FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Controversy and high standards

Controversy and high standards

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

I don’t mean necessarily on here, but in the ‘real world’ I’ve turned down guys who are amazing people and could probably offer me a wonderful life because they maybe don’t look the way I want them to look..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face so to speak?.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like to keep my standards fairly low

That way i am never disappointed

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

The fact that you are looking for them to provide you with a wonderful life may say more about you than them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The fact that you are looking for them to provide you with a wonderful life may say more about you than them?"

I don’t mean that on monetary value.. I mean that they’d make me really happy

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By *uckOfTheBayMan over a year ago

Mold

Friendships and love can come from the most unlikely places.

Love can come from friendship and even an initial dislike of someone!

But you can't force it to happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you need physical attraction to want to get to know someone.

It does at times work the other way where someone becomes more attractive to you because you have got to know their personality but it's not an avenue I'd pursue with a new person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Note that I didn’t say ‘provide’

I work full time and look after myself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to be attracted to the person.. you can be the nicest bloke ever and i can really like you.. but if i dont want to drag your clothes off and keep you in bed for days then its probably best we stay as friends.

Call me shallow but i havd to fancy them physically and mentally

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

"
Hey its all about you I place personality above looks but I have to fancy them to, everyone is different

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By *eeBee67Man over a year ago

Masked and Distant

How do you know that some one who is physically attractive will make you happy?

Do you think your standards will drop as time goes by if you don't find the one? And if so will you end up looking at that person later on thinking "could have done better"

Personality wins over every time for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The fact that you are looking for them to provide you with a wonderful life may say more about you than them?"

I dont think thats what she said at all!!

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

I think that you should fancy the person you’re with. That said I’ve had friends that I’ve grown to fancy.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

You have to fancy them but you like some bits of them more than others, what about when they get old and dont look the same then or if they have health problems and arent as attractive because of that, if you love them that shouldnt bother you, most people change when they get old.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We all have an aesthetic that we like... but at times that person that does not have that look we desire... could very well be perfect in every other way... So it is possible you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Sometimes compromise is the way forward...

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By *eep.Man over a year ago

Just a background character

"I have to be attracted to the person.. you can be the nicest bloke ever and i can really like you.. but if i dont want to drag your clothes off and keep you in bed for days then its probably best we stay as friends.

Call me shallow but i havd to fancy them physically and mentally"

I don't think that's shallow, it's just knowing what you want.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Life is full of compromises on various levels. If you're looking for the "complete package" that ticks every box you may have to hold out for a very long time indeed.

If you give people a chance that meet at least your most important criteria it gives you a solid base to work from

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Call me shallow but i havd to fancy them physically and mentally

I don't think that's shallow, it's just knowing what you want.

Hmmm but many men on here wont accept that you wont sleep with them because theyre "nice guys" .. ive been called shallow on many occassion here because i havent fancied someone.

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By *hatYorkLadMan over a year ago

York

You absolutely have to fancy them, otherwise you can end up trapped in a half hearted relationship with a lovely person but who you can't even bear touching you.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"We all have an aesthetic that we like... but at times that person that does not have that look we desire... could very well be perfect in every other way... So it is possible you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Sometimes compromise is the way forward...

I don't believe in compromise - but I will say that sometimes people that don't inspire me physically at first can do so if their personality captivates me, it's happened more than once. But I have to be captivated I think - just being 'suitable' on paper isn't enough, I have to be excited by them on some level for the rest to grow.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

My much older sister went out with a man when she was young then dumped him, when she got to be in her 60s she never found anyone else she stayed with said she wished she had stayed with him, my brother went out with some attractive girls who i liked they never lasted though, then when he was in his 40s married an older less attractive woman who wasnt very nice either, always thought that was a bit strange.

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By *ana_nana_MATTMAN!Man over a year ago

Haywood Village, Weston-super-Mare

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

If you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted to someone. It doesnt matter if that's looks, personality or whatever else, if someone doesn't do it for you, it's not gonna work. I'm not sure how much control we really have over our standards in that sense.

IMO, The only time there's a problem is if you like them in every way, but find yourself conciously trying to find an excuse not to pursue something with them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards aslong as it’s not entitled.

