FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are relationships over?
Are relationships over?
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I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think theres a time and a place for it, fab and similar sites arnt the places for a relationship imo (i could be proved wrong)
I do however thing people find it very very difficult to meet people on a face to face value in the real world, technology & internet dating seems to have taken over.. and dating has become lazy. |
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"I think theres a time and a place for it, fab and similar sites arnt the places for a relationship imo (i could be proved wrong)
I do however thing people find it very very difficult to meet people on a face to face value in the real world, technology & internet dating seems to have taken over.. and dating has become lazy."
Oh I'm not on here for dating. Not daft (though some couples have gotten together on here).
Saying that, on vanilla sites people tell me I should be looking on here. Go figure  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sure there are people out there that are looking for a relationship.
I don't think people have lost interest in a relationship. It probably could be due to lack of faith and trust and also the fear of having their heart broken again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
Personally I think it depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for something semi serious you just need to take it one day at a time, plenty will say they want the same but as soon as swinging is bought into it some guys will change the attitude suddenly becomes I don't want to share you. But there are some out there who want a relationship with someone the swing with this is how my wife and I met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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MiSTar I am 100% with you. I don't know if it's an age thing. Don't want to breed and I need a man with a kinky side. Everyone wants a Fwb so they can hedge their bets elsewhere when someone better comes along.
Too much choice.... and fear of missing out unfortunately |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
"
In a word, yes, there's a lot less people prepared to put in the effort, and a lot more people addicted to the 'lure' of the internet and the possibility of a 'shiny new shag' around the next corner. It's a smorgasbord, a virtual sharing platter, and the grass always seems greener.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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100% yes, it’s getting much harder to date. People know that at the touch of a button, they can contact hundreds & hundreds of people. With the touch of a button, they can block, delete, unmatch someone who’s not to their standard of perfection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm mainly here to be amongst friends and focus on building my confidence. I'm not ready for settling down as even though I've been single for over a year, I don't think I can risk getting heartbroken again after what I went through |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
It’s a good question but very difficult to answer. Obviously everyone is different , with a unique situation and wants / needs etc. After a long marriage that was successful in so many ways but with an appalling sex life, I felt the need to explore and have some fun. I had real fun two years back on POF but have a wish now for an exclusive and loving relationship.
It’s early days but I may have found it. Going to give it a try in difficult circumstances and see what happens. Age is a big factor of course and certainly is for me. “Golden years” is how she describes it. I like that as I had only thought of it as ‘beige, piss yellow years’. So, suddenly I have something to work on and the hope of a loving relationship even at my age. We are fucking each other’s brains out when we meet which is good. Now the tricky bit which is to develop that initial lust to something more long lasting. Can it be done? I may even have to come off here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"MiSTar I am 100% with you. I don't know if it's an age thing. Don't want to breed and I need a man with a kinky side. Everyone wants a Fwb so they can hedge their bets elsewhere when someone better comes along.
Too much choice.... and fear of missing out unfortunately"
I’m the same also. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope they arent as i quite like the idea of one at some point..
Far too old to breed,(and post menopausal) i would just like a likeminded fellow to spend some time with... but not right now  |
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A friend of ours has been single for quite a while and having more sex than he has ever had using various websites. All he really wants is a girlfriend to have a meal with, go to the pictures or even on holiday but all but one of the ladies he has met so far are only interested in no strings sex. From this very un scientific cross section we would have to say relationships are not over just harder to come by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder if sometimes people give off a subconscious vibe that they’re not looking for a relationship. They might not realise it. Or they just don’t pick someone suitable, they choose someone who wouldn’t be relationship material. |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
If only I was closer I would be begging for an opportunity to have a relationship with you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder if sometimes people give off a subconscious vibe that they’re not looking for a relationship. They might not realise it. Or they just don’t pick someone suitable, they choose someone who wouldn’t be relationship material. "
I'm usually attracted to those guys and I probably give off a desperate vibe that I want a relationship, not the best combination at all! |
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"100% yes, it’s getting much harder to date. People know that at the touch of a button, they can contact hundreds & hundreds of people. With the touch of a button, they can block, delete, unmatch someone who’s not to their standard of perfection. "
Actually, this is the flip side of the coin - with so much choice, you think perfection may be just around the corner, I know I have been guilty of that.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder if sometimes people give off a subconscious vibe that they’re not looking for a relationship. They might not realise it. Or they just don’t pick someone suitable, they choose someone who wouldn’t be relationship material. "
That's me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One of the problems with sites such as this and vanilla dating sites to be honest is that the whole mechanism asks that we set out our preferences from the word go. These preferences then have a tendency to become quite rigid when we search or select which means that we may reject those who do not score highly enough on out list of preferences. In real life when we meet an individual we don't have that level of information readily to hand so we judge differently and tend to be far more accommodating to traits as it takes us so much longer to get to know someone that the few minutes it does to read a profile. I do believe relationships are evolving due to the online availability to find ‘The One’ Whatever that may look like, we’re now spoilt for choice in all Ways of life but im not so sure its a good thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definitely a ltr kind of man. I only left my last one because it was driving me off a cliff. I'd hate to think I've emerged in some awful post-Facebook dystopia where no one wants to experience anything of any depth with each other |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its easy to treat pixels in a superficial manner...
