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New relationships
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
most people are willing to overlook some faults on a partner or adapt to their ways I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a friend from school (well a Facebook friend now) two weeks ago she was crying in bed for the whole weekend and then last weekend went away with another man and is lived up again! It doesn’t bother me I’m just intrigued by it all, she plasters it all over Facebook and says how happy she is, it ends and then on to the next one, he poor daughter can’t know what’s going on from one day to the next (although she’s 17 so not like she’s a little girl).
Geeky x |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
It's much easier to please yourself than having to think about someone else's thoughts, wants, needs, hopes and dreams. I think as we add time to our life we get more comfortable with ourselves or should that be eccepting of ourselves? But also more thoughtful about taking that chance, the what if's. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know women like that.
When they start a new relationship every detail is plastered on Facebook and he's the One. A few months later he's a cunt and they are single "and don't need a man in their life to be happy".
A week later and they are raving about a new man who is the best thing since sliced bread.
They repeat this ad nauseum.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard"
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. "
that's because your not prepared to lower your standards slightly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some aren't bothered about a relationship as they are happy without.
Some want a relationship so much they scare people off.
Some think they would like a relationship but find ways to sabotage or avoid it as they have a deep seated fear of being in a relationship.
Some jump into relationship after relationship as they can't be alone.
Some just haven't found the right person yet and won't 'settle'.
Some find the wrong person and stick with it for the wrong reasons.
It's good you are examining your situation and what you truly want. It's a minefield. But if you aren't happy with your situation then asking yourself the hard questions is probably the best first step |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. that's because your not prepared to lower your standards slightly"
What makes you know what she does and doesn’t do? Don’t tell, ask. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. that's because your not prepared to lower your standards slightly
What makes you know what she does and doesn’t do? Don’t tell, ask. "
I'm not telling her anything it's a generalisation and it applies to most single people the trouble is you always compare someone new with your ex and that's unfair on the new person as they're their own person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've no Idea. I've been single almost 10 years. I'm lonely and no one seems to want me for more than fun. I'm very fussy and often blinkered by idiots. However only ever really had one proper relationship. I married him but didn't love him.
I'm staring to think I'm just not the relationship type, which is gutting because I actually believe I've a lot to give. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Some aren't bothered about a relationship as they are happy without.
Some want a relationship so much they scare people off.
Some think they would like a relationship but find ways to sabotage or avoid it as they have a deep seated fear of being in a relationship.
Some jump into relationship after relationship as they can't be alone.
Some just haven't found the right person yet and won't 'settle'.
Some find the wrong person and stick with it for the wrong reasons.
It's good you are examining your situation and what you truly want. It's a minefield. But if you aren't happy with your situation then asking yourself the hard questions is probably the best first step"
You obviously see where I am coming from but you are not answering any questions, so am I just built without that gene?
Is love really just a fragment of the imagination that others just wish and pretend they have?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. that's because your not prepared to lower your standards slightly
What makes you know what she does and doesn’t do? Don’t tell, ask. I'm not telling her anything it's a generalisation and it applies to most single people the trouble is you always compare someone new with your ex and that's unfair on the new person as they're their own person"
You didn’t phrase it as a generalisation. I also don’t agree with you, I think there’s many reasons but often we project the ones most familiar to ourselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some aren't bothered about a relationship as they are happy without.
Some want a relationship so much they scare people off.
Some think they would like a relationship but find ways to sabotage or avoid it as they have a deep seated fear of being in a relationship.
Some jump into relationship after relationship as they can't be alone.
Some just haven't found the right person yet and won't 'settle'.
Some find the wrong person and stick with it for the wrong reasons.
It's good you are examining your situation and what you truly want. It's a minefield. But if you aren't happy with your situation then asking yourself the hard questions is probably the best first step
You obviously see where I am coming from but you are not answering any questions, so am I just built without that gene?
Is love really just a fragment of the imagination that others just wish and pretend they have?
