FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Sending the first message...
Sending the first message...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ladies, do you ever send the first message if you’re ever looking for a meet? What prompts you to make first contact?
If you do start the conversation do you follow your own rules (if you have them) regarding pictures?
If not is it simply a case of waiting for the right people to find you and if that’s the case is that working for you?
I’m genuinely curious as to how proactive people are with regards to actively seeking that which they're looking for... |
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
"
You're welcome. Oh wait |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
"
Must have been some fella |
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I've sent messages in relation to forum posts, had some intresting conversations & made some great friends that way.
I sent a first message to a guy who viewed my profile several times a day & fabbed all my photos over a 2wk period, I said hi & thanked him for the Fabs.
He read & deleted it.
A few days later he posted a veri from someone who couldn't be more physically opposite to me.
I figured at that point men confused me, not sent a first message since!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I message to compliment people or in regards to posts or statuses. It sometimes leads to more. Most often it leads to nowt.
Yesterday it lead to a bit of a row lol.
Have made some unexpected friends from it though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've messaged first a couple of times when I've been drawn to someone for a particularly delicious picture or a profile text that flicked switches and pushed buttons.
"
So generally when someone is exceptional and you feel that you ‘have’ to make contact? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
"
I’m not sure that I agree with the whole ‘punching above your weight’ thing, but that’s a different topic  |
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"I've messaged first a couple of times when I've been drawn to someone for a particularly delicious picture or a profile text that flicked switches and pushed buttons.
So generally when someone is exceptional and you feel that you ‘have’ to make contact? "
I wouldn't say I'm aiming for exceptional, I just message if I find them appealing or intriguing in some way or another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I've spotted someone I really want to meet I build up courage to message them. I'm not averse to seeing what drops into my inbox though and having a peek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
"
 I've just done the same, it has to be done sometimes  |
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
I've just done the same, it has to be done sometimes "
Please, you’re embarrassing me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
I've just done the same, it has to be done sometimes
Please, you’re embarrassing me "
Im still swooning  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
I've just done the same, it has to be done sometimes
Please, you’re embarrassing me
Im still swooning "
*stands by inbox*
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F here, I do a lot of the messaging on here, quite often it’s just because of a status that catches the eye, or I check out who’s fabbed our photos and then may message someone. Been chatting to a guy on here for months because of a forum post I put up, and he’s definitely not someone I would have gone looking for normally x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"F here, I do a lot of the messaging on here, quite often it’s just because of a status that catches the eye, or I check out who’s fabbed our photos and then may message someone. Been chatting to a guy on here for months because of a forum post I put up, and he’s definitely not someone I would have gone looking for normally x"
That’s one of the reasons that I like the forums; you find yourself chatting to people that you wouldn’t have done in other circumstances. I’ve had meets from forum threads with people that I would never have messaged otherwise |
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I occasionally sent first messages on FPF, as a way of saying hi to someone that appeals.
Varied success but there’s one guy I messaged whom I now speak to/message off Fab every day, and will meet when I’m down his way next.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to message first. Lots of work and lots of creative writing and even more time wasted online than what was healthy. I found it works just as well if not better but using status and forums and let those interested message me. I've a few regulars that I have met over the years whom I'll message to see if or when they're free but don't message anyone new first to arrange meets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I occasionally sent first messages on FPF, as a way of saying hi to someone that appeals.
Varied success but there’s one guy I messaged whom I now speak to/message off Fab every day, and will meet when I’m down his way next.
"
What stops you from sending out more first messages? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happy to send the first message, and I have done on here and pof.
What motivates you to do that? "
Good pics, if they’re the age I’m looking for, distance and if they’re after the same thing as me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Happy to send the first message, and I have done on here and pof.
What motivates you to do that?
Good pics, if they’re the age I’m looking for, distance and if they’re after the same thing as me."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will send the first message... why wait if someone takes your fancy...and have nothing to loose... I don’t have set rules about what I say or how quickly I send pics... just try to go with the flow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I read profile carefully, I check do I tick their boxes and do they tick my boxes, I look at pictures then if I'm convinced I text. However, the reply often don't match my text and is just fuck talking or just not the level of intelligence. So I pass... clubs are better place to meet people. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've had first messages from ladies - usually off the back of forum posts but occasionally as a result of seeing my profile and wanting to talk more - when I have they usually comment on my profile or the forum thread in question, much the same as I would if it were the other way round.
