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Waiting for that call
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My mum is in the hospice and I’m sat around waiting for the call to say she’s passed. 42 days since diagnosis to this, just awful. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself and guilty that I don’t want to be with her at the end. My brother is with her, so she’s not alone. But cancer sucks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx"
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x "
I know totally hon it is hard very hard  my mum died 11 years ago and I think of her every single day. It gets easier to deal with but you’ll miss her like crazy xxx |
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I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x
I know totally hon it is hard very hard my mum died 11 years ago and I think of her every single day. It gets easier to deal with but you’ll miss her like crazy xxx"
The worst thing is not messaging her daily, with funny pictures of my two boys. I saw her three or four times a week. It’s going to hit me good and proper in a few weeks.
It’s shit isn’t it? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x
I know totally hon it is hard very hard my mum died 11 years ago and I think of her every single day. It gets easier to deal with but you’ll miss her like crazy xxx
The worst thing is not messaging her daily, with funny pictures of my two boys. I saw her three or four times a week. It’s going to hit me good and proper in a few weeks.
It’s shit isn’t it? X "
It really is proper shit. I’ve been seeing a counsellor as my sister died last year, i know it’s not for everyone but it’s helped reassure me I’m not going mad, some strategies to come when it gets overwhelming xx if you ever need a chat PM me xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to."
I saw her on Friday and spent time with her with my brother. She came round enough to very clearly tell us to both leave! Lol! My brother chose to ignore that though. She’s an ex nurse, so knows fully what death entails etc so I know she won’t have wanted us to see that. I respect my brother massively for being there though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x
I know totally hon it is hard very hard my mum died 11 years ago and I think of her every single day. It gets easier to deal with but you’ll miss her like crazy xxx
The worst thing is not messaging her daily, with funny pictures of my two boys. I saw her three or four times a week. It’s going to hit me good and proper in a few weeks.
It’s shit isn’t it? X
It really is proper shit. I’ve been seeing a counsellor as my sister died last year, i know it’s not for everyone but it’s helped reassure me I’m not going mad, some strategies to come when it gets overwhelming xx if you ever need a chat PM me xx"
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m all for doing anything that helps to be honest. Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to."
To be fair he’s right both mum and sister were peaceful when they had gone with my mum although I was there I was young and regret not totally putting my heart and soul out there and telling her how much I love her. Stupid British pride. I regret that. With my sister it was completely different and I’m at peace with the moments we shared at the end xxx god crying again now |
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"I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to.
I saw her on Friday and spent time with her with my brother. She came round enough to very clearly tell us to both leave! Lol! My brother chose to ignore that though. She’s an ex nurse, so knows fully what death entails etc so I know she won’t have wanted us to see that. I respect my brother massively for being there though. "
Just make sure you don't live with any 'if onlys'. I'm so sorry your going through this but thankfully you got your own children (I think) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aww feel for you honey, Ive been there twice. It does suck. You’ve got to do what’s right for you but will you regret it after, if you know you won’t then you’re doing the right thing Xx
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x "
You can only do what feels right for you and no one here has that answer apart from you. I'm sorry for your troubles and hope you find your answers. I know it's not going to be easy but those memories of your mum will always be with you. I do have one observation she's your mum. She spent her whole life doing what she thought at the time was the best for you. It may be time for you to decide what's best for her....no matter how much pain and hurt that may cause you.
I hope you find your way through this. Be strong...as strong as you can be... it's now she needs you most. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to.
To be fair he’s right both mum and sister were peaceful when they had gone with my mum although I was there I was young and regret not totally putting my heart and soul out there and telling her how much I love her. Stupid British pride. I regret that. With my sister it was completely different and I’m at peace with the moments we shared at the end xxx god crying again now "
I told how much I loved her and what an amazing Mum she has been. I honestly had to battle with myself to walk through the hospice door on Friday.
Much love to you too, grief is horrible xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was so grateful My Mum was MY mum but just as much that I was holding her hand and of course was there.
