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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This is something that has been on my mind for a little while now, it’s something that affects me quite a lot and can vary drastically from month to month. At one point I will be only wanting to meet guys and a few months later only focussed on ladies.
Do other people experience this to a greater or lesser degree? Do you find that there are certain triggers to your fluidity?
I must admit that at first I felt like a bit of a ‘bi fraud’ until I learned to accept the peaks and troughs of what I wanted, does anyone else experience this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it intersects for me with the type of intimacy I’m craving, not just the physical act and differences therein. Mostly it’s about who I fancy at the time. The person themselves rather than a gendered need. |
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That is totally normal for Bi and Pan people 
Triggers can be anything for me; a certain smell or way someone moves can swap me from male or female focus for a few months or longer.
Bi doesn't have to mean liking both genders the same way all the time, tilting first one way and then the other doesn't mean you are off the seesaw. (analogy first used on me as kid, when going through similar crisis; imagine you are sitting on the fulcrum of a seesaw, one end is where girls sit, and the other is where boys are, they may climb on or off and the weight may slide you towards them but you are always on the seesaw and even if seats are empty there is always a space for each gender inside you.)
Now I know I'm Pan so it isn't so much a seesaw but a teacup ride at the fair lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you find that there are certain triggers to your fluidity?
Do you recognise any factors in your own life that coincide with swings in sexuality?
"
Sometimes certain triggers yes. I had a bad experience with pushy guys when I first started exploring, so if I get a lot of pushy messages etc or if I get hassle then I tend to pull away for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That is totally normal for Bi and Pan people
Triggers can be anything for me; a certain smell or way someone moves can swap me from male or female focus for a few months or longer.
Bi doesn't have to mean liking both genders the same way all the time, tilting first one way and then the other doesn't mean you are off the seesaw. (analogy first used on me as kid, when going through similar crisis; imagine you are sitting on the fulcrum of a seesaw, one end is where girls sit, and the other is where boys are, they may climb on or off and the weight may slide you towards them but you are always on the seesaw and even if seats are empty there is always a space for each gender inside you.)
Now I know I'm Pan so it isn't so much a seesaw but a teacup ride at the fair lol"
I like that analogy!
It’s not something that I worry about anymore but it’s certainly something that I struggled with before. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it intersects for me with the type of intimacy I’m craving, not just the physical act and differences therein. Mostly it’s about who I fancy at the time. The person themselves rather than a gendered need. "
Yes I do understand that feeling, although if I’m on a peak (or trough depending on perspective) I won’t really fancy someone of that gender |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it intersects for me with the type of intimacy I’m craving, not just the physical act and differences therein. Mostly it’s about who I fancy at the time. The person themselves rather than a gendered need.
Yes I do understand that feeling, although if I’m on a peak (or trough depending on perspective) I won’t really fancy someone of that gender"
Yes, I see. Perhaps I’ve never noticed it so much and maybe I’m not fancying the people o do at the time because there’s a peak/trough push going on. Mmmm. Going off to think.
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