Generally though it very much depends how the conversation flows from there - sometimes it just comes naturally, others it fizzles out after a few messages without any real connection or chemistry having been made. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've never ever sent a first message.
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong? "
Maybe...
The point of my thread was partially to see how ladies actually approach connecting with people, obviously there won’t be a hard and fast rule, but to see if there was a vague consensus. Beyond that it was also to see why that is... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself. "
You're back ... Hello lovely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
You're back ... Hello lovely "
*waves* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself. "
Welcome back lovely! I was thinking about you when I posted this thread actually!
It has certainly been a while... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back..."
You love me really.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Welcome back lovely! I was thinking about you when I posted this thread actually!
It has certainly been a while... "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Welcome back lovely! I was thinking about you when I posted this thread actually!
It has certainly been a while...
"
The question now is; will you message first? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Welcome back lovely! I was thinking about you when I posted this thread actually!
It has certainly been a while...
The question now is; will you message first? "
Ha. I’m shy. |
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really. "
I do,you just can't stay away can you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really.
I do,you just can't stay away can you."
Jim always pesters me till I come back.  |
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"I occasionally sent first messages on FPF, as a way of saying hi to someone that appeals.
Varied success but there’s one guy I messaged whom I now speak to/message off Fab every day, and will meet when I’m down his way next.
What stops you from sending out more first messages? "
Fear of rejection mostly, and the worry that they recipient will take one look at my profile and think wtf is that belter doing messaging me.....
It’s probably just as well I’m not a bloke really. |
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really.
I do,you just can't stay away can you.
Jim always pesters me till I come back. "
Men are bad influences,we should never look them in the eye. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really.
I do,you just can't stay away can you.
Jim always pesters me till I come back.
Men are bad influences,we should never look them in the eye."
#doggy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I occasionally sent first messages on FPF, as a way of saying hi to someone that appeals.
Varied success but there’s one guy I messaged whom I now speak to/message off Fab every day, and will meet when I’m down his way next.
What stops you from sending out more first messages?
Fear of rejection mostly, and the worry that they recipient will take one look at my profile and think wtf is that belter doing messaging me.....
It’s probably just as well I’m not a bloke really. "
That’s a fair point! I think another point of my thread was to see if people think that the onus is on guys to message first and why that is... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really.
I do,you just can't stay away can you.
Jim always pesters me till I come back.
Men are bad influences,we should never look them in the eye."
Nah! Most men if left to their own devices will gravitate towards the pub or TV... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so"
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message. |
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself.
Troubles back...
You love me really.
I do,you just can't stay away can you.
Jim always pesters me till I come back.
Men are bad influences,we should never look them in the eye.
#doggy"
#lovedoggy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message."
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread"
Not all ladies look within the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread
Not all ladies look within the forums. "
No, and even a smaller cross section reply on this thread. I’m asking the question as I think it’s an interesting topic on a wider scale |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies, do you ever send the first message if you’re ever looking for a meet? What prompts you to make first contact?
If you do start the conversation do you follow your own rules (if you have them) regarding pictures?
If not is it simply a case of waiting for the right people to find you and if that’s the case is that working for you?
I’m genuinely curious as to how proactive people are with regards to actively seeking that which they're looking for..."
In answer to your OP, I do and will continue to send the first message when I spot a profile of someone I would like to further engage with, yes. What prompts me to make first contact? Likely a spark within the profile writing that makes me smile or piques my interest to know more, pictures that appeal, and if a user of the forum then a viewpoint I respect or way of interacting with others that is caring and intelligent. In reply to messages sent to me the above applies but also serendipity, reading something that attracts me and the right time for me to want and be engaged to respond. I would say I probably follow my own “rules” re pictures, in that I’m willing to exchange them and I’m in to the same things I post in terms of taste aesthetic. |
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread"
I’d have though that’s the case. Generally, women’s inboxes are much busier this guys are. Or maybe it’s just me?
