FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Swings and roundabouts
Swings and roundabouts
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"Ah that’s shit and I’m sorry. Embrace being a jaded cynic along with plenty of Gin. It’s the only way. X" Thanks lovely xx I fear gin may be too much melancholy. I’m struggling with the playing of repetitive playing of “our tunes” as it is. It’ll get better just a bud sad, you know? Ah well xx | |||
"Ah that’s shit and I’m sorry. Embrace being a jaded cynic along with plenty of Gin. It’s the only way. X Thanks lovely xx I fear gin may be too much melancholy. I’m struggling with the playing of repetitive playing of “our tunes” as it is. It’ll get better just a bud sad, you know? Ah well xx" And I appear to be unable to type! Seriously no gin has been consumed! *bit sad | |||
"Ah that’s shit and I’m sorry. Embrace being a jaded cynic along with plenty of Gin. It’s the only way. X Thanks lovely xx I fear gin may be too much melancholy. I’m struggling with the playing of repetitive playing of “our tunes” as it is. It’ll get better just a bud sad, you know? Ah well xx" Find better tunes that remind you of better times. If it’s the same guy I think it is? he’s had his chance(s) Don’t look back you are not going that way. Chin up.  | |||
I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head.
I hope that your 'this too shall pass' doesn't take you too long to do so. Remember, be kind to yourself.  | |||
"Ah that’s shit and I’m sorry. Embrace being a jaded cynic along with plenty of Gin. It’s the only way. X Thanks lovely xx I fear gin may be too much melancholy. I’m struggling with the playing of repetitive playing of “our tunes” as it is. It’ll get better just a bud sad, you know? Ah well xx Find better tunes that remind you of better times. If it’s the same guy I think it is? he’s had his chance(s) Don’t look back you are not going that way. Chin up. "Nods xx | |||
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"I'm certainly grateful for an enormous amount. Grateful that my parents brought me up correctly, to know right from wrong. To respect others. To be kind , be empathetic. To be helpful. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful to my husband who puts up with me and my hormones
I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head.
I hope that your 'this too shall pass' doesn't take you too long to do so. Remember, be kind to yourself. "Thank you beautiful lady, those are all good grateful things.  to you xx | |||
"Oh Blanche, I’m so sorry... it’s a really awful thing to happen. I’m here if you need to talk. Being grateful is such a positive feeling. It can bring you out of the depth of despair! X" I’m nodding whilst weeping xx | |||
"My Faith is strong. I continue to reflect on my numerous blessings and thank the Lord for them. OP - I'm sorry for your recent experience(s) x" I love that you have such a restorative faith x that’s wonderful, god bless you xx | |||
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"I try to turn every negative into a positive, no matter how small or difficult." This  | |||
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"Hes probably done it because he can. You let him get away with it once when most would of told him to fuck off. So he might think he can get away with it again as he was playing mind games from the start" I disagree that most would’ve told him where to go, and giving someone a second chance isn’t something to be made into a negative thing. | |||
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"Hes probably done it because he can. You let him get away with it once when most would of told him to fuck off. So he might think he can get away with it again as he was playing mind games from the start" Maybe. There was a very legitimate reason the first time, although the behavioural response a concern, and we discussed. People are often just doing the best they can at any given time. I feel he was authentic. However, there was an agreement on how to interact if similar situations presented and this has been broken, again, I may be a fool but I still believe and trust the authenticity of other aspects - yet, I value myself not to hold the boundary agreed if he were to return. In that, a relationship is no longer a possibility, friendship is but that’s a different context. I don’t believe there was malintent. Not given the fuller picture of interaction, but you’re correct that to accept with no repercussion this time would be unhealthy and unhelpful. | |||
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"Hes probably done it because he can. You let him get away with it once when most would of told him to fuck off. So he might think he can get away with it again as he was playing mind games from the start Maybe. There was a very legitimate reason the first time, although the behavioural response a concern, and we discussed. People are often just doing the best they can at any given time. I feel he was authentic. However, there was an agreement on how to interact if similar situations presented and this has been broken, again, I may be a fool but I still believe and trust the authenticity of other aspects - yet, I value myself not to hold the boundary agreed if he were to return. In that, a relationship is no longer a possibility, friendship is but that’s a different context. I don’t believe there was malintent. Not given the fuller picture of interaction, but you’re correct that to accept with no repercussion this time would be unhealthy and unhelpful." Grrr *to hold (not not to hold!!) | |||
"Chin up sweetie. Xx" Xx | |||
"I am a firm believer in second chances. Third chances not so much. " Agreed. Right now I just miss my friend. Fuck anything else. I just want to know he’s ok. | |||
"I am a firm believer in second chances. Third chances not so much. Agreed. Right now I just miss my friend. Fuck anything else. I just want to know he’s ok. " Barring anything you couldn’t control anyway of course he is ok. | |||
Sending you big huggles lovely!
