FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > This might be deep.
This might be deep.
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " Only you know why you do it. | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " Simple really. You always want what you can't have. When you get it the self destructive streak comes out. Only you can fix it. | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " you like assholes/ bad boys etc | |||
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Only you know why you do it." Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? you like assholes/ bad boys etc " you do nothing & just move on  | |||
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Only you know why you do it. Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. " no one knows why ya do it apart from yourself so pointless asking people on this I would think | |||
"Hhmm...I'd say you maybe want to do it in a "being the best" kinda way. You know he has a gf but he wants more sex, your want to go to him is to satisfy that need he has and to prove yourself as hot to him. On another level I'd suggest it is playing into your insecurities, an act of defiance maybe, like you want to tell your feelings to fuck off cos you can do what you want with who you want. " I’d agree with this, Atropos. You need to get him out of your head now. I’d block him so he’s not sending you anymore messages. | |||
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Simple really. You always want what you can't have. When you get it the self destructive streak comes out. Only you can fix it. " Id have to agree with this | |||
"I think it's because he's rejected you twice. The girlfriend is a red herring. You're not being nasty to yourself, you just simply want something that you can't have. Listen to advice you gave me last year. Give him the gift of missing you. Nothing, no reaction, hopefully that would make him think, hmm she can't be that bothered about me or shit she's gonna fuck me off, best make an effort here. See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. " This is really good advice! | |||
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"What do you think the answer is OP? Do you seriously think anyone on here could give you the answer you are looking for? Maybe a session with a psychiatrist could help you get to the route of your self confessed issues." agree with this | |||
"I think it's because he's rejected you twice. The girlfriend is a red herring. You're not being nasty to yourself, you just simply want something that you can't have. Listen to advice you gave me last year. Give him the gift of missing you. Nothing, no reaction, hopefully that would make him think, hmm she can't be that bothered about me or shit she's gonna fuck me off, best make an effort here. See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! " It's Miss Wilkes' advice.  | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " You are turned on by emotionally unavailable guys. Two reasons for this are usually one you are wanting confirmation that you are a loveable human so do the pick me dance and two you are scared deep down of a real relationship (cos they might discover you really are as unlovable as you wrongly think you are deep down) so unavailable men are the "safe" option . Been there done that x | |||
"Hhmm...I'd say you maybe want to do it in a "being the best" kinda way. You know he has a gf but he wants more sex, your want to go to him is to satisfy that need he has and to prove yourself as hot to him. On another level I'd suggest it is playing into your insecurities, an act of defiance maybe, like you want to tell your feelings to fuck off cos you can do what you want with who you want. I’d agree with this, Atropos. You need to get him out of your head now. I’d block him so he’s not sending you anymore messages. " He's out that's cool it's no big deal on that part, which him all the best with his endeavours and that. It just makes me think back to previous people, like my ex of 9 years, was a fucking wanker like but he always used to make me do tasks like do his dinner box every day and pick up bits of shopping for him, we were young back then and he used to party and if he'd always ring me to pick him up after and "care for him" that's what he used to say, and I would I'd get him and bring him home strip and shower him and look after him but it made me feel needed, that's why I liked it, I know this from looking back. Next guy, met on pof adamant he didn't want a relationship, slept with him a few weekends and then he fell for me and then I didn't want him. Next guy was from Hull 6 hours away, already putting impossible limitations on myself, he was actually a nice guy, dated for 18 months the new when he said he'd move here I called it off. Next guy para reg 2014, dated I'd say not fucked cos I met his family he took me to a works wedding, we used to go out and about places but he was soon to go away and always stated that he couldn't have a girlfriend, that made me want him more. Guy from Xmas time, only met 7 or 8 times, didn't want a bird, made me want him even more. Now this dude already has a bird, even if he didn't have her he would be shagging everything behind my back, not a decent person, yet not saying I want him I've never met him that intent isn't there yet over 100's of guys in my inbox, so 6 or 7 potential guys that I speak to on whatsapp now and again, he propels himself as the most attractive one. I'm always most attracted to the impossible or the bastards or the emotionally unavailable ones. I'm throwing this out there, I don't think there are decent, nice humble one woman men out there that are also obscenely handsome with large dicks, good bodies who are also tall. I'm not saying that to be disrespectful to men, I'm not. But what I mean by nice I mean won't treat women as disposable and are able to possibly see past some bad qualities that would instantly be dismissible by the guys that I'm attracted to. | |||
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"I'm always most attracted to the impossible or the bastards or the emotionally unavailable ones." Well, there we have it. You know what the problem is. "I'm throwing this out there, I don't think there are decent, nice humble one woman men out there that are also obscenely handsome with large dicks, good bodies who are also tall." As I started reading that, I was thinking it was really unfair. Then I got to ‘who are also’.  | |||
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"What do you think the answer is OP? Do you seriously think anyone on here could give you the answer you are looking for? Maybe a session with a psychiatrist could help you get to the route of your self confessed issues. agree with this " | |||
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"I think it's because he's rejected you twice. The girlfriend is a red herring. You're not being nasty to yourself, you just simply want something that you can't have. Listen to advice you gave me last year. Give him the gift of missing you. Nothing, no reaction, hopefully that would make him think, hmm she can't be that bothered about me or shit she's gonna fuck me off, best make an effort here. See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! " Only I don't agree with the fucking his brains out,I personally would feel guilty if I knew he had a girlfriend. You don't need to prove anything to anyone yourself included,would you like someone screwing your man behind your back. I don't know you might not mind doing that,but it all sounds like hard work for a shag. | |||
"Oh bless you... you do go for the bad boys don't you? Do what you think is right for you. If that means blocking him do that and don't look back. If it means banging his brains out and then dumping him do that. Sadly nobody can give you the answers you have to find them for yourself. Just be gentle with yourselfand don't go tormenting yourself for an unavailable man." It's not about this guy, it's about what he represents and brings out of me. I couldn't do that to another woman purely for the sake of having bad karma. I couldn't knowingly fuck someone who has a bird. Been there done that and I killed a pigeon days later and dented my bonnet which I believe was a sign, so nope. Some people have mentioned me wanting to be better or more attractive than his girlfriend, it's not about that, she like all the other partners to guys like this she's probably a well rounded individual that's chilled and never questions anything or acts crazy. It's nothing to do with wanting to be better. | |||
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"From what I’ve seen of your previous posts you come across as having self esteem and security issues. You actually remind me of myself many years ago. I used to act all confident , always pulled all the sexy guys, pursued those who I couldn’t have due to my fear of rejection. I valued sex to make me feel better about myself yet in fact it actually made me feel worse. It was a vicious cycle. The good thing is that you’re noticing these things about who you are... you’ve figured out the triggers. Now you need to avoid them. It might be worth talking with someone who is more qualified than us crazy fab members x Miss " So how did you curb it? I don't actually have sex that often. I've gone periods of over a year without it, o can take it or leave it. I missed a comment about whether I'm on any dating sites, I'm not. I'm just here. | |||
