FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Pretentious
Pretentious
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
What's the most pretentious thing you do?
I buy £10 magazines that I don't actually read but have them laying around as if I live in an a posh dentist's waiting room. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Oh, I decant my Starbucks coffee into the cup I saved from the expensive independent coffee shop I visited once, I can't have people see me wander around sipping such filth. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Does using a Lidl carrier bag for the rubbish count? That's about as good as it gets "
Ah! In a ironic pastiche look at this trash fashion! I like it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t  "
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame"
Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it. "
They would if my second name was shipman |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame
Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy"
I love ironing water |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame"
I get my Tesco shop online but get it delivered to a friend and have him unpack it into baskets and carry it round like it's been bought fresh from an old-style green grocers. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame
Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy
I love ironing water "
I used to love ironing water but I have a big steam generated iron now so can’t use it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I substitute some bulgur wheat for quinoa, because it's similar but a third of the price."
Do you take photos of your meals and share them on Instagram with details of how healthy they are and how you love eating well? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it.
They would if my second name was shipman "
Do you have a beard?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I insist on people using both of my surnames if that's how they are talking to me. Double barrelled and nothing less will do."
Do you stare at them blankly if they only use one? In that "how dare you attempt to speak to me like that?" kinda way? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it.
They would if my second name was shipman
Do you have a beard? "
It disappeared during a windy day last year . I’ve not bothered since |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I read The Guardian on a building site just to annoy the red top brigade while they look at there rags. There was an excellent article on organic farming and a lovely cous cous recipe in today’s paper that I was pretending to be interested in. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I sit in the best coffee shop in Cambridge all day with my dog eared copy of the Brothers Karamazov (never read) nursing an Americano and taking advantage of the free water refills, I type away on my laptop, it's nonsense on forums but tell people I'm writing a screen play. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ll only converse with B&W, or at least sepia, cocks
What about a stern yet thoughtful face half in shadow with a body glistening with sweat? "
Sweat  ? The philistines! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I read The Guardian on a building site just to annoy the red top brigade while they look at there rags. There was an excellent article on organic farming and a lovely cous cous recipe in today’s paper that I was pretending to be interested in. "
Do you try to engage them in conversation or just peer over the top of your paper and shake your head? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. "
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ll only converse with B&W, or at least sepia, cocks
What about a stern yet thoughtful face half in shadow with a body glistening with sweat?
Sweat ? The philistines!"
Oh. It's probably just sprayed on water from one of those plant sorry scooshy bottles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is. "
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car! "
You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge. "
You mean you don't own a smeg? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When "people" suggest I use public transport I look at them with a mixture of disdain and contempt.
And by "people" I mean the lower classes obviously."
I use the underground in London so I can tell my friends of the horrors I have seen. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg? "
No mine was hand made. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made. "
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work"
No. My friend Dave. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I sit in the best coffee shop in Cambridge all day with my dog eared copy of the Brothers Karamazov (never read) nursing an Americano and taking advantage of the free water refills, I type away on my laptop, it's nonsense on forums but tell people I'm writing a screen play."
Hey! Wait a minute  Have you been spying on me?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work
No. My friend Dave. "
Not Dave Smith by any chance?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon."
Does he speak about you in the third person? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I sit in the best coffee shop in Cambridge all day with my dog eared copy of the Brothers Karamazov (never read) nursing an Americano and taking advantage of the free water refills, I type away on my laptop, it's nonsense on forums but tell people I'm writing a screen play.
Hey! Wait a minute Have you been spying on me? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned.
You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work
No. My friend Dave.
Not Dave Smith by any chance?
"
Just Dave. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car!
You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile. "
Yes I should. Next left James...
I didn't think about m&s going bust. Where will I get my 50p out of date ready meals?? Which I *obviously* peel the yellow stickers off of!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Does he speak about you in the third person? "
Of course. 
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men
With a pullover?
A lambswool one. I'm so chic"
Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car!
You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile.
Yes I should. Next left James...
I didn't think about m&s going bust. Where will I get my 50p out of date ready meals?? Which I *obviously* peel the yellow stickers off of!!!"
Food bank. Pretend you go there to volunteer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Does he speak about you in the third person?
Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping. "
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men
With a pullover?
A lambswool one. I'm so chic
Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. "
In my crocodile skin loafers as well  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Does he speak about you in the third person?
Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?"
My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner.
I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men
With a pullover?
A lambswool one. I'm so chic
Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at.
In my crocodile skin loafers as well "
Pfffft get yourself some white rhino. They're endangered don't you know? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals.
Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. ...."
Gotta add that London inflation on! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals.
Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. ....
Gotta add that London inflation on! "
Inflation? You do know you're supposed to suck not blow |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals.
Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. ....
Gotta add that London inflation on!
Inflation? You do know you're supposed to suck not blow "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon."
Pfft, undermined by your lack of use of the acute é though... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men
With a pullover?
A lambswool one. I'm so chic
Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at.
In my crocodile skin loafers as well
Pfffft get yourself some white rhino. They're endangered don't you know?"
Snow leopard undies get me going all day |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Pfft, undermined by your lack of use of the acute é though..."
I have just dismissed my PA. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Does he speak about you in the third person?
Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?
My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner.
I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling. "
Do you grow your own vegetables but reject them if they are misshapen? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"  "
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase"
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance "
I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance
I do this outside our Little Waitrose. It’s classier. "
Oh god no someone might recognise me.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe.