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"Really sorry to hear this. Ghosting is a shitty thing to do. I got stood up today, first time in a long time that I felt able to meet after some stuff that happened in my life and I got stood up and ghosted. I suppose I'm lucky it's the first time it's happened to me. But I'm grateful for the people I have in my life that keep me smiling. I'm grateful for the fact that I didn't set off without hearing from him first. I'm greatful that I had a beautiful garden to waste my afternoon in. I'm greatful that I was brought up in a way to treat people right. Try to keep smiling and don't let others bring you down " This is my first encounter with a ghoster too. I really hope it doesn’t embitter me or make me change having hope. I’m sorry to hear of your experience. You keep smiling too xx | |||
"You have a big, generous and forgiving heart. It's beautiful. I'm grateful that I have had a chance to spend time with you. " Oh! That’s so kind of you. Thank you. | |||
"Blanche, tis his loss for you are a wonderful lady... xx I have been shown today how thankful I am for two beautiful nieces...they will never replace the children I lost but they love their Aunt warts and all! "Thank you. I’m sorry to hear your pain, but encouraged to see your joy through it. Of course they love their Aunt, you are priceless. | |||
"I am a firm believer in second chances. Third chances not so much. Agreed. Right now I just miss my friend. Fuck anything else. I just want to know he’s ok. Barring anything you couldn’t control anyway of course he is ok. " I know. X | |||
"I'm grateful for my parents, my friends, my fella and my health
Sending you big huggles lovely!
"Thanks FS. Xx | |||
"Blanche, tis his loss for you are a wonderful lady... xx I have been shown today how thankful I am for two beautiful nieces...they will never replace the children I lost but they love their Aunt warts and all!
Thank you. I’m sorry to hear your pain, but encouraged to see your joy through it. Of course they love their Aunt, you are priceless."As are you my lovely.. Never forget that x | |||
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"Blanche, tis his loss for you are a wonderful lady... xx I have been shown today how thankful I am for two beautiful nieces...they will never replace the children I lost but they love their Aunt warts and all!
Thank you. I’m sorry to hear your pain, but encouraged to see your joy through it. Of course they love their Aunt, you are priceless.
