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Sexuality; clarity

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

I eventually became proud of that fact and now know it to be who I am, but it’s left me with a deep dislike of the belief that it’s dirty or nasty. I refuse to be someone’s dirty little secret and so I won’t meet those that don’t directly declare it on their profile.

Whilst I’m aware that some people will say that they resent labels, surely the whole point is to help other people find what they’re looking for?

I can’t help but think that those ‘fab straight’ folk are just playing percentages...

I feel quite strongly about this but I’m interested to know what you fab folk think about it...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I don’t see why folk aren’t honest either. I know some men will claim they’re straight as couples are sometimes put off by bi men. But if someone was put off with my sexuality I wouldn’t want to meet them

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Whilst I accept that some will hide their bisexuality for any number of reasons (both on here and out in the world) I'd personally not meet someone from here that is "Fab straight" figuring that if they are hiding their true sexuality what else are they hiding?

Now that is slightly hypocritical as I'm not "out" about my bisexual side out in the real world - but on here I'm completely open about it and couldn't be any other way.

I also think that the majority of those that hide it on here do so in the misguided belief that it will give them a better chance of meeting those that won't meet bisexual men - when in actual fact they're closing the door on just as many people that seek them

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan  over a year ago

Aberdeenshire


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it."

Maybe they aren’t lucky enough to have come to terms with it and dealt with the things surrounding it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

Maybe they aren’t lucky enough to have come to terms with it and dealt with the things surrounding it."

Maybe, I’m not sure I’d call it lucky. It was a large contributing factor to the breakdown of my marriage and it took me a long time to deal with the emotions surrounding it. Necessity is more the word I’d use

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Whilst I accept that some will hide their bisexuality for any number of reasons (both on here and out in the world) I'd personally not meet someone from here that is "Fab straight" figuring that if they are hiding their true sexuality what else are they hiding?

Now that is slightly hypocritical as I'm not "out" about my bisexual side out in the real world - but on here I'm completely open about it and couldn't be any other way.

I also think that the majority of those that hide it on here do so in the misguided belief that it will give them a better chance of meeting those that won't meet bisexual men - when in actual fact they're closing the door on just as many people that seek them "

That’s very true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I don’t see why folk aren’t honest either. I know some men will claim they’re straight as couples are sometimes put off by bi men. But if someone was put off with my sexuality I wouldn’t want to meet them "

That’s exactly how I feel about it, without bursting into song; I am who I am...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don’t see why folk aren’t honest either. I know some men will claim they’re straight as couples are sometimes put off by bi men. But if someone was put off with my sexuality I wouldn’t want to meet them

That’s exactly how I feel about it, without bursting into song; I am who I am..."

I can understand that some people haven’t found a way to accept their sexuality but fab allows some sort of anonymity and what better way to figure out how you feel and what/who you’re attracted too than playing on fab and exploring?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Maybe its a case that some people still dont fully know what their sexuality is and are trying to find out

Some may not be trying to kid others but need experience and time to know for sure

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I don’t see why folk aren’t honest either. I know some men will claim they’re straight as couples are sometimes put off by bi men. But if someone was put off with my sexuality I wouldn’t want to meet them

That’s exactly how I feel about it, without bursting into song; I am who I am...

I can understand that some people haven’t found a way to accept their sexuality but fab allows some sort of anonymity and what better way to figure out how you feel and what/who you’re attracted too than playing on fab and exploring? "

The thing is though, if someone hasn't accepted their own sexuality completely should they really be seeking meets that cater to it? Surely if you've got as far as deciding you want to meet someone of the same sex for sex, you should be prepared to be honest about it in your profile.

Which brings us back to the main reason people do it on here is the misguided belief that it increases their chances of a meet with those that won't meet bisexual men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Maybe its a case that some people still dont fully know what their sexuality is and are trying to find out

Some may not be trying to kid others but need experience and time to know for sure "

I do get that and it’s not a ‘one size fits all’ case, but when I’m getting repeat messages from guys asking to meet me when they’re ‘straight’ it leads me to believe that they’re not all finding themselves. There is also the ‘curious’ option

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It also makes me wonder as to what it takes to decide sexuality

If a guy experiments with another guy just for the sex act and there are no other feelings involved, does that automatically mean they are gay or bi?

Is sexuality just about the sexual act itself?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"It also makes me wonder as to what it takes to decide sexuality

If a guy experiments with another guy just for the sex act and there are no other feelings involved, does that automatically mean they are gay or bi?

