FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Looking for: Men. But "not meeting"
Looking for: Men. But "not meeting"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
"
How do you expect them to achieve the ego boost?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message."
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind |
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I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good idea. When I'm not meeting I just hide my profile so I don't show up. "
If you have pics I think hiding your profile definitely works better.
They can still find you from forum posts or 'women online' searches. |
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We have a hotlist and friends list full of potential guys and couples and fems. But when we place an Ad to meet - because that’s clearly written on third sentence of our profile - we rarely get any of them reply or want to meet. They’re always too busy or can’t meet. Should they hide their profiles too ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go.."
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go.."
I’d look at a profile before messaging. If they say they’re not meeting on it, I wouldn’t message them. I see the ‘Looking For’ option as insignificant. |
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go.."
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?"
Look at the post above mine. |
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?"
An earlier (female) poster said she might be swayed by someone messaging her even if she stated she wasn't looking-which perhaps inadvertently gives men the impression that chancing their arm might work. I think this was one of the contributions the poster was responding to. |
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?"
And, quite honestly I think the comparison between sending a polite introductory message and a sexual assault is frankly ridiculous. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?
And, quite honestly I think the comparison between sending a polite introductory message and a sexual assault is frankly ridiculous. "
You think totally ignoring people's wishes is ridiculous. Ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind" oh how I would love to pop into your inbox |
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"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?
And, quite honestly I think the comparison between sending a polite introductory message and a sexual assault is frankly ridiculous.
You think totally ignoring people's wishes is ridiculous. Ok. "
I’m not doing it. But they evidence from this thread is that plenty of people say no but could be persuaded.
Are you saying that the poster above me, by saying no, but then potentially agreeing to go through with something she says she doesn’t want to do is inviting something bad to happen? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
"
You can't uncheck all boxes, you have to tick one
Looking for:
a man
a woman
a couple (male/female)
a male couple (2 men)
a female couple (2 women)
TV/TS
The only way to have "not looking for single men" on your profile is to block single men from messaging you and therefore you've solved the problem of receiving messages anyway.
If you write in your profile text that you aren't meeting but don't block single male from messaging then expect to get messages as people generally don't read the profile text, if they did all my messages would be from single handsome dark haired men from South Wales. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think some of these answers are basically paraphrasing ‘because I can’.
Saying that you’re open to the possibility here but not on your profile is the sort of inconsistency that leads people to continue to message and ask.
In the same way that you may actually be tempted by someone who hasn’t read your profile, is slightly out of your age range, miles away, got a beard, is just in your area or any of the other complaints that these forums are usually filled with.
I understand why some people say there aren’t meeting (but then meet), clearly they hope that it’ll cut down the number of messages from unsuitable chancers. Regretably, I’m sure it only increases the proportion of messages from people that haven’t paid attention to the fact that you’ve said you’re not meeting.
Plenty of complaints, as ever, about men I’m sure, but without consistency and honesty about what you actually want it makes it difficult to criticise them for a least having a go..
I disagree. If men 'have a go' when someone says they aren't meeting, they are disrespectful and rude.
"Oh she said she didn't want to fuck me but I knew she didn't mean 'no' so I did anyway."
Do you think that's acceptable behaviour?
And, quite honestly I think the comparison between sending a polite introductory message and a sexual assault is frankly ridiculous.
You think totally ignoring people's wishes is ridiculous. Ok.
I’m not doing it. But they evidence from this thread is that plenty of people say no but could be persuaded.
Are you saying that the poster above me, by saying no, but then potentially agreeing to go through with something she says she doesn’t want to do is inviting something bad to happen? "
Of course I'm not saying that! What the hell is wrong with you? |
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
How do you expect them to achieve the ego boost?!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message."
Can't you add people whilst hidden? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Can't you add people whilst hidden? "
Do you mean can they send friend requests? I think so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well since my post has been discussed a couple of times maybe I should explain it, sometimes I’m not meeting and I do state that on my profile, but I keep my messages etc open to chat. I’ve made some good friends through chatting via message and I don’t want to lose that option. But somebody might pop up one day saying something like “hello, I want to chat” and I might decide I want to meet them if they’re up for it too. If that offends anybody, just don’t message me in the first place. I don’t owe anything to anybody just because they’ve sent me a message - and vice versa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line, Hannah, I’m still free, take a chance on me..."
You’ve got me singing it now and ruining all my street cred! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a rare creature that reads profiles. So I get to enjoy people's profiles and pictures that I wouldn't if they weren't on the search.
And then, if their profile says not meeting, I take that into account and wouldn't consider sending a message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind"
I’m the same. I’ve met someone I want to get to know better but it’s complicated right now so I’m keeping things open. If someone spectacular came along I could be swayed. |
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"Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line, Hannah, I’m still free, take a chance on me...
You’ve got me singing it now and ruining all my street cred!"