As are you my lovely.. Never forget that x"Nods. | |||
"Hi Darl .... You are a thinker and you reflect .... you trust and open your vulnerable side. There are birds that stay close huddled into the tree trunk, shaded and when a strong wind blows they are safe YET there are birds that venture out onto the branches of life, open their wings up, use their hawk like vision to see the vista, feel the warm breeze and sparkling sunshine yet when a strong wind blows they might fall off ...... You feel the breeze ... that’s something to be grateful for. I’m grateful for eyesight and being able to draw breath ..... for family and friends, a place to sleep and food in my belly and I’m grateful for all the people around me xx "
That has made me bawl, your words are exceptionally beautiful, thank you so much. I’m going to write that out and pop it somewhere I can see when I wake up. X | |||
"I'm grateful for being able to reflect on the past and move forward instead of getting stuck there. I know you are too. It hurts just now but it won't forever. Just remember that x" I’m clinging to the fact that it will hurt less in time. And I’m grateful for the wonderful memories I did create in the little bubble it was. There was plenty of joy and an ending won’t tarnish that. I wish him a world of happiness. X | |||
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"It’s horrible when someone you think so much of lets you down. I’m sorry this has happened, be kind to yourself xx " Thank you xx | |||
"By ghosting, do you mean cutting off all contact? If so, then maybe try and see that as a positive? Picking things apart slowly can drag you both down and ultimately be very painful too. Maybe a clean break will be a good thing. Either way, draw strength from the inevitability of life. The stars will shine again, and the sun will rise xx" Yes. Disappeared. You’re right, if done there’s no point unpicking. | |||
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"Apologies for the woe is me thread. " Never appologise for having feelings, let them out, feel, then crack back on with things, be kind to yourself! Sending hugs xx | |||
"The fact someone just left your life without saying why, says a lot more about them than it does you. Why not block all avenues of him contacting you again? So you are the one in control, rather than leaving channels of communication open to allow him back, even as a friend. " Because he could be struggling. And whilst that doesn’t mean accepting the behaviour or dismissing my feelings, he’s potentially only doing the best he can and I truly don’t believe he’s nasty. If he’s struggling he is still my friend, and if he needs me, I’m here. Whilst being protective of my heart. | |||
"Apologies for the woe is me thread. Never appologise for having feelings, let them out, feel, then crack back on with things, be kind to yourself! Sending hugs xx" Thanks T. Xx | |||
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" Wouldn't it be great if we could switch of our emotions for a while. eh." We can, but it requires medication. | |||
"Thats a horrible cruel thing for someone to do. Wouldn't it be great if we could switch of our emotions for a while. This is a sad read,the roller coaster of life eh." Yup. I feel a tad foolish. But I’m a sucker for | |||
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"Oh B, I'm sorry to read that this has happened to you again. I gather it's the same guy....shame on him, especially if you had a chat about it and boundaries set. Keep the good memories, don't dwell on what's happened or what could of been. You're lovely sweetie, be extra kind to yourself, dust off that Doxy and do whatever you need to. And never be ashamed xx Yours vgf x" Thanks beautiful vgf. Yep, same guy. Oh and my damn Doxy broke.  | |||
"Unless you killed their budgie or flooded their house because you told them you were a qualified plumber, then you can’t fault yourself for their behavior. Don’t waste your time trying to work out what you did wrong, what you could have done differently, or indeed, anything that puts the blame on you. It’s not your fault that they’re immature , weak, and don’t have the balls to say to your face, like an adult, that they’d like to end things. Instead celebrate that they’re gone. You need to drink prosecco, say bottoms up to your awesome life, and your even more awesome future without them. Someone who ghosts you. Nah. You don't need them in your life. If they can’t even breakup with someone properly, what else can't they do properly?" Blunt and veritably uplifting. Appreciated, and it made me smile wryly.  | |||
