balls. Look I'm expecting less than 6 messages from a couple of women :D xxxx |
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"I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow.
Fuuuuuuck I feel you. You having this at 58... Man.. I'm having this at 23.... I felt genuinely sorry and laughter at the same time when I went over it. You definitely put some time in to write it. Have a pint or 2. anyways ladies hit me up while your on it. I'm 23 good looking guy. With smooth balls. Not saggy and wrinkly Christmas balls. Look I'm expecting less than 6 messages from a couple of women :D xxxx"
Nay, the op had some legs, I can't see you have a leg to stand on.  |
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"That is so funny.
Actually it is and love his profile too! "
The profile is fantastic, had me grinning all the way, what a rollercoaster!
This bit genuinely made me cackle out loud. It scared my cat:
"To be honest, these days my cock is like a semi colon. I'm confused about what it’s for and I never use it anyway. Help me turn it into an exclamation mark!"
Fucking love this guy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Dude. Your profile is a living biography/diary.
If you're so dying to have sex again after 35 odd years why don't you join amateur performing club London. No experience needed and size doesn't matter. You'll become adult performer and your ford fiesta can use the little MoT left before ending failure happens effectively. Give it a chance. Perhaps fab swingers is not for you. ......give it a thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow.
Fuuuuuuck I feel you. You having this at 58... Man.. I'm having this at 23.... I felt genuinely sorry and laughter at the same time when I went over it. You definitely put some time in to write it. Have a pint or 2. anyways ladies hit me up while your on it. I'm 23 good looking guy. With smooth balls. Not saggy and wrinkly Christmas balls. Look I'm expecting less than 6 messages from a couple of women :D xxxx
Nay, the op had some legs, I can't see you have a leg to stand on. "
Not into TV/TS anywayssssss |
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"I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow.
Fuuuuuuck I feel you. You having this at 58... Man.. I'm having this at 23.... I felt genuinely sorry and laughter at the same time when I went over it. You definitely put some time in to write it. Have a pint or 2. anyways ladies hit me up while your on it. I'm 23 good looking guy. With smooth balls. Not saggy and wrinkly Christmas balls. Look I'm expecting less than 6 messages from a couple of women :D xxxx
Nay, the op had some legs, I can't see you have a leg to stand on.
Not into TV/TS anywayssssss "
Thank god for that.  |
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By *OCKDUDE1Man
over a year ago
TROWBRIDGE/BRISTOL |
"Has anyone mentioned when your profile pic is small it looks like boobies with big brown nipples.... it might be an explanation if you've had increased man traffic on your profile "
haha...I actually clicked on this thinking it was a woman...the photo definitely looks like BOOBIES! Glad I read though...everyone loves a sob story, especially one written with such incredible articulation and passion! He should maybe look into writing naughty stories for women...that's his way in! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Finally ! A man who understands why I request knobby knee pics ! Whoaaaarrrr they get me goin big time ! I don’t want too see yer face or yer pecker just flash me yer kneecaps and I get all horny . Where have you been all my life ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know I'm knocking on a bit, but have a heart. Give us a fucking fighting chance. What do you think's going to happen if we meet? War stories? Force feeding you powdered egg and singing "There'll be bluebirds over ...". Why can't a couple of you dirty bastards just ask me round for a bit of genital integration? It'd probably take 20 minutes tops. Too much to ask?
Me? A lifetime of sexual deprivation and then the internet arrives, hallelujah, but now you free loving swingy arseholes don't want to know. Fucking selfish twats.
Yes, I look like a sad droopy bollock. Yes, I know it's been so long since I've seen some flange that I'm likely to be bumbling around like Oscar Pistorius in the morning trying to find where he put his legs. Yes, it might be as entertaining as a sodding £2.99 Co-op DVD. And yes, at my age there might be, you know ... problems. It’s going to be difficult for us all. Just fucking suck it up.
Look, I've put the work in. Do you know how many of your shitty profiles I've read? Even those whose pictures look like you just rolled out of Spoons and should be accompanying the words “Smoking Kills” on the front of fag packets. Can you imagine how many twee messages I've sent to the pitiful minority of you that aren't automatically blocking me? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to say but every sixty seconds in Africa, a child bemoans another unanswered bit of misplaced flattery.
I know there's lots of other cunts bothering you but who's put more effort in than me eh? Go on, name them. You can't can you. What do you want me to do? Decorate your fucking spare room first? Take a look round by the way. Jesus H Christ, some of your bedrooms need a bit more love than your ooh so horny wet fanny. Get your bloke to take his hand off his cock and onto a paintbrush for fuck's sake.
Look, I've played it nice. I've not given it the big I am. A few jokes. Bit of flattery. Appealing to your better nature. Where's it got me? Just an entrance ticket to the National Masturbating Championships. At this rate there's more chance of fixing the Greek economy than me getting some.
I'm expecting that this little note is the kick up the arse that you lazy twats need. Just pull your finger out, and be fucking quick about it. I'm expecting a full inbox tomorrow."
Hey if you don't pull after this I'm a monkeys uncle  |
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"Oh your profile deserves an award, it had me laughing out loud, but I'm sorry you're too far away.
OK who's turn is it to take one for the team? "
If I was just a teensy bit of the curious nature, I probably would!
Sadly, I'm assuredly straight-straight.
 |
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"Oh your profile deserves an award, it had me laughing out loud, but I'm sorry you're too far away.
OK who's turn is it to take one for the team? "
No problems, he has a spare room and your invitation awaits. |
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If someone is banned there is always a valid reason. If the post is offensive or breaks forum rules it will be removed . If anyone feels they've been banned unfairly they should contact admin from the CONTACT button. 
I've removed posts from this thread as its also against forum rules to dispute a mods decision. |
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