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Breaking wind
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thats why I fast 12 hours before meeting ! I honestly can't poo if someone I just met is in the other room.
I can't poo in piblic toilet either.
Tell her to cough as she shits and the break a match as it takes the smell away.
If she hasnt one she is fucked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh no, poor girl, I understand how she feels. Could she send him out to a local shop to get something? Or could she say she has to go out for something and go to the toilets at reception?
Failing that she could run the shower and put some music on her phone? |
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A friend of mine had just met a bloke and he took her to some fancy hotel at Whitby that cost a fortune for her bday. The toilet was literally in the corner of the room hidden by one of those little wooden screens people used to get dressed behind.
I’m with F&B. I’d have died of a bowel obstruction before going to that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go  "
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?  |
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window? "
Landing on the window sill |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend of mine had just met a bloke and he took her to some fancy hotel at Whitby that cost a fortune for her bday. The toilet was literally in the corner of the room hidden by one of those little wooden screens people used to get dressed behind.
I’m with F&B. I’d have died of a bowel obstruction before going to that! "
Omg, that's awful. An expensive hotel having a toilet like that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill"
Those poor birds that were just sat there... |
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill
Those poor birds that were just sat there..."
Locked windows. You can't even open it and shoo it away onto the ground below. It's just going to sit there like when your cats been naughty and wants to come back in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only option is for her to say she's going to have a quick bath or shower, poop whilst the shower is running or the tap to mask the noise. Have an actual shower or bath to justify the time spent in the toilet and will give enough time for any possible smell to go. |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill
Those poor birds that were just sat there..."
The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window? "
Not unless hes the room below
Altho could u imagine there faces thinking how big that seagul must be
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP.
Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness?
Just laughed so loud I shocked the dog (he didn’t fart tho)"
But he did turn into a sheep tho |
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"OP.
Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness?
Just laughed so loud I shocked the dog (he didn’t fart tho)
But he did turn into a sheep tho "
He’s already a sheep lol |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill
Those poor birds that were just sat there...
The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in "
Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!! |
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"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill
Those poor birds that were just sat there...
The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in
Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!! "
And they’re sat under the window |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...
on a first date
in a hotel room
With a tiny en-suite.
What do we suggest I reply?
"
do it on his/her chest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go
Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?
Landing on the window sill
Those poor birds that were just sat there...
The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in
Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!!
And they’re sat under the window"
Best hupe the curtains are long and bonus is if hes a prick to her she could always put it in his she before she left |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too |
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"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...
on a first date
in a hotel room
With a tiny en-suite.
What do we suggest I reply?
"
Turn the bath taps on. Both of them. Full blast.
Then let it rip.
HTH
|
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"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too
haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc' "
Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’ |
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"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too
haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'
Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’ "
What if he's the food critic type. She gets him to go down for the shop for a paper. In she goes and does Megashit 6000, she's spraying the lynx in utter panic.
He walks back in, sniffs the air, wafts towards his nose and announces 'hmmmm I'm getting a buzz or electric through my senses and a rush of hollihocks up my nose'.
He might just say 'fucking hell someone died in there' and carry on as normal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Omg give her ideas to go to the reception for something. Not a chance in hell I would shit in there. My pal done a shit at a party and it wouldn't flush and she had to throw it out the window. That traumatised me for the rest of my life x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Turn tv up...loud!
Run both taps...full on!
Take perfume/Body spray with you..I mean her 
Check seals around door are adequate to maintain forthcoming stench!
Don’t play any games on your mobile, you’ll take far too long and cause suspicion!
Once finished (and obviously thoroughly cleaned) jump straight on your...I mean “her” date and make him last at least one whole hour before he needs to clean up
Simples  |
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"Omg give her ideas to go to the reception for something. Not a chance in hell I would shit in there. My pal done a shit at a party and it wouldn't flush and she had to throw it out the window. That traumatised me for the rest of my life x"
Nothing worse than an obstinate floater  |
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"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too
haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'
Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’ "
Townhouse club have just refitted their ladies loo with a two seater  You literally could do it together there!!  |
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I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22 |
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22 "
I don't know what you mean.
I'd never ever laugh at something like that.
Bwahahahahaaaa fuck yes!!! I was only talking last night about laughing so much your bum laughs too! |
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22
I don't know what you mean.
I'd never ever laugh at something like that.
Bwahahahahaaaa fuck yes!!! I was only talking last night about laughing so much your bum laughs too! "
So funny my bum joined in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22 "
LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ? |
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22
LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ?"
He produced a trombone and they played the eastenders theme tune |
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22
LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ?
He produced a trombone and they played the eastenders theme tune "
Pmsl!!!
Well I’m seeing him again so my naughty noisy botty didn’t put him off. Must try harder |
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If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.
If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"
Made sure I had my music blasting and the water running before I sat to drop the log. Here's the important bit. The shower water while pooping needs to be cold. Warm or hot water tends to cook the smell and make it 100x worse, cold water seems to clean the air!
Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.
If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"
Made sure I had my music blasting and the water running before I sat to drop the log. Here's the important bit. The shower water while pooping needs to be cold. Warm or hot water tends to cook the smell and make it 100x worse, cold water seems to clean the air!
Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.
"
Hahahahaha.  |
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Just tell him, if he wants any chance of anal, shes going to have to "drop the kids off at the pool".
We all do it. We all get born, we all pay taxes, we all piss and shit and we all die. He isnt going to expect it to smell like roses. Hell, it probably smells like something you would put on the roses!
In fact, if the hotel is near some countryside, she could brazen it out , open a window and tell him to breath in that country air! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Usually I do the shower and music thing and make sure I have air freshener available.
Once I was in a hotel with a ex partner but it was time of the month and I'm always more windy then. Well I was in the room and he went to the loo, I thought I could get away with a little fart..... It ended up being the longest most rip roaring fart ever- he came running out the bathroom with a wide eyed look which made me laugh and the fact continued. He never let me live it down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22 "
That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris! |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.
If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"
Made sure I had my music blasting and the water running before I sat to drop the log. Here's the important bit. The shower water while pooping needs to be cold. Warm or hot water tends to cook the smell and make it 100x worse, cold water seems to clean the air!
Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.
"
Paper down first, helps prevent splash back noises and skid marks |
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22
That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris! "
An image of you on your knees picking up glass hiccuping after dancing with the poor reception man in the corridor then denying it was you the next day springs to mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet ) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.
I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22
That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris!
An image of you on your knees picking up glass hiccuping after dancing with the poor reception man in the corridor then denying it was you the next day springs to mind "
Ahh yes that poor reception man! At least I was hangover free! Good job really as I spent most of the day upside down! |
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"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...
on a first date
in a hotel room
With a tiny en-suite.
What do we suggest I reply?
"
I'd suggest up the bum is off the menu......
Although that might help poke it back up a bit further and relieve the pressure.
Im torn on this one....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only option is for her to say she's going to have a quick bath or shower, poop whilst the shower is running or the tap to mask the noise. Have an actual shower or bath to justify the time spent in the toilet and will give enough time for any possible smell to go. "
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