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Who are you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Following on from a couple of threads recently I’ve started musing again (yes, I know!) about what makes me; ‘me’. Are we the sum of our experiences and influences? Or is our personality part of our genetic make up too? Nature vs nurture and the age old debate.
I’m not looking to get into the NvN debate now, I’m more interested in what you think made you the person you are now.
What do you think your greatest influences have been? Your parents or idols maybe? Various media? A significant person in your past or present? Maybe even a conscious decision to behave in a certain way...
So dear forumites, *peering over steepled fingers* what do you think? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
An interesting question OP and one that I have sometimes pondered myself and think the answer ultimately is "many things" - upbringing, life experiences, sliding doors moments, individuals and many more have all conspired to shape me into the person I am now.
Which I know is not very specific but I don't honestly think there is any one thing that shapes us - individual aspects of us maybe - for instance there are things I can look back on (which I'd rather not go into publically) that I suspect may have influenced my sexuality and sexual preferences even though they were not particularly pleasant things at the time, but I suspect they forged part of the path all the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looking back on my life experiences, i would say that i was a lot stronger than i would have dared hope myself to be when i was a young woman... and that is all down to me and how i was able to deal with all the shit that was thrown my way.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm op you taking over from Rubidoux and these thought provoking threads.
What makes me, well survival. I’m still discovering who I truly am but I know I’m a strong person. I can’t say that I’ve anybody influence who I am except my ex in that I wouldn’t put up with that abuse any more. I’m still a blank book in many ways just writing a page at a time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What made me was the great school I had the privilege of attending.
Strict,hard work and plenty of sport and a real family feeling.
When I left after 7years I had been adapted for the better.
The friends I made were my new family and many are today still 40 years on.
Halcyon days. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmm op you taking over from Rubidoux and these thought provoking threads.
What makes me, well survival. I’m still discovering who I truly am but I know I’m a strong person. I can’t say that I’ve anybody influence who I am except my ex in that I wouldn’t put up with that abuse any more. I’m still a blank book in many ways just writing a page at a time x "
Life is indeed a journey, I hope that we never stop learning as people. I’ve found that, like yourself, survival and dealing with adversity has made me stronger, the key though is to not be hard with that strength, that’s the balance that is important I feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are various influences that have shaped me. I've suffered losses of those i love, at a young age, which has resulted in me fearing true intimacy, as a form of self preservation... On the flip side of that, I'm an extremely independent woman, who is very self reliant. Good and bad points from life changing experiences. My mother was my greatest influence. When i was little, she always taught me to trust myself, before i trust others and to always know that i was enough. I never needed anyone to complete me. I've carried that with me through life. Though I'm hoping to find that special someone, who will enable me to let my guard down one day and be happy as part of a couple. To fall in love even, as i never have been hopelessly in love with someone, as of yet..... Apologies for the ramble OP  |
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"Hmmm op you taking over from Rubidoux and these thought provoking threads.
What makes me, well survival. I’m still discovering who I truly am but I know I’m a strong person. I can’t say that I’ve anybody influence who I am except my ex in that I wouldn’t put up with that abuse any more. I’m still a blank book in many ways just writing a page at a time x
Life is indeed a journey, I hope that we never stop learning as people. I’ve found that, like yourself, survival and dealing with adversity has made me stronger, the key though is to not be hard with that strength, that’s the balance that is important I feel."
Yes, that is one of the secrets of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm op you taking over from Rubidoux and these thought provoking threads.
What makes me, well survival. I’m still discovering who I truly am but I know I’m a strong person. I can’t say that I’ve anybody influence who I am except my ex in that I wouldn’t put up with that abuse any more. I’m still a blank book in many ways just writing a page at a time x
Life is indeed a journey, I hope that we never stop learning as people. I’ve found that, like yourself, survival and dealing with adversity has made me stronger, the key though is to not be hard with that strength, that’s the balance that is important I feel."
