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Favourite joke
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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago
Lincoln |
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting c.....
Mooooooooooo!
Fans of Home will know that one. Not the best written down admittedly! Has my smallest kid in stitches every time 
TB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whats brown and sticky?
A stick 
Love it. 
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer"
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer |
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A man and his wife are getting ready for a party...
Wife: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Man: "Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?"
Wife: "Yes, I promise!"
Man: "I fucked your sister!" |
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"A man and his wife are getting ready for a party...
Wife: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Man: "Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?"
Wife: "Yes, I promise!"
Man: "I fucked your sister!""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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what's orange and sounds like a parrot?
a carrot
Jokes about salt are uncommon
Jokes about sugar? Demarara
Why do Norwegian battleships have barcodes on the side?
So they can Scan-da-navy-in
What do you call a Frenchman in plastic sandals?
Phillipe Flop
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By *oneeMan
over a year ago
bath |
A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.
The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
The son said thanks dad.
The dad replied that's ok Alan. |
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"A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.
The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
The son said thanks dad.
The dad replied that's ok Alan."
Haha LMAO |
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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago
Lincoln |
A woman asks her husband ‘does this dress make me look fat?’
He replies ‘if I tell you the truth, will you get mad?’
She says ‘of course not, I want you to be honest with me all the time’
To which he replies ‘I fucked your sister!!!!!’ |
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I love awful jokes. Eg:
How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Dunno...
THAT'S COS YOU WEREN'T FUCKING THERE MAAAAAAAN!!!
And:
Q: why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?
A: because all proper tea is theft
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"A woman asks her husband ‘does this dress make me look fat?’
He replies ‘if I tell you the truth, will you get mad?’
She says ‘of course not, I want you to be honest with me all the time’
To which he replies ‘I fucked your sister!!!!!’ "
Classic |
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Went to the doctors feeling strange.
He said, Im a bit strange myself. Go behind the screen and get undressed.
After a while he said .. Finished!
I said Ohhhhhhh Dr. I didn't feel a thing.
He said.. Well I told you I was strange. I've just shit in your handbag. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold
Are you still masturbating ?"
Yes granny i have just pleasured myself,Are you still a man masquerading as a woman?
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"The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold
Are you still masturbating ?
Yes granny i have just pleasured myself,Are you still a man masquerading as a woman?
"
If only! I'm a teenage boy masquerading as a drivelling woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wife say to the mirror on the door.....mirror mirror on the door make my boobs size 44..poof the popped out to a prefect size 44.
Tells her husband who rushes to the door and says fecking mirror mirror on the door make my cock touch the floor.....his fecking legs fell off  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 fish in a tank 1 fish says to the other who's Driving this thing.
2 fish swimming along one hit his head against the wall turns to his mate and says dam.
"
I like these types too,
Two fish sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and asks "Can you smell fish?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Went to the doctor with a sore cock.
he said I had to stop masturbating.
I said: "why, is it damaging my penis?"
He said: "No, but it upsets the other patients in my waiting room!"
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
A baby polar bear says to his dad
"Dad am I really a polar bear?" "Yes" his dad replays. "Really!" Says the young bear "a real life polar bear?"
"Yes son why do you keep asking?"
Because I'm fucking freezing |
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Young red indian asks his father about his sisters name. Well we called her rising sun because it was the first thing we saw when she was born replied his father. And then adds ‘why do you ask, two dogs fucking?’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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what d'you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack
What d'you call a man with a crane on his head?
Derrick
What d'you call a man with a tree on his head?
Edward
What d'you call a man with a forest on his head?
Edward Woodward
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A baby polar bear says to his dad
"Dad am I really a polar bear?" "Yes" his dad replays. "Really!" Says the young bear "a real life polar bear?"
"Yes son why do you keep asking?"
Because I'm fucking freezing "
That’s shit! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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"A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.
The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
The son said thanks dad.
The dad replied that's ok Alan."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why was Snow White sacked from Disney World?
She got caught, sitting on Pinocchio's face, singing " tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies" "
Snow White, is this true? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A horse goes into a pub and the landlord says:
Why the long face?"
A bear goes in to a pub and says . can I have a pint of ............................. beer . the landlord says . why the long big pause |
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A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology,
It was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.
After the programme ended,
the husband turned to his wife and said,
Honey that was complete bullshit.
I bet you can't tell me anything that
Will make me happy and sad at the same time.
She turned and snuggled up beside him and said:
Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A horse goes into a pub and the landlord says:
Why the long face?"
The horse says; It’s Valarie, she’s left me!
The barman says; Oh Phil, I’m sorry to hear that, here have one on the house ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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man sat on pc
wife comes over . What yer looking at
man . I'm looking at flights
wife . ohhhh darling that's lovely ( as she falls to her knees and gives him a bj )
man . well Thank you darling . I did not even think you liked darts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"man sat on pc
wife comes over . What yer looking at
man . I'm looking at flights
wife . ohhhh darling that's lovely ( as she falls to her knees and gives him a bj )
man . well Thank you darling . I did not even think you liked darts "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman's walking through the woods when she comes across a clearing and sitting on a log with his head in his hands is a small elf like creature with his head in his hands. She asks him if he's a goblin? He replies no I have a headache actually.. |
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This guy is drowning his sorrows at a bar and the barman notices his sullen mood and asks him what's up. The guy goes "it's terrible - I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!"
The barman goes "that's awful, what did you say to your wife?"
"Well, I told her to pack her stuff and get out and that I never wanted to see her again"
And the barman asks "So what did you say to your best friend?"
"BAD DOG!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A Pakistani, a Jew and a Catholic walk into a bar...
What a fine example of a racially integrated community." - Bernard Righton
Tell that to a large crowd and just watch the tension dissipate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man ..Doctor I keep feeling like I'm a moth .
Dr... Well I don't think you want to be here . you should go straight too the physiologist further down the road
Man .. I know . I was on my way there but saw your light on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A woman's walking through the woods when she comes across a clearing and sitting on a log with his head in his hands is a small elf like creature with his head in his hands. She asks him if he's a goblin? He replies no I have a headache actually.. "
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A woman is talking to her Mother and tells her she has decided to leave her husband.
'Oh my God, why?' asks the Mother.
'It's the sex' replies the daughter 'and I don't mean just any old sex either. Anal sex! He is mad for it, he wants to do it every night. My poor little bum hole was tiny when I first met him, like a little 5p. Now years of having to take it up the bum and it's more like a 50p. I can't stand it anymore, I'm leaving.'
'Listen to me' says the Mother. 'You live in a fabulous six bedroom house, you have a country cottage for the weekends, you have your choice of 4 luxury cars, you take 3 exotic holidays a year, plus weekend breaks, your jewellery collection is stunning, you can go shopping for whatever you want whenever you want. Now seriously, are you telling me you are going to give all that up for 45p?!' |
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