"
Nope I cant answer your question, my longest relationship ever has been 18 months and its mostly been me that ended it. And I question why that is too. But I do know the only ones incapable of love are psychopaths. So if you aren't one of those there is surely hope. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
To put it into context I have been in three relationships, I was 16-19 young love, 21 to 24 a cheating arse (my own fault) and served me right tbh then I went off type for 5 years for a nice guy, just ended up room mates and single for the rest, where the hell do I go from here?
Others seem to make it, why can't I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is very easy to have a relationship .. you just need to be you .. be yourself .. let your man to know u ..let him to treat like nobody treat u .. u need to Look after him , hi need to Look after u .. and .. that fuck%} ego , that is. Bullshit ! U need to let that ego go... if u really love someone , you will pass after His mistake, After His essue , (excluding cheating ) ... the ego is the biggest mistake that we .. people do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But love is also about give and take and if you been single a long time and used to doing what u want when you want comprising can be hard
I'm self-sacrificing. Any man I'm with can do as he pleases as long as he pleases me. It's finding the man that's the hard part. that's because your not prepared to lower your standards slightly"
I don't have particularly high standards to start with.
My standards only really relate to how a man treats other people. I don't need a man to look after me or to treat me like a princess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is very easy to have a relationship .. you just need to be you .. be yourself .. let your man to know u ..let him to treat like nobody treat u .. u need to Look after him , hi need to Look after u .. and .. that fuck%} ego , that is. Bullshit ! U need to let that ego go... if u really love someone , you will pass after His mistake, After His essue , (excluding cheating ) ... the ego is the biggest mistake that we .. people do it "
I let my ex husband's "issues" pass for years. I have no ego. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is very easy to have a relationship .. you just need to be you .. be yourself .. let your man to know u ..let him to treat like nobody treat u .. u need to Look after him , hi need to Look after u .. and .. that fuck%} ego , that is. Bullshit ! U need to let that ego go... if u really love someone , you will pass after His mistake, After His essue , (excluding cheating ) ... the ego is the biggest mistake that we .. people do it
I let my ex husband's "issues" pass for years. I have no ego. "
... speckless ... sometimes .. some people round Us , they dont apprexiate the effort that we do it for them ..i dont know .. but i never cheat , is a shame for people that they do it.. |
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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
I've been hurt too much and am now used to being alone, think it's just a normal thing today x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My longest relationship was when i was married, before that the thought of being in a relationship equated to boredom and monogamy and after i was just happy to be in short term liasons, and when complications arose i just moved on..
I really dont think im wired right for a long term loving relationship but it would be nice to prove myself wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
It's when they introduce the kids too quick that really sticks in my throat. Known the guy 5 mins and the weans have got a new daddy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m hopeless. Wish someone could sort me out.
I messaged you with a thought Blanche ..."
Oh let me go look, I’ve not been dealing with messages as I have a troll! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always gone a few years between relationships as mine have tended to be long term and it’s nice to find yourself again and let your hair down a bit when it ends. |
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By *annooWoman
over a year ago
Hastings |
Wow this thread has made me feel better about myself
i was starting to think i had issues
i have mates that seem to be in relationships all the time and he/she is always THE ONE.
i am yet to even have one. i appreciate i have issues and a busy life and often dont even want one...but im not a total hide away
but i dont always understand people who are constantly in relationships and cant be on their own even when the person they are with is toxic to their life....
i cannot fathom it
i dont dish their choice to love with all their heart each time...i justdont believe that it is actually love each time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like not stressing over doing everything right for a man. I don't think I'd make a good girlfriend or wife now.
I'm burnt out. "
But what if him is stressing to do everything good for you ? |
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Very interesting read !
I have tried relationships and never cheated,vanilla and on here,I no idea what men are looking for. Been single for 14 months and found in not here to please anyone but myself and yes This is a swinging site,I'm not here for everyone's entertainment  |
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"Wow this thread has made me feel better about myself
i was starting to think i had issues
i have mates that seem to be in relationships all the time and he/she is always THE ONE.
i am yet to even have one. i appreciate i have issues and a busy life and often dont even want one...but im not a total hide away
but i dont always understand people who are constantly in relationships and cant be on their own even when the person they are with is toxic to their life....
i cannot fathom it
i dont dish their choice to love with all their heart each time...i justdont believe that it is actually love each time"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like not stressing over doing everything right for a man. I don't think I'd make a good girlfriend or wife now.
