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Is it true love?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So my friend is down in England for UNI. She had a boyfriend up here but they broke it off because of the distance.
For a couple of months now she’s been telling us about this new guy. He’s amazing, treats her well, he’s so funny and good looking, takes her on amazing dates and has all the time in the world for her.
I was thrilled for her! Everyone deserves to be happy.
This evening she confessed that she is in love with him. She’s fallen quick!
But she also admitted she has never actually met him. Despite them only living a few hours apart, she cannot muster up the courage to meet him. They’ve spoken on the phone, webcam/FaceTime a lot and WhatsApp each other constantly.
She told us they had met as she felt embarrassed about having an ‘online relationship’.
My question is; can you fall in love with someone you haven’t met? I don’t doubt whatsoever that she has strong feelings for him, I just don’t want her to have high expectations and when she meets him, for them not to have chemistry, not click etc.
(I also told her there’s no reason to be embarrassed, and we love and cherish her). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you can develop strong feels for someone like you said but I don't think actually falling in love is realistic to be honest. Anyway she might just be feeling lonely because she moved to somewhere new, does happen all the time I'm afraid. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you can develop strong feels for someone like you said but I don't think actually falling in love is realistic to be honest. Anyway she might just be feeling lonely because she moved to somewhere new, does happen all the time I'm afraid."
Hm yeah that’s totally true! She is the quiet type and I know she’s made some friends (I’ve seen her snapchat stories) but that’s what I think. Not that I can judge how anyone else but myself feels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely if she feels she loves him she’d meet him?
The urge would be too strong to resist?
I don’t know to be honest. We all work differently. But personally i’d need to be in the physical prescence of someone so i could get a feel for them.
Hope it works out for them x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you can actually fall 'in love' without meeting them in person.
I think you can become close and really connect with the personality, but perhaps it's lust rather than love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Surely if she feels she loves him she’d meet him?
The urge would be too strong to resist?
I don’t know to be honest. We all work differently. But personally i’d need to be in the physical prescence of someone so i could get a feel for them.
Hope it works out for them x"
That’s what I think. I’m the same, would need to meet them before I could decide how I feel! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm I met MrH online a million years ago before online dating was a thing.
I definitely had strong strong feelings for him before we met and when we met it just confirmed how I (we) felt.
There does have to be physical chemistry though. You can’t gauge this online/phone/cam IMO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, for ads and I, we probably were ‘in love’ with each other before we met but this wasn’t proper love, it wasn’t until he stepped off the train that ‘I knew’ but even then the love I felt for him then isn’t anything like it is today.
I think you can fall in love with someone deeply without meeting them but there was another thread about meeting people today and feeling differently once you met them and she could meet him and think ‘oh shit’ maybe I don’t because is may have some quirks (or she might have some) that doesn’t quite ‘fit’, we are all different and thankfully it sounds like she had an amazing friend who is there for her no matter what, if she meets him and it all goes tits up then you will be there for her, I think you have a right to be worried but you have to let her find out on her own.
God I rambled lol.
Geeky x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My question is; can you fall in love with someone you haven’t met? "
Yes, it happened to me once. The anguish when she wouldn't answer my emails felt very real indeed. I thought she was going to walk away from everything she had for me like I was for her but it seems it wasn't to be.
I think she had a great sense of guilt about what she'd have been walking away from and deep down I don't think she believed that anyone else could pick the letters out quite like she does on Countdown.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well, for ads and I, we probably were ‘in love’ with each other before we met but this wasn’t proper love, it wasn’t until he stepped off the train that ‘I knew’ but even then the love I felt for him then isn’t anything like it is today.
I think you can fall in love with someone deeply without meeting them but there was another thread about meeting people today and feeling differently once you met them and she could meet him and think ‘oh shit’ maybe I don’t because is may have some quirks (or she might have some) that doesn’t quite ‘fit’, we are all different and thankfully it sounds like she had an amazing friend who is there for her no matter what, if she meets him and it all goes tits up then you will be there for her, I think you have a right to be worried but you have to let her find out on her own.
God I rambled lol.
Geeky x"
I enjoyed your ramble! I met my husband on MSN seven years ago (weird as he lived a few doors away, but we never met) and I knew how much I liked him and how strong my feelings were, but as you said, my feelings are so much stronger and different from back then too.
And aw thank you! I’ll always be there for her, love her to pieces! Just praying it works out x |
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I’ve developed strong feelings for girls in the past, with exactly the kind of relationship you describe, only for it to feel quite different when you meet.