Is sexuality just about the sexual act itself?"

I think if it’s a guy just getting his cock sucked for the sake of a bj and ‘anyone will do’ then that’s a different matter. I would say though that in order to partake in this activity there must be some form of desire for the other person. At the very least ‘curious’ would be the term

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By *ce WingerMan  over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"It also makes me wonder as to what it takes to decide sexuality

If a guy experiments with another guy just for the sex act and there are no other feelings involved, does that automatically mean they are gay or bi?

Is sexuality just about the sexual act itself?"

Well for me it's just the sexual act, I don't go into town, see a guy and think "Corrr, he's dishy", nor would I have relationship with one. I think I have got less bi as I have got older

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"It also makes me wonder as to what it takes to decide sexuality

If a guy experiments with another guy just for the sex act and there are no other feelings involved, does that automatically mean they are gay or bi?

Is sexuality just about the sexual act itself?

Well for me it's just the sexual act, I don't go into town, see a guy and think "Corrr, he's dishy", nor would I have relationship with one. I think I have got less bi as I have got older "

And therein lies the "problem" some have with whether they are bisexual or not - the definition of it is wide and often difficult to interpret.

I don't "fancy" blokes in the same way I do women (although there has to be an attraction of sorts, but it's a different kind of attraction) and can't see myself having a "relationship" with a guy - but the fact I want to play with someone's cock still makes me bisexual in my book.

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By *ce WingerMan  over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"It also makes me wonder as to what it takes to decide sexuality

If a guy experiments with another guy just for the sex act and there are no other feelings involved, does that automatically mean they are gay or bi?

Is sexuality just about the sexual act itself?

Well for me it's just the sexual act, I don't go into town, see a guy and think "Corrr, he's dishy", nor would I have relationship with one. I think I have got less bi as I have got older

And therein lies the "problem" some have with whether they are bisexual or not - the definition of it is wide and often difficult to interpret.

I don't "fancy" blokes in the same way I do women (although there has to be an attraction of sorts, but it's a different kind of attraction) and can't see myself having a "relationship" with a guy - but the fact I want to play with someone's cock still makes me bisexual in my book.

"

Oh, and another thing, I don't even watch gay/bi MM porn. If I fancy a bit of man on man action these days, I either text ma mate, or fuck off to the sauna

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless. "

Why do you consider it irrelevant?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

Why do you consider it irrelevant? "

It's about the people I want to meet and they want to meet me. Why is their sexuality relevant to that. Just because a woman is bi or a man is straight, doesn't mean they will want to fuck me.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

Maybe they aren’t lucky enough to have come to terms with it and dealt with the things surrounding it.

Maybe, I’m not sure I’d call it lucky. It was a large contributing factor to the breakdown of my marriage and it took me a long time to deal with the emotions surrounding it. Necessity is more the word I’d use"

I think this is a really important point, though. Absolute solidarity for your journey, OP (‘journey’ for want of a better word, forgive the X-Factor backstory whiff) and it is vital that you live your authenticity in a way that brings you and others least harm. It is something to be celebrated and no one should feel compelled to be a dirty little secret etc. However, the compassion to understand where someone else is when potentially still grappling with who they are is paramount. If someone has not been clear on their profile then they’d not show in your search, nothing lost, and if they approach you perhaps educate through allyship? Unless they act like a cunt. Then call out the behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

Why do you consider it irrelevant?

It's about the people I want to meet and they want to meet me. Why is their sexuality relevant to that. Just because a woman is bi or a man is straight, doesn't mean they will want to fuck me. "

True, but from my point of view it lets me know who is receptive to a potential meet. I actively seek couples that have bi guys in them, without that I would be having to take a passive role.

I think the whole point of having labels is to enable people to make connections.

Also like I said in my OP I kind of feel like my sexuality has been ‘hard won’, I want to wear that label

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By *ola cubesMan  over a year ago

coatbridge


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

I eventually became proud of that fact and now know it to be who I am, but it’s left me with a deep dislike of the belief that it’s dirty or nasty. I refuse to be someone’s dirty little secret and so I won’t meet those that don’t directly declare it on their profile.

Whilst I’m aware that some people will say that they resent labels, surely the whole point is to help other people find what they’re looking for?

I can’t help but think that those ‘fab straight’ folk are just playing percentages...

I feel quite strongly about this but I’m interested to know what you fab folk think about it... "

got to agree it's also unfair that male bisexuality is seen as dirty whereas female bisexuality is seen as the ultimate

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

Why do you consider it irrelevant?

