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You are a product of your childhood
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I had an interesting discussion about it yesterday, that your future could already be predetermined when you are born of what you will be, for example, if your family is hard workers like builders, you will be that and if they are academics you will be something in that field, could you change it. I reckon it is possible, whats your view? |
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"I had an interesting discussion about it yesterday, that your future could already be predetermined when you are born of what you will be, for example, if your family is hard workers like builders, you will be that and if they are academics you will be something in that field, could you change it. I reckon it is possible, whats your view?"
Obviously, your social background has a huge influence on your life but it doesn't predetermine it. Both my parents left school at 15 and worked in various manual jobs. I'm a lawyer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quite like the idea of nominative determinism but Terry Butcher was a footballer so that's that theory done.
I feel like we are influenced by parents and the state (education, religion, television) as well as cultural factors. Otherwise we'd have no progression (even if its artificial) as there wpuld be no people who think beyond their dogmatic teachings
You'd have to think there is some genetical predisposition though too. For example, if Mozart was born today would he be a bricklayer in Vienna? |
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Both of us have working class parents. Between us and our siblings some have trades, some have professions.
When advised both our kids to get a trade or a professional qualification. Having seen advantages to both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nurture over nature, I agree, I've found myself reacting and being a certain way without realising it but afterwards when thinking about it realised that I'd witnessed it as a child, even I'd sworn not to be like that!
Hopefully that makes sense! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the person I believe.
I'm the daughter of an alcoholic, riddled with debt and no career. I took myself to the other end of the country aged 18 and fought to be the opposite. It's my mission daily to ensure my children never have the childhood I did (I'll screw them up my own way thank you!)
Some of the most successful people in the world came from under privileged backgrounds, and some of the most privileged are the biggest wasters. I'm a firm believer that it comes down to individual character than childhood experiences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you might inherit your parents work ethic by seeing them work (or not), and to a certain extent enjoy the types of work they did (very true for me, even worked in the same places my mum did when she was pregnant with me, but I didn't know at the time) but outside of my own family I've seen children go on to do completely different things.
Does it have something to do with parent child relationship? Did you ever go for a ride in the truck with your dad, or remember seeing your mum come out the factory with all her mates or perhaps your parents encouraged you in areas of study different to their own?
Nature and nurture! |
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It's all a matter of probability. Childhood is essentially a very confusing time where we make an enormous amount assumptions about the world in order to try and understand it. Some parents fill their kids with a lot more bad assumptions than others. So if your mum was a white trash bum with substance addiction problems and an personality that meant all her relationships were dysfunctional, then that means you have a lot more "unlearning" to do. Unlearning is actually harder than learning. It's possible but a lot of people fail at it and just repeat familiar patterns of behaviour. |
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"I think you might inherit your parents work ethic by seeing them work (or not), and to a certain extent enjoy the types of work they did (very true for me, even worked in the same places my mum did when she was pregnant with me, but I didn't know at the time) but outside of my own family I've seen children go on to do completely different things.
Does it have something to do with parent child relationship? Did you ever go for a ride in the truck with your dad, or remember seeing your mum come out the factory with all her mates or perhaps your parents encouraged you in areas of study different to their own?
Nature and nurture! "
Funnily enough, I had a girlfriend once that was a project. The one major thing I could never fix in her was her work ethic. She came from parents who need stronger words than 'lazy' to describe. The kind of unemployed, able bodied people that still have a (council) house that stinks because they never find time to clean it in between smoking and the Staffordshire terrier pissing inside the house. We used to have conversations that would have made for great reality TV:
"What have you been doing all day?"
"Chilling out"
"What does that mean?"
"Unwinding from stress"
"Where does stress come from in your life?"
"You nagging me"
"So you had to take a day off from doing nothing in order to do nothing in order to recover from being told to do something" |
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"I think you might inherit your parents work ethic by seeing them work (or not), and to a certain extent enjoy the types of work they did (very true for me, even worked in the same places my mum did when she was pregnant with me, but I didn't know at the time) but outside of my own family I've seen children go on to do completely different things.
Does it have something to do with parent child relationship? Did you ever go for a ride in the truck with your dad, or remember seeing your mum come out the factory with all her mates or perhaps your parents encouraged you in areas of study different to their own?
Nature and nurture!