I think in nearly a year, the most unread messages is 3. And I’ve had maybe 2 unprompted messages in that time. And one of those was sent by mistake.
So I’d always assumed women send far fewer first messages simply because they don’t really need to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I message first when I'm looking to meet. I find it highly unlikely that someone I'm interested in will message me first. I really don't see the point in sitting around waiting and I'm really lazy so don't read the few messages I do get from those I don't know.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread
I’d have though that’s the case. Generally, women’s inboxes are much busier this guys are. Or maybe it’s just me?
I think in nearly a year, the most unread messages is 3. And I’ve had maybe 2 unprompted messages in that time. And one of those was sent by mistake.
So I’d always assumed women send far fewer first messages simply because they don’t really need to.
"
That’s a fair point, however accounting for the fact that there are approximately 10:1 men to women and many guys send out multiple messages to everyone in their locale it doesn’t necessarily prove that theory. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I either message first, or if just letting someone know I'm interested I would turn off my ninja mode and fab a few pics... that usually endures i get a message back too |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Estella is back! Yay! It feels like the good old days now.
I message first a lot of the time and I've been quite successful from it. If I like the look of someone I'll come up with some bollocks (more often than not related to a post or their profile). I can change my mind quite quickly after a couple of messages but if I didn't make that effort I wouldn't know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Estella is back! Yay! It feels like the good old days now.
I message first a lot of the time and I've been quite successful from it. If I like the look of someone I'll come up with some bollocks (more often than not related to a post or their profile). I can change my mind quite quickly after a couple of messages but if I didn't make that effort I wouldn't know."
Hello gorgeous
How’s the preparations coming along? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Estella is back! Yay! It feels like the good old days now.
Hello gorgeous
How’s the preparations coming along? "
I'm too young for you! Slowly. Two years and counting.  I know all about seasonal flowers though.
(Sorry TM) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Estella is back! Yay! It feels like the good old days now.
Hello gorgeous
How’s the preparations coming along?
I'm too young for you! Slowly. Two years and counting. I know all about seasonal flowers though.
Oh did I filter up? Hang on.
(Sorry TM)"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I either message first, or if just letting someone know I'm interested I would turn off my ninja mode and fab a few pics... that usually endures i get a message back too
I’m too scared to turn off  the amount I look at some profiles is ridiculous "
Absolutely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I either message first, or if just letting someone know I'm interested I would turn off my ninja mode and fab a few pics... that usually endures i get a message back too
I’m too scared to turn off the amount I look at some profiles is ridiculous
Absolutely "
Glad I’m not the only one  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I message people about random sh@te but I've yet to message to ask for a meet.
They generally message me."
I’d rather someone message me about random stuff rather than directly asking to meet, but that’s just me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I never, if I’m not mistaken (and I might be) OP, I do declare I’ve not seen you on here since 2016 or thereabouts! Welcome back!
Only recently returned myself. "
Welcome back. X we didn't miss you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only message people first if I have something to say either about their pics or profile, otherwise I'll hotlist and wait until they do something that prompts me to message.
I hate when people message me with nothing interesting to say so I won't do that to others however much I want to jump their bones |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only message people first if I have something to say either about their pics or profile, otherwise I'll hotlist and wait until they do something that prompts me to message.
I hate when people message me with nothing interesting to say so I won't do that to others however much I want to jump their bones "
This is a really good point - agreed  |
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread
I’d have though that’s the case. Generally, women’s inboxes are much busier this guys are. Or maybe it’s just me?
I think in nearly a year, the most unread messages is 3. And I’ve had maybe 2 unprompted messages in that time. And one of those was sent by mistake.
So I’d always assumed women send far fewer first messages simply because they don’t really need to.
That’s a fair point, however accounting for the fact that there are approximately 10:1 men to women and many guys send out multiple messages to everyone in their locale it doesn’t necessarily prove that theory."
Fair point about the ratios, but I think it still stacks up in favour of women. If there are 10x as many men as women, and even of they are all sending 10 messages to each woman they message, then if everything else was equal, guys should still expect 1% of the messages that women get. And if women can get 100+ messages a day, that would amount to a lot more than 3 messages in 10 months.