It’s a reasonable indicator that they’ll get on well, but it’s no guarantee. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHekNnySAfM
I actually meant to post this 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I"
That’s what I actually thought the original link was going to be!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHekNnySAfM
I actually meant to post this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I
That’s what I actually thought the original link was going to be! "
That's what I wanted to post at first but I couldn't remember the title |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before coming on Fab this time I had a fun exchange with a woman on cl. She was very excitable and the language between us quickly turned very erotic. Every time she upped the notch I matched her. In the end I was curious to see how amped we could get so started introducing more emotional language and she really responded to it. I was surprised to find myself actually falling for her.
But (and this is important to emphasise) at no point did I ever think it was real. Of course it was a game. Why? Because I'd never met her. We agreed it had just been a fun prelude and agreed to meet. She was, rather predictably, wildly different from the woman in the photos. But, you know what, I really enjoyed meeting her. But of course it was going nowhere. So I had to let her down gently afterwards.
This experiment showed me that early love can be quite successfully stimulated whenever you want to and can find a reciprocating partner. Plus, it can be put back in the box again really easily if you recognise that it was just you getting carried away with yourself. That was all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have answered this no. But I've found that you can develop feelings without meeting someone. If your talking daily, phone calls texts, photos, spending lots of time with that person without actually meeting them, learning about them then it can feel as real. The meeting is just the cherry on the top to see if you still feel the same |
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"So my friend is down in England for UNI. She had a boyfriend up here but they broke it off because of the distance.
For a couple of months now she’s been telling us about this new guy. He’s amazing, treats her well, he’s so funny and good looking, takes her on amazing dates and has all the time in the world for her.
I was thrilled for her! Everyone deserves to be happy.
This evening she confessed that she is in love with him. She’s fallen quick!
But she also admitted she has never actually met him. Despite them only living a few hours apart, she cannot muster up the courage to meet him. They’ve spoken on the phone, webcam/FaceTime a lot and WhatsApp each other constantly.
She told us they had met as she felt embarrassed about having an ‘online relationship’.
My question is; can you fall in love with someone you haven’t met? I don’t doubt whatsoever that she has strong feelings for him, I just don’t want her to have high expectations and when she meets him, for them not to have chemistry, not click etc.
(I also told her there’s no reason to be embarrassed, and we love and cherish her). "
My three thoughts are
1) Rebound? She's just finished one relationship you say. You are always vulnerable when you come out of a relationship, factor in the stresses of a new enviroment (uni) and a "virtual boyfriend" might seem like an attractive (non threatening) proposition.All the highs of a relationship,without the mundane day to day stuff.
2)Dates? Treats her well?How have they been on wonderful dates if they've not met? You know your friend, is she a fantasist or did she just say that to make it seem more real? I've got to be honest some alarm bells are ringing here for me. Is she getting on OK with her course? Has she made real friends at uni as well as this guy or is she may be struggling and the online bf is her way of coping with/avoiding real life?
3)They've not met? Is he in this country?Is he genuine? You say your friend is nervous of meeting, why is that? Does he not want to meet either? Why? Is he really single/available/all that he says he is? Again alarm bells are ringing for me here.
If I was you I'd carry on being the lovely supportive friend you obviously are but I'd gently try to ask some of these questions.
I hope it works out for her I really do, but my spider senses are tingling.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my friend is down in England for UNI. She had a boyfriend up here but they broke it off because of the distance.
For a couple of months now she’s been telling us about this new guy. He’s amazing, treats her well, he’s so funny and good looking, takes her on amazing dates and has all the time in the world for her.
I was thrilled for her! Everyone deserves to be happy.
This evening she confessed that she is in love with him. She’s fallen quick!
But she also admitted she has never actually met him. Despite them only living a few hours apart, she cannot muster up the courage to meet him. They’ve spoken on the phone, webcam/FaceTime a lot and WhatsApp each other constantly.
She told us they had met as she felt embarrassed about having an ‘online relationship’.
My question is; can you fall in love with someone you haven’t met? I don’t doubt whatsoever that she has strong feelings for him, I just don’t want her to have high expectations and when she meets him, for them not to have chemistry, not click etc.
(I also told her there’s no reason to be embarrassed, and we love and cherish her).
My three thoughts are
1) Rebound? She's just finished one relationship you say. You are always vulnerable when you come out of a relationship, factor in the stresses of a new enviroment (uni) and a "virtual boyfriend" might seem like an attractive (non threatening) proposition.All the highs of a relationship,without the mundane day to day stuff.
2)Dates? Treats her well?How have they been on wonderful dates if they've not met? You know your friend, is she a fantasist or did she just say that to make it seem more real? I've got to be honest some alarm bells are ringing here for me. Is she getting on OK with her course? Has she made real friends at uni as well as this guy or is she may be struggling and the online bf is her way of coping with/avoiding real life?