Funnily enough, I had a girlfriend once that was a project. The one major thing I could never fix in her was her work ethic. She came from parents who need stronger words than 'lazy' to describe. The kind of unemployed, able bodied people that still have a (council) house that stinks because they never find time to clean it in between smoking and the Staffordshire terrier pissing inside the house. We used to have conversations that would have made for great reality TV:
"What have you been doing all day?"
"Chilling out"
"What does that mean?"
"Unwinding from stress"
"Where does stress come from in your life?"
"You nagging me"
"So you had to take a day off from doing nothing in order to do nothing in order to recover from being told to do something""
To b a honest, I have every sympathy with her if you cross examined her like that.  |
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"In the immortal words of a one Poet Laureate;
'They fuck you up, your Mom & Dad.' "
Larkin never got to be poet laureate actually...
They teach you stuff like that on Sheffield council estates, between the discussions on the Hegelian roots of logical positivism. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This subject is way too deep for fab!
I have a number of friends who came from rough as fuck working class backgrounds, and they are very very successful businessmen and nice blokes too, and some of their siblings have done ok and others love the chilling out lifestyle mentioned in a previous post. The truth is it’s all about the individual and their personal drive, ambition and confidence. There are plenty of privileged failures as well as council house drop outs and it’s chance and ambition and intelligence that gets you out of those holes! |
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"This subject is way too deep for fab!
I have a number of friends who came from rough as fuck working class backgrounds, and they are very very successful businessmen and nice blokes too, and some of their siblings have done ok and others love the chilling out lifestyle mentioned in a previous post. The truth is it’s all about the individual and their personal drive, ambition and confidence. There are plenty of privileged failures as well as council house drop outs and it’s chance and ambition and intelligence that gets you out of those holes!"
But where does the personal drive, ambition and confidence come from?
It's obviously not an 100% correlation but all statistics show that those from wealthy families are much more likely to be wealthy themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you might inherit your parents work ethic by seeing them work (or not), and to a certain extent enjoy the types of work they did (very true for me, even worked in the same places my mum did when she was pregnant with me, but I didn't know at the time) but outside of my own family I've seen children go on to do completely different things.
Does it have something to do with parent child relationship? Did you ever go for a ride in the truck with your dad, or remember seeing your mum come out the factory with all her mates or perhaps your parents encouraged you in areas of study different to their own?
Nature and nurture!
Funnily enough, I had a girlfriend once that was a project. The one major thing I could never fix in her was her work ethic. She came from parents who need stronger words than 'lazy' to describe. The kind of unemployed, able bodied people that still have a (council) house that stinks because they never find time to clean it in between smoking and the Staffordshire terrier pissing inside the house. We used to have conversations that would have made for great reality TV:
"What have you been doing all day?"
"Chilling out"
"What does that mean?"
"Unwinding from stress"
"Where does stress come from in your life?"
"You nagging me"
"So you had to take a day off from doing nothing in order to do nothing in order to recover from being told to do something""
Defo a case of learned work ethic. My parents bought their house, never had any other debt, if they needed something, then we went without until they had saved up for it. That's how I see things too. Though I think every person makes up their own mind wether to follow in their parents footsteps or not, like another poster says, unlearning (and going your own way) |
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"In the immortal words of a one Poet Laureate;
'They fuck you up, your Mom & Dad.'
Larkin never got to be poet laureate actually...
They teach you stuff like that on Sheffield council estates, between the discussions on the Hegelian roots of logical positivism. "
Is that in-between classes on hydroponics & the evils of utilitarianism?? I think he should have been laureate...just for that one line...because its genius! |
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I don’t buy into that theory.
Take my niece for example. Her mum works in a shop, dad has own business in war game miniature production. Paternal grandparents were insurance salesman and housewife, maternal grandparents coal miner and childminder.
She’s currently studying a level maths, further maths, physics and 2 more that I can’t remember off the top of my head. She is intending to go to uni, I think the course is particle physics or something like that. I swear she belongs in the cast of Big Bang theory! |
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"I think you might inherit your parents work ethic by seeing them work (or not), and to a certain extent enjoy the types of work they did (very true for me, even worked in the same places my mum did when she was pregnant with me, but I didn't know at the time) but outside of my own family I've seen children go on to do completely different things.
Does it have something to do with parent child relationship? Did you ever go for a ride in the truck with your dad, or remember seeing your mum come out the factory with all her mates or perhaps your parents encouraged you in areas of study different to their own?
Nature and nurture!
