FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should i feel guilty?
Should i feel guilty?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I left the glorious realm that is Yorkshire aged 19 and moved to Essex, as we all know the streets are paved with gold there.
Ever since then it's been a constant gripe, mostly from my mother, that i just don't ring her often enough. It used to be that i'd ring her every 3 months or so but with the endless guilt tripping and copious nagging i've got that down to once a month, give or take a few weeks.
So, guys, how often do you ring yours? Mums, how often do your sons ring you? Surely i can't be the only one.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I left the glorious realm that is Yorkshire aged 19 and moved to Essex, as we all know the streets are paved with gold there.
Ever since then it's been a constant gripe, mostly from my mother, that i just don't ring her often enough. It used to be that i'd ring her every 3 months or so but with the endless guilt tripping and copious nagging i've got that down to once a month, give or take a few weeks.
So, guys, how often do you ring yours? Mums, how often do your sons ring you? Surely i can't be the only one. "
Id ring her everyday if i could, but its no longer possible.
Surely a 5/10minute phone call one a week is not to much to ask to keep your mum happy.
Obviously i dont know what sort of relationship you have with your mum, but if its a good one then, you should make the effort to call her more. Plus if your feeling some guilt, that tells me you already know you should call her more.
Poppy
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i have 2 brothers...since we were teens one called her nearly everyday, i called every couple of weeks and the other brother very rarely..sets precedents for mums! if first brother didnt call for 2 days she'd call me to check he hadnt been murdered or something..she also called me worrying about youngest bro when he called twice in 2 weeks, convinced something was wrong with him! you cant win really..! id say make a decision on how often to call and stick to it.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I fell out with my Mum lost contact.
Got back in contact patched things up for a couple of years. She developed dementia and I lost her again.
I wish I had patched things up sooner.
I say call when you can. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I speak to my mum at least once a day. Most of the time only for a few minutes. Majority of the time it's only 5 seconds with her checking I've not slept in for work or just to check what today's date is
She's be a long time dead. Phone your fucking mother. It'll no kill you to listen to her pish for 5 mins once a week x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i have 2 brothers...since we were teens one called her nearly everyday, i called every couple of weeks and the other brother very rarely..sets precedents for mums! if first brother didnt call for 2 days she'd call me to check he hadnt been murdered or something..she also called me worrying about youngest bro when he called twice in 2 weeks, convinced something was wrong with him! you cant win really..! id say make a decision on how often to call and stick to it.."
I didn't answer the phone to my mum cos I was hungover when I first moved out so she got the bus over to my house cos she was convinced the watchy on site had murdered me x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Should you feel guilty? No. You should either call her more frequently or else come to terms with the fact that you're not the son you feel you should be. You feeling guilty doesn't do anything for your mother. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her"
she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I speak to my mum at least once a day. Most of the time only for a few minutes. Majority of the time it's only 5 seconds with her checking I've not slept in for work or just to check what today's date is
She's be a long time dead. Phone your fucking mother. It'll no kill you to listen to her pish for 5 mins once a week x"
You sound like my mum, apart from the pish bit.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more "
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"i have 2 brothers...since we were teens one called her nearly everyday, i called every couple of weeks and the other brother very rarely..sets precedents for mums! if first brother didnt call for 2 days she'd call me to check he hadnt been murdered or something..she also called me worrying about youngest bro when he called twice in 2 weeks, convinced something was wrong with him! you cant win really..! id say make a decision on how often to call and stick to it.."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more "
Just because she gave birth to me, doesn't make her my mum |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
I speak to mine most days, my 2 brothers call less frequently but do message regularly. My mom seems to be happy if we follow our usual pattern of contact, I know she becomes concerned if it changes and she doesn’t hear from one of us when she normally would.
How often do you see her?
I think when my son is an adult I’d feel a bit sad if our contact was only a quarterly (ish) phone call  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Speak to my Mum every day during the week and occasionally at weekends if there's something I need to tell her - my father left when I was 18 months old so haven't ever spoken to him, and have no desire to either.