I also agree that you need to be attracted to someone, it always makes me laugh when people call those who want someone they are attracted to “shallow”, in my opinion if I don’t fancy someone it’s not going to work.

Good for those who can just go on personality but I cannot, personality is very important but I have to physically fancy him too, and there’s nothing at all wrong with that.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I don’t know if my standards are high but I only meet people I like the look of and have a pleasant personality. I’ve see good looking people on here are their forum posts make me think avoid at all costs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Call me shallow but i havd to fancy them physically and mentally

I don't think that's shallow, it's just knowing what you want.

Hmmm but many men on here wont accept that you wont sleep with them because theyre "nice guys" .. ive been called shallow on many occassion here because i havent fancied someone."

So true.

I was called a stuck up bitch yesterday by a man because I politely said I wasn’t interested and he asked why, and I told him there isn’t an attraction for me.

He called me a stick up bitch, I asked him if he’s sleep with someone he doesn’t fancy, he said not at all, and I said that must make him stuck up too then! He didn’t reply!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personality every time, doesnt matter how hot someone is if I cant even have fun and a laugh with them because their so super serious all the time being all dull and boring then why bother being in a relationship? I think when you look at the things that make you love a person its never anything to do with their looks, always little silly quirks and personality traits.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to be attracted both physically and mentally.

Nice is nice but I want more than that. The feelings of lust and want, the thrill of wanting to just kiss someone for standing there.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The thing is you can't define attraction, it just is - you either are or aren't attracted to someone and that attraction may be to their looks, their personality or most usually a combination of both.

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The thing is you can't define attraction, it just is - you either are or aren't attracted to someone and that attraction may be to their looks, their personality or most usually a combination of both.

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you have to have a mix of both physical and mental attraction, though sometimes the mental attraction can come first and open you up to looking at them differently x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with."

Attraction to me is not just looks. It plays a part of it but it’s a mixture of things. Someone I may not particularly fancy when I first meet them can become the most attractive person to me after a period of time. Most of my long relationships were people I weren’t really fussed about initially.

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

Who wants to get with a problematic girlfriend or boyfriend? Why wouldn’t everyone, men or women, have high standards?

I think a lot of women forget standards and relationship is a two-way thing because some men put women on a pedestal. You could fancy a guy that doesn't fancy you, same goes for guys that fancy you doesn't mean you have to like them.

To the high standard men, you are dating or looking for how can you make their life wonderful will be their question to you? What is the idea of a relationship to you? Even for casual sex or fun dating.

Having a high standard is a by-product of where you want to be or find your happiness and moral compass. Nobody wants a problematic girlfriend or boyfriend. Standard is a form of having good judgement in what you believe you want, why not? A terrible relationship is hurtful, spiteful and damaging.

On another note

In the past “centuries” attraction was not the purpose of relationship/married but of course, that is the extreme spectrum of relationships compare to modern times which is only about 60years ago.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think if they have the personality and sense of humour I need, looks can be secondary. You can grow to find someone attractive. That's if you're looking for a relationship or a longer commitment. I find if it's just sex you want then looks tend to play a bigger role, you need that instant attraction in most cases x

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By *tirluvMan over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

I like to think of myself as a testbed for people to lower their standards on

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with.

That's exactly it and why I said attraction can't necessarily be defined - sure we can identify various component parts but the "feeling" of attraction isn't one we can overly control, although preferences etc may well inform it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with.

I have a type in my head that I would fancy but I end up with people that are very different to that occasionally. Like you said, you can’t control it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

Do I want to be alone for a long time while I seek out what I want or is it true that someone will pop up in the most unusual of places and then I won’t even have to question it because it’ll just feel right

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By *ercymallowMan over a year ago

Belfast / Dublin

I think it’s always a combination of many things... the jigsaw piece might be the perfect fit but it belongs to a different picture.

Sure it’s makes a complete puzzle but there’s something not quite right with the overall scene.

Same goes with trying to make something fit.

Also how you both look together, adventure together or chill together. Sometimes you don’t know this at the beginning....

And when you both see or meet eachother for the first time or for years of knowing eachother. External factors can warp our perception of that person. Rather for the good or bad.

It’s a tricky old game that becomes harder with time.