I've never regretted it and after the nurses removed the equipment etc she finally looked at peace.
Last thing I mean to do is upset you or anyone else OP but if you got the opportunity, take it. Go and see her, go and tell her what you need to.
I saw her on Friday and spent time with her with my brother. She came round enough to very clearly tell us to both leave! Lol! My brother chose to ignore that though. She’s an ex nurse, so knows fully what death entails etc so I know she won’t have wanted us to see that. I respect my brother massively for being there though.
Just make sure you don't live with any 'if onlys'. I'm so sorry your going through this but thankfully you got your own children (I think)"
I totally appreciate what you are saying and thank you x |
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Im really sorry to here this. 42 days is no time. Try and take confort and drag on. My stepdad was ill for 18 months. The last 6 months wheré hell. I didnt see him for the last two weeks. I sat on my own with him for two hours opening my heart to him and it gave me comfort that i think he was taking it in. We all deal with things in our own way. Try to stay strong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mum is in the hospice and I’m sat around waiting for the call to say she’s passed. 42 days since diagnosis to this, just awful. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself and guilty that I don’t want to be with her at the end. My brother is with her, so she’s not alone. But cancer sucks x "
my thoughts are with you, went through this 18 months ago
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I'm sorry to read this. There are no real words of comfort and there is no right or wrong. What works for some just won't for others.
Here's a link to Atul Gawande speaking about his book, Being Mortal. I have found his approach very comforting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mviU9OeufA0
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im really sorry to here this. 42 days is no time. Try and take confort and drag on. My stepdad was ill for 18 months. The last 6 months wheré hell. I didnt see him for the last two weeks. I sat on my own with him for two hours opening my heart to him and it gave me comfort that i think he was taking it in. We all deal with things in our own way. Try to stay strong"
Thank you, that’s the way I’m looking at it. She has been ever so poorly but the battle is nearly over now x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to do what's right for you. Some people can't handle being with loved ones at the end of life, that's perfectly ok. Try to think of positive memory's of your mum, maybe her favourite music or photos. Does the hospice have a quiet room? Maybe you would feel more comfortable being there even if you didn't go and see mum you would be there to be told immediately and to give your brother support after, just a idea x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t know if I will or not, but I don’t want to be left with a memory of a shell of the person who is my mum. To see her lose the battle this quickly has been awful x "
When she slips away, you'll soon start to talk about 'your Mum', the one you want to see. Then, likely, you'll be pissing yourself at he antics, and crying in equal measure! Be careful you don't mis a last chance to squeeze her hand. Lost my sister and brother since New year's Day 17. Shit 14 months that was- but I'd give anything to have said goodbye to them. |
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I’m a mum of grown up children with families of their own and I would hate it if they felt they had to be with me and not protect themselves.
They know that and I utterly respect whatever their decisions are.
I offer my love to you all and hope the times ahead are filled with good memories and laughter. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My mum is in the hospice and I’m sat around waiting for the call to say she’s passed. 42 days since diagnosis to this, just awful. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself and guilty that I don’t want to be with her at the end. My brother is with her, so she’s not alone. But cancer sucks x my thoughts are with you, went through this 18 months ago"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have to do what's right for you. Some people can't handle being with loved ones at the end of life, that's perfectly ok. Try to think of positive memory's of your mum, maybe her favourite music or photos. Does the hospice have a quiet room? Maybe you would feel more comfortable being there even if you didn't go and see mum you would be there to be told immediately and to give your brother support after, just a idea x "
Thank you, that’s a good idea. I need to wait until my dad is about to look after my two boys (they divorced many, many years ago. Although he’s been to see her) the boys are only 8, so bit limited about what I do really. I’m trying to keep normal going as much as possible for them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m a mum of grown up children with families of their own and I would hate it if they felt they had to be with me and not protect themselves.
They know that and I utterly respect whatever their decisions are.
I offer my love to you all and hope the times ahead are filled with good memories and laughter. "
Thank you xx |
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