I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock.
I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon.
Same with the words bon vivon.
Does he speak about you in the third person?
Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?
My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner.
I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling.
Do you grow your own vegetables but reject them if they are misshapen? "
Only perfect vegetables ever reach my tableau.
One assumes ones staff donate those that are sub standard to the poor. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr "
Mange tout, mange tout...... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame
Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy
I love ironing water
I used to love ironing water but I have a big steam generated iron now so can’t use it. "
That would cost a fortune.
I don't own an iron now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr "
I love a man who can scream "J'arrive!!" as he cums. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance
I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes. "
You call yourself pretentious and yet decided to go with selfless rather than the far more appropriate and alluringly alliterative 'altruistic'?
For shame Madam! For shame! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr
Mange tout, mange tout......"
Otherwise known as "Man get out, man get out..." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance
I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes.
You call yourself pretentious and yet decided to go with selfless rather than the far more appropriate and alluringly alliterative 'altruistic'?
For shame Madam! For shame!"
I was describing your motivation not mine. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. "
Please tell me you’ve got a 3 litre Ford Capri and you stand there nonchalantly leaning on the roof with the door open |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much. "
Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much.
Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist?"
I wish. But Johanna Basford is rather marvellous all the same. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much.
Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist?
I wish. But Johanna Basford is rather marvellous all the same. "
Just scroll a note and sign the inside cover and say she gave it to you personally  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables "
Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I get my butler to dress down and join me as I shop around Waitrose. Then, when people are in earshot he says things like "They're out of truffles m'lud" and I act all shocked and say "Shhh Jeeves. Remember, it's not m'lud when we're out."
It's a laugh a minute in my life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I won’t drink pints of beer or cider out of traditional style pint glasses (like the carling or strogbow branded one)
They have to be in something a little less common looking
"
A welly? It'll be the newest trend! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables
Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience?"
Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I get my butler to dress down and join me as I shop around Waitrose. Then, when people are in earshot he says things like "They're out of truffles m'lud" and I act all shocked and say "Shhh Jeeves. Remember, it's not m'lud when we're out."
It's a laugh a minute in my life."
Oh how fun it is to frollick with the natives! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have all the windows wound up in the car on hot sunny days so people think i have air conditioning, i actually dont have air con? I Also turn the engine off at traffic lights so poeple think its an eco friendly car |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables
Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience?
Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston "
Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have all the windows wound up in the car on hot sunny days so people think i have air conditioning, i actually dont have air con? I Also turn the engine off at traffic lights so poeple think its an eco friendly car "
Oh! You should change your name to match your numberplate. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables
Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience?
Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston
Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions? "
All day everyday
Right up until Horlick time dear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables
Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience?
Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston
Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions?
All day everyday
Right up until Horlick time dear "
Do you retire to your twin beds after? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arkRichMan
over a year ago
Manchester City Centre |
"I won’t drink pints of beer or cider out of traditional style pint glasses (like the carling or strogbow branded one)
They have to be in something a little less common looking
A welly? It'll be the newest trend! "
Not bad... I’d imagine an old boot would add a bit of flavour too! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables "
Now that, squire, is just elementary common sense. It is not tumorosus, as the latin vernacular would have it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We only listen to vinyls
Music just doesn’t sound right any other way
We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables
Now that, squire, is just elementary common sense. It is not tumorosus, as the latin vernacular would have it "
Good lord what wonderful use of the Queens English my man , rah rah |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame"
Oh Christ, I think I need to get my glasses checked, I read that as "Ironic water".... I was like, wtf... can you get me some sarcasm juice too lol? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im going to put "professional" in my profile
I thought your profile picture was a vibrator.
Nope,its a cup of bovril"
Ah. I thought it was a cotton reel |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When making guacamole, I mix the Hass avocados with mushy peas to make them go further. Nobody has noticed yet.
Oh. Are the peas homegrown? "
They are and hand podded and skinned. I import the avocados though but don’t tell anyone. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame
Oh Christ, I think I need to get my glasses checked, I read that as "Ironic water".... I was like, wtf... can you get me some sarcasm juice too lol? "
Would that be "do you want me to pour myself too?" or "slimming? you? good luck with that" flavour? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Fill up my Evian water bottle with tap water for carrying around on hot days. Not sure if it's pretentious or cheap. "
If you reseal it its pretentious |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We cook guests Turkey drumsticks and tell them its swan as were on the Queens friends list
What do you serve them with?"
Finest fish eggs....opps sorry caviar |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Does putting your primark clothes in a Harrods bag count?
Is it a fabric bag?
Ooh good point, give me back my eco friendly paper primark bag "
Get a brown pen and colour in the letters  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We cook guests Turkey drumsticks and tell them its swan as were on the Queens friends list
What do you serve them with?
Finest fish eggs....opps sorry caviar"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm currently masquerading as another Fabber in order to cultivate an air of availability and allure.
I shall answer all private messages with the response "would you like tea?""
Haha I love your style dude. Wouldn't it be great if Fab was a little more playful like this from time to time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What's the most pretentious thing you do?
I buy £10 magazines that I don't actually read but have them laying around as if I live in an a posh dentist's waiting room. "
Hmm well i still have a heap of physics books I refuse to throw out. Am i going to read them again?. No mam. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
