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Saying sorry when you are not in the wrong x
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Following a drink fuelled discussion with a friend where she very firmly told me I was a dickhead for paying too much maintenance to my ex for my son and offered me unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice I saw my arse and stormed off to bed
She slept downstairs on the sofa
Now it’s morning and I’ve txted her to say good morning and is it safe to come down and make a cuppa (she is moving about downstairs ) and she has blanked me
Advice fabsters ? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following a drink fuelled discussion with a friend where she very firmly told me I was a dickhead for paying too much maintenance to my ex for my son and offered me unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice I saw my arse and stormed off to bed
She slept downstairs on the sofa
Now it’s morning and I’ve txted her to say good morning and is it safe to come down and make a cuppa (she is moving about downstairs ) and she has blanked me
Advice fabsters ? X"
Brazen it out, get down there and act like it didn't happen. It was drink fuelled ... Just forget about it  |
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"Apparently starting a conversation with you were a complete arsehole last night .... isnt the best way to move things forward ( beats hasty retreat with cuppa in hand ) "
How about finishing your cup of tea and then saying "let's have a sober argument?"?
But really, why is it any of her business how much you pay to support your own child? Is any amount ever too much? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Apparently starting a conversation with you were a complete arsehole last night .... isnt the best way to move things forward ( beats hasty retreat with cuppa in hand ) "
Is this in your home?
Perhaps return with something less abrasive and talk about toast.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Apparently starting a conversation with you were a complete arsehole last night .... isnt the best way to move things forward ( beats hasty retreat with cuppa in hand )
How about finishing your cup of tea and then saying "let's have a sober argument?"?
But really, why is it any of her business how much you pay to support your own child? Is any amount ever too much?"
Quite. How much someone spends on their children wouldn't be discussed if both parents remain together. |
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If the csa are involved. And have looked into what you earn to gauge how much you pay.
Then theres mot much you can do about it.
If its a verbal agreement, then thats none of your friends business.
Its your child, and if you choose to pay more than you need.
Then good for you. |
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"If the csa are involved. And have looked into what you earn to gauge how much you pay.
Then theres mot much you can do about it.
If its a verbal agreement, then thats none of your friends business.
Its your child, and if you choose to pay more than you need.
Then good for you. "
Thank you x
Really appreciate it
That’s the crux of the matter
I do pay over and above - its not the money x and il never let it be levelled at me that I don’t pay my way
My friend was pointing out the very obvious that my ex lives in a much bigger house than me -,has a cleaner has a new Audi every three years - had a new partner and holidays in more up market destinations than me and I’m in part funding it
It’s the bleeding obvious x I just suppose I didn’t need to hear after a pleasant evening with a number of drinks! |
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"If the csa are involved. And have looked into what you earn to gauge how much you pay.
Then theres mot much you can do about it.
If its a verbal agreement, then thats none of your friends business.
Its your child, and if you choose to pay more than you need.
Then good for you.
Thank you x
Really appreciate it
That’s the crux of the matter
I do pay over and above - its not the money x and il never let it be levelled at me that I don’t pay my way
My friend was pointing out the very obvious that my ex lives in a much bigger house than me -,has a cleaner has a new Audi every three years - had a new partner and holidays in more up market destinations than me and I’m in part funding it
It’s the bleeding obvious x I just suppose I didn’t need to hear after a pleasant evening with a number of drinks!"
And how much does her new partner earn? Could it be that he is paying for the bigger house and holidays.
But none of that is your friends business. Its between you and your ex
Id quietly tell her to keep her nose out of things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me like you’re a decent parent
How much you pay over ( like there should be even a discussion) is your choice , providing it’s going to the care of your child
I get almost nothing so I think you’re doing a sterling job |
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"If the csa are involved. And have looked into what you earn to gauge how much you pay.
Then theres mot much you can do about it.
If its a verbal agreement, then thats none of your friends business.
Its your child, and if you choose to pay more than you need.
Then good for you.
Thank you x
Really appreciate it
That’s the crux of the matter
I do pay over and above - its not the money x and il never let it be levelled at me that I don’t pay my way
My friend was pointing out the very obvious that my ex lives in a much bigger house than me -,has a cleaner has a new Audi every three years - had a new partner and holidays in more up market destinations than me and I’m in part funding it
It’s the bleeding obvious x I just suppose I didn’t need to hear after a pleasant evening with a number of drinks!"
You're funding your child. Her having a new partner and being better off materially than you is neither here nor there. Is your friend suggesting that your exes new partner should be part funding your child instead? You're doing what any father worth his salt would do and as long as you're not going without the essentials I can't see a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following a drink fuelled discussion with a friend where she very firmly told me I was a dickhead for paying too much maintenance to my ex for my son and offered me unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice I saw my arse and stormed off to bed
She slept downstairs on the sofa
Now it’s morning and I’ve txted her to say good morning and is it safe to come down and make a cuppa (she is moving about downstairs ) and she has blanked me
Advice fabsters ? X"
Maybe she didn't see it
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
But really, why is it any of her business how much you pay to support your own child? Is any amount ever too much?"
Sometimes yes, especially if the man is trying to live too.
To your friend OP, she is probably just trying to point out the obvious which you have admitted to, but if you are happy paying above what you need to then that's all that matters |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
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The difference of opinion isn’t the important thing now ... resolution is. If I was in that situation I would apologise for falling out and things getting heated but then if the opportunity presented itself to have a chat about the specifics then I would do that. Having differences of opinions happens in friendships at times. Sometimes you just need to agree to disagree but if you feel that your friend is intruding as aspects of your life which aren’t up for discussion then you probably need to say that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the csa are involved. And have looked into what you earn to gauge how much you pay.