Find what works for you OP - there is no right or wrong, everyone is different |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"I left the glorious realm that is Yorkshire aged 19 and moved to Essex, as we all know the streets are paved with gold there.
Ever since then it's been a constant gripe, mostly from my mother, that i just don't ring her often enough. It used to be that i'd ring her every 3 months or so but with the endless guilt tripping and copious nagging i've got that down to once a month, give or take a few weeks.
So, guys, how often do you ring yours? Mums, how often do your sons ring you? Surely i can't be the only one. "
What about if you combine the activity with something else, put her on speaker phone and do the ironing, or cooking whileyou are talking to her. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I spoke to my Mum at least once a week when she was alive and if she was still here I would probably see her most days now I am back in my hometown, unfortunately I don't have that luxury. My Son and I message eachother most days, often him messaging first...he is a good man that loves his Mum as I did mine, luckily  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I left the glorious realm that is Yorkshire aged 19 and moved to Essex, as we all know the streets are paved with gold there.
Ever since then it's been a constant gripe, mostly from my mother, that i just don't ring her often enough. It used to be that i'd ring her every 3 months or so but with the endless guilt tripping and copious nagging i've got that down to once a month, give or take a few weeks.
So, guys, how often do you ring yours? Mums, how often do your sons ring you? Surely i can't be the only one.
What about if you combine the activity with something else, put her on speaker phone and do the ironing, or cooking whileyou are talking to her."
That sounds a bit too 'new man' for me. Plus it involves multi-tasking.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. "
I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't have a good relationship with my mother. She is the main reason I relocated to Essex from Lincolnshire. We text on birthdays and Christmas. We barely talk other than that.
I text my Dad weekly and my sister most days. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call. "
I think you’ll find that people who are not in contact with their mothers, are not for far more serious reasons than differing points of view and the odd disagreement. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to call my mum daily, just to check in, check she was okay. She died on my wedding day, nearly 7 years ago.
I regularly speak to my dad too usually every other day, sometimes more frequent depends on the weather believe it or not! I don't get to see him as often as I'd like as he's busy with work and looking after his elderly parents, and I'm busy being a mum to our 4, 5 including the dog. It worries me I'll lose him too so the phone calls help a little, but I really need to stop excusing myself and be a better daughter before its too late. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call. "
You are still projecting your relationship with your mother on to his.
Not all mothers are nice. There are reasons why hundreds of children are taken away from their parents and either placed in foster care/childrens homes or adopted each year.
You do not know or understand his relationship with his mother. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I never ring my parents, unless they (or I) need something.
I go back every couple of weeks to see them in person though.
I text my younger (older than me) brother more than my older one, and message my older brothers girlfriend more than him!
I'm also not on Facebook, so I have no idea what is going on in their lives until we meet up at my parents. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call.
You are still projecting your relationship with your mother on to his.
Not all mothers are nice. There are reasons why hundreds of children are taken away from their parents and either placed in foster care/childrens homes or adopted each year.
You do not know or understand his relationship with his mother."
Sadly it’s not an uncommon attitude. “ but she’s your mother”, “she gave you life”. That may be so, but some mothers abuse their position of power over their children. Healthy Relationships work on mutual respect and trust and love in my opinion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I don't feel anybody can tell anybody else how to feel, so "should you feel guilty", it's not something we can really answer for you.
I think the question is, do you feel guilty?
And what difference does it make whether you feel guilty or not if you don't feel like speaking to your mum.
But when she's no longer here will you regret it, and feel guilty then?
Only you can answer that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Just because she gave birth to me, doesn't make her my mum"
That is very true! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call.
You are still projecting your relationship with your mother on to his.
Not all mothers are nice. There are reasons why hundreds of children are taken away from their parents and either placed in foster care/childrens homes or adopted each year.
You do not know or understand his relationship with his mother."
Growing up the best way i can describe my mother is 'distant'. I was much closer to her mother and her grandfather which is where i spent most of my free time.
Having said that i don't judge her for it, as parents we can only do the best we can given the time and resources that are available. I still love her, she is my mum after all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP how often does she ring you? It's a 2 way street!"
