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BS... how to avoid it?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you do it... how do you find those genuine people who aren’t full of bullshit... (that means male and female)
How do you screen people. Do you go with your gut or have a questionnaire ready!?? Or do you have a special BS radar alert!! Can you buy them off amazon??
Many of us daren’t put too much on our profiles in case that results in more BS and lies to just get a fuck! And yes I know you get good and bad no matter where and whatever site your on...
Thoughts please good or bad! X |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first "
Sounds like you have a good set up!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have questionnaires ready !
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
"
This! Although that isn't always foolproof  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
This! Although that isn't always foolproof "
Well based your judgement on the car they drive  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have questionnaires ready !
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
"
Words of wisdom as always F@B  |
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"I have questionnaires ready !
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
"
Yes!
I'm amazed at the amount of people who believe what people say to them despite their behaviour clearly indicating that it's rubbish.
Also if someone appears too good to be true proceed with extreme caution |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have questionnaires ready !
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
Yes!
I'm amazed at the amount of people who believe what people say to them despite their behaviour clearly indicating that it's rubbish.
Also if someone appears too good to be true proceed with extreme caution "
Haha indeed!! |
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"I have questionnaires ready !
But I mostly compare the discrepancy between their words and their behaviours in order to get myself an idea how full of shit they are.
"
Yup, when words and actions do not coincide, believe the actions, that will out all but the truly machieveillian!! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up! "
It's not foolproof but hasn't failed me yet |
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Assess others by their behavior and less from their words. If you don't get fixated on the unimportant stuff, you can enjoy the process of getting to know someone, rather than their cv and balance sheet of qualities.
Keep it simple, if you are just going for no strings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a totally shit and too trusting. I'm really open and wear my heart on my sleeve and give full honesty. I always assume everyone else is the same and I like to really get to know people before I consider any meet.
A close friend said to me today that maybe I need to stop being so open and use what people have said to me as a pinch of salt as sometimes it's just a ploy to make me indulge in their wishes rather than them really wanting what they have told me.
I wish I did have a stronger bull shit detector but then if I did it would make me cynical and I don't want to be like that either |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a totally shit and too trusting. I'm really open and wear my heart on my sleeve and give full honesty. I always assume everyone else is the same and I like to really get to know people before I consider any meet.
A close friend said to me today that maybe I need to stop being so open and use what people have said to me as a pinch of salt as sometimes it's just a ploy to make me indulge in their wishes rather than them really wanting what they have told me.
I wish I did have a stronger bull shit detector but then if I did it would make me cynical and I don't want to be like that either "
I feel exactly the same.. I’m an emotional person and i can’t help it.. if I like someone I can’t hide it!! After some bad experiences it’s easy not to become cynical but I refuse to let those things define me!! If someone doesn’t want me then fine! But it’s good to hear what other people do xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up!
It's not foolproof but hasn't failed me yet "
I do something kind of similar, I also get a good ‘feel’ for someone through chatting or watching their interactions on the forums. I usually know quite quickly if I want to meet someone or not. |
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"I'm a totally shit and too trusting. I'm really open and wear my heart on my sleeve and give full honesty. I always assume everyone else is the same and I like to really get to know people before I consider any meet.
A close friend said to me today that maybe I need to stop being so open and use what people have said to me as a pinch of salt as sometimes it's just a ploy to make me indulge in their wishes rather than them really wanting what they have told me.
I wish I did have a stronger bull shit detector but then if I did it would make me cynical and I don't want to be like that either "
I could have written this actually! I definitely say too much and make myself vulnerable, and end up being hurt/disappointed in the longer term, because I’ve believed a person when they been all lovely and supportive and nice. When in fact they have just been saying what I have wanted to hear to get a fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s been a lesson learned though, and a mistake I’m trying not to keep on making. "
That’s the thing isn’t it... once people know what you want how much do they take advantage of that!!? It’s rubbish but I’ve got my BS detector on full now!!!  |
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"It’s been a lesson learned though, and a mistake I’m trying not to keep on making.
That’s the thing isn’t it... once people know what you want how much do they take advantage of that!!? It’s rubbish but I’ve got my BS detector on full now!!! "
There are a couple of people that I seem to succumb to their bullshit every bloody time, despite assuring myself that I won’t. I get so mad with myself, but it’s like I can’t resist... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s been a lesson learned though, and a mistake I’m trying not to keep on making.
That’s the thing isn’t it... once people know what you want how much do they take advantage of that!!? It’s rubbish but I’ve got my BS detector on full now!!!
There are a couple of people that I seem to succumb to their bullshit every bloody time, despite assuring myself that I won’t. I get so mad with myself, but it’s like I can’t resist... "
Well don’t be too hard on yourself... sometimes when you want something it’s hard not to talk yourself into thinking things will be different or they will change!! But next time you have to learn from it to protect yourself a bit more!! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always have a social first. Coffee, no sex chat or anything sexual. That puts off the ones just looking for a wank. Trust my gut. Never been stood up. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
It quickly becomes clear who is full of BS. Just spend time messaging one another and you will get a feel for what the other person is like. Add to that ask for a social, swap face photos etc will scare away the dreamers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Being resilient to bull shit and realistic about someone elses true intentions isn't cynical. It's going into interactions with a healthy realism and managing expectations."
I agree x |
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By *lowhands7Man
over a year ago
South Leicestershire (willing to travel) |
"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up! "
It does sound like a good approach, sadly I have spent many an hour exchanging messages with folk who appear the real thing but when it comes to meeting or sharing a face pic they disappear off the face of the earth. Very very frustrating. On the positive side there are some great folk to be met on here! |
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By *lowhands7Man
over a year ago
South Leicestershire (willing to travel) |
"Being resilient to bull shit and realistic about someone elses true intentions isn't cynical. It's going into interactions with a healthy realism and managing expectations."