I'm burnt out.
But what if him is stressing to do everything good for you ? "
I wouldn't want a man stressing about making me happy. I would be a bad person if I did that to a man. |
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
You sound as if you think it's wrong to go from relationship to relationship. Some people like having a partner even if it's short term .
I don't think there's anything wrong with you if you don't want relationships or if you do. It's just that people are different, their life experiences are different and their needs are different. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Wow this thread has made me feel better about myself
i was starting to think i had issues
i have mates that seem to be in relationships all the time and he/she is always THE ONE.
i am yet to even have one. i appreciate i have issues and a busy life and often dont even want one...but im not a total hide away
but i dont always understand people who are constantly in relationships and cant be on their own even when the person they are with is toxic to their life....
i cannot fathom it
i dont dish their choice to love with all their heart each time...i justdont believe that it is actually love each time"
So I am not the only one! Thank fuck for that! I just don't
understand the concept and why I am abnormal to the rule, why do other seem the find 'the one' and I am left floundering |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Wow this thread has made me feel better about myself
i was starting to think i had issues
i have mates that seem to be in relationships all the time and he/she is always THE ONE.
i am yet to even have one. i appreciate i have issues and a busy life and often dont even want one...but im not a total hide away
but i dont always understand people who are constantly in relationships and cant be on their own even when the person they are with is toxic to their life....
i cannot fathom it
i dont dish their choice to love with all their heart each time...i justdont believe that it is actually love each time
So I am not the only one! Thank fuck for that! I just don't
understand the concept and why I am abnormal to the rule, why do other seem the find 'the one' and I am left floundering "
Im the same all my friends get into relationships and its always me thats single. Then the relationships end and off they go again whilst Im still single the cycle continues...
Ive often wondered over the years "why"  |
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By *eesideMan
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
No idea
I've never had a girlfriend / relationship yet.
Wish i did thow. |
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By *eesideMan
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"Some aren't bothered about a relationship as they are happy without.
Some want a relationship so much they scare people off.
Some think they would like a relationship but find ways to sabotage or avoid it as they have a deep seated fear of being in a relationship.
Some jump into relationship after relationship as they can't be alone.
Some just haven't found the right person yet and won't 'settle'.
Some find the wrong person and stick with it for the wrong reasons.
It's good you are examining your situation and what you truly want. It's a minefield. But if you aren't happy with your situation then asking yourself the hard questions is probably the best first step"
I think i mite be the 2nd 1...  |
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I know a few people who seems to go from relationship to relationship, some even lining the next up before ditching the last!
Not something I've ever done.
My last serious relationship lasted over 4 years and I was a mess at the end. I picked myself up and decided to stay single and was happy as such until I met my man over 2 and a half years ago, by then I was healed and ready to be with someone again 
I'd rather be alone that with the wrong person or in a relationship for convenience. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
I'd only ever had long term relationships - I was with my girlfriend I met when I was in the first year of uni for four years and then my ex wife for 11 or so years... I've been single a few years and it just doesn't seem to happen for me anymore... |
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"I know a few people who seems to go from relationship to relationship, some even lining the next up before ditching the last!
Not something I've ever done.
My last serious relationship lasted over 4 years and I was a mess at the end. I picked myself up and decided to stay single and was happy as such until I met my man over 2 and a half years ago, by then I was healed and ready to be with someone again
I'd rather be alone that with the wrong person or in a relationship for convenience."
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
I know that I’m hopeless if I’m not in a relationship . I tried the whole dating thing nine years ago when my second marriage broke down , and the meaningless sex just seemed cold and empty . Met S , we gelled and got married almost six years ago , been swinging seven years , and got together eight years ago . I’ve never been happier despite my own health issues of late .
I think you either are or aren’t meant to be in a relationship . As some have said they are happy not to be , and don’t want one . Been there done that , never again .