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"Unless you killed their budgie or flooded their house because you told them you were a qualified plumber, then you can’t fault yourself for their behavior. Don’t waste your time trying to work out what you did wrong, what you could have done differently, or indeed, anything that puts the blame on you. It’s not your fault that they’re immature , weak, and don’t have the balls to say to your face, like an adult, that they’d like to end things. Instead celebrate that they’re gone. You need to drink prosecco, say bottoms up to your awesome life, and your even more awesome future without them. Someone who ghosts you. Nah. You don't need them in your life. If they can’t even breakup with someone properly, what else can't they do properly? Blunt and veritably uplifting. Appreciated, and it made me smile wryly. "Easier said than done, I know. Smile. X | |||
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"Oh B, I'm sorry to read that this has happened to you again. I gather it's the same guy....shame on him, especially if you had a chat about it and boundaries set. Keep the good memories, don't dwell on what's happened or what could of been. You're lovely sweetie, be extra kind to yourself, dust off that Doxy and do whatever you need to. And never be ashamed xx Yours vgf x Thanks beautiful vgf. Yep, same guy. Oh and my damn Doxy broke. "Treat yourself to a new one x | |||
"If I had been the second born twin I would have never walked or talked; read a book or played out with my friends; never married or had children and would have died aged 34. I am very thankful I have been given the life I had, with its terrible lows and wonderful highs. Things have to be put into perspective to appreciate even the shit times. " | |||
"Unless you killed their budgie or flooded their house because you told them you were a qualified plumber, then you can’t fault yourself for their behavior. Don’t waste your time trying to work out what you did wrong, what you could have done differently, or indeed, anything that puts the blame on you. It’s not your fault that they’re immature , weak, and don’t have the balls to say to your face, like an adult, that they’d like to end things. Instead celebrate that they’re gone. You need to drink prosecco, say bottoms up to your awesome life, and your even more awesome future without them. Someone who ghosts you. Nah. You don't need them in your life. If they can’t even breakup with someone properly, what else can't they do properly? Blunt and veritably uplifting. Appreciated, and it made me smile wryly.
Easier said than done, I know. Smile. X" | |||
"Don't wallow in your heartache. Look at the sun and be glad you can see. Listen to the birds and be thankful you hear them. Sing a song and be joyful that you have a voice. Run barefoot in the long grass and revel in the feeling of yoir legs moving and the grass under your feet. Keep living for the people who can't. " Yes. I needed to hear that. Thank you x | |||
"Oh B, I'm sorry to read that this has happened to you again. I gather it's the same guy....shame on him, especially if you had a chat about it and boundaries set. Keep the good memories, don't dwell on what's happened or what could of been. You're lovely sweetie, be extra kind to yourself, dust off that Doxy and do whatever you need to. And never be ashamed xx Yours vgf x Thanks beautiful vgf. Yep, same guy. Oh and my damn Doxy broke.
Treat yourself to a new one x" | |||
"Oh B, I'm sorry to read that this has happened to you again. I gather it's the same guy....shame on him, especially if you had a chat about it and boundaries set. Keep the good memories, don't dwell on what's happened or what could of been. You're lovely sweetie, be extra kind to yourself, dust off that Doxy and do whatever you need to. And never be ashamed xx Yours vgf x Thanks beautiful vgf. Yep, same guy. Oh and my damn Doxy broke.
Treat yourself to a new one x
"If I was nearer I'd suggest a shopping trip!  | |||
"Oh B, I'm sorry to read that this has happened to you again. I gather it's the same guy....shame on him, especially if you had a chat about it and boundaries set. Keep the good memories, don't dwell on what's happened or what could of been. You're lovely sweetie, be extra kind to yourself, dust off that Doxy and do whatever you need to. And never be ashamed xx Yours vgf x Thanks beautiful vgf. Yep, same guy. Oh and my damn Doxy broke.