Once in a blue moon, usually to check that i'm still alive. When i first moved out she never came to see me (i guess because my sister's 13 years younger than me). Little has changed since. If i do see her it's only because i make the trip up there and to be honest, being self employed, i'd rather lose a day's pay sitting on the beach at Lyme Regis. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm a live in carer for my mum so no need to phone her
Before I moved back in to look after her we spoke on the phone most days and I would visit a couple of times a week.
My twin sister doesn't live locally but still visits whenever she can and does keep in touch. No always by phone, usually by Facebook messenger.
My older sister lives nearby and very rarely phones. She does visit once most weeks but only ever stays for about an hour and usually wants to "borrow" some money from mum. She rarely does anything to help around the house while she's here and doesn't even take her used coffee cup into the kitchen before she leaves  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call.
I think you’ll find that people who are not in contact with their mothers, are not for far more serious reasons than differing points of view and the odd disagreement. "
yes I think I missed the point and I apologise to you for my lack of thought before I posted .best wishes xt |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We care for my parents so we see and speak to them a lot.
My youngest brother has lived in the far east for over 20 years and rarely contacts them.
Our son left home just after his 17th birthday and if I didn't contact him we'd rarely hear from him. It's coming up to 18 months since we've seen him.
I don't think you should underestimate the hurt failing to contact your parents can cause. I'm assuming a good previous relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't agree with emotional bl*ckmail full stop. Everyone should be free to speak to their relatives as much or as little as feels right to them, and that will depends on the dynamics between them - mothers can pick up the phone as well as children after all! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We live with my mum as she’s not in great health and needs help around the house.
Before that we spoke daily, saw each other twice weekly. I was the same with my nan and grampy, although i would visit them almost daily (until they moved in with my mum) and would do cleaning for them or help out with their gardening. They both passed a few years ago so my mum is my only family left. I wouldn’t be without her.
I have two young sons and i have to say the thought of seeing or hearing from them infrequently (if that’s what they choose!) makes me very sad indeed!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We care for my parents so we see and speak to them a lot.
My youngest brother has lived in the far east for over 20 years and rarely contacts them.
Our son left home just after his 17th birthday and if I didn't contact him we'd rarely hear from him. It's coming up to 18 months since we've seen him.
I don't think you should underestimate the hurt failing to contact your parents can cause. I'm assuming a good previous relationship."
I wouldn't say it was good or bad but i understand where you're coming from. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
That's not a lot of contact OP. I have friends thqt speak to their mums every day and sometimes several times a day.
Personally, it's two or three calls a week for me. But I also see her most weeks.
I guess I'm saying yep! Feel guilty  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My son Facetimes me at least a couple times a week, every day if abroad. Whatsapp inbetween sometimes. I see him once a month and he holidays with me.
Daughter might call every month or two or three.LOL Replies to messenger text when I need tech help. I only see her maybe twice a year. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Having just read the thread someone mentioned if he didnt call Mum would turn up..
Recently a young(21) work colleague got a call. Her Mum had been murdered Attacked in the street on her way to work at 8:30 dead at the scene. Poor kid and her younger bruv. Horrific shocking news.
Call your Mums often even if it is a brief Hi.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My biological mom didn't even recognise me when I turned up in her doorstep and she found it a chore to offer me a drink of water and the only thing she asked was what time am I leaving.
That was the first and last time I saw that heartless self centred bitch.
The parents that brought me up are my world but the vile ones conceived me
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We care for my parents so we see and speak to them a lot.
My youngest brother has lived in the far east for over 20 years and rarely contacts them.
Our son left home just after his 17th birthday and if I didn't contact him we'd rarely hear from him. It's coming up to 18 months since we've seen him.
I don't think you should underestimate the hurt failing to contact your parents can cause. I'm assuming a good previous relationship.
I wouldn't say it was good or bad but i understand where you're coming from."
But...as others have said you can't underestimate the hurt parents failing to contact their children can cause. My father so he never dream of calling us unless he needed something |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We care for my parents so we see and speak to them a lot.