For some reason you seem to want one , yet can’t find what you want . Would you say you are too picky ? I have no idea whether you are or not , but what I do know is that perfection doesn’t exist in this world . And if we strive to find it in ourselves or worse still in others , we will always be dssapointed .
I also know that love can be found by anyone if they have an open heart and a mind to let it in . Sometimes with someone least expected . The truth is , I knew S for ten years before we ever dated , and didn’t ever think we would be together . She was the last person I thought I would be with , yet here I am and we are so happy , madly in love after eight years .
I hope you find what you need
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question
I know that I’m hopeless if I’m not in a relationship . I tried the whole dating thing nine years ago when my second marriage broke down , and the meaningless sex just seemed cold and empty . Met S , we gelled and got married almost six years ago , been swinging seven years , and got together eight years ago . I’ve never been happier despite my own health issues of late .
I think you either are or aren’t meant to be in a relationship . As some have said they are happy not to be , and don’t want one . Been there done that , never again .
For some reason you seem to want one , yet can’t find what you want . Would you say you are too picky ? I have no idea whether you are or not , but what I do know is that perfection doesn’t exist in this world . And if we strive to find it in ourselves or worse still in others , we will always be dssapointed .
I also know that love can be found by anyone if they have an open heart and a mind to let it in . Sometimes with someone least expected . The truth is , I knew S for ten years before we ever dated , and didn’t ever think we would be together . She was the last person I thought I would be with , yet here I am and we are so happy , madly in love after eight years .
I hope you find what you need
"
What and / or how did it change from knowing S and never expecting being with her, to then getting together? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well just a thought- I’m slightly Aspergers and so struggle with social interactions generally so getting a relationship is very difficult for me- my last was 4 years ago with a girl who I have no doubt would’ve become more and more controlling like that recent news story.
I’d love a few close female friends but having asked lots of them subtly the consensus is I’m a nice guy but lack some ingredient needed to be attractive in that way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know the answer Foxy 
I wish I did - because being on my own is getting old now ( and so am I! )
I have to confess to not actively seeking a relationship - or do I let anyone close to me so I guess I'm sabotaging any chances of meeting anyone!
Some people need other people.
I get it - it's not wrong it's just how they are.
I don't need people or really like most of them - so it's a shocker I'm single really ... 
I want a sometimes man - more than FB but less than a full on relationship.
I don't want to live with them or have to spend time with their children or families ( shudder)
I want to see them at weekends and go on holidays and have them to talk to.
Thst probably doesn't exist ...
Oh well another day on my own then
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people will fall in love with anybody !
Well they are actually more in love with the idea of being in love than being actually in love with the actual person they claim to be in love with!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will fall in love with anybody !
Well they are actually more in love with the idea of being in love than being actually in love with the actual person they claim to be in love with!
"
Fucking gave myself a headach rereading myself !!
Hope that makes more sense that it sounds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will fall in love with anybody !
Well they are actually more in love with the idea of being in love than being actually in love with the actual person they claim to be in love with!
Fucking gave myself a headach rereading myself !!
Hope that makes more sense that it sounds "
I understood it. |
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"I don't know the answer Foxy
I wish I did - because being on my own is getting old now ( and so am I! )
I have to confess to not actively seeking a relationship - or do I let anyone close to me so I guess I'm sabotaging any chances of meeting anyone!
Some people need other people.
I get it - it's not wrong it's just how they are.
I don't need people or really like most of them - so it's a shocker I'm single really ...
I want a sometimes man - more than FB but less than a full on relationship.
I don't want to live with them or have to spend time with their children or families ( shudder)
I want to see them at weekends and go on holidays and have them to talk to.
Thst probably doesn't exist ...
Oh well another day on my own then
"
I hear you .
This all apply to me as well .
People started saying “ What is wrong with you ?” When they find out I have been single 6 years and not dated .
Perhaps someone who is in the army or works abroad would be perfect choice ... maybe !? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are always the worst critics of ourselves.. just because you haven’t met anyone doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you... although past experiences and heartache does build barriers that sometimes can affect future relationships..