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Yeah. OK. You want what you can't have so you don't have to risk rejection for you. There'll always be another reason for it. | |||
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"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx" Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. | |||
"if you wrote a list of what you’d like from a relationship, what would be on it? And in what order of importance. " Someone that loves me the same as I'd love them Commitment;exclusivity Amazing sex Friendship, to do social things with Someone to have my back " Isn’t it torturing yourself, keeping in contact with this guy now you know the truth. What’s to lose by blocking him? He doesn’t sound like he’s healthy for your mind. So staying in contact is just punishing yourself further. You deserve better, but you need to see that and believe it. " No I won't contact him but blocking him is too extreme, he doesn't warrant that kind of action, he can just fade into the abyss. | |||
"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. " A well meant, supportive response totally twisted. Why? Harm to our emotional wellbeing can be just as destructive as physical self. Surely you can see that? Better to get professional help if you are struggling. | |||
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"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. " "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X | |||
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"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X" No need to apologise. Just maybe explain to your mate above that I didn't twist your response, and it was actually you that misread what I originally said, which is fine and easily done. Just wanted to clarify I'm not considering harming my physical self. | |||
"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X No need to apologise. Just maybe explain to your mate above that I didn't twist your response, and it was actually you that misread what I originally said, which is fine and easily done. Just wanted to clarify I'm not considering harming my physical self. " But can't you see that punishing yourself psychologically can be very damaging too? | |||
"Do you think it’s because he’s a challenge. You want to prove to yourself that if you wanted him, you could have him." I dunno, not this guy but the one I met over Xmas I really wanted him. | |||
"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X No need to apologise. Just maybe explain to your mate above that I didn't twist your response, and it was actually you that misread what I originally said, which is fine and easily done. Just wanted to clarify I'm not considering harming my physical self. But can't you see that punishing yourself psychologically can be very damaging too?" I know it is, that's why I was asking if anyone has personally overcome anything similar and if so how? | |||
"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X No need to apologise. Just maybe explain to your mate above that I didn't twist your response, and it was actually you that misread what I originally said, which is fine and easily done. Just wanted to clarify I'm not considering harming my physical self. " No explanation needed. I can read and stand by my post. I'm out. Hope you get the help and support you need. | |||
"I think that deep down you are looking for something more meaningful, but are also perhaps a little bit insecure about it, ie what if he rejects you etc. I do hope you find what you are looking for, although it's unlikely to happen on here. Having said that that, people have met and married on here. Perhaps you should consider seeking some professional help with your issues, especially if you are thinking of self harming. Sometimes it's better to speak to someone who is qualified and not involved in the situation in any way. Best of luck to you OP, I really mean that xx Where did I say I was thinking of self harming? I said, It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. my inner self means my emotions and my well being, not physical harm to my body. "It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self." My apologies I misread. X No need to apologise. Just maybe explain to your mate above that I didn't twist your response, and it was actually you that misread what I originally said, which is fine and easily done. Just wanted to clarify I'm not considering harming my physical self. No explanation needed. I can read and stand by my post. I'm out. Hope you get the help and support you need." You stand by your post despite the person apologising and saying they misread what I originally posted. Anyway, good, stay out of all my threads, your opinion is not wanted. | |||
"if you wrote a list of what you’d like from a relationship, what would be on it? And in what order of importance. Someone that loves me the same as I'd love them Commitment;exclusivity Amazing sex Friendship, to do social things with Someone to have my back Isn’t it torturing yourself, keeping in contact with this guy now you know the truth. What’s to lose by blocking him? He doesn’t sound like he’s healthy for your mind. So staying in contact is just punishing yourself further. You deserve better, but you need to see that and believe it. No I won't contact him but blocking him is too extreme, he doesn't warrant that kind of action, he can just fade into the abyss. " He lied or at best was economical with the truth about being attached. To me, i don’t understand why he doesn’t warrant being blocked. Is it like testing yourself? I won’t block and prove i’m strong enough not to reply if he messages and I won’t message him in the meantime? Why waste the energy. | |||
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"Get him blocked, get in touch with your inner Queen and get on with it. " | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. " Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here  ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look  | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look "She has her answer. | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look
She has her answer."Oh so I’m not allowed to post other ideas and feedback that might be helpful?  | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look
She has her answer.
Oh so I’m not allowed to post other ideas and feedback that might be helpful? "No you daft devil you have the answer she needs! | |||
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"From what I’ve seen of your previous posts you come across as having self esteem and security issues. You actually remind me of myself many years ago. I used to act all confident , always pulled all the sexy guys, pursued those who I couldn’t have due to my fear of rejection. I valued sex to make me feel better about myself yet in fact it actually made me feel worse. It was a vicious cycle. The good thing is that you’re noticing these things about who you are... you’ve figured out the triggers. Now you need to avoid them. It might be worth talking with someone who is more qualified than us crazy fab members x Miss So how did you curb it? I don't actually have sex that often. I've gone periods of over a year without it, o can take it or leave it. I missed a comment about whether I'm on any dating sites, I'm not. I'm just here. " I actually moved away from my old life. My bad habits were like an addiction but I had to stop. I spent over 12 months on my own finding myself so to speak. It gave me more confidence and courage knowing that I didn’t need a man to make me feel good about myself . It was hard, and times I struggled but it paid off in the end . | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look
She has her answer.
Oh so I’m not allowed to post other ideas and feedback that might be helpful?
No you daft devil you have the answer she needs!"Haha read that totally wrong sorry! | |||
" Umm if I knew I would fix up and look sharp and not bare my troubles to those on this forum that will no doubt use this against me in time. I genuinely want possible reasons, ways not to be like this, if anyone has been like this what they did to overcome it etc. Type into YouTube ‘monkey cucumber grape’ for the explanation. You chat to a guy and he has a nice piece of cucumber you want (insert innuendo here ) but then you find out he has grapes - but he doesn’t give you the grapes, they’re for someone else (the gf, the relationship that is what you really want). You throw a strop and do all you can to get a grape (he is more attractive to you as the grape is more highly valued but scarce).
My advice is decide if you want cucumber or grape and only go for that. If someone offers you a different ‘reward’ that isn’t what you wanted or gives what you want to others, walk away immediately and find your own bunch of grapes. Good look
She has her answer.
Oh so I’m not allowed to post other ideas and feedback that might be helpful?
No you daft devil you have the answer she needs!