Like staring at a drop over a diving board. Sometimes you just need to jump before it gets in your head. You can always climb out after

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By *ob198XaMan over a year ago

teleford

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

Fab is for lust, match is for love.... A higher physical attraction is required for lust than for love. There are a small percentage of fab females that meet my personal lust standards, sadly fewer still who's standards I also meet

(PS you would make the grade for me OP

)

Good luck out there

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

The latter is all I know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I've been single since I split with my child's father over 9 years ago. I was 26 and even though I'd not long had a baby I was still size 6-8 and ingood shape for a couple of years and looked twenty times better than I do now.

My standards were ridiculously high, height, willy size, obscene levels of handsomeness, size of eyebrows and hair colour all played a part in who I was attracted to. Yet I'm still single, now I'm puppy eyes for a guy I work with who isn't 6 foot and I have no idea what size his penis is, he is still very handsome and I just want to eat him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

(PS you would make the grade for me OP

)

Good luck out there"

Haha thanks Bob

Maybe I’m feeling a little lonely and contemplative today...

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By *lanPartridgeMan over a year ago

nottingham

I've never had a relationship with someone I couldn't keep my hands off, and so now that would have to be the scenario. Otherwise I'd rather not bovver.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to have a physical attraction to a degree, but it’s far more important to me that they are honest, faithful and have patience, kindness and a hardcore filthy bedside manner with a relatively high sex drive to give me a sufficient amount of cock loving.

I essentially want a nice bloke but who’s a filthy fucker in bed and who doesn’t think monogamy is laughable.

And no hidden kinks or fetishes either, after my recent experience that has put me right off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have to have a physical attraction to a degree, but it’s far more important to me that they are honest, faithful and have patience, kindness and a hardcore filthy bedside manner with a relatively high sex drive to give me a sufficient amount of cock loving.

I essentially want a nice bloke but who’s a filthy fucker in bed and who doesn’t think monogamy is laughable.

And no hidden kinks or fetishes either, after my recent experience that has put me right off.

Now I’m desperate to know what that was

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's much better to be with someone who is amazing inside and maybe not so much outside. Otherwise yes it's a bit shallow as looks fade xx

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I’d need to be attracted to them and they’d need to be good at kissing and be able to satisfy me in all sorts of ways. I’d want someone I can relax with and feel at ease to talk about anything. Someone who is open and honest and wants as much fun out of life as I do.

They may not always be the best looking but if they care for me and want to be with me as much as I want to be with them then that’s half the battle.

We can’t always find the perfect partner but we can have lots of fun finding them.

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By *s_macWoman over a year ago

Traffic land

Sometimes compromise is the way forward...

Absolutely this

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By *tace 309TV/TS over a year ago

durham

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

"
its like any book you need to look beyond the cover

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

its like any book you need to look beyond the cover "

True.

But if the covers nice I’m more likely to read it!

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By *good-being-badMan over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

I said on the thread last night I have standards and there are many facets to that attraction being one..

I'd rather be single and go without sex than settle on second best...if that makes me stuck up shallow so be it..

I'd rather that than be unhappy in my choices.. I'd hope any ladies I'd meet would have a similar outlook than settle on me as a poor choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I said on the thread last night I have standards and there are many facets to that attraction being one..

I'd rather be single and go without sex than settle on second best...if that makes me stuck up shallow so be it..

I'd rather that than be unhappy in my choices.. I'd hope any ladies I'd meet would have a similar outlook than settle on me as a poor choice."

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By *ob198XaMan over a year ago

teleford

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

Grow some balls and when you next see him just ask if he fancies going for a drink sometime . 10 words could change your life for the better, worst case he politely turns you down, you keep smiling say no worries maybe some other time and move on He is a guy, we don't get asked often, if ever, so if he is straight and available I promise he will say yes!

. He probably wants to ask you but expects you to say no

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

Is there ever going to be a perfect person? What if some guy ticks a few boxes- maybe have some fun with him and see if it grows into something. If not then at least you had some fun and can split amicably.

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By *issminxandmrcCouple over a year ago

Rotherham

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with."

BRILLIANT REPLY!! ~ Couldn't have said it any better

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By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

Call me shallow but i havd to fancy them physically and mentally"

Agree with this

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By *issminxandmrcCouple over a year ago

Rotherham

"I think it’s always a combination of many things... the jigsaw piece might be the perfect fit but it belongs to a different picture.