I sometimes worry I will never find the type of love I have experienced in the past.. I also think do I want to because of the pain it caused afterwards... but then I think you just have to let life takes it course... If you happy with your life then just go with it...
You never know what or who is around the corner!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seem to fall at the second date hurdle lol..I’m 38 and desperately want children so it’s hard wanting a relationship and not getting it maybe I’m putting way too much pressure on myself "
Have you considered having a child without a relationship ? That would reduce the pressure and can work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know someone like that. Ended a five year relationship on the Sunday, saying how she was having a break from men etc etc by the Wednesday arranging a date with someone. And I’m here thinking, woah there, how have you managed that when all I seem to find is the ghosters and idiots!
I’m on a couple of fb groups for single parents and the amount of people on there who post about these amazing dates they have been on and then decide they aren’t ready to date, drives me bonkers and I really want to say, well bloody leave them for them alone for the people who want that in their lives! Honestly makes me rage sometimes which is so silly as I consider myself pretty level headed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP - some people may go from relationship to relationship, doesn’t mean they are happy though. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
Look how many attached people who are on here. For all you know, some may be those very people you see posting how great their life is on Facebook. The reality is they may be cheating or their other half is.
And being happy in your own skin is a good thing. Some people, need a partner to validate their own happiness.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know the answer Foxy
I wish I did - because being on my own is getting old now ( and so am I! )
I have to confess to not actively seeking a relationship - or do I let anyone close to me so I guess I'm sabotaging any chances of meeting anyone!
Some people need other people.
I get it - it's not wrong it's just how they are.
I don't need people or really like most of them - so it's a shocker I'm single really ...
I want a sometimes man - more than FB but less than a full on relationship.
I don't want to live with them or have to spend time with their children or families ( shudder)
I want to see them at weekends and go on holidays and have them to talk to.
Thst probably doesn't exist ...
Oh well another day on my own then
I hear you .
This all apply to me as well .
People started saying “ What is wrong with you ?” When they find out I have been single 6 years and not dated .
Perhaps someone who is in the army or works abroad would be perfect choice ... maybe !? "
Yes someone who works away would be ideal.
The older I get the more I understand the word "moderation
Nothing is fun if you do it all the time.
A sometimes man is what I want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP - some people may go from relationship to relationship, doesn’t mean they are happy though. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
Look how many attached people who are on here. For all you know, some may be those very people you see posting how great their life is on Facebook. The reality is they may be cheating or their other half is.
And being happy in your own skin is a good thing. Some people, need a partner to validate their own happiness.
"
Exactly.
Never compare yourself to others- that's an excellent way of making yourself miserable!
People let you see what they want you to see - especially on social media!
A woman I work with looks amazing on the outside- she's got the perfect life so it seems.
But the reality is her husband is cheating and she ignores it for financial reasons.
And half of my home town is on Fab - the majority behind their partners back |
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I've a friend who hasn't been single since school, though often cheated on the women - he needed someone to prop him up. Many weren't particularly good matches but he saw them as better than nothing. One time we got to his after a night out - his answering machine was played and a woman's voice gave away his cheating secret... a rocky patch in that relationship followed, until he switched them. Desperate and horrible!
I prefer to be single and engage in good relationships, even if it took many years between them or was single forever. If you don't have a neediness to incessantly be in a relationship you are probably better off Foxy. The sex desire levels are a somewhat different thing potentially but you'll know how it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP - some people may go from relationship to relationship, doesn’t mean they are happy though. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
Look how many attached people who are on here. For all you know, some may be those very people you see posting how great their life is on Facebook. The reality is they may be cheating or their other half is.
And being happy in your own skin is a good thing. Some people, need a partner to validate their own happiness.
"
Good post. I've absolutely needed a man to validate my happiness and it's only because I've been single for the last year or so that I've worked on that. I'm now slightly worried that if I got into a relationship I'd revert back and my expectations of my boyfriend would again be unreasonable. But that's another story |
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"I know women like that.
When they start a new relationship every detail is plastered on Facebook and he's the One. A few months later he's a cunt and they are single "and don't need a man in their life to be happy".