Yes, I’m still too soft and too old to change that. It’s the walls ive built need to come down that’s the challenge x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say it’s a mixture of my Mum and the experiences I’ve had so far in 35 years. My Mum is the biggest influence and she’s taught me to deal with things with dignity and grace. Or at least, most of the time! Moving out of the country and into the city plays a big part in who I am, too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All in all, experiences make a person who they are. An yes no doubt, in society, the people we live with an the ones around us all have opinions of some which you may mutually agree on an some were you think differently which over time creates a personality of a persons way of thinking... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Inadvertently my parents and kicking against their vile attitudes and everything they wanted me to be. Other than music and certain musicians have had a profound effect on my political beliefs and social conscience |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There are various influences that have shaped me. I've suffered losses of those i love, at a young age, which has resulted in me fearing true intimacy, as a form of self preservation... On the flip side of that, I'm an extremely independent woman, who is very self reliant. Good and bad points from life changing experiences. My mother was my greatest influence. When i was little, she always taught me to trust myself, before i trust others and to always know that i was enough. I never needed anyone to complete me. I've carried that with me through life. Though I'm hoping to find that special someone, who will enable me to let my guard down one day and be happy as part of a couple. To fall in love even, as i never have been hopelessly in love with someone, as of yet..... Apologies for the ramble OP "
Your rambles are very welcome and no apologies are necessary.
I’ve known many strong and fiercely independent women in my life and I have a huge amount of respect for every one of them. Sometimes loss can make us fear for that loss again and that’s part of the difficulty in dealing with that I find.
With regards to love, I have found that as cliched as it sounds; it’s always when you least expect it and aren’t looking. The ability to be open to it is a different thing. I sincerely hope that you find what you are looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All in all, experiences make a person who they are. An yes no doubt, in society, the people we live with an the ones around us all have opinions of some which you may mutually agree on an some were you think differently which over time creates a personality of a persons way of thinking..."
I can see what you’re saying yes, a degree of conformity is a part of who we are. I do think though that we also can make a conscious decision to move away from that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Inadvertently my parents and kicking against their vile attitudes and everything they wanted me to be. Other than music and certain musicians have had a profound effect on my political beliefs and social conscience"
Yes I agree, the need to break the cycle can be a massive personal motivator |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m the child of a survivor.
I am primarily made up of all the sad things that have happened to me over the years. My personality tends to linger in the darkness of sadness than make hay in the light.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’d say it’s a mixture of my Mum and the experiences I’ve had so far in 35 years. My Mum is the biggest influence and she’s taught me to deal with things with dignity and grace. Or at least, most of the time! Moving out of the country and into the city plays a big part in who I am, too. "
How do you think living in the city changes you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are various influences that have shaped me. I've suffered losses of those i love, at a young age, which has resulted in me fearing true intimacy, as a form of self preservation... On the flip side of that, I'm an extremely independent woman, who is very self reliant. Good and bad points from life changing experiences. My mother was my greatest influence. When i was little, she always taught me to trust myself, before i trust others and to always know that i was enough. I never needed anyone to complete me. I've carried that with me through life. Though I'm hoping to find that special someone, who will enable me to let my guard down one day and be happy as part of a couple. To fall in love even, as i never have been hopelessly in love with someone, as of yet..... Apologies for the ramble OP
Your rambles are very welcome and no apologies are necessary.
I’ve known many strong and fiercely independent women in my life and I have a huge amount of respect for every one of them. Sometimes loss can make us fear for that loss again and that’s part of the difficulty in dealing with that I find.
With regards to love, I have found that as cliched as it sounds; it’s always when you least expect it and aren’t looking. The ability to be open to it is a different thing. I sincerely hope that you find what you are looking for."
Thank you lovely. I definitely see your point. I can feel myself softening up and being more open to the idea. So hopefully that's a very good start |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
I think it’s too many things to pinpoint, I believe we start with a nature base as a core to who we are but our experiences through life mood that to make us more individual, I think it can change how we look physically too to an extent, maybe not on everyone but definitely on some, you can look into someone’s eyes and see who they are/have been or want to become......sometimes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say it’s a mixture of my Mum and the experiences I’ve had so far in 35 years. My Mum is the biggest influence and she’s taught me to deal with things with dignity and grace. Or at least, most of the time! Moving out of the country and into the city plays a big part in who I am, too.
How do you think living in the city changes you?"
I’m more confident, open-minded, and definitely not as naive as the person I was when I was younger. |
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"There are various influences that have shaped me. I've suffered losses of those i love, at a young age, which has resulted in me fearing true intimacy, as a form of self preservation... On the flip side of that, I'm an extremely independent woman, who is very self reliant. Good and bad points from life changing experiences. My mother was my greatest influence. When i was little, she always taught me to trust myself, before i trust others and to always know that i was enough. I never needed anyone to complete me. I've carried that with me through life. Though I'm hoping to find that special someone, who will enable me to let my guard down one day and be happy as part of a couple. To fall in love even, as i never have been hopelessly in love with someone, as of yet..... Apologies for the ramble OP "
Awww that's lovely . I hope you do meet the "One" one day x |
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My parents and my schooling played the biggest part in who I am now .
