FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > You surprise me...sort of question.
You surprise me...sort of question.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve been here a while now, and realise that I’ve only spoken to some people privately and shared things by pm that have surprised them to what I post in the forum.
I read threads and post from people on the internet all the time, and I’ve built an image of who they are, how they act and formed opinions about them.
My question is, do you really know an online personality, really? Or do you need to meet up to really get to know someone, and does it take a long time to build up trust to what they’re telling you is true?
It’s like a comedian, they’re not necessarily funny all the time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pixels can often distort our perceptions of who anyone is outside of fab....
But sit talk listen look into the eyes of someone then you may see the real person.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After meeting quite a few members of the forum, you really have to meet them in person to see their true personality. Some that I thought would be a bit standoffish were actually just the sweetest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really like messaging/the internet as a form of communication. It's too easy to misinterpret a message or comment or take it out of context. I'd much rather meet in person.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can never get a real picture of someone online, when dating I spoke to a guy for 6 months before meeting him, we’d excahnges pictures and spoke everyday but when I met him he was a completely different character as to what I’d built up in my head |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people's self-representation of their online persona is very different from the offline self yet not entire exclusive to each others and can be somewhat complimentary in my opinion.
Given that the online persona doesn't protray you as having the body of the rock but the reality is that you are a 90 years old skinny man from Surrey who lost his teeth in a fight at Nando's.
But most of the time the online persona isn't completely different to the offline one, just somehow enhanced according to some societal 'norms'. (Not sure norms applies well in that context but I can't find the word that I am looking for) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think with an online personality you only get to see what they want to show, not necessarily only the complimentary stuff,some people do slip. By pms you can get a little more personal and deep and it can then alter how you see them online as you can read more into what they say. In person will always be the best way to get the real sense of who someone is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really like messaging/the internet as a form of communication. It's too easy to misinterpret a message or comment or take it out of context. I'd much rather meet in person.."
Agree. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After meeting quite a few members of the forum, you really have to meet them in person to see their true personality. Some that I thought would be a bit standoffish were actually just the sweetest. "
Is that with people you’d talked to more by PM or just from on the forum?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Pixels can often distort our perceptions of who anyone is outside of fab....
But sit talk listen look into the eyes of someone then you may see the real person...."
Look into my eyes, not around the eyes,....
I agree, up close and personal and sometimes people are more likely to be themselves.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What I post and the way I post it is 100% true to the person I am. But the snapshot of my personality that you see is just a fraction of the person I am"
I like to think of it that way. If you seem nice and have common sense and manners online, I’d expect more if we met up.
If I think each post is ignorant, argumentative and selfish, well, that’s the way you are in real life I suppose.
Unless I’ve spoken to them privately and they’ve been able to change my mind otherwise, that’s pretty much how I see people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My online persona is much more confident and sassy. I wouldn't speak to strangers the way I do on here and my sense of humour doesn't come out until I am comfortable with someone.
A few people here have been shocked by how shy and reserved I am in person although I think Rubi is inside, she just takes a while to come out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think you can ever really know someone from a purely online connection as its too easy to hold things back, lie or be someone completely different but over time you can get a pretty close sense of someones real self ... unless they are a top notch actor!
Having said that I like to think how I portray myself online is pretty much how i am in real life and would hope those who I have met in person agree with that (pretty sure they all think I'm a bit of a dick... & they aint wrong!)...but do I share every aspect of me and my personality on here?? No way Jose!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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WYSIWYG with me. I’m very open and will talk to anyone about almost anything.
Love getting to know new people and talk A LOT!
My main fault is expecting others to be the same! Hence MrH vets the swinging side of this site as I’m very gullible even at my advanced age  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My online persona is much more confident and sassy. I wouldn't speak to strangers the way I do on here and my sense of humour doesn't come out until I am comfortable with someone.