Easy to forget that a few pics and a short advert in no way reflects the person behind the profile
Easy to just swipe right left up or down based on some perceived idea of what constitutes ideal...
The real world where we may meet..or more.... maybe it takes more of an effort to connect than in a pixel paradise  |
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I think sometimes it’s a case of people joining here for one thing then, end up looking for or wanting something completely different. Scratches get itched, needs and desires change. The line between nsa/fwb and a relationship can easily become blurred. |
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G and I met on here and neither of us were looking for anything. We just found each other and from the minute we met there was a connection that was more than just sex. 9 months later we're very happy together and moving in soon, and planning our future.
So sometimes love can come along when you least expect it and in the unlikeliest of places
V |
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"I'm definitely a ltr kind of man. I only left my last one because it was driving me off a cliff. I'd hate to think I've emerged in some awful post-Facebook dystopia where no one wants to experience anything of any depth with each other "
It's not that bleak yet. |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
I've had similar experiences. Finding someone who is actually willing to put the time and effort into something more than a quick fuck is disturbingly hard :/ xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
In a word, yes, there's a lot less people prepared to put in the effort, and a lot more people addicted to the 'lure' of the internet and the possibility of a 'shiny new shag' around the next corner. It's a smorgasbord, a virtual sharing platter, and the grass always seems greener.
"
Seems like people just swipe past quickly if they don't like the pics. They don't take time to read a profile or even talk to the person with no profile text or pics.
This seems to have crossed over into 'real life' and they do the same there too. Always keeping one eye open in case someone better comes along.
OP don't give up looking. The fact that you're finding people means that all hope isn't lost. If you weren't finding anyone at all, that would be the time to give up (I think). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think after living this lifestyle as a single - it's quite hard to get into a relationship.
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship - but I'm tired of being alone if that makes sense
Maybe I regret not getting into a relationship when I was young enough to have children etc..
I haven't quite accepted growing old alone yet - but I don't like other people ...
I'm fucked  |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
Ooohhh.... this is a tough one !
You don’t want what most people who want a relationship want , that being kids and settling down , so that rules a huge % out .
Your lifestyle , your job , your love of the lifestyle will rule out pretty much the rest
Which sucks , but who would want to put the time and effort in when they don’t know what they are going to get ? By your own admission you are looking / not looking for a relationship - which is it ? Looking when it suits you but not if it doesn’t ? I don’t mean to be harsh but can you see what I mean ?
What you seek is a very rare person , and if it’s what you truly want , I really hope you find it . But before you do , I think you need to be sure of what it is you seek ....... |
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"I think after living this lifestyle as a single - it's quite hard to get into a relationship.
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship - but I'm tired of being alone if that makes sense
Maybe I regret not getting into a relationship when I was young enough to have children etc..
I haven't quite accepted growing old alone yet - but I don't like other people ...
I'm fucked "
When my second marriage finished , I was 47 , I thought it would be nice to forget about relationships and enjoy the single life . After a year of dating sites , nsa meets , I’d had enough of waking up alone every morning and wanted company , someone around me who wanted me for who and what I am . I met S , and we dated in a traditional way for a year , then began swinging together and married a year later .
It’s never too late . |
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I don't think I could ever have a 'conventional' relationship again.
I've been single far too long, worked too hard to rebuild my life, and like my freedom & independence too much to risk losing it.
An FWB set up, ticks enough boxes for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think they are just harder to find these days with so many options out there.
We have been together almost 5 years and have not been swinging all of our relationship so it's just a bit of extra fun to us and not the most important thing in our relationship.
~Mia |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I genuinely have no interest whatsoever in having a relationship/primary partner.Mainly down to the fact that whenever I've trusted someone enough to let my guard down and get into a relationship with them,it's ended badly.To me relationships aren't worth the effort and hassle,as I don't feel the pros outweigh the cons.I've found that I'm much happier on my own,I have my family and a small circle of close friends that I trust and can rely on,and they years have taught me that's all I need |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think after living this lifestyle as a single - it's quite hard to get into a relationship.
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship - but I'm tired of being alone if that makes sense
Maybe I regret not getting into a relationship when I was young enough to have children etc..
I haven't quite accepted growing old alone yet - but I don't like other people ...
I'm fucked
When my second marriage finished , I was 47 , I thought it would be nice to forget about relationships and enjoy the single life . After a year of dating sites , nsa meets , I’d had enough of waking up alone every morning and wanted company , someone around me who wanted me for who and what I am . I met S , and we dated in a traditional way for a year , then began swinging together and married a year later .
It’s never too late ."
You give me hope  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met S , and we dated in a traditional way for a year , then began swinging together and married a year later .
It’s never too late ."