Haha read that totally wrong sorry! "Accepted although to be fair my comment reading back could have been taken either way. | |||
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"There are so many reasons why women do this ( men too ) Many of them you will have thought through but can't quite put your finger on. Could it be similar to 'cuckolding' his wife/g.f. ? Could it be just competition for you ? To be able to poach her man just for an hour or so could be a huge boost to your self esteem. Could it be that despite him having a woman - he wants you and that makes you feel like you have all the womanly goods he needs. Maybe it's less to do with you finding him fanciable and more to do with being able to get one over on other women. " Granny-Crumpet “The Sexpert”  | |||
"There are so many reasons why women do this ( men too ) Many of them you will have thought through but can't quite put your finger on. Could it be similar to 'cuckolding' his wife/g.f. ? Could it be just competition for you ? To be able to poach her man just for an hour or so could be a huge boost to your self esteem. Could it be that despite him having a woman - he wants you and that makes you feel like you have all the womanly goods he needs. Maybe it's less to do with you finding him fanciable and more to do with being able to get one over on other women. Granny-Crumpet “The Sexpert” "Psychology really. But i've had tons more sex than you nana face. And still do....... Last week you told me not to mention boobs cos im 63. Is relationships okay ? | |||
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"Just noticed that Rubi and Elpis thought the same but it's said in different words. In that case..... we are right "I always knew I liked you  | |||
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"Just noticed that Rubi and Elpis thought the same but it's said in different words. In that case..... we are right "But that's not right though. It's nothing to do with the girlfriend. I've had these feelings for guys that didn't have girlfriends. It's the bastard aspect or the emotional unavailability of the guy and the impossibleness that makes me want what I can't have. I *could* have this dude for a few hours or a night but what good to me is a guy that she already taken. I take thenoeosi challenge over any bird with my fucking and my skills so it's not that at all. | |||
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"Just noticed that Rubi and Elpis thought the same but it's said in different words. In that case..... we are right
But that's not right though. It's nothing to do with the girlfriend. I've had these feelings for guys that didn't have girlfriends. It's the bastard aspect or the emotional unavailability of the guy and the impossibleness that makes me want what I can't have.
I *could* have this dude for a few hours or a night but what good to me is a guy that she already taken. I take thenoeosi challenge over any bird with my fucking and my skills so it's not that at all. "You're so funny you've just owned yourself | |||
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " Ok! Since I joined fab over 4 years ago I’ve seen you bare your soul /problems on the forums and both winced at your open-ness and admired you for it! You’ve revealed information about yourself, your needs, wants, desires and fantasies that are often amusing, sometimes heartbreaking - and sometimes downright disturbing! On the outside you’re one of the hottest, most popular women on hot photos and the forums - on the inside you’re one of the most messed up women I’ve ever come across - with a seeming need to be ‘better’ (hotter, better in bed etc) than any woman out there! You’re on what is essentially a polygamous site looking for monogamy - which is probably about the hardest thing possible to find - and incredibly likely to cause hurts and pitfalls along the way (we know it has as you’ve told us about many of them!) I’ve no idea why you have this ‘need’ to be the best - or why you set yourself the gargantuan task of finding a guy who’ll be monogamous on what is - for most single guys - an nsa sex site - but you have! You said yourself that your ‘previous’ self would have threatened to kick his teeth in for turning you down - and though you may not be ‘that person ‘ now I think you’re still a very long way from being a happy, self assured (within normal - not narcissistic limits!) woman! We can (as a forum group) - and will - continue to offer endless support and advice on here as many times as you ask for it - but if you’re not already getting psychiatric help, then I think you really do need it! This need to be ‘the best’ , to make your life as hard as possible for yourself (looking for monogamy on a sex site for instance), and to press an emotional, internal self destruct button at regular intervals is never going to result in happiness! From what you’ve said in posts you’re clearly a great, caring Mum. I think you should care about yourself too by getting some professional help! Sending hugs! | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " Like so many women throughout the centuries you are attracted to the bad boys and can't break out of the cycle of self destruction that it brings. My advice is step away from the computer and leave fab, or alternatively block him and try really hard to forget him. Only you can resolve your problem he seems to be a bit of a dickhead but at the same time he has been honest about his situation. | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Ok! Since I joined fab over 4 years ago I’ve seen you bare your soul /problems on the forums and both winced at your open-ness and admired you for it! You’ve revealed information about yourself, your needs, wants, desires and fantasies that are often amusing, sometimes heartbreaking - and sometimes downright disturbing! On the outside you’re one of the hottest, most popular women on hot photos and the forums - on the inside you’re one of the most messed up women I’ve ever come across - with a seeming need to be ‘better’ (hotter, better in bed etc) than any woman out there! You’re on what is essentially a polygamous site looking for monogamy - which is probably about the hardest thing possible to find - and incredibly likely to cause hurts and pitfalls along the way (we know it has as you’ve told us about many of them!) I’ve no idea why you have this ‘need’ to be the best - or why you set yourself the gargantuan task of finding a guy who’ll be monogamous on what is - for most single guys - an nsa sex site - but you have! You said yourself that your ‘previous’ self would have threatened to kick his teeth in for turning you down - and though you may not be ‘that person ‘ now I think you’re still a very long way from being a happy, self assured (within normal - not narcissistic limits!) woman! We can (as a forum group) - and will - continue to offer endless support and advice on here as many times as you ask for it - but if you’re not already getting psychiatric help, then I think you really do need it! This need to be ‘the best’ , to make your life as hard as possible for yourself (looking for monogamy on a sex site for instance), and to press an emotional, internal self destruct button at regular intervals is never going to result in happiness! From what you’ve said in posts you’re clearly a great, caring Mum. I think you should care about yourself too by getting some professional help! Sending hugs! " Shit yes. That's another obvious thing that I didn't realise I was doing nor has anyone else pointed it out. The very fact I'm on what is essentially a fuck site and looking for a monogamous relationship is me throwing obstacles in my way. That's a really good one to point out. I have to steer away from the psychiatric help route as I can't have anything on my medical records like that for employment purposes, I have two cautions for common assault and whilst one is spent it's still on my record, I couldn't have anything in my medical history. I am learning though, like today and even yesterday when it was fresh I didn't give a shit about that guy. I've got a forum user advising me behind the scenes too and when he explains things to me they just click. Like I closed the door politely but firmly on that guy and that's done now. I am worth more than being a side salad, I'm the fucking main and the desert. Any guy that doesn't realise that can just go hungry and wank using his tears for lube. | |||