A few people here have been shocked by how shy and reserved I am in person although I think Rubi is inside, she just takes a while to come out. "
I'm the opposite. I have zero online personality compared to my personality in real life. I generally stick to the lighthearted threads on here whereas I have an opinion on everything in day to day conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I very much doubt that everyone is how they come across on here. You only ever see what they want you to.  "
Yep. I think someone mentioned that above too, so it’s kindof the idea that when I reply to a post/thread I’m not really replying to the person I barely know, only what ive read. If that makes sense.
Unless you know them well, then you can sometimes understand more what they were trying to say.
Even with close friends I had taken ages to feel confident to come out of my shell and be ‘me’. Doing it online with strangers I think lots of people keep a big part of them hidden and only share the occasional glimpse of their personality.
I’m rambling I know, it’s morning, I need another coffee to wake up  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"WYSIWYG with me. I’m very open and will talk to anyone about almost anything.
Love getting to know new people and talk A LOT!
My main fault is expecting others to be the same! Hence MrH vets the swinging side of this site as I’m very gullible even at my advanced age "
I want to see people, and I want to see life.
- Morresey. 
I’d love the idea of telly getting to know people’s thoroughly, also scared. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I very much doubt that everyone is how they come across on here. You only ever see what they want you to.
Yep. I think someone mentioned that above too, so it’s kindof the idea that when I reply to a post/thread I’m not really replying to the person I barely know, only what ive read. If that makes sense.
Unless you know them well, then you can sometimes understand more what they were trying to say.
Even with close friends I had taken ages to feel confident to come out of my shell and be ‘me’. Doing it online with strangers I think lots of people keep a big part of them hidden and only share the occasional glimpse of their personality.
I’m rambling I know, it’s morning, I need another coffee to wake up "
I tend to react to what's been said rather than who said it. I think that's to my detriment sometimes.
I've never met anyone that uses the forum so what they say in the forum is all I've got to go on. I prefer it that way as I don't get caught up in all the petty arguments and love ins. I'm not on here enough to have time for that crap! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I very much doubt that everyone is how they come across on here. You only ever see what they want you to.
Yep. I think someone mentioned that above too, so it’s kindof the idea that when I reply to a post/thread I’m not really replying to the person I barely know, only what ive read. If that makes sense.
Unless you know them well, then you can sometimes understand more what they were trying to say.
Even with close friends I had taken ages to feel confident to come out of my shell and be ‘me’. Doing it online with strangers I think lots of people keep a big part of them hidden and only share the occasional glimpse of their personality.
I’m rambling I know, it’s morning, I need another coffee to wake up
I tend to react to what's been said rather than who said it. I think that's to my detriment sometimes.
I've never met anyone that uses the forum so what they say in the forum is all I've got to go on. I prefer it that way as I don't get caught up in all the petty arguments and love ins. I'm not on here enough to have time for that crap!"
I did mention Twitter/online personalities also. Celebrities is a loose example, I’m sure we’ve met some that are nice and others who i found to be dicks, and that might contrast what
But I do personally find text harder to figure people out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After meeting quite a few members of the forum, you really have to meet them in person to see their true personality. Some that I thought would be a bit standoffish were actually just the sweetest.
Is that with people you’d talked to more by PM or just from on the forum?
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On the forum. Via PM, I tend to get a good feeling about their personality, but I do talk to them for ages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"WYSIWYG with me. I’m very open and will talk to anyone about almost anything.
Love getting to know new people and talk A LOT!
My main fault is expecting others to be the same! Hence MrH vets the swinging side of this site as I’m very gullible even at my advanced age
I want to see people, and I want to see life.
- Morresey.
I’d love the idea of telly getting to know people’s thoroughly, also scared. "
I’m not remotely scary. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
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I think the forums can give you a sense of a personality. Clearly an ugly personality and nutter tendencies can’t hide for long. I have met some lovely folk at the Manchester socials and they have been pretty much how I thought they would be, which was great.