A week later and they are raving about a new man who is the best thing since sliced bread.
They repeat this ad nauseum.
"
Yep: I have a few like that too. They find me odd because I go on holiday with friends, male and female, go off on my own, I post pictures of my adventures on Facebook. There are very few pics of himself and he looks like a cross between Bruce Willis and Jason Statham.
They don't understand why I don't plaster him all over Facebook and gush how wonderful he is...please! |
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"Some aren't bothered about a relationship as they are happy without.
Some want a relationship so much they scare people off.
Some think they would like a relationship but find ways to sabotage or avoid it as they have a deep seated fear of being in a relationship.
Some jump into relationship after relationship as they can't be alone.
Some just haven't found the right person yet and won't 'settle'.
Some find the wrong person and stick with it for the wrong reasons.
It's good you are examining your situation and what you truly want. It's a minefield. But if you aren't happy with your situation then asking yourself the hard questions is probably the best first step"
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"Is very easy to have a relationship .. you just need to be you .. be yourself .. let your man to know u ..let him to treat like nobody treat u .. u need to Look after him , hi need to Look after u .. and .. that fuck%} ego , that is. Bullshit ! U need to let that ego go... if u really love someone , you will pass after His mistake, After His essue , (excluding cheating ) ... the ego is the biggest mistake that we .. people do it
I let my ex husband's "issues" pass for years. I have no ego. "
Ditto! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Too me op it's catch 22. When you find the ones who you really want it to work with....they are the ones who do not want a relationship....then the ones who do want a relationship with you...you don't want a relationship with them so it goes on and on.
Just my view on relationships |
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"I know a few people who seems to go from relationship to relationship, some even lining the next up before ditching the last!
Not something I've ever done.
My last serious relationship lasted over 4 years and I was a mess at the end. I picked myself up and decided to stay single and was happy as such until I met my man over 2 and a half years ago, by then I was healed and ready to be with someone again
I'd rather be alone that with the wrong person or in a relationship for convenience."
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"Some people will fall in love with anybody !
Well they are actually more in love with the idea of being in love than being actually in love with the actual person they claim to be in love with!
"
Makes perfect sense - they are getting into relationships with people who they are not really compatible with and just denying that fact for the sake of a physical attraction or convenience or whatever.
I am much happier in a relationship but cannot find the person who fits the bill. It's not about perfection, it cannot be as I am not perfect - it's about the right feel, that dovetail joint sliding into place with ease, a yin and yang type thing lol. |
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Am I misunderstanding what people mean by relationship?
I like being with someone. I haven't been properly single in any real sense since I was 17. I haven't always been in love with the people I've been with, I don't know how you can be until you know someone, but I have liked them and enjoyed being with them until it became clear that we weren't compatible. Mr N and I have been together a long time and I hope never to be alone but if I was I would look for companionship with a physical element to it. I wouldn't bother to try and build the type of relationship we have now though, I don't want to.
There seems to me to be an attitude running through this thread implying that serial relationships are inferior in some way and people that go from one to another are wrong. I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though "
This is real .. but most of the times people Look about how u dress , how u Look .. they dont Look anymore inside .. to see the soul of the person NexT to them .. lot of gold diggers in this days |
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" I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though
This is real .. but most of the times people Look about how u dress , how u Look .. they dont Look anymore inside .. to see the soul of the person NexT to them .. lot of gold diggers in this days"
I admit that first impressions count with me. Experience has taught me that if I was looking to start a new relationship I would approach it from a practical angle. I wouldn't say no to a few short flings on the way with totally unsuitable people though. Life is here to be lived, not hide bound by what ifs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I misunderstanding what people mean by relationship?
I like being with someone. I haven't been properly single in any real sense since I was 17. I haven't always been in love with the people I've been with, I don't know how you can be until you know someone, but I have liked them and enjoyed being with them until it became clear that we weren't compatible. Mr N and I have been together a long time and I hope never to be alone but if I was I would look for companionship with a physical element to it. I wouldn't bother to try and build the type of relationship we have now though, I don't want to.
