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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable? |
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Put it this way . In 2011 I had an awful year . Instead of asking for help I bottled things up. And because of that I made a monumental Fuck up that I'll always regret . I now realise that if you have decent enough friends and family that if you ask , they will help . Never bottle shit up trust me !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh fucking hell I always ask for help and advice, that's why I've stuck around here all these years. This place is like having a pocket full of mates and shrinks.
My best friend is my first port of call for advice and she's excellent at it and really gets into the psychology side of things but if I've been riding her arse too much about the same thing then I'll put it here. I also like to have as many different opinions and views as possible so I can understand something as much as I possibly can. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Put it this way . In 2011 I had an awful year . Instead of asking for help I bottled things up. And because of that I made a monumental Fuck up that I'll always regret . I now realise that if you have decent enough friends and family that if you ask , they will help . Never bottle shit up trust me !!"
I'm sorry you had a hard time but it's good you've learned. I'd say I'm the same. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep. Learned the hard way "
Do you address things head on now? Has learning the hard way made you more aware of when you need to ask like do you do it before things become an issue? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. Took a lot of shit going on before I eventually asked for help. So many things went wrong in my life, and I tried to handle it and it all fell apart. Asking for help was the best thing I ever did, and still receive help. My husband tried to bottle things up too - lasted a year longer than I did, and it all went tits up about 8 weeks ago. And he has now asked for help too. Things are getting better. I’ll always encourage people to ask for help if they need it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh fucking hell I always ask for help and advice, that's why I've stuck around here all these years. This place is like having a pocket full of mates and shrinks.
My best friend is my first port of call for advice and she's excellent at it and really gets into the psychology side of things but if I've been riding her arse too much about the same thing then I'll put it here. I also like to have as many different opinions and views as possible so I can understand something as much as I possibly can. "
Yeah I get that. I have a best mate I'd say knows me inside out. He sometimes tells me things about me I haven't even been aware of.
Definitely other opinions help too. Especially when you are battling between your head and heart. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Honestly no. I'll deal with it myself. Going for a walk usually helps me deal with stuff. "
I smiled cos I do this too. Being out in the open helps me think. But do you never find you just can't get a conclusion yourself? Are you really dealing with it or just pushing it out your mind? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep. Took a lot of shit going on before I eventually asked for help. So many things went wrong in my life, and I tried to handle it and it all fell apart. Asking for help was the best thing I ever did, and still receive help. My husband tried to bottle things up too - lasted a year longer than I did, and it all went tits up about 8 weeks ago. And he has now asked for help too. Things are getting better. I’ll always encourage people to ask for help if they need it"
It's great you've both acknowledged you needed to ask. |
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"Yep. Learned the hard way "
This also. I was fortunate that I didn't quite hit rock bottom but was close enough.
I still sort majority of my problems myself as I've found a coping mechanism that works for me. But I also have 2 close friends that I can turn to for mental support. |
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"Honestly no. I'll deal with it myself. Going for a walk usually helps me deal with stuff.
I smiled cos I do this too. Being out in the open helps me think. But do you never find you just can't get a conclusion yourself? Are you really dealing with it or just pushing it out your mind? "
Oh yeah I'm the master of not thinking about stuff until it absolutely needs to be deal with. Compartmentalisation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep. Learned the hard way
This also. I was fortunate that I didn't quite hit rock bottom but was close enough.
I still sort majority of my problems myself as I've found a coping mechanism that works for me. But I also have 2 close friends that I can turn to for mental support."
That's the thing. Knowing yourself and what you can and can't deal with alone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Honestly no. I'll deal with it myself. Going for a walk usually helps me deal with stuff.
I smiled cos I do this too. Being out in the open helps me think. But do you never find you just can't get a conclusion yourself? Are you really dealing with it or just pushing it out your mind?
Oh yeah I'm the master of not thinking about stuff until it absolutely needs to be deal with. Compartmentalisation. "
Does that make the problem grow? |
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I don't now but I used to.
I kept everything in, never talked to anyone, bottled everything up, some stuff going right back to my childhood.
The breakdown of my marriage finally brought it all out & I eventually cracked.
Was diagnosed with PTSD 12yrs ago.
Took several years of counseling to even start to get my head straight.
I'm still a work in progress, these days I'm lucky enough to have a great group of friends that are always there for me, and willing to listen to my rants, even at 3am!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't now but I used to.
I kept everything in, never talked to anyone, bottled everything up, some stuff going right back to my childhood.
The breakdown of my marriage finally brought it all out & I eventually cracked.
Was diagnosed with PTSD 12yrs ago.
Took several years of counseling to even start to get my head straight.
I'm still a work in progress, these days I'm lucky enough to have a great group of friends that are always there for me, and willing to listen to my rants, even at 3am!
"
It's good to see you know it though. Sometimes recognising we have people who care and want to help and actually letting them is hard. |
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"Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable? "
No. I'm a compartmental-iser. I don't ignore problems. I put them in various mental boxes and fix those that can be fixed and agonise in silence for a while over those that can't. I take the view that everyone has their own problems and don't need mine as well. That sounds very noble but it isn't. It's just the way I am.