"I have to steer away from the psychiatric help route as I can't have anything on my medical records like that for employment purposes, I have two cautions for common assault and whilst one is spent it's still on my record, I couldn't have anything in my medical history." This is one of the most common concerns and barriers to people seeking the help they need, and there are very, very few jobs where it’s actually the case. | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Ok! Since I joined fab over 4 years ago I’ve seen you bare your soul /problems on the forums and both winced at your open-ness and admired you for it! You’ve revealed information about yourself, your needs, wants, desires and fantasies that are often amusing, sometimes heartbreaking - and sometimes downright disturbing! On the outside you’re one of the hottest, most popular women on hot photos and the forums - on the inside you’re one of the most messed up women I’ve ever come across - with a seeming need to be ‘better’ (hotter, better in bed etc) than any woman out there! You’re on what is essentially a polygamous site looking for monogamy - which is probably about the hardest thing possible to find - and incredibly likely to cause hurts and pitfalls along the way (we know it has as you’ve told us about many of them!) I’ve no idea why you have this ‘need’ to be the best - or why you set yourself the gargantuan task of finding a guy who’ll be monogamous on what is - for most single guys - an nsa sex site - but you have! You said yourself that your ‘previous’ self would have threatened to kick his teeth in for turning you down - and though you may not be ‘that person ‘ now I think you’re still a very long way from being a happy, self assured (within normal - not narcissistic limits!) woman! We can (as a forum group) - and will - continue to offer endless support and advice on here as many times as you ask for it - but if you’re not already getting psychiatric help, then I think you really do need it! This need to be ‘the best’ , to make your life as hard as possible for yourself (looking for monogamy on a sex site for instance), and to press an emotional, internal self destruct button at regular intervals is never going to result in happiness! From what you’ve said in posts you’re clearly a great, caring Mum. I think you should care about yourself too by getting some professional help! Sending hugs! Shit yes. That's another obvious thing that I didn't realise I was doing nor has anyone else pointed it out. The very fact I'm on what is essentially a fuck site and looking for a monogamous relationship is me throwing obstacles in my way. That's a really good one to point out. I have to steer away from the psychiatric help route as I can't have anything on my medical records like that for employment purposes, I have two cautions for common assault and whilst one is spent it's still on my record, I couldn't have anything in my medical history. I am learning though, like today and even yesterday when it was fresh I didn't give a shit about that guy. I've got a forum user advising me behind the scenes too and when he explains things to me they just click. Like I closed the door politely but firmly on that guy and that's done now. I am worth more than being a side salad, I'm the fucking main and the desert. Any guy that doesn't realise that can just go hungry and wank using his tears for lube. " You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. Try going private with counselling. It wouldn't be on your medical records then. | |||
"I've got a forum user advising me behind the scenes too and when he explains things to me they just click. Like I closed the door politely but firmly on that guy and that's done now. I am worth more than being a side salad, I'm the fucking main and the desert. Any guy that doesn't realise that can just go hungry and wank using his tears for lube. " This is great to hear! I’d maybe go and find someone to talk to. It doesn’t need to be via the NHS, and some won’t put it on any official records! | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. " I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. | |||
"Op reading between the lines so much pain in that post do you think you have issues with self esteem ? Is it that you don’t think you are worth more then that ? Don’t expect you answer here of course just something to think about . Maybe step away from meets for a bit and try the following ; Think about what is affecting your self-esteem. Avoid negative self-talk. Connect with people who love you. Learn to be assertive. Learn to say no that is not good enough I need want deserve more . Set yourself a challenge. Pick something you enjoy climb a mountain do a course in something you’ve always wanted to learn . Focus on your positives. Take care of yourself , date yourself for a bit Sounds like physiology babble but it works . " Was going to post pretty much the same as this. I dont know you other than the odd post Ive seen and this post of course. I'd imagine that whilst getting 100's of messages a day saying how amazing you are just one message of rejection will hit harder ( in general) Is there something in your past that could explain your behaviour? I'd look into some counselling or just meeting a good friend for a face to face chat to try and unravel things. | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. " I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x " How about me? Am I arrogant? | |||
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"How about me? Am I arrogant? "Nobody cares. | |||
"How about me? Am I arrogant?
Nobody cares."You certainly do, hence the comment | |||
"I’ve been like this myself OP. It’s like being the first (outside) slice of a bread loaf... the thing everyone will happily touch but nobody really wants." Sorry, I don’t mean to undermine your perfectly good analogy, but... I love the heel! Especially toasted. Yum. | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant? "No just silly. | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant? "No. You are a naughty little boy who knows he's pretty and wants a cuddle. | |||
"How about me? Am I arrogant?
Nobody cares."I do. I really do. | |||
"You certainly do, hence the comment "The fact that you equate getting attention to people being interested in you goes a long way to explaining your behaviour on here. | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant?
No just silly."What have I done now? | |||
"You certainly do, hence the comment
The fact that you equate getting attention to people being interested in you goes a long way to explaining your behaviour on here."You must be fun at parties | |||
"I’ve been like this myself OP. It’s like being the first (outside) slice of a bread loaf... the thing everyone will happily touch but nobody really wants. Sorry, I don’t mean to undermine your perfectly good analogy, but... I love the heel! Especially toasted. Yum." Exactly. That makes it better. There’s always someone that wants the heel. My daughter is the same. It’s her fav bit | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant?
No. You are a naughty little boy who knows he's pretty and wants a cuddle. "Do you really believe I’m on fab to get cuddles? | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant?
No. You are a naughty little boy who knows he's pretty and wants a cuddle.
Do you really believe I’m on fab to get cuddles? "Now , I didn't say that. You still need cuddles tho. | |||
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"You must be fun at parties "Again, the fact that you think identifying an irritant means that I’m not fun also explains a lot about your behaviour here. Do you behave the same way at parties as you do here? Darting between conversations, harassing people with pointless questions that highlight that you’re not interested in what others are saying, just your own, childish, selfish amusement? If not, what makes you think that your perception of others has anything to do with what they’re like at parties? | |||
. They work well too.