It's about the people I want to meet and they want to meet me. Why is their sexuality relevant to that. Just because a woman is bi or a man is straight, doesn't mean they will want to fuck me.

True, but from my point of view it lets me know who is receptive to a potential meet. I actively seek couples that have bi guys in them, without that I would be having to take a passive role.

I think the whole point of having labels is to enable people to make connections.

Also like I said in my OP I kind of feel like my sexuality has been ‘hard won’, I want to wear that label"

I'm not saying you're wrong, just saying how I feel. x

I don't want the label. Any label.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

Maybe they aren’t lucky enough to have come to terms with it and dealt with the things surrounding it.

Maybe, I’m not sure I’d call it lucky. It was a large contributing factor to the breakdown of my marriage and it took me a long time to deal with the emotions surrounding it. Necessity is more the word I’d use

I think this is a really important point, though. Absolute solidarity for your journey, OP (‘journey’ for want of a better word, forgive the X-Factor backstory whiff) and it is vital that you live your authenticity in a way that brings you and others least harm. It is something to be celebrated and no one should feel compelled to be a dirty little secret etc. However, the compassion to understand where someone else is when potentially still grappling with who they are is paramount. If someone has not been clear on their profile then they’d not show in your search, nothing lost, and if they approach you perhaps educate through allyship? Unless they act like a cunt. Then call out the behaviour.

"

I do understand exactly what you’re saying, and I do agree with you. I think I’m pretty clear on my profile as to what I expect though.

This thread was brought about because one guy on 3 separate occasions yesterday sent me the same message to which I gave the same polite reply. On the last occasion his parting comment was ‘worth a try’...

To me those aren’t the actions of someone who is grappling with his sexuality, that’s someone trying to play me and he’s not unique.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

Why do you consider it irrelevant?

It's about the people I want to meet and they want to meet me. Why is their sexuality relevant to that. Just because a woman is bi or a man is straight, doesn't mean they will want to fuck me.

True, but from my point of view it lets me know who is receptive to a potential meet. I actively seek couples that have bi guys in them, without that I would be having to take a passive role.

I think the whole point of having labels is to enable people to make connections.

Also like I said in my OP I kind of feel like my sexuality has been ‘hard won’, I want to wear that label

I'm not saying you're wrong, just saying how I feel. x

I don't want the label. Any label. "

I respect that choice, I’m sure that many feel the same as you, it’s those that are ‘using’ the labels if you will, that I have an issue with

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Personally I hate it when people aren’t clear on their profiles what their sexual orientation is. I spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual and dealing with things surrounding it.

I eventually became proud of that fact and now know it to be who I am, but it’s left me with a deep dislike of the belief that it’s dirty or nasty. I refuse to be someone’s dirty little secret and so I won’t meet those that don’t directly declare it on their profile.

Whilst I’m aware that some people will say that they resent labels, surely the whole point is to help other people find what they’re looking for?

I can’t help but think that those ‘fab straight’ folk are just playing percentages...

I feel quite strongly about this but I’m interested to know what you fab folk think about it... got to agree it's also unfair that male bisexuality is seen as dirty whereas female bisexuality is seen as the ultimate"

That’s very true, however it’s how many people and society in general perceive it. Have any bisexual or gay men tried to give blood recently?...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

This thread was brought about because one guy on 3 separate occasions yesterday sent me the same message to which I gave the same polite reply. On the last occasion his parting comment was ‘worth a try’...

To me those aren’t the actions of someone who is grappling with his sexuality, that’s someone trying to play me and he’s not unique. "

It would be easy to assume that, yes. It may even be highly probable you’re right. But it’s still an assumption, people don’t always present the most obvious behaviour aligned to what’s going on. However, it’s also not your role or responsibility to have to investigate further and do someone else’s emotional labour or provide counselling and sexuality therapy/support.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan  over a year ago

Aberdeenshire


"got to agree it's also unfair that male bisexuality is seen as dirty whereas female bisexuality is seen as the ultimate

That’s very true, however it’s how many people and society in general perceive it. Have any bisexual or gay men tried to give blood recently?..."

Unfortunately, I believe statistics may be the enemy here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"got to agree it's also unfair that male bisexuality is seen as dirty whereas female bisexuality is seen as the ultimate

That’s very true, however it’s how many people and society in general perceive it. Have any bisexual or gay men tried to give blood recently?...

Unfortunately, I believe statistics may be the enemy here."