And when the odd box does spill out into the open I've found that I've truly upset real friends in that I haven't confided in them. And I do regret that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable?
No. I'm a compartmental-iser. I don't ignore problems. I put them in various mental boxes and fix those that can be fixed and agonise in silence for a while over those that can't. I take the view that everyone has their own problems and don't need mine as well. That sounds very noble but it isn't. It's just the way I am.
And when the odd box does spill out into the open I've found that I've truly upset real friends in that I haven't confided in them. And I do regret that "
Yeah I get that too. You sometimes don't want to bother someone if they are dealing with their own stuff. Especially if they are leaning on you for support too.
I hope you've sorted things with your friend. I have one who shares nothing, we found out about her grandad passing away 3 months after he did, she hadn't mentioned it despite being really close to him. We now go out of our way to ask her things. |
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"Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable?
No. I'm a compartmental-iser. I don't ignore problems. I put them in various mental boxes and fix those that can be fixed and agonise in silence for a while over those that can't. I take the view that everyone has their own problems and don't need mine as well. That sounds very noble but it isn't. It's just the way I am.
And when the odd box does spill out into the open I've found that I've truly upset real friends in that I haven't confided in them. And I do regret that
Yeah I get that too. You sometimes don't want to bother someone if they are dealing with their own stuff. Especially if they are leaning on you for support too.
I hope you've sorted things with your friend. I have one who shares nothing, we found out about her grandad passing away 3 months after he did, she hadn't mentioned it despite being really close to him. We now go out of our way to ask her things. "
Thank you Rubidoux. I have. It was more that they were disappointed. Which I found to be more upsetting than anger or annoyance would have been. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I still need help understand what you meant by your last thread?  "
What is there to understand? Someone called themselves a cunt. She wanted opinions on why people may be a cunt, or call themselves a cunt. Not overly difficult.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable?
No. I'm a compartmental-iser. I don't ignore problems. I put them in various mental boxes and fix those that can be fixed and agonise in silence for a while over those that can't. I take the view that everyone has their own problems and don't need mine as well. That sounds very noble but it isn't. It's just the way I am.
And when the odd box does spill out into the open I've found that I've truly upset real friends in that I haven't confided in them. And I do regret that
Yeah I get that too. You sometimes don't want to bother someone if they are dealing with their own stuff. Especially if they are leaning on you for support too.
I hope you've sorted things with your friend. I have one who shares nothing, we found out about her grandad passing away 3 months after he did, she hadn't mentioned it despite being really close to him. We now go out of our way to ask her things.
Thank you Rubidoux. I have. It was more that they were disappointed. Which I found to be more upsetting than anger or annoyance would have been. "
Oh totally. Letting someone down is hard, especially when it's not intentional. |
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"
Oh totally. Letting someone down is hard, especially when it's not intentional. "
I've been dealing with this recently.
A good friend, who was there for me 12yrs ago, when I was a total rock bottom
I wasn't there when she needed me, she bottled things up, she only saw one way out.
It's reopened a whole lot of emotions for me over the last couple of months that I have struggled to deal with.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Oh totally. Letting someone down is hard, especially when it's not intentional.
I've been dealing with this recently.
A good friend, who was there for me 12yrs ago, when I was a total rock bottom
I wasn't there when she needed me, she bottled things up, she only saw one way out.
It's reopened a whole lot of emotions for me over the last couple of months that I have struggled to deal with.
"
Her choice isn't a refection on you though. If she wasn't in a place to share you couldn't have done anything.
You've acknowledged you are struggling and that's a big step to dealing with things. You know you've always got people to help xxx |
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I’m not one for asking for help, I’m the person that listens to other people’s problems and help them get through it but keep all my own problems to myself, or at least play down how bad I feel at times. |
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"Honestly no. I'll deal with it myself. Going for a walk usually helps me deal with stuff.
I smiled cos I do this too. Being out in the open helps me think. But do you never find you just can't get a conclusion yourself? Are you really dealing with it or just pushing it out your mind?
Oh yeah I'm the master of not thinking about stuff until it absolutely needs to be deal with. Compartmentalisation.
Does that make the problem grow? "
Nah, I'm very black and white, the problem is the problem. I'll just lock it away and confront when I have to. I do get extra narky in the meantime though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you ask for help when you need it?
I'm thinking more on a personal level than practical tasks.
Do you seek advice or even just find someone to talk things over with or do you choose to deal with things alone?
Is it a case of ignoring an issue rather than facing it or is it fear of being vulnerable? "
I ask
I know where to go to ask too
Never deal with it alone as you always overthink it and make it 10 times worse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I still need help understand what you meant by your last thread?
What is there to understand? Someone called themselves a cunt. She wanted opinions on why people may be a cunt, or call themselves a cunt. Not overly difficult. "
So nobody called her a cunt? |
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