Life experiences , losing people around me , illness and recovery , having kids and meeting and marrying S continue to make me the person I continue to be . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from a couple of threads recently I’ve started musing again (yes, I know!) about what makes me; ‘me’. Are we the sum of our experiences and influences? Or is our personality part of our genetic make up too? Nature vs nurture and the age old debate.
I’m not looking to get into the NvN debate now, I’m more interested in what you think made you the person you are now.
What do you think your greatest influences have been? Your parents or idols maybe? Various media? A significant person in your past or present? Maybe even a conscious decision to behave in a certain way...
So dear forumites, *peering over steepled fingers* what do you think? "
Sure you don’t work for Sydney University  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are various influences that have shaped me. I've suffered losses of those i love, at a young age, which has resulted in me fearing true intimacy, as a form of self preservation... On the flip side of that, I'm an extremely independent woman, who is very self reliant. Good and bad points from life changing experiences. My mother was my greatest influence. When i was little, she always taught me to trust myself, before i trust others and to always know that i was enough. I never needed anyone to complete me. I've carried that with me through life. Though I'm hoping to find that special someone, who will enable me to let my guard down one day and be happy as part of a couple. To fall in love even, as i never have been hopelessly in love with someone, as of yet..... Apologies for the ramble OP Awww that's lovely . I hope you do meet the "One" one day x"
Thank you lovely. I'm actively putting myself out there, for the first time, properly. It's nerve wracking, but a little exciting too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Heartbreak
I would say that probably a very important point for most people. Learning who to trust and how much of yourself to put out to others."
Seems I still get it wrong |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
My parents were undoubtedly the biggest influence in my life. I was very lucky to have a wonderful family and a very happy home life. They were amazing people, I loved them dearly and miss them very much.
The insecurities and lack of confidence that I have (although not in a work setting) stem from being bullied in my school years. That has clearly had an impact on me and something I struggle with at times but as a result I can sniff a bully out at twenty paces. |
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I was adopted at a very early age. I, like everyone else, inherited certain characteristics from my parents.
Then my mum and dad raised me the best way they could and instilled much of my basic morality.
Into adulthood, there have been many influences on me. The death of my parents. My marriage. The birth of my son. My divorce. My time at college. My work colleagues. Finding out I was happier as a bisexual. My 10 years (on and off) as Alice.
However, all those influences will mean nothing and I will cease to be me, if I am stricken with Alzheimer's.
That is why it is such a cruel disease. It robs all your loved ones of who you really are before you die - and it makes a mockery of the whole "Who am I?" question.
Too many of us have seen it happen. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Following on from a couple of threads recently I’ve started musing again (yes, I know!) about what makes me; ‘me’. Are we the sum of our experiences and influences? Or is our personality part of our genetic make up too? Nature vs nurture and the age old debate.
I’m not looking to get into the NvN debate now, I’m more interested in what you think made you the person you are now.
What do you think your greatest influences have been? Your parents or idols maybe? Various media? A significant person in your past or present? Maybe even a conscious decision to behave in a certain way...
So dear forumites, *peering over steepled fingers* what do you think?
Sure you don’t work for Sydney University "
Purely in an advisory capacity, how does that make you feel?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was adopted at a very early age. I, like everyone else, inherited certain characteristics from my parents.
Then my mum and dad raised me the best way they could and instilled much of my basic morality.
Into adulthood, there have been many influences on me. The death of my parents. My marriage. The birth of my son. My divorce. My time at college. My work colleagues. Finding out I was happier as a bisexual. My 10 years (on and off) as Alice.
However, all those influences will mean nothing and I will cease to be me, if I am stricken with Alzheimer's.
That is why it is such a cruel disease. It robs all your loved ones of who you really are before you die - and it makes a mockery of the whole "Who am I?" question.
Too many of us have seen it happen."
That’s a sobering thought. It really is an awful disease and my thoughts are with you from your obviously hard experiences. It also goes to show how essential our memories are in who we are |
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I guess we can only be the sum of our experiences, the good and the bad. Even the bad stuff we can learn from and can take positive things from at some point. Strength through adversity I suppose.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Heartbreak
I would say that probably a very important point for most people. Learning who to trust and how much of yourself to put out to others.
Seems I still get it wrong"
Many of us do. I’m 41 and still getting it very very wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess we can only be the sum of our experiences, the good and the bad. Even the bad stuff we can learn from and can take positive things from at some point. Strength through adversity I suppose.