Then theres mot much you can do about it.
If its a verbal agreement, then thats none of your friends business.
Its your child, and if you choose to pay more than you need.
Then good for you.
Thank you x
Really appreciate it
That’s the crux of the matter
I do pay over and above - its not the money x and il never let it be levelled at me that I don’t pay my way
My friend was pointing out the very obvious that my ex lives in a much bigger house than me -,has a cleaner has a new Audi every three years - had a new partner and holidays in more up market destinations than me and I’m in part funding it
It’s the bleeding obvious x I just suppose I didn’t need to hear after a pleasant evening with a number of drinks!"
You're not funding it. You are paying for your kid. And I for one find the honesty of admitting that you pay above and beyond somewhat uplifting.
Do you wally want to be the selfish prick who pays the bare minimum because getting back at your ex is more important than your kid. Of course you don't and good on you  |
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OP it sounds a little like your friend is worried that your ex partner is exploiting your generosity.
Have you considered reducing the amount you pay and putting the extra money into a bank account for your child? Your ex partner may not be happy with it but your child will get the money instead of her living the high life. You can build up a nice little nest egg for your child to help them through university later on or to help towards a deposit on a home when they are ready to buy. |
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Get the amount to be paid settled in court.
Pay that.
It's never enough , so help with extras like uniforms,well fitting shoes, holidays, birthday parties , days out etc.
Then it is seen that what you give goes to the child.
Then no one can beef.
I'd be pissed off if my other half was just haemorrhaging money to an ex partner and my own life wasn't too flush. |
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"OP it sounds a little like your friend is worried that your ex partner is exploiting your generosity.
Have you considered reducing the amount you pay and putting the extra money into a bank account for your child? Your ex partner may not be happy with it but your child will get the money instead of her living the high life. You can build up a nice little nest egg for your child to help them through university later on or to help towards a deposit on a home when they are ready to buy."
I wish I’d done that 10 years ago when we split - instead like a mug I’ve paid £30 into a savings account( aside from maintenance ) that only my ex can access
So that 3 and half grand
Then my ex asked for money for tutoring and I said take it from the savings account
That apparently makes me a penny pinching jock! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP it sounds a little like your friend is worried that your ex partner is exploiting your generosity.
Have you considered reducing the amount you pay and putting the extra money into a bank account for your child? Your ex partner may not be happy with it but your child will get the money instead of her living the high life. You can build up a nice little nest egg for your child to help them through university later on or to help towards a deposit on a home when they are ready to buy.
I wish I’d done that 10 years ago when we split - instead like a mug I’ve paid £30 into a savings account( aside from maintenance ) that only my ex can access
So that 3 and half grand
Then my ex asked for money for tutoring and I said take it from the savings account
That apparently makes me a penny pinching jock!"
Perhaps this is the real reason your friend was pissed off- she cares about you and thinks you deserve better. Doesn't sound like it's about your child maintenance, more that she's mad your ex is taking you for a mug.
Have you made friends now you've had a brew? I think it's good to talk. As long as it's a friendship worth saving. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Put the point of the argument to the side, is it worth falling out over? Probably not. Its much easier to talk over the issue now that you are both sober. On the issue of the arguement - i feel your pain, iv had similer talks with friends, im paying for my two younest but my ex is refusing to let me see them. In your heart you are doing the best for your kids, and i applaud you for it. Sometimes winning the fight is not worth what you lose. I hope you sort it out op. |
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Your friend is doing what any friend would do , pointing out that you are being made a fool of , which you admit to .
Ignore the comments that commend you for paying more than you need to . No one wants to be told they are a mug , and only a good friend would do it . So instead of getting arsey over it , listen , take heed , and stop burying your head in the sand . If what you say is the case , she doesn’t need you to be paying as much as you are , so get it sorted legally and get on track . You are punishing yourself . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following a drink fuelled discussion with a friend where she very firmly told me I was a dickhead for paying too much maintenance to my ex for my son and offered me unwanted and unsolicited parenting advice I saw my arse and stormed off to bed
She slept downstairs on the sofa
Now it’s morning and I’ve txted her to say good morning and is it safe to come down and make a cuppa (she is moving about downstairs ) and she has blanked me
Advice fabsters ? X"
yes just say sorry and move on |
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"OP it sounds a little like your friend is worried that your ex partner is exploiting your generosity.
Have you considered reducing the amount you pay and putting the extra money into a bank account for your child? Your ex partner may not be happy with it but your child will get the money instead of her living the high life. You can build up a nice little nest egg for your child to help them through university later on or to help towards a deposit on a home when they are ready to buy.
I wish I’d done that 10 years ago when we split - instead like a mug I’ve paid £30 into a savings account( aside from maintenance ) that only my ex can access
So that 3 and half grand
Then my ex asked for money for tutoring and I said take it from the savings account
That apparently makes me a penny pinching jock!"
Open a new account that your ex can't access. My parents opened accounts for my niece and nephew and made sure all letters for the accounts came to her address. My nephew was given the account on his 18th birthday, my niece will get hers when she reaches 18. My grandma did the same for me and my sisters.
It's not too late to make changes. Your child needs love from his father more than the material things anyway and will appreciate the savings you will be able to build up for him once he gets them. |
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