Here here!! |
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"How do you do it... how do you find those genuine people who aren’t full of bullshit... (that means male and female)
How do you screen people. Do you go with your gut or have a questionnaire ready!?? Or do you have a special BS radar alert!! Can you buy them off amazon??
Many of us daren’t put too much on our profiles in case that results in more BS and lies to just get a fuck! And yes I know you get good and bad no matter where and whatever site your on...
Thoughts please good or bad! X "
Generally how they go about messaging, how their profile reads and if they have positive veri's. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to admit to not listening to my own advice. I generally prefer to exchange a couple of messages then meet for a social. My most recent meet we exchanged maybe a handful of messages, established a bit of banter then met for a drink 3 or 4 hours later.
I'm incredibly select with the profiles I make contact with. They have to have recent visable veri's, a clear face picture, something interesting in their profile and spelling and grammar is a must. I know it sounds silly but it says a lot about a person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up!
It does sound like a good approach, sadly I have spent many an hour exchanging messages with folk who appear the real thing but when it comes to meeting or sharing a face pic they disappear off the face of the earth. Very very frustrating. On the positive side there are some great folk to be met on here! "
I exchange face pictures from the get go. I'm quite aggressive I guess for some people but I honestly find it cuts the BS and time wasters out. |
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"Being resilient to bull shit and realistic about someone elses true intentions isn't cynical. It's going into interactions with a healthy realism and managing expectations.
I agree x"
I also think that too many people are afraid of appearing impolite so they'll go along with things even if it's glaringly obviously wrong.
As soon as it appears to us that people are not what they claim to be we stop communicating with them. That isn't impolite but trying to meet us under false pretences is. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up!
It does sound like a good approach, sadly I have spent many an hour exchanging messages with folk who appear the real thing but when it comes to meeting or sharing a face pic they disappear off the face of the earth. Very very frustrating. On the positive side there are some great folk to be met on here!
I exchange face pictures from the get go. I'm quite aggressive I guess for some people but I honestly find it cuts the BS and time wasters out. "
The thing is there is no right or wrong way only "your" way - and I can see that just as taking time to get to know people (as I do) may work that your approach could be just as effective too - especially if your spidey senses are good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally it comes through spending my time getting to know people via messaging etc before even suggesting meeting - when you've spent weeks or even months chatting to someone and observing them on the forums etc you get a "feel" for how genuine they are - and generally speaking if they've been willing to invest a similar amount of time and effort as you it's a good indication, for me at least, that they are genuine and not full of BS.
Too often when you see the horror story bad meet threads on here it's been as a result of rushing into it without taking that time first
Sounds like you have a good set up!
It does sound like a good approach, sadly I have spent many an hour exchanging messages with folk who appear the real thing but when it comes to meeting or sharing a face pic they disappear off the face of the earth. Very very frustrating. On the positive side there are some great folk to be met on here!
I exchange face pictures from the get go. I'm quite aggressive I guess for some people but I honestly find it cuts the BS and time wasters out.
The thing is there is no right or wrong way only "your" way - and I can see that just as taking time to get to know people (as I do) may work that your approach could be just as effective too - especially if your spidey senses are good "
They've not let me down so far ! I personally feel I come across much better in person than over text. When I first joined I spent weeks talking to this couple then when I met them there was genuinely no sexual attraction. Now if it had been a relationship I was looking for.. that wouldn't have been such a problem but you know.. |
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I treat every new or unknown profile as fake, until either veries or other info proves otherwise.
We can't meet at the drop of a hat, so that helps, gives us a buffer, people are told that and we engage in chat until we can meet.
Some people will say anything to get a meet, but the more messages you swap, the easier it is to catch them out.
However, you have to manage your expectations, it's a swinging site, and although we like to make friends, at the end of the day people are on here to have fun, no-strings sex, if you expect more then maybe you need to look at your own motives for being on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always have a social first. Coffee, no sex chat or anything sexual. That puts off the ones just looking for a wank. Trust my gut. Never been stood up. "
This |
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Always go with our instincts which have served us well upto now. However we do like to quickly move to a meet, even if it's a social there's no substitute for meeting someone/A couple face to face. The genuine people are much easier to spot then
Online guards are up until proven otherwise... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to think Im a good judge of character. I'm a people watcher in all social situations and its fun to watch and assess different characters. On here I do it either through watching interactions with people on the forums or through messages. Im quite naturally cynical so even though I start from a place of believing the person the say they are, only by messaging more can I tell. Gut instincts help a lot during this. Have to say Ive yet to be wrong about someone on here (never say never) but its all about time and chatting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a natural cynic amd I think that helps. Often on the forums I read threads about fakes and time wasters and find myself shocked at the gullibility of some people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure there is any magic formula or completely foolproof way of not being taken in by others especially when much of our interactions are filtered through a screen where it's not possible to look in someone's eyes and feel if they are what they say they are.
Time listening and talking to others helps and trusting your own feelings. But if anyone does discover how to ever get sufficiently into another's mind or heart to be certain of anything then I want to know how.
Until then I just have to trust and hope that things unfold in a way that works for two people and trust the future to take care of itself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure there is any magic formula or completely foolproof way of not being taken in by others especially when much of our interactions are filtered through a screen where it's not possible to look in someone's eyes and feel if they are what they say they are.
Time listening and talking to others helps and trusting your own feelings. But if anyone does discover how to ever get sufficiently into another's mind or heart to be certain of anything then I want to know how.
Until then I just have to trust and hope that things unfold in a way that works for two people and trust the future to take care of itself."
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