In terms of sti’s?

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless. "

By removing the 'sexuality' tick box though your suggestion would just make the 'Looking For' tick box the 'sexuality' one with the possible exception of anyone looking for couples which would then become ambiguous.

And your sexuality is listed too - whether it's your actual one or not is another matter but takes us back to the point of the thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"

This thread was brought about because one guy on 3 separate occasions yesterday sent me the same message to which I gave the same polite reply. On the last occasion his parting comment was ‘worth a try’...

To me those aren’t the actions of someone who is grappling with his sexuality, that’s someone trying to play me and he’s not unique.

It would be easy to assume that, yes. It may even be highly probable you’re right. But it’s still an assumption, people don’t always present the most obvious behaviour aligned to what’s going on. However, it’s also not your role or responsibility to have to investigate further and do someone else’s emotional labour or provide counselling and sexuality therapy/support.

"

No, and don’t get me wrong, if someone approached me to chat or discuss things then that’s fine. When I get 2 word messages from straight guys I tend to give them short shrift.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh and doing people a disservice, but I feel I’m clear about what I want...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

This thread was brought about because one guy on 3 separate occasions yesterday sent me the same message to which I gave the same polite reply. On the last occasion his parting comment was ‘worth a try’...

To me those aren’t the actions of someone who is grappling with his sexuality, that’s someone trying to play me and he’s not unique.

It would be easy to assume that, yes. It may even be highly probable you’re right. But it’s still an assumption, people don’t always present the most obvious behaviour aligned to what’s going on. However, it’s also not your role or responsibility to have to investigate further and do someone else’s emotional labour or provide counselling and sexuality therapy/support.

No, and don’t get me wrong, if someone approached me to chat or discuss things then that’s fine. When I get 2 word messages from straight guys I tend to give them short shrift.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh and doing people a disservice, but I feel I’m clear about what I want... "

I imagine you are. Don’t doubt that, I’m pontificating and certainly not accusing. I’ve always found you to be polite and accepting of short, punchy objectifying messages sent by people who want to have themselves some of that oooooft mama hot dang lovely that you are.

You tolerate me beautifully.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple  over a year ago

London

Anecdotally, my view would be that most fab straight guys aren't having issues coming to terms with their sexuality. They just calculate their chances with women and couples are better if they say they are straight.

On here, saying you are bi just means you're willing, at a minimum to touch the same type of genitals that you have. It doesn't say anything about who you have relationships with or you're inner essence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I think that maybe the basis of the thread is getting away from me and I’m getting a little ‘ranty’ for that I apologise.

I am interested in other people opinions, I guess it’s just rather an emotive subject for me. I’ll take myself off to the side for a minute and recover my good temper.

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By *appy squirrelWoman  over a year ago

Norwich

such in interesting topic though. I think for some people becoming clearer about their sexuality is imensly important and can be life changing.

for others its just fun to explore boundaries and likes and dislikes. like i tried having fun with a woman and although its a lot of fun in a group or moresum situation I now know that I am definitely not bi.

also there are so many individual definitions. only oral bi or curious or only this or completely that. hard to put people into boxes.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I know people will probably hate me for this one but wouldn't it just be easier if all the profiles just came with a kinesy scale rateing for each person...surly this would cut out a lot of BS for some people and avoied quite a few "miss understandings" on many peoples parts as it were.... FYI She's a 3 and mr is a 0....before anyone ask's like at the weekend when i even got the line "oh so your straight straight not fab straight then" when chatting away at the social we went too XD

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

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By *innamon!Woman  over a year ago

no matter

There isnt a label for Celibate unfortunately

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple  over a year ago

London


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles. "

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here "

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles. "

That is very much what I think drives quite a few of the fab straight profiles. It was exactly this which led me to putting what I did on my profile.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple  over a year ago

London


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another."

If you are an average single guy, I think you are better off saying you are bi. The rarity value gives you an edge.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another.

If you are an average single guy, I think you are better off saying you are bi. The rarity value gives you an edge. "

That’s an interesting idea until they are presented with a cock...

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another.

If you are an average single guy, I think you are better off saying you are bi. The rarity value gives you an edge.

That’s an interesting idea until they are presented with a cock... "

Wouldn't phase me - in fact I'd positively welcome the idea

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Perhaps some guys are only rarely bi, if the situation and partners are exactly right. They might feel that if they add bi to their profile then people will have expectations.

