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Do you ever really know someone?
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I was at a funeral yesterday for one of my very best friends. we've known each other for 30+ years.
We've d*unk, partied, worked and laughed together. We've shared so much of each others lives, we were like brothers. Each others "go to guy".
Yesterday I find out that when he was a baby he had a heart defect and had life saving surgery. He had a scar from the left side of his chest, across to the right side, under his arm and all the way round to his right shoulder.
I never knew that.
I found out that he had a rare blood disorder and this was a contributing factor in his passing away.
I never knew that.
I found out that for 30+ years I (and everyone who knew him, including his parents) had all called him Trevor.
His name was actually Paul.
I never knew that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry for your loss OP... I’m sure there are many things you know about him from your experiences together that even his closest family didn’t, we all have different roles in different relationships. |
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"Sorry for your loss OP... I’m sure there are many things you know about him from your experiences together that even his closest family didn’t, we all have different roles in different relationships. "
Theres plenty about me that he never knew too.
The name thing really amused me though, along with a lot of our mutual friends.
Everywhere you looked people we staring at the order of service (that had his real name on it) looking at each other and shaking their heads.
It was the sort of thing that would have tickled him, he had an awesome sense of humour.
While he was in hospital, shortly before he passed away, the nurses were asking questions about his scar.
Instead of telling them about his heart operation he managed to convince them he'd been bitten by a shark.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a friend I knew for 25 years who recently screwed me over quite badly and shows no remorse for it. We were always very close and I thought I knew him as well as anyone could. But I really didn't. It's taught me a valuable lesson though...
Sorry for your loss OP. |
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"I was at a funeral yesterday for one of my very best friends. we've known each other for 30+ years.
We've d*unk, partied, worked and laughed together. We've shared so much of each others lives, we were like brothers. Each others "go to guy".
Yesterday I find out that when he was a baby he had a heart defect and had life saving surgery. He had a scar from the left side of his chest, across to the right side, under his arm and all the way round to his right shoulder.
I never knew that.
I found out that he had a rare blood disorder and this was a contributing factor in his passing away.
I never knew that.
I found out that for 30+ years I (and everyone who knew him, including his parents) had all called him Trevor.
His name was actually Paul.
I never knew that.
"
Sorry for your loss.
I find it was that you find out so many interesting facts about a person, at their funeral or cremation.
I found out so much about a family member at his funeral, I wish I had the chance to talk more to him when he was alive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are all complex humans, and in addition to the things that others know or think they know about us, many of us have a rich inner life which we may or may not choose to share with others.
Sorry for your loss, I hope you don't feel that finding there were many things you didn't know about your friend somehow diminishes your relationship. We cannot know another person completely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all have parts of ourselves that others may never see.
Yet friends accept us as we are, and what they show us is why they are friends.
Those things we do not know make us no less friends. There's a fortune in friendship ....
Sorry for your loss OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all have parts of ourselves that others may never see.
Yet friends accept us as we are, and what they show us is why they are friends.
Those things we do not know make us no less friends. There's a fortune in friendship ....
Sorry for your loss OP"
That’s so very very true. Poignant and uplifting comment |
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"We are all complex humans, and in addition to the things that others know or think they know about us, many of us have a rich inner life which we may or may not choose to share with others.
Sorry for your loss, I hope you don't feel that finding there were many things you didn't know about your friend somehow diminishes your relationship. We cannot know another person completely."
I don't feel like it diminishes our friendship at all.
He was still one of my closest friends and confidents. A sounding board and one of the very best.
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"I was at a funeral yesterday for one of my very best friends. we've known each other for 30+ years.
We've d*unk, partied, worked and laughed together. We've shared so much of each others lives, we were like brothers. Each others "go to guy".
Yesterday I find out that when he was a baby he had a heart defect and had life saving surgery. He had a scar from the left side of his chest, across to the right side, under his arm and all the way round to his right shoulder.
I never knew that.
I found out that he had a rare blood disorder and this was a contributing factor in his passing away.
I never knew that.
I found out that for 30+ years I (and everyone who knew him, including his parents) had all called him Trevor.
His name was actually Paul.
I never knew that.
Sorry for your loss.
I find it was that you find out so many interesting facts about a person, at their funeral or cremation.
I found out so much about a family member at his funeral, I wish I had the chance to talk more to him when he was alive. "
That's the thing with funerals, we get to hear about stuff we'd never have discovered on our own.
I find them comforting inspiring and uplifting.
Don't think I've ever been to a funeral where everyone was sad.... |
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The only person you can truly know is yourself and sometimes certain situations show that we don’t even know ourselves as well as we thought.
Some people lie to themselves so well. They know themselves as someone completely different to who they actially are.
But at least you liked the person who he was to you and that’s what counts. |
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Sorry for your loss OP... I’m sure there are many things you know about him from your experiences together that even his closest family didn’t, we all have different roles in different relationships.
Theres plenty about me that he never knew too.
The name thing really amused me though, along with a lot of our mutual friends.
Everywhere you looked people we staring at the order of service (that had his real name on it) looking at each other and shaking their heads.
It was the sort of thing that would have tickled him, he had an awesome sense of humour.
While he was in hospital, shortly before he passed away, the nurses were asking questions about his scar.
Instead of telling them about his heart operation he managed to convince them he'd been bitten by a shark.
"
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I absolutely know what you mean . There are parts of my life that not a single other human being knows about , and never will. Everybody keeps a certain part of themselves hidden for various reasons. I am honest and open about my life's experiences , but a part of me will always be hidden . So maybe that's why he did this . I'm sure he had a laugh at you lot looking bewildered though |
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
I was married to and went out with the ex wife for well over 14 years -are we civil with each other -occasionally, do I miss her -if I am honest -yes, did I ever know her -I am not so sure... |
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I found one of my first ever boyfriends on Facebook a few months ago. I forgot how gorgeous he was when he was young, and what an amazing sense of humour he had, cracking jokes from his hospital bed about how the septicemia was out to get him.
It did - I just found out he died on his birthday a few weeks back.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry for your loss sting, but the name made me chuckle as my grandad was the same. Everyone called him jack but his name was John. The fact that you both classed each other as best friends means much more than a few private things he probably wanted to keep in the past as they had no bearing on the person he was when older. You still have lots of wonderful memories of him and knowing at the end he still gave you a chuckle and shock x |
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"Sorry for your loss sting, but the name made me chuckle as my grandad was the same. Everyone called him jack but his name was John. The fact that you both classed each other as best friends means much more than a few private things he probably wanted to keep in the past as they had no bearing on the person he was when older. You still have lots of wonderful memories of him and knowing at the end he still gave you a chuckle and shock x "
I don't think it was things he wanted to keep private, just things he thought weren't worth mentioning.
You know, like they never came up in conversation so he never mentioned them.
It was a brilliant day.
So glad I went. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry for your loss sting, but the name made me chuckle as my grandad was the same. Everyone called him jack but his name was John. The fact that you both classed each other as best friends means much more than a few private things he probably wanted to keep in the past as they had no bearing on the person he was when older. You still have lots of wonderful memories of him and knowing at the end he still gave you a chuckle and shock x
I don't think it was things he wanted to keep private, just things he thought weren't worth mentioning.
You know, like they never came up in conversation so he never mentioned them.
It was a brilliant day.
So glad I went."
Yes I suppose some things are of no importance once they’re done. And it’s not exactly something you’d bring up as general chit chat. But good that you said goodbye in a fun way x |
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