There seems to me to be an attitude running through this thread implying that serial relationships are inferior in some way and people that go from one to another are wrong. I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though "
Yeah I get that but inevitably while kissing the frogs...one may develop feelings for the other....but it's not reciperated. I have been on both sides of this and hence why I compare it with the catch 22. But I agree if you don't kiss the frogs now and then you will never know |
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"Am I misunderstanding what people mean by relationship?
I like being with someone. I haven't been properly single in any real sense since I was 17. I haven't always been in love with the people I've been with, I don't know how you can be until you know someone, but I have liked them and enjoyed being with them until it became clear that we weren't compatible. Mr N and I have been together a long time and I hope never to be alone but if I was I would look for companionship with a physical element to it. I wouldn't bother to try and build the type of relationship we have now though, I don't want to.
There seems to me to be an attitude running through this thread implying that serial relationships are inferior in some way and people that go from one to another are wrong. I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though
Yeah I get that but inevitably while kissing the frogs...one may develop feelings for the other....but it's not reciperated. I have been on both sides of this and hence why I compare it with the catch 22. But I agree if you don't kiss the frogs now and then you will never know "
No relationship ever came with a guarantee though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I misunderstanding what people mean by relationship?
I like being with someone. I haven't been properly single in any real sense since I was 17. I haven't always been in love with the people I've been with, I don't know how you can be until you know someone, but I have liked them and enjoyed being with them until it became clear that we weren't compatible. Mr N and I have been together a long time and I hope never to be alone but if I was I would look for companionship with a physical element to it. I wouldn't bother to try and build the type of relationship we have now though, I don't want to.
There seems to me to be an attitude running through this thread implying that serial relationships are inferior in some way and people that go from one to another are wrong. I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though
Yeah I get that but inevitably while kissing the frogs...one may develop feelings for the other....but it's not reciperated. I have been on both sides of this and hence why I compare it with the catch 22. But I agree if you don't kiss the frogs now and then you will never know
No relationship ever came with a guarantee though. "
Tell me about that one.. it took me 25 years to realise |
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"Am I misunderstanding what people mean by relationship?
I like being with someone. I haven't been properly single in any real sense since I was 17. I haven't always been in love with the people I've been with, I don't know how you can be until you know someone, but I have liked them and enjoyed being with them until it became clear that we weren't compatible. Mr N and I have been together a long time and I hope never to be alone but if I was I would look for companionship with a physical element to it. I wouldn't bother to try and build the type of relationship we have now though, I don't want to.
There seems to me to be an attitude running through this thread implying that serial relationships are inferior in some way and people that go from one to another are wrong. I don't see how you can find a Prince without kissing a few frogs though
Yeah I get that but inevitably while kissing the frogs...one may develop feelings for the other....but it's not reciperated. I have been on both sides of this and hence why I compare it with the catch 22. But I agree if you don't kiss the frogs now and then you will never know
No relationship ever came with a guarantee though.
Tell me about that one.. it took me 25 years to realise"
Oh dear  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so it is onwards and upwards then I suppose and just see what happens with no expectations is the best way it seems "
Exactly , when u meet someone u dont need to have Any expectations .. because at the end of the day .. u can be let down.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Relationships are complicated what works for someone won't work for someone else you need to find what works and see if it makes u happy op I bet you truly haven't been 100% satisfied in your previous relationships and there's that niggle Inthe back of your head everytime you meet someone |
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into a relationship..."
I've asked myself this a couple of times the last 2 months as I've just watched a good friend of mine go from being broken up about an asshole Ex to being mad for 3 different people.
sometimes people just need and want attention i guess. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in the way that we all want it.
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"I can never understand how some people can just fall into a relationship...
I've asked myself this a couple of times the last 2 months as I've just watched a good friend of mine go from being broken up about an asshole Ex to being mad for 3 different people.
sometimes people just need and want attention i guess. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in the way that we all want it.
"
being in a relationship isn't just about wanting attention on my opinion, it's way more than that . My idea of a relationship seems to be unusual judging by this thread. |
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"I don't know the answer Foxy
I wish I did - because being on my own is getting old now ( and so am I! )
I have to confess to not actively seeking a relationship - or do I let anyone close to me so I guess I'm sabotaging any chances of meeting anyone!
