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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them 
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting? 
What is your take on it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve seen it happen a lot, and when I split I tried hard not to get into arguments with my ex. But his new girlfriend was determined to cause trouble so yes we had some nasty words exchanged.
It was a difficult time and he said some nasty things to me despite him being the one in the wrong, but that’s the type of person he is. Thankfully we don’t have any contact with him now because he’s a narcissistic sociopath and we’ve all escaped his control. I actually fought to get him to keep in contact with our children but she was determined that it wasn’t going to happen so he doesn’t see them, and it’s for the best now. But I wouldn’t have stopped him and don’t believe in people that use their children as weapons. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because they turn into cunts? 
I am friends with all of my exes apart from 2. The first one was violent. The second one was controlling who had mood swings and used and abuses people. I'm not angry at them though I'm more angry at myself for giving them a chance in the first place.
The rest we have our odd niggle but I've moved on and so have they so it's all good. Although one keeps adding me on book face and his gf keeps removing me   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a lot of it stems from feeling vulnerable.
For so long we have a partner to rely on and no matter what they're on our side so the shock of suddenly being alone often makes us defensive and feel attacked by the slightest thing.
Obviously emotions heighten things and maybe in a way we want them to feel the hurt we do too. |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I’ve seen it happen a lot, and when I split I tried hard not to get into arguments with my ex. But his new girlfriend was determined to cause trouble so yes we had some nasty words exchanged.
It was a difficult time and he said some nasty things to me despite him being the one in the wrong, but that’s the type of person he is. Thankfully we don’t have any contact with him now because he’s a narcissistic sociopath and we’ve all escaped his control. I actually fought to get him to keep in contact with our children but she was determined that it wasn’t going to happen so he doesn’t see them, and it’s for the best now. But I wouldn’t have stopped him and don’t believe in people that use their children as weapons. X "
Its something I have seen many times with friends and its truly awful. Thankfully never had an issue with children myself - just hurtful break ups
Sounds like you very much did the right thing x |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Because they turn into cunts?
I am friends with all of my exes apart from 2. The first one was violent. The second one was controlling who had mood swings and used and abuses people. I'm not angry at them though I'm more angry at myself for giving them a chance in the first place.
The rest we have our odd niggle but I've moved on and so have they so it's all good. Although one keeps adding me on book face and his gf keeps removing me "
I have a line about 'new girlfriends' at the end of my profile that you may find funny..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Point scoring against each other isn’t love is it?
That’s a competition trying to win or something, certainly not love as I understand it.
If something ends, why can’t you hold on to the best memories of the best times instead of trying to build a viscous horrible future? |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I think a lot of it stems from feeling vulnerable.
For so long we have a partner to rely on and no matter what they're on our side so the shock of suddenly being alone often makes us defensive and feel attacked by the slightest thing.
Obviously emotions heighten things and maybe in a way we want them to feel the hurt we do too. "
I think that is a pretty good and fair insight into it! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What’s that saying? - You always hurt the ones you love...
In my job I’ve seen some terrible breakups and it’s hearbreaking, especially for the children who can’t help but be collateral damage.
You can’t help but see the bad, if it’s a raw feeling. Humans are very emotional and therefore unpredictable in knee-jerk reactions to things close to their hearts. But somewhere down the line, remember the good times and the reason the connection was made in the first place and hopefully forgive in some way and maybe even forget.
Love and hate sit side by side. They are certainly not opposites... |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Point scoring against each other isn’t love is it?
That’s a competition trying to win or something, certainly not love as I understand it.
If something ends, why can’t you hold on to the best memories of the best times instead of trying to build a viscous horrible future? "
You are so so right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having seen my sister go through a nasty divorce, I'm convinced the nastiness arises when it's not a mutually agreed split. One side is hurting so tries to hurt the other either to make themselves feel better or possibly make the other hurt to try and make them understand how they are feeling?
Or perhaps it's like children lashing out because they are unable to articulate their feelings?
Ginger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting?
