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Alcohol
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"She's obviously drinking for a reason. She needs to get rid of that reason out of her life." She was in a bad marriage. But that was done and dusted years ago. She was a drinker before him though. | |||
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"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? " Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her. | |||
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"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her. " A lot depends on how much insight she has. If she knows she has a problem going to see a therapist who deals with addiction issues and can discuss the roots of it all would probably help. | |||
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"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? " That's not always the case. Sometimes habits form and become an issue without even thinking about it. I've seen myself go from a glass or two of wine a night to 2/3 bottles a night over the space of a few weeks. Breaking that cycle and routine can be tricky but is doable. | |||
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"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive. Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol." It depends is the short answer. People can and do process alcohol at varying rates although this can depend on the amount d*unk also, I think the "rule of thumb" is around 8 hours after the last drink before the body has excreted the vast majority of alcohol from the blood. | |||
"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her. " Often the people who seen the most fine & together are falling apart under the surface. It’s like a veneer, to avoid those conversations. I would say she needs some support, even if she can’t see it herself yet. It’s a tough place to be & as a friend, you may need a thick skin. I am rotten to my best friend when I’m really low, because I know she doesn’t fall for my bullshit ‘I’m fine’ routine & because she challenges me. So I’m really snappy & abrupt with her & get really defensive. But thankfully she’s amazing & I’d be lost without her. Good luck OP  xx | |||
"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive. Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol." Not on a regular basis & not driving the next day if she didn’t need to. I can drink 3 bottles of wine, or half a bottle of gin if I’m out on a sesh with my mates, but I’ll feel like crap the next day & wont be in any fit state to drive!! I also couldn’t drink for a good few days after it either!! (And I can hold my drink!) That added to the other recreational habit she’s got & there’s definite an issue xx | |||
"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive. Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol." I think your supposed to give at least 24 hrs to believe it’s completely out of your system. That’s assuming the levels of alcohol you’ve suggested. I know if I’m on the piss, the morning after, I would be way over the limit still. It’s wrong, and irresponsible. | |||
"Im Chris I'm 30 and a recovering addict . I havnt drank or taken any drugs since 24 Aug 2016... you can give somone all the help and support in the world but if they don't want 2 give up than they won't. " Well done you and I agree with you. I lost my brother to drugs 8 years ago. They have to want to help themselves or hit rock bottom in order to change. x | |||
"Im Chris I'm 30 and a recovering addict . I havnt drank or taken any drugs since 24 Aug 2016... you can give somone all the help and support in the world but if they don't want 2 give up than they won't. Well done you and I agree with you. I lost my brother to drugs 8 years ago. They have to want to help themselves or hit rock bottom in order to change. x" I'm sorry 2 hear about ya brother is horrible watching someone you love and care about go through it | |||
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"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do?" You can buy an alcohol tester for under £10. Maybe it would change her mind about driving if you bought her one, and she can see how much over the limit she is when she gets in her car? She might just be in denial over how d*unk she is the morning after. | |||
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"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do?" Talk but don't patronise. Talking is awesome | |||
"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do?" Would your friend still come round to yours if there was no booze? By letting her get leathered in yours you are kind of condoning it. I've been in a similar situation with a heavy drinking friend of mine. Until someone pointed out that it wasn't helpful to go drinking with an alcoholic. I'm not saying cut ties with your friend. But maybe suggest doing things that aren't drink related. You sound like a good friend and you are trying to help her. I know how hard it is to watch someone self destruct. As everyone else has said she won't change until she wants to. But in the meantime try not to enable her drinking. Let her know your always there for her but not there to prop up her drinking. | |||
"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do? Would your friend still come round to yours if there was no booze? By letting her get leathered in yours you are kind of condoning it. I've been in a similar situation with a heavy drinking friend of mine. Until someone pointed out that it wasn't helpful to go drinking with an alcoholic. I'm not saying cut ties with your friend. But maybe suggest doing things that aren't drink related. You sound like a good friend and you are trying to help her. I know how hard it is to watch someone self destruct. As everyone else has said she won't change until she wants to. But in the meantime try not to enable her drinking. Let her know your always there for her but not there to prop up her drinking. " Yes I agree with what you’re saying. It does seem that I can’t actually have her company at home without being complicit. And if she ever left ours and had an accident, I’d never forgive myself, knowing what I do. I will try and change the way we see each other, though I’m doubtful that would be alcohol free, even if I / we didn’t drink. But yes it might be worth a try to break the cycle of how she spends time with friends. I’m actually a bit afraid of broaching this with her. As in, I think she’s in denial about the problem. As I said, she is surrounded by people both in and out of work that heavy drink from what I can tell. She is in a sales role where she entertains people, men mostly if not exclusively. Her company will pay for her to take customers out on the lash. It also sounds like her colleagues are also all drinkers. They attend sales meetings with hangovers from staying over the night before. The local pub it seems has been losing customers, because of a drugs problem. She told me at the weekend that the regulars no longer go there because they are worried after sinking 3/4 pints the police will catch them. On top of that, she’s made a new friend with another local lady. Apparently this lady works in the City (London) and also likes a drink. To the point my friend has had to help her home and help her in her own house, because this lady couldn’t find put the key in the lock. My friend laughed that this lady had spent a few nights on a bench outside because of this. Bloody worrying isn’t it. I don’t want her to hurt herself or anyone else. To complete a bit more of the background, my friends father was an alcoholic many years ago. I believe he’s been dry a long time now. And she had a terrible decision to make in the last throes of her marriage to abort a baby; her partner was a violent man. She is my friend so I need to have a long hard think what to say. I like the breath test suggestion thank you. Not sure how accurate they are though. | |||