Treat yourself to a new one x
"TREAT YO’ SELF | |||
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"Never misdirect someone else's personal choices and behavior to be your own responsibility - some will encourage you to do this subtly or otherwise. " Thanks S x | |||
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"OP - you could write a letter to this man who’s ghosted you. Getting all your thoughts down on paper can be very cathartic. You don’t have to send it or keep it even. So far today I’m grateful for the beautiful woodpecker I’ve just seen in my garden. "That’s a very good idea, thank you. Oh what a lovely spot in your garden, I’m smiling because I’m about to go past London Zoo and sometimes you can see the giraffes, so I’ve got my fingers crossed I can today. | |||
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"Oh my god I hope you do I love giraffes,I haven't been to a zoo in years. " Many years ago a friend was putting her draft excluder down. My toddler asked what she was doing...later that night when I tucked him up, he told me he wanted a giraffe excluder...he said that he liked giraffes but, didn't want them coming under his door into his bedroom  
I'm grateful for family but, most of all, at the moment, painkillers, I hurt my back the other day  | |||
"Oh my god I hope you do I love giraffes,I haven't been to a zoo in years. Many years ago a friend was putting her draft excluder down. My toddler asked what she was doing...later that night when I tucked him up, he told me he wanted a giraffe excluder...he said that he liked giraffes but, didn't want them coming under his door into his bedroom
I'm grateful for family but, most of all, at the moment, painkillers, I hurt my back the other day "That's funny,not the painkillers bit mind thats not funny. | |||
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"Unless you killed their budgie or flooded their house because you told them you were a qualified plumber, then you can’t fault yourself for their behavior. Don’t waste your time trying to work out what you did wrong, what you could have done differently, or indeed, anything that puts the blame on you. It’s not your fault that they’re immature , weak, and don’t have the balls to say to your face, like an adult, that they’d like to end things. Instead celebrate that they’re gone. You need to drink prosecco, say bottoms up to your awesome life, and your even more awesome future without them. Someone who ghosts you. Nah. You don't need them in your life. If they can’t even breakup with someone properly, what else can't they do properly?" Love your style lady | |||
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"Oh my god I hope you do I love giraffes,I haven't been to a zoo in years. " Frustratingly no giraffes today! | |||
"I'm grateful for wonderful friends who don't judge me, or pity me. They just accept and love me." Friends are priceless treasures. As are you. | |||
"Oh my god I hope you do I love giraffes,I haven't been to a zoo in years. Many years ago a friend was putting her draft excluder down. My toddler asked what she was doing...later that night when I tucked him up, he told me he wanted a giraffe excluder...he said that he liked giraffes but, didn't want them coming under his door into his bedroom
I'm grateful for family but, most of all, at the moment, painkillers, I hurt my back the other day "I hope the pain eases soon, poor you. X Love the giraffe excluder story! | |||
"Hugs OP. x"Thank you, lovely xx | |||
"In hindsight you'll realise what a prick they were. I'm a lot wiser now" I hold that he’s just doing the best he can, and possibly doesn’t have the ability, energy or headspace to think of me. I don’t think he’s a prick, the behaviour is prickish but we all fuck up at times. I hear your sentiment in terms of solidarity though xx | |||
"For all the troubles and heartache The world is still a beautiful place... And brighter for your presence in it Blanche.. Some things are meant to be... And they come to pass in their own time.... Perhaps that time is tomorrow in ways you may never guess at or know until they happen. x " Thanks Hine, that’s very kind of you. Xx | |||
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"OP, it's happened to me too, was really upset, I feel for you. There are lovely people on here, met more nice than nasty x" There are lovely people and people who are lovely but behave badly at times, and there are people who are nasty too. I hope he’s the second rather than the latter, I’ll remember him as the second x It does hurt though, sorry to hear you’ve had similar experiences. | |||
"Sorry this has happened again, you know I can sympathise with this situation. 3 months on and I still think of that guy!" I know you can! We need our own support group. Solidarity sister x | |||
"Listen to Martha Wainwright - Bloody Mutha Fucking Asshole. I highly recommend it! " | |||
"I'm grateful I'm alive, for life is short. " Never a truer word spoken. And a good perspective boot up my melancholic arse, thanks Jimi. You’re right x | |||