What is your take on it?"
As the old saying goes there is a fine line between love and hate. You both need to care deeply enough to emit those emotions  |
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I think there are two main factors:
1. Our pop culture creates totally unrealistic expectations of relationships and so there's a frustration when they can't be met
2. General ignorance of psychology. People are just massively unaware of how their own actions inspire others to treat them well (or not). |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"What’s that saying? - You always hurt the ones you love...
In my job I’ve seen some terrible breakups and it’s hearbreaking, especially for the children who can’t help but be collateral damage.
You can’t help but see the bad, if it’s a raw feeling. Humans are very emotional and therefore unpredictable in knee-jerk reactions to things close to their hearts. But somewhere down the line, remember the good times and the reason the connection was made in the first place and hopefully forgive in some way and maybe even forget.
Love and hate sit side by side. They are certainly not opposites... "
I said that about love and hate the other day. They are closely aligned as you need strong emotions for both  |
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"Because they turn into cunts?
I am friends with all of my exes apart from 2. The first one was violent. The second one was controlling who had mood swings and used and abuses people. I'm not angry at them though I'm more angry at myself for giving them a chance in the first place.
The rest we have our odd niggle but I've moved on and so have they so it's all good. Although one keeps adding me on book face and his gf keeps removing me
I have a line about 'new girlfriends' at the end of my profile that you may find funny..... "
I like it! |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Having seen my sister go through a nasty divorce, I'm convinced the nastiness arises when it's not a mutually agreed split. One side is hurting so tries to hurt the other either to make themselves feel better or possibly make the other hurt to try and make them understand how they are feeling?
Or perhaps it's like children lashing out because they are unable to articulate their feelings?
Ginger "
I am more than capable of articulating feelings - just not sure they are understood by the other side.
I have been hurt in irrevocable ways yet forgiven and gone back - I think feeling stupid at then being hurt again can play a part in nasty words for me maybe.....
#gluttonforpunishment  |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I think there are two main factors:
1. Our pop culture creates totally unrealistic expectations of relationships and so there's a frustration when they can't be met
2. General ignorance of psychology. People are just massively unaware of how their own actions inspire others to treat them well (or not). "
Relationships take many forms. All I asked for in mine was complete honesty. I never got it - start to finish.
I ended up taking back something for me, a secret of my own for which I am not proud. Turned it into tit for tat . That's where the psycology comes in.
However I still gave 99.9% more honesty yet thats not taken into consideration. Lying about one thing is bad, but surely its better than constant lies and cheating?
Love has a lot to answer for |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting?
What is your take on it?
As the old saying goes there is a fine line between love and hate. You both need to care deeply enough to emit those emotions "
And when they stop being emitted? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's such a shame isn't it when that happens, but emotions are a complicated thing, and when someone is badly hurting they don't act rational and can do things and say things just to make the other person hurt too.
It's so sad when children are caught up in it all though, that really should be avoided at all costs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having seen my sister go through a nasty divorce, I'm convinced the nastiness arises when it's not a mutually agreed split. One side is hurting so tries to hurt the other either to make themselves feel better or possibly make the other hurt to try and make them understand how they are feeling?
Or perhaps it's like children lashing out because they are unable to articulate their feelings?
Ginger
I am more than capable of articulating feelings - just not sure they are understood by the other side.
I have been hurt in irrevocable ways yet forgiven and gone back - I think feeling stupid at then being hurt again can play a part in nasty words for me maybe.....
#gluttonforpunishment "
In fairness it could just be my Sister skewing my opinion, her divorce was awful and their behaviours and actions immature and awful in equal measure. I imagine it's something you can look at in a number of ways and make countless theories fit. For instance I have to really bite my tongue when I see my daughter display what I consider to be my flaws, as I so much want her to be better than me, but I know my annoyance is really aimed at myself for not have the willpower to change my flaws. So, if you are mad at yourself it's far easier to shout/hurt someone else instead of yourself.