V x
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" See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! It's Miss Wilkes' advice. "The trouble with this is it’s still game playing. You just become consuming with “is he missing me”? The only time you’ll find peace with that approach is when you really truly don’t give a fuck. Better to say. “I’m blocking you. I don’t want to Today because this is all I can think about so I need to take a step back while I really think about this. If you’re not a total cunt you’ll allow me that space. I may be back. I may not but please let me contact you”. That’s emotional maturity. V x | |||
"Hhmm...I'd say you maybe want to do it in a "being the best" kinda way. You know he has a gf but he wants more sex, your want to go to him is to satisfy that need he has and to prove yourself as hot to him. On another level I'd suggest it is playing into your insecurities, an act of defiance maybe, like you want to tell your feelings to fuck off cos you can do what you want with who you want. I’d agree with this, Atropos. You need to get him out of your head now. I’d block him so he’s not sending you anymore messages. He's out that's cool it's no big deal on that part, which him all the best with his endeavours and that. It just makes me think back to previous people, like my ex of 9 years, was a fucking wanker like but he always used to make me do tasks like do his dinner box every day and pick up bits of shopping for him, we were young back then and he used to party and if he'd always ring me to pick him up after and "care for him" that's what he used to say, and I would I'd get him and bring him home strip and shower him and look after him but it made me feel needed, that's why I liked it, I know this from looking back. Next guy, met on pof adamant he didn't want a relationship, slept with him a few weekends and then he fell for me and then I didn't want him. Next guy was from Hull 6 hours away, already putting impossible limitations on myself, he was actually a nice guy, dated for 18 months the new when he said he'd move here I called it off. Next guy para reg 2014, dated I'd say not fucked cos I met his family he took me to a works wedding, we used to go out and about places but he was soon to go away and always stated that he couldn't have a girlfriend, that made me want him more. Guy from Xmas time, only met 7 or 8 times, didn't want a bird, made me want him even more. Now this dude already has a bird, even if he didn't have her he would be shagging everything behind my back, not a decent person, yet not saying I want him I've never met him that intent isn't there yet over 100's of guys in my inbox, so 6 or 7 potential guys that I speak to on whatsapp now and again, he propels himself as the most attractive one. I'm always most attracted to the impossible or the bastards or the emotionally unavailable ones. I'm throwing this out there, I don't think there are decent, nice humble one woman men out there that are also obscenely handsome with large dicks, good bodies who are also tall. I'm not saying that to be disrespectful to men, I'm not. But what I mean by nice I mean won't treat women as disposable and are able to possibly see past some bad qualities that would instantly be dismissible by the guys that I'm attracted to. " This isn't the right place to find "nice men" - this is the place to find sex. | |||
" This isn't the right place to find "nice men" - this is the place to find sex. " That’s not true. This is the place to find all sorts of things. There are wankers of all kinds.... men and women..... here. There are also nice people that want sex. There are wankers who want more than sex. There are nice people who want more than sex. Everyone has a story. V x | |||
"I think it's because he's rejected you twice. The girlfriend is a red herring. You're not being nasty to yourself, you just simply want something that you can't have. Listen to advice you gave me last year. Give him the gift of missing you. Nothing, no reaction, hopefully that would make him think, hmm she can't be that bothered about me or shit she's gonna fuck me off, best make an effort here. See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. " This sounds a logical strategy to me. Be strong and give it a bash. | |||
" See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! It's Miss Wilkes' advice.
The trouble with this is it’s still game playing. You just become consuming with “is he missing me”? The only time you’ll find peace with that approach is when you really truly don’t give a fuck.
Better to say. “I’m blocking you. I don’t want to
Today because this is all I can think about so I need to take a step back while I really think about this. If you’re not a total cunt you’ll allow me that space. I may be back. I may not but please let me contact you”.
That’s emotional maturity.
V x "I think it's human to wonder if someone is missing us. To never ever think of that person ever again I find really odd. I wouldn't block someone because I can't be arsed. I still talk to them in a civil way, even if I've decided not to be friends with them anymore. I'm happy if that's emotionally immature though because it works for me. | |||
" See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! It's Miss Wilkes' advice.
The trouble with this is it’s still game playing. You just become consuming with “is he missing me”? The only time you’ll find peace with that approach is when you really truly don’t give a fuck.
Better to say. “I’m blocking you. I don’t want to
Today because this is all I can think about so I need to take a step back while I really think about this. If you’re not a total cunt you’ll allow me that space. I may be back. I may not but please let me contact you”.
That’s emotional maturity.
V x
I think it's human to wonder if someone is missing us. To never ever think of that person ever again I find really odd.
I wouldn't block someone because I can't be arsed. I still talk to them in a civil way, even if I've decided not to be friends with them anymore. I'm happy if that's emotionally immature though because it works for me. "No but that’s very different if you’re not agonising over it. If it’s just how you do things and its working then that’s the right thing for you. To ignore with the hope of spurring another on to behave differently. That’s not going to help if you’re already in knots over it. V x | |||
" See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! It's Miss Wilkes' advice.
The trouble with this is it’s still game playing. You just become consuming with “is he missing me”? The only time you’ll find peace with that approach is when you really truly don’t give a fuck.
Better to say. “I’m blocking you. I don’t want to
Today because this is all I can think about so I need to take a step back while I really think about this. If you’re not a total cunt you’ll allow me that space. I may be back. I may not but please let me contact you”.
That’s emotional maturity.
V x
I think it's human to wonder if someone is missing us. To never ever think of that person ever again I find really odd.
I wouldn't block someone because I can't be arsed. I still talk to them in a civil way, even if I've decided not to be friends with them anymore. I'm happy if that's emotionally immature though because it works for me.
No but that’s very different if you’re not agonising over it. If it’s just how you do things and its working then that’s the right thing for you.
To ignore with the hope of spurring another on to behave differently. That’s not going to help if you’re already in knots over it.
V x"Good point. Sorry if it sounded like I was arguing, I wasn't. x | |||
" See what happens when you don't contact him. If he says he wants to meet then fuck his brains out. He's fucking around anyway, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Be the new you. This is really good advice! It's Miss Wilkes' advice.
The trouble with this is it’s still game playing. You just become consuming with “is he missing me”? The only time you’ll find peace with that approach is when you really truly don’t give a fuck.
Better to say. “I’m blocking you. I don’t want to
Today because this is all I can think about so I need to take a step back while I really think about this. If you’re not a total cunt you’ll allow me that space. I may be back. I may not but please let me contact you”.
That’s emotional maturity.
V x
I think it's human to wonder if someone is missing us. To never ever think of that person ever again I find really odd.
I wouldn't block someone because I can't be arsed. I still talk to them in a civil way, even if I've decided not to be friends with them anymore. I'm happy if that's emotionally immature though because it works for me.
No but that’s very different if you’re not agonising over it. If it’s just how you do things and its working then that’s the right thing for you.
To ignore with the hope of spurring another on to behave differently. That’s not going to help if you’re already in knots over it.
V x
Good point. Sorry if it sounded like I was arguing, I wasn't. x"You didn’t at all
V x | |||
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"Popped back into have a read , OP step away from the crazy , don’t try to play games with this guy trying to make him miss you is terrblie advice , dump him block him and look after yourself first and fore most " I agree. I thought giving him the cold shoulder in the hope of stirring his interest was bad advice too. If he was single and she was interested that might not be a bad idea but he's married and neither are really bothered about the other. The fact that he didn't show is a bonus.... | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. I think my star sign traits are quite accurate. Gemini so I have a few personalities that I flit between. I don't find you arrogant. Open , honest and downright fucking mad but arrogant ....... nah x How about me? Am I arrogant?