"
That is very much the ongoing theme here yes, adversity and suffering make us stronger and teach us who we are or how to be. Maybe the old adage ‘that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.’ really is true. |
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"That’s a sobering thought. It really is an awful disease and my thoughts are with you from your obviously hard experiences. It also goes to show how essential our memories are in who we are"
Our memories are vital; as are those of the people who know us, in defining who we are. You are, for the most part, nobody - after the last person who remembers you is dead.
If you want to go futher, each of us has a microbiome living within us and on our skin; we carry around more non-human DNA than the human DNA within our own cells. To be fair, that's more 'what are you?' than 'who are you?'
As far as hard experiences go, that's all relative. I've never known hunger or homelessness. Any time I feel like bemoaning my life - and it's not all fun - I remind myself I don't live in Syria. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That’s a sobering thought. It really is an awful disease and my thoughts are with you from your obviously hard experiences. It also goes to show how essential our memories are in who we are
Our memories are vital; as are those of the people who know us, in defining who we are. You are, for the most part, nobody - after the last person who remembers you is dead.
If you want to go futher, each of us has a microbiome living within us and on our skin; we carry around more non-human DNA than the human DNA within our own cells. To be fair, that's more 'what are you?' than 'who are you?'
As far as hard experiences go, that's all relative. I've never known hunger or homelessness. Any time I feel like bemoaning my life - and it's not all fun - I remind myself I don't live in Syria. "
Very true and whilst I don’t think anyone is will disagree that there are awful places to live or marvel at the wonder that is the human body, it’s kind of off topic... |
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What's made me.
So many factors. My mistakes more than my victories.
In recent months heartbreak and rejection.
External factors such as friendships and enemies had influenced me heavily.
My psyche has been molded by positive role models and societies definition of right and wrong.
I think I'm broken though. I know I have problems and I've been trying to deal with them.
Overall I'm a mess. People should probably keep doing what they are doing and stay away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What's made me.
So many factors. My mistakes more than my victories.
In recent months heartbreak and rejection.
External factors such as friendships and enemies had influenced me heavily.
My psyche has been molded by positive role models and societies definition of right and wrong.
I think I'm broken though. I know I have problems and I've been trying to deal with them.
Overall I'm a mess. People should probably keep doing what they are doing and stay away. "
It makes me a little worried when anyone expresses these kind of views. Very few people are toxic and should keep away from others, it seems to me that it’s more a question of pain maybe? Have you tried seeking help with your problems? Sometimes if we feel broken it needs outside help to put us back together again. Be gentle with yourself and try to find the help that you need please. If you need to talk, my inbox is open |
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"I guess we can only be the sum of our experiences, the good and the bad. Even the bad stuff we can learn from and can take positive things from at some point. Strength through adversity I suppose.
That is very much the ongoing theme here yes, adversity and suffering make us stronger and teach us who we are or how to be. Maybe the old adage ‘that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.’ really is true."
Yeah - maybe we learn more from the bad stuff, or mistakes as we maybe reflect more on them, how they made us feel, and how we might rise again from them. Whereas with the better stuff we’re too busy just enjoying it to think about much else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that life experiences make us who we are I never realised that I was strong emotional until I lost two very close men 6months apart,though at the time I did just want to give up,lesson learned not to take anyone for granted |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess we can only be the sum of our experiences, the good and the bad. Even the bad stuff we can learn from and can take positive things from at some point. Strength through adversity I suppose.
That is very much the ongoing theme here yes, adversity and suffering make us stronger and teach us who we are or how to be. Maybe the old adage ‘that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.’ really is true.
Yeah - maybe we learn more from the bad stuff, or mistakes as we maybe reflect more on them, how they made us feel, and how we might rise again from them. Whereas with the better stuff we’re too busy just enjoying it to think about much else."
Maybe to a degre. Although it’s not good to dwell on negatives beyond their use for learning. I try and evaluate good and bad, try and learn from what was good too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Who am I? "
Someone who is simply trying to do the best they can at any given opportunity but has the worrying sense that I am consistently failing. I don’t really know who I am, because I’ve mostly lived others need for me than really analysed what I want/who I am - and yet, perhaps that’s as it is for everyone.
" What makes me, me? "
A huge dollop of overthinking, a slice of worry and panic, a splurge of “how do I get this right?”, an unlimited supply of love, care and affection that feels overwhelming and untapped, a heap of frustration, and a glimmer of pure, distilled anger and absolute hatred.
" Who/what has influenced me? "
Everyone I have ever met. I feel constant aching from other people’s expectations and needs from me. Who has positively influenced me? The person that told me everyone is a selfish cunt.
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