I hope whatever it is works itself out for you soon.
Ginger |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Having seen my sister go through a nasty divorce, I'm convinced the nastiness arises when it's not a mutually agreed split. One side is hurting so tries to hurt the other either to make themselves feel better or possibly make the other hurt to try and make them understand how they are feeling?
Or perhaps it's like children lashing out because they are unable to articulate their feelings?
Ginger
I am more than capable of articulating feelings - just not sure they are understood by the other side.
I have been hurt in irrevocable ways yet forgiven and gone back - I think feeling stupid at then being hurt again can play a part in nasty words for me maybe.....
#gluttonforpunishment
In fairness it could just be my Sister skewing my opinion, her divorce was awful and their behaviours and actions immature and awful in equal measure. I imagine it's something you can look at in a number of ways and make countless theories fit. For instance I have to really bite my tongue when I see my daughter display what I consider to be my flaws, as I so much want her to be better than me, but I know my annoyance is really aimed at myself for not have the willpower to change my flaws. So, if you are mad at yourself it's far easier to shout/hurt someone else instead of yourself.
I hope whatever it is works itself out for you soon.
Ginger "
Unlikely in truth but thank you.
I hear what you are saying about your daughter, I am like that with my son and just try and guide him best I can. He is 17 now and mostly a young man I am proud of, but like all teenagers he is also a hormonal ratbag still, I have to try and keep that in mind when I want to kill him..... |
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By *anky_Panky OP Woman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"It's such a shame isn't it when that happens, but emotions are a complicated thing, and when someone is badly hurting they don't act rational and can do things and say things just to make the other person hurt too.
It's so sad when children are caught up in it all though, that really should be avoided at all costs."
You are right, it is far easier to be irrational when you are upset- its the very nature of being upset and hurting I guess...... |
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"It's such a shame isn't it when that happens, but emotions are a complicated thing, and when someone is badly hurting they don't act rational and can do things and say things just to make the other person hurt too.
It's so sad when children are caught up in it all though, that really should be avoided at all costs."
If you love someone you don't try to hurt them,end of. |
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I’ve read the thread and a few things spring to mind:-
Oh what a tangled web we weave.......
Play with fire you’ll get burnt
Two wrongs don’t make a right
I’m not being judgmental either as all of the above applied to me. There is still a possibility things could come back and bite me on the arse  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting?
What is your take on it?
As the old saying goes there is a fine line between love and hate. You both need to care deeply enough to emit those emotions
And when they stop being emitted? "
You need to care enough to hate, you need to care enough to love. When the caring stops you're basically strangers staring at each other with eyes void of every emotion. |
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"Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting?
What is your take on it?
As the old saying goes there is a fine line between love and hate. You both need to care deeply enough to emit those emotions
And when they stop being emitted?
You need to care enough to hate, you need to care enough to love. When the caring stops you're basically strangers staring at each other with eyes void of every emotion."
I'd rather someone didn't care about me than projected their hate onto me. If you think hating someone is a way of showing you love them then that's pretty twisted.
I will say it again...if you love /have loved someone you don't try to hurt them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it when you part ways from someone you love it often turns so nasty?
You love this person for months/years/decades, yet you get to mud slinging and saying vicious things in order to hurt them
Worse still some use children as a pawn.
Is that it? Do we try and hurt them as much as we are hurting?
What is your take on it?
As the old saying goes there is a fine line between love and hate. You both need to care deeply enough to emit those emotions
And when they stop being emitted?
You need to care enough to hate, you need to care enough to love. When the caring stops you're basically strangers staring at each other with eyes void of every emotion.
I'd rather someone didn't care about me than projected their hate onto me. If you think hating someone is a way of showing you love them then that's pretty twisted.
I will say it again...if you love /have loved someone you don't try to hurt them.
"
Just because I said care it doesn't mean I said love. There are different versions of care i.e. If someone didn't care about their teeth they wouldn't brush it etc...
Love and hate are not simplistic emotions and should not be treated as such. |
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