You’re welcome. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
I’m the same. I’ve met someone I want to get to know better but it’s complicated right now so I’m keeping things open. If someone spectacular came along I could be swayed. "
This is exactly my point of view. I don't want to take looking for men off right now. I'm a bit of attention whore and I enjoy them looking at my photos. But there is someone special and we have both decided not to meet others for a couple of weeks.
When I have had it on my profile before it's usually because I have some socials in the pipeline and don't want any more guys at that time. But again I like to keep it open just incase I want to put one on the reserve list |
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes?
"
Because it's so rare someone who is what I'm looking for comes along I don't want to stop them messaging me. I don't meet at the drop of a hat normally, so by the time we are ready to meet, chances are I may be ready to meet!
I am always clear early on in the conversation exactly where I am at, and to be honest if someone doesn't want to meet me enough to wait a while they're probably not the kind of person I'm looking for anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind"
Both of these
Jo.X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
I’m the same. I’ve met someone I want to get to know better but it’s complicated right now so I’m keeping things open. If someone spectacular came along I could be swayed.
This is exactly my point of view. I don't want to take looking for men off right now. I'm a bit of attention whore and I enjoy them looking at my photos. But there is someone special and we have both decided not to meet others for a couple of weeks.
When I have had it on my profile before it's usually because I have some socials in the pipeline and don't want any more guys at that time. But again I like to keep it open just incase I want to put one on the reserve list "
Attention whore sounds cool. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just hide my profile if I'm not feeling it.
You can still be Winked, messaged and added to hitlists etc.
Yeah but if I hide my profile I don't come up on searches do I?"
Whoops. Have I just inadvertently admitted you're on my hotlist? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just hide my profile if I'm not feeling it.
You can still be Winked, messaged and added to hitlists etc.
You can choose to not look at winks. "
I hide mind too when I'm not meeting and yes can still be winked or messaged but does stop 99% of contact. When I absolutely don't meet I block receiving all messages as well! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
How do you expect them to achieve the ego boost?!! "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
"
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ?"
Not a problem I am afflicted with.
I would imagine you are the same! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ?
Not a problem I am afflicted with.
I would imagine you are the same! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ?
Not a problem I am afflicted with.
I would imagine you are the same! "
And I thought we had a rapport?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They may still want to look for people but not be currently meeting. I do this sometimes and it's so that m can find people I'm attracted to and then I add them into my hotlist for the time when I am meeting.
I don't see what difference it makes on how others run their profile. Situations can easily be clarified with one message.
Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
I’m the same. I’ve met someone I want to get to know better but it’s complicated right now so I’m keeping things open. If someone spectacular came along I could be swayed.
This is exactly my point of view. I don't want to take looking for men off right now. I'm a bit of attention whore and I enjoy them looking at my photos. But there is someone special and we have both decided not to meet others for a couple of weeks.
When I have had it on my profile before it's usually because I have some socials in the pipeline and don't want any more guys at that time. But again I like to keep it open just incase I want to put one on the reserve list "
I'm in the same camp as these ladies.
I don't mind chatting to new people, but at the moment I doubt I will be meeting (although socials are not ruled out if a connection is there and the interested party knows the crack).
Any guy that messages me with a 'meet' intention will find out why that isn't possible right now and if offense is caused then that is their problem. I clearly state it in my profile. I'm not offended if they contact me. They shouldn't think I'm a time waster for running my account my way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well since my post has been discussed a couple of times maybe I should explain it, sometimes I’m not meeting and I do state that on my profile, but I keep my messages etc open to chat. I’ve made some good friends through chatting via message and I don’t want to lose that option. But somebody might pop up one day saying something like “hello, I want to chat” and I might decide I want to meet them if they’re up for it too. If that offends anybody, just don’t message me in the first place. I don’t owe anything to anybody just because they’ve sent me a message - and vice versa."
I'm in the same position, I'm not actively seeking to meet but if anything comes my way that takes my fancy, I can say yes if I want to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ?
Not a problem I am afflicted with.
I would imagine you are the same!
And I thought we had a rapport?! "
We do! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having men or women - or anything - on your 'Looking for' list means that you show up on the searches. But if you're not meeting why don't you uncheck the 'looking for' boxes? You won't show up on searches and won't get mail from people asking to meet.
What if you’re not meeting but you still want people to look at your penis and tell you how lovely it is ?"
Do a thread asking people to Fab it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plus someone might pop into my inbox who changes my mind
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line, Hannah, I’m still free, take a chance on me..."
Ohhhh I love a bit of ABBA |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am I one of the few that doesn't care about how much mail ends up in the inbox? If one doesn't want to set filters or search parameters then one can hardly whine when those parameters fill ones box. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Because although we are not meeting at the moment I am more than happy to chat with ANYONE. Hense absolutely no filters or blocks too.
We don't get anywhere near inundated and don't get any abuse either.
It works fine for us. |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
I go to " not meeting " when I know I'm going to be either too busy or I'm chatting to enough men and don't wish to converse with anyone else until I know if I'm going to be meeting the ones in already chatting too.
I don't untick any boxes as it leaves my options open . Never day never |
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