Sure it’s makes a complete puzzle but there’s something not quite right with the overall scene.

Same goes with trying to make something fit.

Also how you both look together, adventure together or chill together. Sometimes you don’t know this at the beginning....

And when you both see or meet eachother for the first time or for years of knowing eachother. External factors can warp our perception of that person. Rather for the good or bad.

It’s a tricky old game that becomes harder with time.

Like staring at a drop over a diving board. Sometimes you just need to jump before it gets in your head. You can always climb out after"

Or turn back and walk down the steps !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't settle for mediocre.On fab and out in vanilla life.

Here I look for someone who tickles my grey cells,who fucks with my mind before the actual sex.

And in the vanilla life,I want to be with someone,who I have trust,honesty,passion,lust,be best friends and lovers.Partners.

I am a tough nut to crack,but worth it.

I won't settle for anything less than I deserve.

That doesn't make vain,or stuck up,it just means I know what I want and won't settle till I get it.

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By *issminxandmrcCouple over a year ago

Rotherham

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

. He probably wants to ask you but expects you to say no "

Yes!!! go for it ~ ask him !!! x

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

The people who complain about high standards are the ones that fall outside them.

Who cares about them stick to your guns OP and find what you are looking for. I found what I wanted when I wasn’t even looking. Life is funny like that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can only be true to yourself. If your standards are high, to lower them would be, in my view, inauthentic and unlikely to make you happy. I am one of the choosiest people, on here and elsewhere, and nothing I can do about it. If others don't like it, too bad!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

Please explain this term high standards on Fab....

Attractive people like other attractive people in real life and the internet....

Why would you feel any guilt because you don’t find someone attractive?

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

Please explain this term high standards on Fab....

Attractive people like other attractive people in real life and the internet....

Why would you feel any guilt because you don’t find someone attractive?

Yes, I don't really agree with the way the term is often bandied about. In terms of looking for a life partner in the real world, which it seems is what the OP was referring to, you can indeed 'price yourself out of the market' with a list of wants that would write off an awful lot of people - I could say I wanted a property owner with at least a degree who earned in excess of 50k, who spoke nicely, was over six foot, slim, good looking, with great teeth and a full head of floppy hair!

But actually, bottom line, I want someone I love deeply with who will love me back til eternity, and he could be a penniless hippie with a crooked nose who lived in a yurt for all I know, I don't actually give a damn, and it wouldn't actually matter - I'd just want to be with my soulmate!

So yes, be with someone you desire who's company you can't get enough of, but don't write off anyone who doesn't drive a flash new car or wear Ray bans- that shit really doesn't matter.

As for Fab - just meet whoever makes your heart beat faster meanwhile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

I'd definitely say keep going as you are OP, it seems a good fit for your profile narrative.

Everyone is different. Personally I have to fancy a person before I'd consider sleeping with her, and if there isn't a click with her personality or I feel she may not be in a good place ( I might be wrong about a person not being in a good place, but I'd sooner be wrong and leave it, than take a chance of having taken advantage and regretting it after ) then it's not going to go to a play meet either.

In the real world again I'd have to fancy, click and have chemistry with someone I'd consider dating, and of course they'd have to be in a self aware and emotionally sorted person too. Looks will fade for all of us over time, but as long as you can see the person you fell in love with in their eyes when that happens it won't be an issue then.

In a nutshell, Looks pull you in but Love, Respect and Comparability will keep you in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

I'd definitely say keep going as you are OP, it seems a good fit for your profile narrative.

In a nutshell, Looks pull you in but Love, Respect and Comparability will keep you in"

* 'compatibility'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't have high standards I just know exactly what I'm looking for and I won't have sex with guys that I just don't connect with

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks guys..

isn’t is weird how easy it is to spill ones thoughts on here.

I’ll find whatever it is eventually

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By *lanPartridgeMan over a year ago

nottingham

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

Believe me: he'd be enormously flattered!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

Believe me: he'd be enormously flattered!

I cannot even tell you how much I fear reception tho, like it petrifies me (were talking Harry Potter petrified, you know, like unable to move)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Rejection*

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

I cannot even tell you how much I fear reception tho, like it petrifies me (were talking Harry Potter petrified, you know, like unable to move)

Now you see how men feel lol

You have to be able to meet the standards you set out yourself in some form.