No. You are a naughty little boy who knows he's pretty and wants a cuddle.
Do you really believe I’m on fab to get cuddles?
Now , I didn't say that.
You still need cuddles tho."Cuddles are essential | |||
"Mind you........... if 'Cuddles' is the name of a readily available, no holes barred nymphomaniac with the body of a porn star and the intellect of a goldfish....... yes you are looking for Cuddles" Haha | |||
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" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. " That's because narcissism is based in self-loathing. I agree with the suggestion to find some private talk therapy - I think what you are seeing here is the unholy trinity that is rejection. You already know the rejection is there, deep in your childhood you told us (which is where all these patterns come from) and apparently that kind of profound rejection always comes with fear of rejection and self-rejection. Fear of rejection may not be the kind of fear that stops you doing something, but the kind of fear that brings up such powerful primal 'screams' that you will do almost anything to make it stop, it feels like a life and death imperative to some people. I believe that's where your 'crazies' come from when someone rejects you or tries to reject you. You cannot accept it - to accept it would trigger ALL of that old childhood rejection pain again, it screams that you are rejectable, and that all feels like the edge of the abyss, the threat of annihilation. You don't want the man, you're just trying to avoid the pain. I can remember reading about why a full-on NPD narcissist cannot admit to the truth - he HAS to perpetuate his own self-created myth because to admit to being the loathesome creature he finds himself is equivalent to death, the abyss, ultimate torture. He will do ANYTHING to avoid that feeling, his delusion has to become his reality. The third part of the rejection trilogy is self-rejection, which you can imagine can manifest in any kind of 'self-sabotage' like making things difficult for yourself all the time, pursuing that which harms you, rejecting that which would nurture you, looking for monogamy on a swingers site, etc, etc. You can begin to see how these three facets interact and endlessly perpetuate the torment. Talking through your reactions with a trained psychologist or counsellor would be your best chance of unravelling it all I think, but I am sure nowadays there will be a mountain of stuff on google and youtube on the subject. HTH | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " Other people's toys are much more fun  | |||
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"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? Ok! Since I joined fab over 4 years ago I’ve seen you bare your soul /problems on the forums and both winced at your open-ness and admired you for it! You’ve revealed information about yourself, your needs, wants, desires and fantasies that are often amusing, sometimes heartbreaking - and sometimes downright disturbing! On the outside you’re one of the hottest, most popular women on hot photos and the forums - on the inside you’re one of the most messed up women I’ve ever come across - with a seeming need to be ‘better’ (hotter, better in bed etc) than any woman out there! You’re on what is essentially a polygamous site looking for monogamy - which is probably about the hardest thing possible to find - and incredibly likely to cause hurts and pitfalls along the way (we know it has as you’ve told us about many of them!) I’ve no idea why you have this ‘need’ to be the best - or why you set yourself the gargantuan task of finding a guy who’ll be monogamous on what is - for most single guys - an nsa sex site - but you have! You said yourself that your ‘previous’ self would have threatened to kick his teeth in for turning you down - and though you may not be ‘that person ‘ now I think you’re still a very long way from being a happy, self assured (within normal - not narcissistic limits!) woman! We can (as a forum group) - and will - continue to offer endless support and advice on here as many times as you ask for it - but if you’re not already getting psychiatric help, then I think you really do need it! This need to be ‘the best’ , to make your life as hard as possible for yourself (looking for monogamy on a sex site for instance), and to press an emotional, internal self destruct button at regular intervals is never going to result in happiness! From what you’ve said in posts you’re clearly a great, caring Mum. I think you should care about yourself too by getting some professional help! Sending hugs! " Excellent advice x | |||
"Right I haven't done anything or hurt anyone or hounded anyone. Minding my own business a few days agony and message comes in off a guy. Didn't instantly recognise the pictures but on speaking on the phone for almost 3 hours we both made the connection that we actually used to speak 7 years ago (nothing came of it he went on tour and I started dating that guy from up north in 2012) Anyway profile looks on the surface like a single guy, can accom, has public face pic and states looking for regular fun with one woman- looks like single guy signs does it not? Friday was when we were supposed to meet, could tell the enthusiasm wasn't there on his part although I did shave my pubes off so I did believe he would come to me. He didn't, said would have to be tomorrow instead (today) I kept my cool like the new me that I am instead of saying something stupid like I'd drive to him and kick his teeth down his throat, that's old me, that's gone. I just said yeah no worries I'm just over my friends anyway. Tidy pleasantries exchanged afterwards and messages the next morning. Still on for meeting then drops the bollock asking what I'd do if he had a gf. Great, ask some questions, length of time they're together, told he's on here as they don't have sex, that old chestnut like, I said if she gave you all the sex you needed would you still go elsewhere, he said yeah probably, I don't struggle with women so can fuck a lot blah blah blah. Right now this is where it gets deep, fuck him he's not the problem, the problem is with me. I KNOW that this guy would not be suitable for me on any level, even if he didn't have a bird, the revelation of still wanting to seek extra sex would drive me insane (I'm not far from it, don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, know what I'm saying) So why has this person now rocketed themself to obscene levels of attractiveness on my part, all I wanna do is fuck him, would've even driven 2 hours to him today but he's blown me out again anyway, and not to fuck him cos he's got a bird and tonne nasty to the girlfriend it's nothing even to do with that. It's like I have a self harm button and instead of slashing myself, I seek out ways to hurt my inner self. Why do I do it? " After careful consideration of your dilema id have to say that I agree with the others that you are in need of some mental health checks. Outwardly some people may find you attractive in a perverse kind of way...however inside id where you are harming yourself. It's one of those posts that seems to be a cry for help and having read it I did initially think to myself...who gives a shit! Take the advice and get help. Please. | |||
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" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. That's because narcissism is based in self-loathing. I agree with the suggestion to find some private talk therapy - I think what you are seeing here is the unholy trinity that is rejection. You already know the rejection is there, deep in your childhood you told us (which is where all these patterns come from) and apparently that kind of profound rejection always comes with fear of rejection and self-rejection. Fear of rejection may not be the kind of fear that stops you doing something, but the kind of fear that brings up such powerful primal 'screams' that you will do almost anything to make it stop, it feels like a life and death imperative to some people. I believe that's where your 'crazies' come from when someone rejects you or tries to reject you. You cannot accept it - to accept it would trigger ALL of that old childhood rejection pain again, it screams that you are rejectable, and that all feels like the edge of the abyss, the threat of annihilation. You don't want the man, you're just trying to avoid the pain. I can remember reading about why a full-on NPD narcissist cannot admit to the truth - he HAS to perpetuate his own self-created myth because to admit to being the loathesome creature he finds himself is equivalent to death, the abyss, ultimate torture. He will do ANYTHING to avoid that feeling, his delusion has to become his reality. The third part of the rejection trilogy is self-rejection, which you can imagine can manifest in any kind of 'self-sabotage' like making things difficult for yourself all the time, pursuing that which harms you, rejecting that which would nurture you, looking for monogamy on a swingers site, etc, etc. You can begin to see how these three facets interact and endlessly perpetuate the torment. Talking through your reactions with a trained psychologist or counsellor would be your best chance of unravelling it all I think, but I am sure nowadays there will be a mountain of stuff on google and youtube on the subject. HTH "That's really helpful, your comments are always appreciated. | |||
" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. That's because narcissism is based in self-loathing. I agree with the suggestion to find some private talk therapy - I think what you are seeing here is the unholy trinity that is rejection. You already know the rejection is there, deep in your childhood you told us (which is where all these patterns come from) and apparently that kind of profound rejection always comes with fear of rejection and self-rejection. Fear of rejection may not be the kind of fear that stops you doing something, but the kind of fear that brings up such powerful primal 'screams' that you will do almost anything to make it stop, it feels like a life and death imperative to some people. I believe that's where your 'crazies' come from when someone rejects you or tries to reject you. You cannot accept it - to accept it would trigger ALL of that old childhood rejection pain again, it screams that you are rejectable, and that all feels like the edge of the abyss, the threat of annihilation. You don't want the man, you're just trying to avoid the pain. I can remember reading about why a full-on NPD narcissist cannot admit to the truth - he HAS to perpetuate his own self-created myth because to admit to being the loathesome creature he finds himself is equivalent to death, the abyss, ultimate torture. He will do ANYTHING to avoid that feeling, his delusion has to become his reality. The third part of the rejection trilogy is self-rejection, which you can imagine can manifest in any kind of 'self-sabotage' like making things difficult for yourself all the time, pursuing that which harms you, rejecting that which would nurture you, looking for monogamy on a swingers site, etc, etc. You can begin to see how these three facets interact and endlessly perpetuate the torment. Talking through your reactions with a trained psychologist or counsellor would be your best chance of unravelling it all I think, but I am sure nowadays there will be a mountain of stuff on google and youtube on the subject. HTH
That's really helpful, your comments are always appreciated. " | |||
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"I think there’s an element of anxious attachment type (you) attracting avoidant attachment types. I’d also support the private therapist route, this is not the same as psychiatrist involvement, and a chance to work with someone over time to help you identify your patterns and why. X" Welcome back. I’d say hello privately but I’m outside your age range | |||
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" You do have a strange combination of arrogance and self loathing. That's because narcissism is based in self-loathing. I agree with the suggestion to find some private talk therapy - I think what you are seeing here is the unholy trinity that is rejection. You already know the rejection is there, deep in your childhood you told us (which is where all these patterns come from) and apparently that kind of profound rejection always comes with fear of rejection and self-rejection. Fear of rejection may not be the kind of fear that stops you doing something, but the kind of fear that brings up such powerful primal 'screams' that you will do almost anything to make it stop, it feels like a life and death imperative to some people. I believe that's where your 'crazies' come from when someone rejects you or tries to reject you. You cannot accept it - to accept it would trigger ALL of that old childhood rejection pain again, it screams that you are rejectable, and that all feels like the edge of the abyss, the threat of annihilation. You don't want the man, you're just trying to avoid the pain. I can remember reading about why a full-on NPD narcissist cannot admit to the truth - he HAS to perpetuate his own self-created myth because to admit to being the loathesome creature he finds himself is equivalent to death, the abyss, ultimate torture. He will do ANYTHING to avoid that feeling, his delusion has to become his reality. The third part of the rejection trilogy is self-rejection, which you can imagine can manifest in any kind of 'self-sabotage' like making things difficult for yourself all the time, pursuing that which harms you, rejecting that which would nurture you, looking for monogamy on a swingers site, etc, etc. You can begin to see how these three facets interact and endlessly perpetuate the torment. Talking through your reactions with a trained psychologist or counsellor would be your best chance of unravelling it all I think, but I am sure nowadays there will be a mountain of stuff on google and youtube on the subject. HTH
That's really helpful, your comments are always appreciated. "I agree I think Frisky has hit the proverbial nail on the head- getting some appropriate personal support through a good counsellor/therapist would definitely be a wise course of action | |||
"Please seek help. "It was Atropos who chose the mechanism of death and ended the life of mortals by cutting their thread with her abhorred shears". Your username means something to you. Fab is probably not the best place to be..." Yeah means I'm into Greek mythology and vastly running out of goddess names so moved over to the fates. | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. " It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely "Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents. | |||
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"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents. "It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it "I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered. | |||
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"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
"You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic. The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals. All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies. Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc. You will not resolve your issues by putting them here. get help. There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution. Alternatively, you love the attention. Your call. | |||
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"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic.
The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals.
All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies.
Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc.
You will not resolve your issues by putting them here.
get help.
There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution.
Alternatively, you love the attention.
Your call."Are you a returning member or have you actually only been here 5 weeks to my 8 years? I can't go down the route of counselling because I can't have anything like that on my medical records. Private route isn't an option as I don't have the funds for it. With any counselling or psychotherapy the first step is admitting there's a problem, I already know there is. Counsellors wont ask you questions they listen, they can't advise, they can only listen. I don't want to talk to someone that will just listen. I'm aware of where some of my issues come from. I already feel 100 times better than when I posted this. I have a male source that is advising me behind the scenes and it's already helped me as something like what I posted I normally would have dwelled on it for ages but it was dealt with that day. Any counselling or courses or therapy can only help you recognise your behaviour and give you the tools to help control it. The things thats knocking me back down again is all the people saying you're fucking mental blah blah blah. It's rude. I feel good about myself now. I like information, I like opinions, I like having an insight to men's thoughts from a man who doesn't want to fuck me or doesn't have an agenda. | |||
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"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic.
The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals.
All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies.
Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc.
You will not resolve your issues by putting them here.
get help.
There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution.
Alternatively, you love the attention.
Your call.
Are you a returning member or have you actually only been here 5 weeks to my 8 years?
I can't go down the route of counselling because I can't have anything like that on my medical records. Private route isn't an option as I don't have the funds for it.
With any counselling or psychotherapy the first step is admitting there's a problem, I already know there is. Counsellors wont ask you questions they listen, they can't advise, they can only listen. I don't want to talk to someone that will just listen. I'm aware of where some of my issues come from. I already feel 100 times better than when I posted this. I have a male source that is advising me behind the scenes and it's already helped me as something like what I posted I normally would have dwelled on it for ages but it was dealt with that day.