Mostly I prefer PM away from the forums. Far less drama there |
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It's a tough sell, being open and honest enough to form a picture of oneself but remain relatively private, particularly here.
In here, most of us are in the site to attract like minded folk, so we tend to be looking for others who get that, their profile should be able to give us some semblance into how and who they are.
The trouble with this place, or should we say some of the people here is that their dishonesty is always catching them out.
The Oare like the proverbial job seeker at an interviewer, they sometimes have lied their way through the process and then find themselves unable to remember their own CV words, it happens here also.
Written communication should evoke conversations to discover more about each other, the fun for us, having introduced ourselves is to see if we all connect in some way.
We'd like to think our method reaches out to those we like, and vise versa.
Be yourselves in messages, be truthful in life. Together this combination will see you with people who get you, your lives style and beliefs.
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"I think the forums can give you a sense of a personality. Clearly an ugly personality and nutter tendencies can’t hide for long. I have met some lovely folk at the Manchester socials and they have been pretty much how I thought they would be, which was great.
Mostly I prefer PM away from the forums. Far less drama there "
that's our experience too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never an exact science but some people I've interacted with on the forums have been exactly the same in pm and in the flesh. Some, you included op, I've noticed the character on the forum is on occasion a contradiction to the real person and some seem an exact personality match until we meet for a social and you're left wondering who it was you were talking to originally!
Whatever way I just enjoy chatting for the moment, if our personalities connect then online personas don't really matter
I'll have that coffee now Bee
Peach x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No you cant possibly truly know a persons personality from what you read on here. People hide behind the keyboard and can simply say anything.
You can meet people in person and still never get to know a persons true personality.
Most of my vanilla friends don't know the real true me and we have been friends for years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can chat and meet someone as much as you like, but you will only ever know as much about them as they let you know. And all that could be lies and made up.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can chat and meet someone as much as you like, but you will only ever know as much about them as they let you know. And all that could be lies and made up.
"
Yep, that’s why I’m completely honest when I tell you I’m lying out of my ass. |
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"After meeting quite a few members of the forum, you really have to meet them in person to see their true personality. Some that I thought would be a bit standoffish were actually just the sweetest. "
Very true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can chat and meet someone as much as you like, but you will only ever know as much about them as they let you know. And all that could be lies and made up.
Yep, that’s why I’m completely honest when I tell you I’m lying out of my ass. "
A contradiction, knew I had you sussed 
Peach x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I’m very much the same in person as I am on here, though not so confident. And most people I’ve met have been exactly as they’ve come across to me either on the forums or pm. Just one person who was an idiot in person and not at all like he was in pm’s x |
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"I think I’m very much the same in person as I am on here, though not so confident. And most people I’ve met have been exactly as they’ve come across to me either on the forums or pm. Just one person who was an idiot in person and not at all like he was in pm’s x "
We love Angiebu x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I’m very much the same in person as I am on here, though not so confident. And most people I’ve met have been exactly as they’ve come across to me either on the forums or pm. Just one person who was an idiot in person and not at all like he was in pm’s x
We love Angiebu x x "
Aww, and you’re lovely B.B. x |
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I think it probably goes both ways,some may be more confident on here as it easier behind an online persona and softer in reality.
However I still think some will still be the way they come across here,ie twats and would argue black is white for the sake of it.
Miss |
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There's also the couple's dynamic to take into account also. I am generally the one who corresponds and this is in the profile.
The one thing I won't do is speak for the misses, only that I'd suggest to the one(s) I'm chatting with that she would or wouldn't like something. We NEVER agree to meet or play without the other being in on that conversation from the beginning. Mrs will generally sign off with Mrs FGoS when it's her speaking.
The point being, being married 20+ years doesn't mean you actually can take for granted what they'd say, only that 99.9% of the time we do. This was the 1 rule that we will never compromise on. We have some guidelines that we work with, but in the moment and if it feels good for us all, then we'll see... |
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