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By *lanPartridgeMan over a year ago

nottingham

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

Believe me: he'd be enormously flattered!

I cannot even tell you how much I fear reception tho, like it petrifies me (were talking Harry Potter petrified, you know, like unable to move)

Don't ask any of the above: just go for a coffee, and you'll probably find the rest out

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By *ob198XaMan over a year ago

teleford

"I guess it’s maybe not even that I have high standards, just that sometimes I wonder what’s more important..

I don’t even think there’s a single contributing factor for me.. there’s so many people that I find insanely attractive for so many reasons.

There’s a guy in my gym who definitely isn’t the most handsome guy in the world but I fancy the ass off him.

But, by self admission, I’m a massive wimp and too scared to ask if he’s a)single or b)remotely interested in me

Believe me: he'd be enormously flattered!

I cannot even tell you how much I fear reception tho, like it petrifies me (were talking Harry Potter petrified, you know, like unable to move)

In the unlikely event he turns you down it would be because of him not you, you don't need to fear.

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By *arciocialWoman over a year ago

Leicester

In the "real world" I can start to fancy someone by getting to know them, even if I didn't initially fancy them from looks. but on here I haven't got time to get to know everyone so go by initial attraction and see if the personality is also attractive.

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By *alking DisasterWoman over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with."

I'm attracted to personality and I'm definitely not part of the "any hole is a goal" brigade

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By *ojos party boyMan over a year ago

Merseyside

"Following on from the high standards post,

I’m wondering if my standards are too high..

Is it important that you’re with someone you fancy or can you look past it and give others a chance?

I’m genuinely interested in everyone’s opinion

Your attracted to who your attracted to.

Just go for whoever you want really, In the end we are all just meat in the organ grinder of life

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By *alking DisasterWoman over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

High standards doesn't come into it really for most people - they're standards of attraction plain and simple, and certainly can never be "too high" - why would you compromise on attraction?

Anyone that says attraction doesn't come into it is either lying, deluded, or of the "any hole's a goal" brigade that I personally wouldn't want to associate with.

Exactly the same for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Many women online say “ Being attractive is not that’s important to me “

But ask for a face pic in the first message....

If this is true..... why don’t women chat to men without a face pic?

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Many women online say “ Being attractive is not that’s important to me “

But ask for a face pic in the first message....

If this is true..... why don’t women chat to men without a face pic?"

I do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Many women online say “ Being attractive is not that’s important to me “

But ask for a face pic in the first message....

If this is true..... why don’t women chat to men without a face pic?

I do.

You’re a woman of your word.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey if time to get to know a person is involved eg you spend a lot of time in that persons company, you get to know them and they have a great personality and are kind and generous then you can become attracted to them irrespective of their look look at Heidi Klum and seal or lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts or Catherine zita Jones and Michael Douglas although money can also be a factor, on a sex site as this is reputedly labelled people go for sexy women rule and on that basis human nature kicks in and the woman has so much choice she can go for the most attractive everytime but will those guys stick around, will those guys have the intelligence, the personality, who knows but percentage wise I'd say the people who are more likely to stick around for a relationship are the middle of the road type guys who have naturally great personalities, I'm not bad looking so I'm told but that can vary so much in the eye of the beholder but in my case I'm a realist so I go for people woman who converse, who have time to take an interest and chat and who also have something interesting to say, people who have hobbies and interests other than the TV and the pub, if the people are so attractive they feature in hot pics everyday they've got so many messages they can't cope and probably don't even look at their message in boxes so discount them, the most likely success will be middle of the road, personality and a doer rather than a talker, meet everytime for a social and go from there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes standards can be too high and though you can make them but you have to be realistic with what you can actual offer and bring to the table.

Think of it, if you found a guy that ticks all your boxes. Why should he choose you, if he knows his value then like women he can use that value to have more women come to him and then he can have the pick of the litter.

The question then rises, what can I offer this man that ticks all my boxes to ensure he commits to me and does not choose another woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You better off flicking your bean why thinking abt me hun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You better off flicking your bean why thinking abt me hun "

Branston or hienz

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