Any counselling or courses or therapy can only help you recognise your behaviour and give you the tools to help control it. The things thats knocking me back down again is all the people saying you're fucking mental blah blah blah. It's rude. I feel good about myself now. I like information, I like opinions, I like having an insight to men's thoughts from a man who doesn't want to fuck me or doesn't have an agenda. "It sounds like you feel the thread served it’s purpose a while ago and is now being counterproductive op? If this is the case - not sure if they will or not - but why not send a request in to admin to remove or close the thread? Xx | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
"Sorry I was only trying to be helpful  | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic.
The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals.
All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies.
Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc.
You will not resolve your issues by putting them here.
get help.
There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution.
Alternatively, you love the attention.
Your call.
Are you a returning member or have you actually only been here 5 weeks to my 8 years?
I can't go down the route of counselling because I can't have anything like that on my medical records. Private route isn't an option as I don't have the funds for it.
With any counselling or psychotherapy the first step is admitting there's a problem, I already know there is. Counsellors wont ask you questions they listen, they can't advise, they can only listen. I don't want to talk to someone that will just listen. I'm aware of where some of my issues come from. I already feel 100 times better than when I posted this. I have a male source that is advising me behind the scenes and it's already helped me as something like what I posted I normally would have dwelled on it for ages but it was dealt with that day.
Any counselling or courses or therapy can only help you recognise your behaviour and give you the tools to help control it. The things thats knocking me back down again is all the people saying you're fucking mental blah blah blah. It's rude. I feel good about myself now. I like information, I like opinions, I like having an insight to men's thoughts from a man who doesn't want to fuck me or doesn't have an agenda. "Many offer reduced rates according to income or Pro bono. There are many who believe that lack of finances should not be a barrier to mental health. | |||
"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic.
The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals.
All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies.
Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc.
You will not resolve your issues by putting them here.
get help.
There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution.
Alternatively, you love the attention.
Your call.
Are you a returning member or have you actually only been here 5 weeks to my 8 years?
I can't go down the route of counselling because I can't have anything like that on my medical records. Private route isn't an option as I don't have the funds for it.
With any counselling or psychotherapy the first step is admitting there's a problem, I already know there is. Counsellors wont ask you questions they listen, they can't advise, they can only listen. I don't want to talk to someone that will just listen. I'm aware of where some of my issues come from. I already feel 100 times better than when I posted this. I have a male source that is advising me behind the scenes and it's already helped me as something like what I posted I normally would have dwelled on it for ages but it was dealt with that day.
Any counselling or courses or therapy can only help you recognise your behaviour and give you the tools to help control it. The things thats knocking me back down again is all the people saying you're fucking mental blah blah blah. It's rude. I feel good about myself now. I like information, I like opinions, I like having an insight to men's thoughts from a man who doesn't want to fuck me or doesn't have an agenda. "How long I have been on and off fab is of no relevance. My qualifications in the field are more relevant, but I'm here to escape from work. Unless you work for MI6, I'm not sure how having councelling on your medical records will be more detrimental to your life than actually having the treatment you are screaming out for. Self medicating in an unsupervised manner is exactly what you are doing. And that is the opinion of a man who has no interest in fucking you. | |||
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"I wouldn't say I have dummy out the pram mentality as that implies I just have a little temper tantrum now and again. When things happen and I feel rejection it genuinely hurts and it's a real sadness that I feel. It's not like a hissy fit it's proper hurts your soul kind of feelings. But the last few days I've been speaking to someone who I wish I'd spoken to months sooner. It wasn't just hissy fits with her either. It affected her whole life. I always said when a guy couldn't handle her obsessiveness and they left her response was like she had daddy issues (her dad left her) she took it so personal as if it hurt her to the core but we were all Jesus Christ it's only a guy. It will only do you good talking to someone. It might bring a lot of stuff out but it's better that than keeping it built up surely
Yeah and that's when people fall down cos they don't understand it. It's nothing to do with the guy at all it's what the guy represents.
It's even harder when they don't understand it themselves or can't see it. It's honestly torture having someone like that as a friend. You just want to knock some sense into them. It ends up people get pissed off and don't want to know anymore as they can't be arsed with the drama. I seriously hope you sort out your problems and haven't lost too many friends over it
I understand it. I meant when you as friends don't understand how it feels. I can't comment for your from as I don't know her situation but I'm completely aware of where my issues with rejection come from. I know it's down to childhood. It's all the other things that come with it, the guys becoming more desirable when they seem to be be impossible to get. It's a load of other things. I'm lucky in the sense that I have an excellent best friend who doesn't see me as 'drama' or doesn't get pissed off with me. I also spill a lot of stuff on here, I like knowledge and solutions and I like to work on things out myself. Justbtelling someone oh get help, that's fuck all use to me. I think on here there's a good mix of people that has every angle covered.
You select the bits of advice you want to hear and dismiss what you percieve as antagonistic.
The plainest and simplest advice has been stated many times, get the help and supoort you need from trained professionals.
All you will get here are comments you believe to be antagonistic when in fact they are well meaning. The other comments amount to "self fulfilling" prophesies.
Facebook is full of "meh" "U ok hun" etc.
You will not resolve your issues by putting them here.
get help.
There will be a handful of qualified mental health practitioners who may have already have commented on your various posts, but know that until you can admit to yourself that Fab is the wrong place to be, you will never find a resolution.
Alternatively, you love the attention.
Your call.
Are you a returning member or have you actually only been here 5 weeks to my 8 years?
I can't go down the route of counselling because I can't have anything like that on my medical records. Private route isn't an option as I don't have the funds for it.
With any counselling or psychotherapy the first step is admitting there's a problem, I already know there is. Counsellors wont ask you questions they listen, they can't advise, they can only listen. I don't want to talk to someone that will just listen. I'm aware of where some of my issues come from. I already feel 100 times better than when I posted this. I have a male source that is advising me behind the scenes and it's already helped me as something like what I posted I normally would have dwelled on it for ages but it was dealt with that day.
Any counselling or courses or therapy can only help you recognise your behaviour and give you the tools to help control it. The things thats knocking me back down again is all the people saying you're fucking mental blah blah blah. It's rude. I feel good about myself now. I like information, I like opinions, I like having an insight to men's thoughts from a man who doesn't want to fuck me or doesn't have an agenda. "The counsellor I saw didn’t just ask questions, she helped me find resolution on a whole series of deep seated issues. It was transformative rather than simply helping me control my behaviour. She asked me bloody great questions and had a plethora of experiential techniques that enabled me to work through my shit really creatively. It was a bloody brilliant experience. | |||