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"It's very hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately. Has to come from inside before any external help can be properly accepted. " Yes this. X x I am very sorry but there is nothing whatsoever you can do to help her. If she wanted to give up alcohol and white stuff then she would have a try. I appreciate very well that it's extremely difficult for people to give these things up but it has to come from her. Don't invite her again, she was clearly not fit to drive when she left your house, if she killed someone on the way home how would you feel. Tell her so. Put yourself first, you can't help her | |||
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"Maybe if she tried a non vanilla lifestyle she might shift focus? Sometimes you just have to move stuff around ..." Exchanging one addiction for another hey. Far more sex addicts here than we like to admit, same as a lot of alcoholics prefer not to admit they have an addiction. | |||
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"Maybe if she tried a non vanilla lifestyle she might shift focus? Sometimes you just have to move stuff around ... Exchanging one addiction for another hey. Far more sex addicts here than we like to admit, same as a lot of alcoholics prefer not to admit they have an addiction." I agree that could happen, but not necessarily. It might be a replacement by something more manageable. | |||
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"Nothing you say will change your friend or anyone. They need to want to change first." I agree with this. My mum was am alcaholic. All i remember from.my.teemage uears from 12 onwards was putting her to bed cleaning up after her, oit.lookong for her in the middle of the night. She was in and out of a phsyciatric hospital. She wdnt stop for me or my siblings, got caught d*unken driving, nearly caused me.to jabe a misscarraige and didn't change for her grandkids. A colleague jist told.me.the other day that working with her for 25 years he never knew cos at work she was immaculate. She ruined every family party/wedding/ holiday and was a horrible nasty d*unk. She was my mum and i loved her and she would have given me her last penny. She finally died 9 years ago when ironically she stopped. I cant believe the length we went to but as u say she didn't want the help. I feel for u OP cos all u can do is watch from the sidelines and be there for her if she decides she needs help x | |||
"If it were my friend, I’d be talking to her quickly to find out what’s happening. I work with alcoholics and it’s not a good life to lead. " I'm a recoving addict who is over months clean but going through he'll atm .. have u been doing it long . I want 2 say thanks you from the bottom of my heart cos if it wasn't for people like u I wouldn't be clean x | |||
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"The thing I forgot to mention in my post above - if she's drinking heavily every day (you say three bottles of wine - if that's what she's told you, there's a very strong chance her actual intake is a lot higher, because chances are she's lying to you and herself about how much she actually drinks...) It can be very dangerous to just suddenly stop, can cause severe withdrawl symptoms which can even be life-threatening. If she's going to dry out she needs to do it under medical supervision - her GP will sort it. Again, of course, it needs to be something she decideds she wants/needs to do... x" Its not easy to get a detox thru a gp, drugs and alcohol services I went to were a waste of time, drinks diary's,try to cut down on units. I drank to the point of black out , unconsciousness every day. Remembering where I'd been was a haze , let alone writing down what I'd drank? One drink was too many, a litre of vodka , probably not enough. Rehab cost me 6 grand for 28 days,first week spent knocked out on diazis to safely withdraw, alcohol can and does kill people thru withdrawal just going cold Turkey, haven't touched a drink since . Today I'm a greatful alcoholic , life's shit at times but I know a drink won't make anything better | |||
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"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do?" I think women are becoming the silent alcoholics, we come from a country with a huge drink culture (Ireland) however in the past and growing up people drank in the pub and went home when the had enough, it closed or they ran out of money lol but now people can buy crates of beer or bottles of wine in the supermarket and its lying about the kitchen so drinking it becomes as normal as drinking tap water almost. People are forgetting that drinking was/is a social activity not something to do at home alone until you pass out | |||
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"Running a pub, I get this all the time, I have before now, taken someone's car keys off them. I get told all their woes as they cry into their pints or glass of wine. I often suggest that getting d*unk is not an answer ( I have been there previously) and that what ever the issue is, will only be masked , it will still be there when they sober up. Though I hated to do it, I have for someone's own good reported them for drink driving, sometimes it is that wake up call that they actually need" Totally agree | |||
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"Pass my number on, she sounds right up my street "What a shitty thing to say.  | |||
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"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself. Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar. The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens. She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes. At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home. She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally. If she was your friend what would you do?" I wanted to reply privately to state where my evidence is from, nevertheless I will simply state, she may fall, bang her head and hemorrhage. | |||
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