FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should you compartmentalise?
Should you compartmentalise?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as. |
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It's a hard one. I'm one of those who needs to know every detail even if I find it hard to handle. It may not be for the best but I think it's better then making up scenarios in your head. (Hope I got this in the right context, it's been a long day/night) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us"
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a hard one. I'm one of those who needs to know every detail even if I find it hard to handle. It may not be for the best but I think it's better then making up scenarios in your head. (Hope I got this in the right context, it's been a long day/night) "
You got it spot on. |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
The poly “how to’s” are a good read for those who swing too. Do a google search for More than Two.
In the lengthy articles. Feelings of jealousy and pros and cons of compartmentalising are explored. Like I say, it’s a long read but scroll down to the relevant bits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as. "
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol  |
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"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)"
we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The poly “how to’s” are a good read for those who swing too. Do a google search for More than Two.
In the lengthy articles. Feelings of jealousy and pros and cons of compartmentalising are explored. Like I say, it’s a long read but scroll down to the relevant bits. "
Excellent  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol "
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Living in a box?
Cardboard one.
You know the lyrics.... 
I’m sometimes quite clever.
Only sometimes  "
That’s true. But when it counts, like knowing the importance of protesting.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested"
Gotcha - you two seem to have a very good thing going |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Living in a box?
Cardboard one.
You know the lyrics....
I’m sometimes quite clever.
Only sometimes
That’s true. But when it counts, like knowing the importance of protesting. "
Power to the people
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!"
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol |
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"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested
Gotcha - you two seem to have a very good thing going "
weve always made each other feel completly secure in our relationship. We both know nothing will come between the love of each other and neither of us are going anywhere. I think thats the important thing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol "
Again, my understanding of snowflake is someone who gets offended easily. What would be really helpful is to point out where I have been, so I can understand how you have formed this appraisal.
But it’s sweet you seem that bothered. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you post anywhere but to tell me that I’m offended at something when I’m not. It’s a tad creepy even. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested
Gotcha - you two seem to have a very good thing going weve always made each other feel completly secure in our relationship. We both know nothing will come between the love of each other and neither of us are going anywhere. I think thats the important thing"
Ahh that’s a really good point. How did you make each other feel secure? |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
"The poly “how to’s” are a good read for those who swing too. Do a google search for More than Two.
In the lengthy articles. Feelings of jealousy and pros and cons of compartmentalising are explored. Like I say, it’s a long read but scroll down to the relevant bits.
Excellent "
I’m more than happy to expand upon my experiences and tips learned along the way. Not in one of my epic posts at this time of night though. If there are specific questions you don’t want to ask in the public forum, feel free to PM. I only offer, as this kind of thing is my job; which I need to be up for in five hours  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol "
Not a bit judgemental then.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The poly “how to’s” are a good read for those who swing too. Do a google search for More than Two.
In the lengthy articles. Feelings of jealousy and pros and cons of compartmentalising are explored. Like I say, it’s a long read but scroll down to the relevant bits.
Excellent
I’m more than happy to expand upon my experiences and tips learned along the way. Not in one of my epic posts at this time of night though. If there are specific questions you don’t want to ask in the public forum, feel free to PM. I only offer, as this kind of thing is my job; which I need to be up for in five hours "
Oh interesting, thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol
Again, my understanding of snowflake is someone who gets offended easily. What would be really helpful is to point out where I have been, so I can understand how you have formed this appraisal.
But it’s sweet you seem that bothered. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you post anywhere but to tell me that I’m offended at something when I’m not. It’s a tad creepy even. "
A quick search will show you I post on numerous topics but hey.. don’t let the truth get in the way of you now feeling a bit ‘creepy’. No drama queens here lol..
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol
Again, my understanding of snowflake is someone who gets offended easily. What would be really helpful is to point out where I have been, so I can understand how you have formed this appraisal.
But it’s sweet you seem that bothered. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you post anywhere but to tell me that I’m offended at something when I’m not. It’s a tad creepy even.
A quick search will show you I post on numerous topics but hey.. don’t let the truth get in the way of you now feeling a bit ‘creepy’. No drama queens here lol..