Some people need other people.
I get it - it's not wrong it's just how they are.
I don't need people or really like most of them - so it's a shocker I'm single really ...
I want a sometimes man - more than FB but less than a full on relationship.
I don't want to live with them or have to spend time with their children or families ( shudder)
I want to see them at weekends and go on holidays and have them to talk to.
Thst probably doesn't exist ...
Oh well another day on my own then
"
That is exactly what I want. However, I also believe it doesn't exist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know the answer Foxy
I wish I did - because being on my own is getting old now ( and so am I! )
I have to confess to not actively seeking a relationship - or do I let anyone close to me so I guess I'm sabotaging any chances of meeting anyone!
Some people need other people.
I get it - it's not wrong it's just how they are.
I don't need people or really like most of them - so it's a shocker I'm single really ...
I want a sometimes man - more than FB but less than a full on relationship.
I don't want to live with them or have to spend time with their children or families ( shudder)
I want to see them at weekends and go on holidays and have them to talk to.
Thst probably doesn't exist ...
Oh well another day on my own then
"
That sounds perfect! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in some single parenting facebook groups and the amount of women that jump from relationship to relationship introducing their kids to new men is astounding (I judge this- not so much the relationship) I have been since 16 ish months now and really have worked out what i want from a relationship and *think* I may have found it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
"
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough."
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough.
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to?"
They are open to finding people attractive. Everyone has something attractive about them but if we just operate at the surface and close down options then the pool will be small.
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
"I can never understand how some people can just fall into relationship after relationship. I mean, how do you find them? I have been single for 12+ years yet some can never stand being on their own. I just find it strange. Do those that jump from one to the next actually find happiness or are you deluding yourselves only to discover the truth a few days/weeks/months down the line?
In fact I haven't even been attracted to someone enough to even have sex with them in over a year never mind form some sort of relationship, so what is it that others do that I obviously lack in? Because I must lack some sort of gene of some sort, just not sure which one it is.
So how do you do it and can I change or do I even want to change? That is the Big question "
Is it just rebound relationships? Falling out of one and into another when you arent ready which inevitably leads to to the next failing ? |
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"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough.
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to?"
If many of the forum posts I read are right loads of people go for personality before looks. Maybe that's the answer. |
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"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough.
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to?
If many of the forum posts I read are right loads of people go for personality before looks. Maybe that's the answer."
i definetly do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough.
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to?"
I find lots of people attractive, but I don’t relationship jump.
Do you think you’re looking for perfection? |
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"I'm missing the relationship gene.
The people I know who succeed in their relationships all describe, in various ways, being open to the risk of it not working and then putting in the work to ensure risk is mitigated. Love is risky and yet makes you feel safe.
Say yes more.
This is so true.
It’s all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough.
Surely to allow yourself to do that you have to find someone you are attracted to and them to you!
I can't even get to that stage, that was my point, how do these relationship jumpers find so many people they are physically attracted to?
They are open to finding people attractive. Everyone has something attractive about them but if we just operate at the surface and close down options then the pool will be small.
"
It's not just that - I feel the same as Foxy. I always went out with good-looking men but I'm not seeking physical perfection at all (though I am pretty demanding on character), but all kinds of people can be attractive to me looks wise, I have become totally besotted with someone totally not my type on a dating site because of the humour we shared.
It's just very few people really trip my trigger overall nowadays. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with a previous poster that some single people are looking for a perfect fit (like a jigsaw) rather than compromise and accommodation (like a cocktail). They want to remain themselves entirely. Yet have this extraneous companion who is somehow meaningful yet entirely expendable. Love just doesn't work that way. It's about two people both changing to meet each other and becoming something they wouldn't be without the other. It's a gamble of self transformation that some single people are scared to take.
As for the whole personality over looks thing. I know what people are saying but I think, honestly, there has to be something attractive about them, their smile, their eyes, for me to want to flirt with them in the first place. Otherwise they're going firmly in the friendzone. |
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