3)They've not met? Is he in this country?Is he genuine? You say your friend is nervous of meeting, why is that? Does he not want to meet either? Why? Is he really single/available/all that he says he is? Again alarm bells are ringing for me here.
If I was you I'd carry on being the lovely supportive friend you obviously are but I'd gently try to ask some of these questions.
I hope it works out for her I really do, but my spider senses are tingling.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does she 'LOVE' him or love the idea of him ? That's two things completely different.
It may be a bit contreversial but I don't think 'love' exist per se, or at least it does not exist in the hollywood sense of the term. I think people fall in 'love' with an ideal rather than a person, especially when they fall for each other so quickly. The way she desribes him doesn't sound like she falls for the man but more so for what he is bringing to her life, the excitement, the freshness...and ultimately this is how I see 'love'. It is highly influenced by our social construction of it. Therefore, its authencity is highly questionable.
I am not saying that those love feelings are not real for the person who is experiencing them, just question the foundation of those.
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I wouldnt say you can love someone you have never met,for me feelings grow over time and you have to actually be in someone's company.
He could be different in real life for instance,so she needs to meet him to see how the spark is etc.
Miss |
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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago
Masked and Distant |
Got to agree.
You can be attracted to someone online, very strongly in some cases I believe.
But true love can only happen when you are in the company of the person. Typing can't bring across their full personality.
It's how they look, sound, move, smell, react, interact that all add up to true love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone watched the film called ‘Her’?
I think that thought me, and made sense of how I fell in love with my wife. I fell in love with a persons soul/personality and not the image I see with my eyes. I fancy and I’m get turned in with her body and what she looks like and I think she’s amazingly beautiful, but I fell deeply and madly in love with ‘her’.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You sound like a wonderful friend 
I’ve been in this situation a few times. It’s onky when you meet that you truly know, in my opinion. I hope she manages to meet him and it all works out! |
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You can love the idea you have in your head of someone without even talking to them. In my opinion you can't experience the true love of your title without knowing someone very well indeed.
Sometimes people love the romantic notion of thwarted, star crossed lovers who can never meet. Those kind of relationships have no potential for going wrong and remain forever perfect.
One question I'd be asking is why he's never pushed to meet her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my friend is down in England for UNI. She had a boyfriend up here but they broke it off because of the distance.
For a couple of months now she’s been telling us about this new guy. He’s amazing, treats her well, he’s so funny and good looking, takes her on amazing dates and has all the time in the world for her.
I was thrilled for her! Everyone deserves to be happy.
This evening she confessed that she is in love with him. She’s fallen quick!
But she also admitted she has never actually met him. Despite them only living a few hours apart, she cannot muster up the courage to meet him. They’ve spoken on the phone, webcam/FaceTime a lot and WhatsApp each other constantly.
She told us they had met as she felt embarrassed about having an ‘online relationship’.
My question is; can you fall in love with someone you haven’t met? I don’t doubt whatsoever that she has strong feelings for him, I just don’t want her to have high expectations and when she meets him, for them not to have chemistry, not click etc.
(I also told her there’s no reason to be embarrassed, and we love and cherish her). "
Thats probably why she hasnt met, the expectation of who she thinks he is compared to the reality when they meet. She would rather hang on to the online love maybe.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" My three thoughts are
1) Rebound? She's just finished one relationship you say. You are always vulnerable when you come out of a relationship, factor in the stresses of a new enviroment (uni) and a "virtual boyfriend" might seem like an attractive (non threatening) proposition.All the highs of a relationship,without the mundane day to day stuff.
2)Dates? Treats her well?How have they been on wonderful dates if they've not met? You know your friend, is she a fantasist or did she just say that to make it seem more real? I've got to be honest some alarm bells are ringing here for me. Is she getting on OK with her course? Has she made real friends at uni as well as this guy or is she may be struggling and the online bf is her way of coping with/avoiding real life?
3)They've not met? Is he in this country?Is he genuine? You say your friend is nervous of meeting, why is that? Does he not want to meet either? Why? Is he really single/available/all that he says he is? Again alarm bells are ringing for me here.
If I was you I'd carry on being the lovely supportive friend you obviously are but I'd gently try to ask some of these questions.
I hope it works out for her I really do, but my spider senses are tingling.
"
She isn’t really the rebound type, but hey, it’s a possibility! And yeah, she told us that they go on dates. She admitted last night that she said that because she didn’t want us getting suspicious that they haven’t met. I’ve seen his Facebook (they have each other as a friend) and it is a legit profile (I’ve seen plenty of episodes of Catfish in my time). He’s roughly three hours away from her and offers to meet but she just backs out because of nerves xx |
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