"
You do understand I said “I don’t think I’ve ever seen...” which is different to saying “you’ve never...”, don’t twist words to suit your narrative now, Sam. |
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"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested
Gotcha - you two seem to have a very good thing going weve always made each other feel completly secure in our relationship. We both know nothing will come between the love of each other and neither of us are going anywhere. I think thats the important thing
Ahh that’s a really good point. How did you make each other feel secure?"
thats quite difficult to answer. We where best friends for a year before we got into a relationship and nurtured each other. With it being an age difference relationship i had to know i was going to be committed to it for life. Weve just loved and nurtured each other and never given the other cause to feel insecure |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)we both no when the other is meeting. I talk openly about my "friends" hes even met some of them. But we never discuss intimate details of each others meets as neither of us is interested
Gotcha - you two seem to have a very good thing going weve always made each other feel completly secure in our relationship. We both know nothing will come between the love of each other and neither of us are going anywhere. I think thats the important thing
Ahh that’s a really good point. How did you make each other feel secure?thats quite difficult to answer. We where best friends for a year before we got into a relationship and nurtured each other. With it being an age difference relationship i had to know i was going to be committed to it for life. Weve just loved and nurtured each other and never given the other cause to feel insecure"
That’s lovely. It really is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it better to compartmentalise feelings/conversations?
Does it cause less hurt to simply not discuss some things or does the compartmentalising actually cause more harm, imagined things rather than actuality, or a lack of bond between people through there being a distinct unshared ‘space’, the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak?
Context in terms of swinging/meets either a couple meeting others individually or individuals with feelings (I’ll say that to distinguish from fwb/fb to illustrate the potential for feelings) but meeting others?
There’s jealousy or envy to contend with, but I’m also interested in the concept of the compartmentalising ever being a negative rather than the protective factor it’s touted as.
Ask Twitter... then you can be suitably ‘offended’ by the answers you deem offensive lol
Oh hi you, you’re always saying I’m offended about thing when I’m not. It’s very bizarre. Still, hiya!
Hiya... Sorry but when you come across as the consummate definition of a ‘snowflake’ I feel sometimes I have to place you in the right direction so you can share your feelings with fellow snowflakes lol
Again, my understanding of snowflake is someone who gets offended easily. What would be really helpful is to point out where I have been, so I can understand how you have formed this appraisal.
But it’s sweet you seem that bothered. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you post anywhere but to tell me that I’m offended at something when I’m not. It’s a tad creepy even.
A quick search will show you I post on numerous topics but hey.. don’t let the truth get in the way of you now feeling a bit ‘creepy’. No drama queens here lol..
You do understand I said “I don’t think I’ve ever seen...” which is different to saying “you’ve never...”, don’t twist words to suit your narrative now, Sam."
I’ll doff my cap as I’m clearly now out of my league by being accused of ‘twisting words’ by a twisting words world champion (see above ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We all present differently in different situations,displaying those parts of ourselves we need to or may feel appropriate to the circumstances of our interactions.
So perhaps we compartmentalise all the time in some form or another.
No matter how much we may do so, switching off emotions, even if we hide them from others, is in reality at best difficult if not impossible. They are as much part of us as a beating heart.
Whether we dare to share them, with all the risks that may attach, is another matter. If we don't those boxes we use or walls we build to protect ourselves from others perhaps they lock us in more than lock others out...
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We all present differently in different situations,displaying those parts of ourselves we need to or may feel appropriate to the circumstances of our interactions.
So perhaps we compartmentalise all the time in some form or another.
No matter how much we may do so, switching off emotions, even if we hide them from others, is in reality at best difficult if not impossible. They are as much part of us as a beating heart.
Whether we dare to share them, with all the risks that may attach, is another matter. If we don't those boxes we use or walls we build to protect ourselves from others perhaps they lock us in more than lock others out...
"
Best to be open and honest... that way your true to yourself and others ... I get the for and against arguments but imho honestly is the best policy. |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Im not sure i know what your talking about. There is no jealousy or envy to deal with. Well not for us
That’s really good. Do you talk openly about your other meets with each other? (Not in a detailed/invasive way but in general?)"
If I'm in a swinging relationship all I need to know is that she had a good time and enjoyed herself if she is having a 1 on 1. Boundaries would have been sorted prior to the meet.
I don't need any comparisons or explicit detail, unless it is something we would use ourselves. By the same token I would not be indelicate enough to wax lyrical about a meet outside the relationship. Pretty sure very few ladies would want to know that the other lady was younger/prettier/better/dirtier than them. |
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