If you don't mind me asking... did you know S was a kinky fucker when you met her or were you both trying desperately to be vanilla in the beginning? Only... I'm unsure about how to approach the whole I-love-sex thing with potential dates. Happy for you to pm me if you don't want the world listening in  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think after living this lifestyle as a single - it's quite hard to get into a relationship.
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship - but I'm tired of being alone if that makes sense
Maybe I regret not getting into a relationship when I was young enough to have children etc..
I haven't quite accepted growing old alone yet - but I don't like other people ...
I'm fucked
When my second marriage finished , I was 47 , I thought it would be nice to forget about relationships and enjoy the single life . After a year of dating sites , nsa meets , I’d had enough of waking up alone every morning and wanted company , someone around me who wanted me for who and what I am . I met S , and we dated in a traditional way for a year , then began swinging together and married a year later .
It’s never too late .
You give me hope "
Me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think after living this lifestyle as a single - it's quite hard to get into a relationship.
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship - but I'm tired of being alone if that makes sense
Maybe I regret not getting into a relationship when I was young enough to have children etc..
I haven't quite accepted growing old alone yet - but I don't like other people ...
I'm fucked "
I listened to a radio programme that stuck with me. It was about those who married later in life after never having relationships before. Lots of reasons such as caring for parents, their work meant never settled etc. Some were in their 70s and 80s. So who knows what the future holds for anyone. |
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak
Ooohhh.... this is a tough one !
You don’t want what most people who want a relationship want , that being kids and settling down , so that rules a huge % out .
Your lifestyle , your job , your love of the lifestyle will rule out pretty much the rest
Which sucks , but who would want to put the time and effort in when they don’t know what they are going to get ? By your own admission you are looking / not looking for a relationship - which is it ? Looking when it suits you but not if it doesn’t ? I don’t mean to be harsh but can you see what I mean ?
What you seek is a very rare person , and if it’s what you truly want , I really hope you find it . But before you do , I think you need to be sure of what it is you seek ......."
By looking/not looking I mean proper dates, actively putting in effort to find those who want more than NSA online and real life or just enjoying myself here without caring about an outcome.
Most people want me for what I can do to/for them on a casual basis, nothing more. I'm a lot to take on, a fun secret. Most people aren't into introducing a 40+, overweight, opinionated, fiesty woman who just happens to be a dominatrix, female drag queen and sex positive woman to their nearest and dearest. I get it.
I scare the crap out of most people, fully aware of that.
Just makes it all the more depressing when I meet someone where all the surface stuff first appears to be no problem and it falls apart. Takes someone pretty special to take all this on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
No.
I’m in love.
I’m married.
I love being married.  |
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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago
Deep in the New Forest |
Ive been single 3yrs now after ending a 14yr relationship. During that time i didnt really realise just how much i had lost touch with the social side of life. now i find it a struggle to rebuild that social side of life and get back to dating. Im on all the normal dating sites but to be honest they are all just as bad as Fabs when it comes to single guys. All the women think you just want to get in their knickers. Well thats how it feels to me anyway. Either im just not being taken seriously of im just an ugly git with no hope. Only thing i would say that on fabs atleast you get the odd message of wink which makes you feel like someone out there has shown some interest in you. |
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i know the feeling... even with kink's aside... for me finding ladies who are even up for meeting socially is tough. It feels like you get to a point where everyone is online or using friends of friends for introductions.
Strangely my best fun has been on a couple of visits abroad where talking to strangers in bar's etc isn't seen as something to avoid. |
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OP, I absolutely get where you’re coming from, in that I have flitted between wanting a relationship and not wanting a relationship for some time. But, I think that people like me have always existed, and I don’t take it as evidence that the concept of relationships is in danger, or anywhere close to it.
.
I think a lot of people tend to surround themselves with people who share their interests, and to an extent their values. When we do that, it’s easy to think that everyone’s lives are similar, because everyone we know is similar. As much as there are a few descriptions of relationships in here, those into swinging are less likely to have conventional views on relationships. It’s probably easy to forget that it’s a minority activity. As with anything in life, “Everyone I know does it” ? “everyone does it”.
.
People are using dating apps, and perhaps it aid promiscuity and people’s desire to have a bit more fun before settling down, but people are still settling down, as much as ever before.
.
Now, maybe settling down isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find the right person for your relationship. You recognise that your uniqueness may mean that there’s a smaller group of people who will be right for you but, again, that doesn’t mean you won’t find them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the ethics of swinging and polyamory but find myself looking/not looking for a primary partner.
Everytime I meet someone I click with someone and despite playing it cool, it tends to go tits up or they're only after a FWB situation.
Beyond procreation and wanting to 'settle down' (two things I'm not interested in) are people not interested in relationships anymore? Now that the internet, apps and places like Fab have made searching for NSA so much easier, do folk just want to keep flitting about? Keep the variety fresh. Relationships take a lot of effort. Are we no longer interested in putting in the time, just quick gratification?
Yes I'm a tough bitch but it's making me an emotional wreak "
Sorry to hear about the OP feeling like this. Sometimes it better to call it a day. |
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