My youngest brother has lived in the far east for over 20 years and rarely contacts them.
Our son left home just after his 17th birthday and if I didn't contact him we'd rarely hear from him. It's coming up to 18 months since we've seen him.
I don't think you should underestimate the hurt failing to contact your parents can cause. I'm assuming a good previous relationship.
I wouldn't say it was good or bad but i understand where you're coming from.
But...as others have said you can't underestimate the hurt parents failing to contact their children can cause. My father so he never dream of calling us unless he needed something"
Would never dream of calling us is what that should say. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I left home at 16, apart from a couple of months when I was 19, I've lived down south ever since.
As a teen & 20s- no mobiles, no Internet in those days I'd write a letter every week.
Now days, I text my mum every morning, we talk on the phone several times a week & most weeks I make the 500 mile round trip to see her.
My only true regret in life is being so far away from her, not seeing her everyday & she's missed out so much of her grandchildren growing up
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Im in contact with mine every other day.
I also do the repairs to the property and sometimes overuled her on some stuff.
both my children are not on speaking terms with there birth mum, I dont think they ever will its that sour between them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
If I am out the country - I normally just message to say that I landed / got to hotel with no issues.
If less than 3 days normally message when at airport on way home just so they know what time to expect me back.
If longer then normally when I move from town 1 to town 2 I will message to say I am in town 2 so they know where I am.
Though after Marseille 18 months ago my dad did go mental when I called Sunday morning to say I had been tear gassed twice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I ring my parents once a week and my kids tend to whatsapp me most days over something. Our calls are not long but its about keeping in touch and making sure everyone is ok.
I don't think there is a hard and fast rule and it depends how close you are to each other. "Forced" phone calls are not really great, I don't think because they would not be as genuine.
I would say a short call once a week or so is quite nice ?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My mother is knob. Life is peaceful without her she's still your mum though , grow a pair and ring her before its to late and you cant.i ring mine most days .wish I could ring dad aswell but he aint here no more
Hmm. Given that not everyone on the planet is a good, nice, decent person, it’s hardly surprising that some of those people are Mother’s. It’s great if you have a good relationship with your mother, but to chastise people that don’t is unpleasant. I can understand what you're saying , myself and mother often have a few words , disagreement, s and different points of view and often think to myself why do I bother but I would still give her a phone call.
I think you’ll find that people who are not in contact with their mothers, are not for far more serious reasons than differing points of view and the odd disagreement. "
Those that don't have those mothers simply wont get it.
I have 3 sibs and none of us will be able to rebuild our relationships with each other until my mother dies. Sadly, my sister will probably die before her.
I will not suffer due to false loyalty just because that woman gave birth to me, I owe her nothing positive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Both mum and stepmom are dead but me and my bros take turns visiting dad to tuck him in for the evening so he gets someone visit every evening
That way we make sure he is ok and takes his medication at the right times |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Its funny. Reading comments on here, I can't help but wonder if the comments would be the same if it was Dads we were talking about.
Just because someone birthed and carried you for 9 months does not automatically mean unconditional love.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Its funny. Reading comments on here, I can't help but wonder if the comments would be the same if it was Dads we were talking about.
Just because someone birthed and carried you for 9 months does not automatically mean unconditional love.
"
I only mentioned my mum, as my dad died 3yrs ago, up until then everything I wrote referred to both parents.
As for carrying & birthing... I've never met the woman that did that. So you're right.
My mum is the amazing lady who raised me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I had intended this post to be a little more light hearted than ig turned out to be but i suppose a psychoanalysis of relationships was inevitable.
I want to thank you all for sharing your experiences and for your sage words and wise counsel. Having given this much thought i have come to the conclusion that i am remiss and should really make more of an effort to keep in touch.
Thanks once again. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's coming on 10 years since I last sent a text to my parents. Although I did see then around 8 years ago at a funeral. Their comments that day pretty much conformed that I'd made the right choice and that I'm unlikely to ever bother again. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