Heck, a girl I chat to on KIK created a new account on here at around 11pm, no pics, virtually no profile. And she had around 30 messages by breakfast. |
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"Not sent many 1st messages cos girls get so many you dont really need to.if I really like look of someone I send 1st message"
This is pretty much how I imagined it was for most women. Send a few if someone catches your eye, but other than that peruse your inbox at your leisure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I only message people first if I have something to say either about their pics or profile, otherwise I'll hotlist and wait until they do something that prompts me to message.
I hate when people message me with nothing interesting to say so I won't do that to others however much I want to jump their bones "
That’s a good point, I find that too. If I don’t have anything to say to someone about something specific then I generally won’t say anything. Contrary to popular opinion I usually have a point |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have always sent the first message to those I want to meet
That’s interesting and I think that you’re certainly in the minority in doing so
Very much doubt that, there are lots of ladies here that send the first message.
I’m just going by my experience of talking to those that I’ve met and from this thread
I’d have though that’s the case. Generally, women’s inboxes are much busier this guys are. Or maybe it’s just me?
I think in nearly a year, the most unread messages is 3. And I’ve had maybe 2 unprompted messages in that time. And one of those was sent by mistake.
So I’d always assumed women send far fewer first messages simply because they don’t really need to.
That’s a fair point, however accounting for the fact that there are approximately 10:1 men to women and many guys send out multiple messages to everyone in their locale it doesn’t necessarily prove that theory.
Fair point about the ratios, but I think it still stacks up in favour of women. If there are 10x as many men as women, and even of they are all sending 10 messages to each woman they message, then if everything else was equal, guys should still expect 1% of the messages that women get. And if women can get 100+ messages a day, that would amount to a lot more than 3 messages in 10 months.
Heck, a girl I chat to on KIK created a new account on here at around 11pm, no pics, virtually no profile. And she had around 30 messages by breakfast."
That’s very true, there is the desperation factor too in the equation.
There is no hard and fast rule though, I think the general point is that a lady will message a guy if she has something to say. It’s down to the specific guy to make that himself as interesting as he can.
If anything though, it just goes to show that for those ladies that did drop you a message you really were worth it |
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I'll message women, but not men. I made an exception to that rule and messaged a guy I thought I might have a bit of banter with and he was incredibly rude to me so I've thought fuck it, stick to your rules girl! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find it interesting that several ladies have stated that they sent out the first message once, got knocked back or it ended badly and so never tried again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish more women would message me and less men. "
They should try being a single guy on here.
If the men took that approach there'd be hardly any on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I messaged a chap yesterday. I didn't mention meeting or anything as I thought I'd be punching waaaaaaaay above my weight, but I did thank him for giving my eyeballs a treat.
"
Thanks for that message btw |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Yes I have sent the first message when someone somewhere blows me away
Does it take something special to prompt that from you? "
I have a fab crush this man makes me flutter and has done for a while now but Ive not had the courage or a reason to message him . However on Monday I did due to a thread comment from him directed at me.
Oh my god hes not only hot/sexy athelic I could go on but a lovely guy as well.
Hubba bubba oh la la |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I have sent the first message when someone somewhere blows me away
Does it take something special to prompt that from you?
I have a fab crush this man makes me flutter and has done for a while now but Ive not had the courage or a reason to message him . However on Monday I did due to a thread comment from him directed at me.
Oh my god hes not only hot/sexy athelic I could go on but a lovely guy as well.
Hubba bubba oh la la "
Go on lass go get him |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I have sent the first message when someone somewhere blows me away
Does it take something special to prompt that from you?
I have a fab crush this man makes me flutter and has done for a while now but Ive not had the courage or a reason to message him . However on Monday I did due to a thread comment from him directed at me.
Oh my god hes not only hot/sexy athelic I could go on but a lovely guy as well.
Hubba bubba oh la la "
Ah that’s awesome! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've messaged a few people but never got a reply. Hmmmm I dunno might have to take a trip to townhouse or something or just not people's type in their eyes |
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