"I'm sorry you still feel this way OP, ghosting is a shitty thing to have happen to you, and ladies, believe me, it happens to us guys too! I'm still in limbo with regards to my recent ghosting, but as someone earlier on the thread said, it says more about them than it does you, and unfortunately, some people just can't seem to communicate in the way you hope them too. I still think about mine, picking apart what I may have done wrong etc, but it will pass, and you will pick yourself back up again, and have lots more to be thankful for. Be thankful that your emotions, no matter how good or bad may be, make you human. There's nothing wrong with being in tune with your emotions, it actually can be an endearing quality. And being human is a great quality to be thankful for! Chin up!" Awww thank you, good points. Hope your limbo passes sooner rather than later x | |||
"Sorry this has happened again, you know I can sympathise with this situation. 3 months on and I still think of that guy! I know you can! We need our own support group. Solidarity sister x" I have no way of contacting him either, he's gone from here and he blocked me which probably accounts for why I want him so much! | |||
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"OP, it's happened to me too, was really upset, I feel for you. There are lovely people on here, met more nice than nasty x There are lovely people and people who are lovely but behave badly at times, and there are people who are nasty too. I hope he’s the second rather than the latter, I’ll remember him as the second x It does hurt though, sorry to hear you’ve had similar experiences." I'm with you, there are always the bad ones, chat whenever you want xxx | |||
"Sorry this has happened again, you know I can sympathise with this situation. 3 months on and I still think of that guy! I know you can! We need our own support group. Solidarity sister x I have no way of contacting him either, he's gone from here and he blocked me which probably accounts for why I want him so much!" I’ve not been blocked this time. It’s all a bit odd. | |||
"I’m sorry to read this Blanche. You look and always sound like a lovely lady, someone I’d be happy to call a friend. I’m getting quite good at counting my blessings after probably far too many years doing the opposite. I always try to put a positive spin on life, TRY being the operative word, but sometimes we need to lick our wounds and have a little wallow. That’s good for the soul too I feel! Take good care, his loss xx" Thank you - that’s a really kind thing to say. I really appreciate it. I do. Xx | |||
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"My preference was always for the see saw anyways Come sit on my face instead and Lacey will pour you a large glass of lovely ice cold ribena "Yeah he only played for the Wasps reserve squad, says it all eh, Sam! Pffft. 
And yes, I will x | |||
"OP, it's happened to me too, was really upset, I feel for you. There are lovely people on here, met more nice than nasty x There are lovely people and people who are lovely but behave badly at times, and there are people who are nasty too. I hope he’s the second rather than the latter, I’ll remember him as the second x It does hurt though, sorry to hear you’ve had similar experiences. I'm with you, there are always the bad ones, chat whenever you want xxx" Thanks P | |||
"I am grateful that sadness shortens over time. Overwhelming grief still hits me on random occasions. But most times I can block the tears with a cough, or hold back long enough to find safe space for the 10 minutes it takes to rebuild my walls. This relative sanity took 20 years to create, but it is possible with time. Let the misery flow if it wants to and you are able to. Take comfort in knowing next time it will pass in less time." Wise words. Hugs to you xx | |||
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"A norwegian colleague shared a saying with me today that, courtesy of google translate, goes something like: Remember to live while you do it; remember to love while you dare it Opening your heart to love exposes us to pain, but it also exposes us to much beauty and joy while it is with us. I haven't been ghosted for a while but do a have a situation where i think i value someone more than he values me. I have learned to accept what he gives and not to expect more. I am grateful for a loving and supportive husband who gives me so much freedom, he allows me to be "bex" not just "al's wife", he gives me the stable base from which i can fly, personally and professionally, with no criticism for the hours i work or the nights i spend elsewhere, either work related or with the affore mentioned someone. I am a very lucky girl x " | |||
PS Step away from the cider | |||
"I saw your thread last night and I’ve been pondering. My conclusion is that you’ve had a lucky escape early on in proceedings. It may not feel like it now but hopefully it will soon. Imagine if he’d done this months down the line? By which time your feelings would have been much stronger for some knob who clearly doesn’t deserve what you have to give. I’m pleased that you won’t be giving him any more chances to break your trust. There is a man out there more deserving of you that will take care of your heart
PS Step away from the cider "Thank you x | |||