Funnily enough, I had a girlfriend once that was a project. The one major thing I could never fix in her was her work ethic. She came from parents who need stronger words than 'lazy' to describe. The kind of unemployed, able bodied people that still have a (council) house that stinks because they never find time to clean it in between smoking and the Staffordshire terrier pissing inside the house. We used to have conversations that would have made for great reality TV:
"What have you been doing all day?"
"Chilling out"
"What does that mean?"
"Unwinding from stress"
"Where does stress come from in your life?"
"You nagging me"
"So you had to take a day off from doing nothing in order to do nothing in order to recover from being told to do something"
Defo a case of learned work ethic. My parents bought their house, never had any other debt, if they needed something, then we went without until they had saved up for it. That's how I see things too. Though I think every person makes up their own mind wether to follow in their parents footsteps or not, like another poster says, unlearning (and going your own way)"
To be fair, the girlfriend in question was an order of magnitude better than her parents. But she was also an order of magnitude away from a standard I'd have any respect for. I just don't want to come home from work and see a slob watching trashy TV on a sofa she paid nothing towards, or "chilling out" as she called it. |
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"This subject is way too deep for fab!
I have a number of friends who came from rough as fuck working class backgrounds, and they are very very successful businessmen and nice blokes too, and some of their siblings have done ok and others love the chilling out lifestyle mentioned in a previous post. The truth is it’s all about the individual and their personal drive, ambition and confidence. There are plenty of privileged failures as well as council house drop outs and it’s chance and ambition and intelligence that gets you out of those holes!
But where does the personal drive, ambition and confidence come from?
"
There's a lot of different things there. Personal drive is mainly nature. I know people from insanely rich families who work their ass off even though they never needed to work a day in their life if they couldn't be bothered.
Confidence is more environmental. In psychology there are some fairly easily tricks to increase or decrease a person's confidence, although you can't take them from one end of the scale to the other.
"
It's obviously not an 100% correlation but all statistics show that those from wealthy families are much more likely to be wealthy themselves. "
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"I don’t buy into that theory.
Take my niece for example. Her mum works in a shop, dad has own business in war game miniature production. Paternal grandparents were insurance salesman and housewife, maternal grandparents coal miner and childminder.
She’s currently studying a level maths, further maths, physics and 2 more that I can’t remember off the top of my head. She is intending to go to uni, I think the course is particle physics or something like that. I swear she belongs in the cast of Big Bang theory!"
Exceptions don't prove the rule though. It's all about probability. As KLP said, you can make it big time even if you come from nothing, you're just a lot less likely to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t buy into that theory.
Take my niece for example. Her mum works in a shop, dad has own business in war game miniature production. Paternal grandparents were insurance salesman and housewife, maternal grandparents coal miner and childminder.
She’s currently studying a level maths, further maths, physics and 2 more that I can’t remember off the top of my head. She is intending to go to uni, I think the course is particle physics or something like that. I swear she belongs in the cast of Big Bang theory!
Exceptions don't prove the rule though. It's all about probability. As KLP said, you can make it big time even if you come from nothing, you're just a lot less likely to. "
A relative has just got a degree in I.T and has just got a job as a supermarket home delivery driver, didn't seem to have any inclination to apply for I.T jobs!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Possibly, but it's not the only factor. I've always maintained that there are two kinds of people in the world; those use their childhood as a springboard for their success or an excuse for their failure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So we come back to predators and prey then....I know that’s a bit glib but as an only child of a single parent who was abandoned by my dads family and seen as a source of shame by my mums, I can certainly vouch for Larkin’s line. I don’t feel bitter but I do lack confidence with relationships and have learnt to be pretty self sufficient as a result which isn’t a good thing because although I have developed the social skills to get along in daily life I still care too much about other people’s opinions of me which can be pretty rough, especially on here! At least I know I am a reasonably good shag and I have a good size cock even if I am short in stature and handsomeness....and don’t mention the recession! There I have well and truly shot myself in the two left feet now  |
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I know quite a few who have gone in very different directions to their parents. I think it's more down to one's determination than anything else. Some may have had parents completely behind them others may have had parents try to discourage them as it isn't something they would have done and know very little about. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
My parents didn't have the opportunities, that I had, when they left school. They were both intelligent, but my mum always worked around school hours, so was a cleaner, my dad had various jobs, roadworks, bus conductor and electrical jointer. I was always encouraged to have a good career and ended up as an assistant bank manager. |
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