I don't think any of the ticks and boxes are really adequate compared to writing a decent profile text, reading profiles, and talking to people about it.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Perhaps some guys are only rarely bi, if the situation and partners are exactly right. They might feel that if they add bi to their profile then people will have expectations.

I don't think any of the ticks and boxes are really adequate compared to writing a decent profile text, reading profiles, and talking to people about it. "

Agree with this - at the moment my exploring of my sexuality is done through here or my lifestyle, but not something I would engage in out in the vanilla world, so find it hard to see what labels fit me or how to explain to someone else

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple  over a year ago

London


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another.

If you are an average single guy, I think you are better off saying you are bi. The rarity value gives you an edge.

That’s an interesting idea until they are presented with a cock... "

No, I meant if you really bi and an average single guy you are reducing your chances if you pretend to be straight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"There’s a high percentage of women on here who want meet bi men, certainly in my area there’s quite a few who won’t, they’ve got it on there profiles or your see status updates saying so.So I guess the bi men think it’s hard enough as it is to get woman, so they simply put straight on there profiles.

But then there are some women who are really turned on by seeing men together. Ive met a few on here

Yep

As I said upthread - in my experience for every woman/couple that says they won't meet bi men, there's a woman/couple that actively seek us - so by opening one door you're actually closing another.

If you are an average single guy, I think you are better off saying you are bi. The rarity value gives you an edge.

That’s an interesting idea until they are presented with a cock...

No, I meant if you really bi and an average single guy you are reducing your chances if you pretend to be straight. "

Yes, that’s very true.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

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By *rwhite30Man  over a year ago

deptford London


"A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

"

spot on mate

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/06/18 16:41:44]

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

"

The thing is though that for me I approach meeting a guy the same way that I do meeting a lady, it’s not just about getting a bj and walking off. I like meeting people and want something of a connection with the people that I meet. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty secret as I said in my OP

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By *rwhite30Man  over a year ago

deptford London

i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

The thing is though that for me I approach meeting a guy the same way that I do meeting a lady, it’s not just about getting a bj and walking off. I like meeting people and want something of a connection with the people that I meet. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty secret as I said in my OP"

Don’t meet guys who are in the closet then

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

The thing is though that for me I approach meeting a guy the same way that I do meeting a lady, it’s not just about getting a bj and walking off. I like meeting people and want something of a connection with the people that I meet. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty secret as I said in my OP"

Spot on and the way I feel about it entirely - I don't make a distinction between how I approach meeting men or women on here - for me it's about the connection and chemistry regardless of gender.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"A good friend came out as gay after his divorce. We spoke and he revealed things to me that actually blew my mind...

Gay/bi guys have more sex than straight guys.

He told me about a popular gay hookup app , that he used daily to get blow jobs at lunch. Then went home and had sex with his wife...

Now I do pretty well in real life and the swinging world but there is no way. I’m getting 300 blow jobs a year from different people on Tinder...

So men that keep straight on there profile but seek sex with anyone . Will keep all his options open.... If they are just looking for quick sex , it doesn’t matter what they have on their profiles..

Don’t over think things..... just enjoy the sex .

The thing is though that for me I approach meeting a guy the same way that I do meeting a lady, it’s not just about getting a bj and walking off. I like meeting people and want something of a connection with the people that I meet. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty secret as I said in my OP

Don’t meet guys who are in the closet then "

That’s the point in this thread...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly "

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think they should get rid of the sexuality tick box. 'Looking for' is all they need. My sexuality is irrelevant.

My sexuality isn't listed anyway so proves the tick box is pointless.

By removing the 'sexuality' tick box though your suggestion would just make the 'Looking For' tick box the 'sexuality' one with the possible exception of anyone looking for couples which would then become ambiguous.

And your sexuality is listed too - whether it's your actual one or not is another matter but takes us back to the point of the thread

"

It makes me tick something, I can't leave it blank.

The couples profile issue would need a site overhaul. It's not always clear which is the male or the female if heights are similar. It's impossible to search for bi men in couples. The 'both are bi' search was an improvement a few years ago though.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same. "

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

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By *rwhite30Man  over a year ago

deptford London


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

"

i agree, dateing sites and sex sites very different

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

"

And if that's your preference then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all - likewise if people want to make more of an event out of it to raise it from just being about sex - so long as everyone is agreed there is no right or wrong way about it but this is veering off topic now.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though...."

