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By *olgate OP Man
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
They say English is a difficult language...
It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though...
My date and I had a great time today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex.
Why didn't I get a taser sooner?...
I saw my teenage daughter in the local red light district tonight and was in shock.
"You're absolutely fucking degrading yourself! There's other ways of making money," she shouted at me.
Get involved in a huge game of 'hide & seek' by becoming a member of staff at B&Q.
No wonder snooker takes so bloody long. I’ve just been watching it and the little twat with gloves on keeps putting the balls back on the table when no one is looking.
So I called up a Chinese takeaway last night. Someone answered and said:
Herro Im Wan King the chef.
So I said “Oh sorry to disturb, I’ll call back later.
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. …
She looked at me and gave me a dirty smile “Turn the light off and stick it up my arse ” …
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first. |
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By *olgate OP Man
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.
One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance...Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for. After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far." |
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