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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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just spotted on facebook
HOW TO COOK A TURKEY:
First, buy the turkey and a bottle of whiskey. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey and put the turkey in the oven. Take another 2 drinks of whiskey, and set the degree at 375 ovens. Have 3 more whiskeys of drink and turn the oven on. Take 4 whisks of drinky and turk the bastey. Stick a turkey in the thermometer, and glass yourself a pour of whiskey. Bake the whiskey for 4 hours, take the oven out of the turkey, and floor the turkey up off the pick. Pour yourself another glass of turkey. Now just tet the sable, and turk the carvey
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
Here's a similar one I've had for years....
Christmas Cake Recipe
You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky
Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl.
Check the whisky again.
To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup.
Tune up the mixer.
Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit.
Mix on the turnerer. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whisky again and go to bed.
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