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

i agree, dateing sites and sex sites very different"

It’s not a sex site, it’s a swinging site... it’s a very different thing

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

i agree, dateing sites and sex sites very different

It’s not a sex site, it’s a swinging site... it’s a very different thing"

People are here for all kinds of different things.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others. "

I gave up trying to understand it. It was getting in the way of my enjoying it.

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By *rightonsteveMan  over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I was always straight and became bisexual by accident really. A case of fear of social embarrassment overriding my sexuality.

I am what I am (so the saying goes) and I’m happy with it. Slightly bemused and amused but happy.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others. "

Yeah, whatever floats yer boat. I'm not one to judge. But why put straight on their profile though? Not questioning why anyone would find a TV attractive. Saw more than one myself and thought "fucking hell,I'd kill to look like that."

But,it's only the internet and I suppose we can call ourselves whatever we want.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others.

I gave up trying to understand it. It was getting in the way of my enjoying it. "

Indeed, but it is still quite flattering to be approached by a 'straight' guy

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others.

I gave up trying to understand it. It was getting in the way of my enjoying it.

Indeed, but it is still quite flattering to be approached by a 'straight' guy "

Gave up trying to understand my tgirl-ness I meant. I agree though, it can be very flattering. And validating, if that's the right word ... feeling that my femininity is seen and appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others.

I gave up trying to understand it. It was getting in the way of my enjoying it.

Indeed, but it is still quite flattering to be approached by a 'straight' guy

Gave up trying to understand my tgirl-ness I meant. I agree though, it can be very flattering. And validating, if that's the right word ... feeling that my femininity is seen and appreciated."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I try to be honest on here with regards to my sexuality but am embarrassed to admit that I'm too concerned with how my family would react if I came out and said I find women sexually attractive. A few would probably surprise me, pleasantly, but I"m certain a good few would be horrified. I'm well aware that this probably makes me a big shite bag but so be it.

I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though....

Some guys are attracted the the 'femininity' that some Tgirls have and how some tgirls present themselves. Basically, if it looks like a girl, acts like a girl and responds like a girl..it's probably a tgirl.

Confusing to some, but clear as a mucky puddle to others.

I gave up trying to understand it. It was getting in the way of my enjoying it.

Indeed, but it is still quite flattering to be approached by a 'straight' guy

Gave up trying to understand my tgirl-ness I meant. I agree though, it can be very flattering. And validating, if that's the right word ... feeling that my femininity is seen and appreciated."

No, that makes sense when you explain it like that.

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By *issmorganWoman  over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It would annoy me if they lied and make me wonder what else they would hide.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

i agree, dateing sites and sex sites very different

It’s not a sex site, it’s a swinging site... it’s a very different thing"

Forgive me if I came off as Rude....

What I’m trying to say is when straight/bi/gay guys message me. It’s never been let’s meet have a few drinks and get to know each other.

It’s more on the lines of “ can I suck your cock ? Do you need your balls drained ? “ very crude and direct to the point... these same guys message women the same thing...

So meeting a bi guy that wants a meaningful encounter with another man would be like finding a unicorn on Fab....

But good luck and sorry if I offended you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"i get that when your out and about but on here its not the same surly

I don’t behave any differently on here than I do anywhere else, online/ in person; I’m the same.

Again I think you’re trying to reinvent the wheel.

If you want emotional connections with men/women you have sex with try a dating site.

Men on swinging sites want sex.

For example if a woman or Couple messages me to meet them at a hotel for a quick lunchtime fuck. I’m not going to ask , if we can eat and drink first to set the mood.

I’m going straight to the room and have fun.

i agree, dateing sites and sex sites very different

It’s not a sex site, it’s a swinging site... it’s a very different thing

Forgive me if I came off as Rude....

What I’m trying to say is when straight/bi/gay guys message me. It’s never been let’s meet have a few drinks and get to know each other.

It’s more on the lines of “ can I suck your cock ? Do you need your balls drained ? “ very crude and direct to the point... these same guys message women the same thing...

So meeting a bi guy that wants a meaningful encounter with another man would be like finding a unicorn on Fab....

But good luck and sorry if I offended you."

Thanks for the clarification. No offence taken but I appreciate the sentiment

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan  over a year ago

Aberdeenshire


"I am confused my "straight" male profiles looking to meet TVs though...."

Part of the issue here, I think, is that the site lumps TV, CD and TS together as one category. All three fall under the transgender umbrella, but they are distinct. Someone sexually attracted to someone who identifies as one, might not be sexually attracted to someone who identifies in one of the other categories.

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