FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Hi 5 to single Dads.
Hi 5 to single Dads.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.  |
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I think the motion that men aren't as connected to their children is a false statement. Throughout the animal kingdom males play a big role in caring for and raising their offspring.
Similarly I hate it when men looking after their children are referred to as baby sitting. It belittles the role they take in their child's care and up bringing.
I am not a parent and doubt I ever will be now (the clock is running out if clicks sadly) but I've seen many examples of parenting both good and bad on both sides. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have my 2 boys with me here all the time, juggling that a business isn't easy but we get there ..
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
"
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not all women have the maternal instinct either. I certainly never have. "
I’m sure not all do. But I am generalising with something that points to the majority. Women are supposed to be recognised as the maternal sex. |
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"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
"
So your experiences are more true than others? You are very dismissive of other people's arguments and what they have experienced but your own argument is purely based on what you have experienced.
You are doing your fellow man a great disservice in my eyes.
Also.... Lots more animals than the beaver and the badger have males taking a nurturing role. We too are an animal and have evolved to share the parenting role. If we hadn't then we would be living in matriarchal herds, only allowing men in to mate the sod off.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
So your experiences are more true than others? You are very dismissive of other people's arguments and what they have experienced but your own argument is purely based on what you have experienced.
You are doing your fellow man a great disservice in my eyes.
Also.... Lots more animals than the beaver and the badger have males taking a nurturing role. We too are an animal and have evolved to share the parenting role. If we hadn't then we would be living in matriarchal herds, only allowing men in to mate the sod off.
"
Soz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex."
So do I. As I pointed out above.
I’m sorry you misread what you wanted to. But you know, go for it. Make it sound like I’m bring down women. I wasn’t, and most (again, I’m generalising) will have seen that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
So your experiences are more true than others? You are very dismissive of other people's arguments and what they have experienced but your own argument is purely based on what you have experienced.
You are doing your fellow man a great disservice in my eyes.
Also.... Lots more animals than the beaver and the badger have males taking a nurturing role. We too are an animal and have evolved to share the parenting role. If we hadn't then we would be living in matriarchal herds, only allowing men in to mate the sod off.
"
Hmm I quite like the idea of matriarchal herds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
So do I. As I pointed out above.
I’m sorry you misread what you wanted to. But you know, go for it. Make it sound like I’m bring down women. I wasn’t, and most (again, I’m generalising) will have seen that. "
I didn’t state you do t have admiration for both (I think it’s you making the assumption, thanks for checking). I was referring to the assertion about which sex finds it easier to be the parent insinuation from genetic makeup. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex."
Surely he opened a discussion.. calling any point he makes claptrap would put anyone that might see it the same way in a defensive mindset, which in turn allows for the burdan to be kept on women in the majority |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
So do I. As I pointed out above.
I’m sorry you misread what you wanted to. But you know, go for it. Make it sound like I’m bring down women. I wasn’t, and most (again, I’m generalising) will have seen that.
I didn’t state you do t have admiration for both (I think it’s you making the assumption, thanks for checking). I was referring to the assertion about which sex finds it easier to be the parent insinuation from genetic makeup. "
Don’t * |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My mate is a single father,3 kids. 17 year old, 14 year old and a 8 year old. His ex wife is a bitch. He does everything he can for kids "
A big hi 5 for that dude, as the women in that story, some people find it hard to be a parent for whatever reason.
But a guy has to work hard, even to win a custody case, it was accepted that the woman would naturally have the upper hand.
Some men fought for custody, and didn’t win.
Off topic I know, but just another example how men were looked at as the worst option to be a good parent I suppose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
Surely he opened a discussion.. calling any point he makes claptrap would put anyone that might see it the same way in a defensive mindset, which in turn allows for the burdan to be kept on women in the majority"
Today I’m stating my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
"
Yeah! And we are also being told how we are supposed to respond if we think that’s bull. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
"
Something like,
Are you basically saying I should have kept my OP shorter? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
Surely he opened a discussion.. calling any point he makes claptrap would put anyone that might see it the same way in a defensive mindset, which in turn allows for the burdan to be kept on women in the majority
Today I’m stating my opinion. "
Great I just dont think your opening two words were needed or helpful to either the discussion or anyone taking your opinion on board...one I actually agree with |
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By *eesideMan
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, but harder it may have been for sum males
I respect the fact that sum men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in most females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Most Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads that don't have that need to nurture a child
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something. "
Fixed it for you op  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
Surely he opened a discussion.. calling any point he makes claptrap would put anyone that might see it the same way in a defensive mindset, which in turn allows for the burdan to be kept on women in the majority
Today I’m stating my opinion.
Great I just dont think your opening two words were needed or helpful to either the discussion or anyone taking your opinion on board...one I actually agree with"
And that’s okay, I understand and respect your point. I made exactly the point I wanted to, ta-ra! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex.
Surely he opened a discussion.. calling any point he makes claptrap would put anyone that might see it the same way in a defensive mindset, which in turn allows for the burdan to be kept on women in the majority
Today I’m stating my opinion.
Great I just dont think your opening two words were needed or helpful to either the discussion or anyone taking your opinion on board...one I actually agree with
And that’s okay, I understand and respect your point. I made exactly the point I wanted to, ta-ra! X"
Oh can I get a pat on the head too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, but harder it may have been for sum males
I respect the fact that sum men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in most females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Most Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads that don't have that need to nurture a child
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
Fixed it for you op "
Are you correcting my spelling?  |
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By *eesideMan
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, but harder it may have been for sum males
I respect the fact that sum men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in most females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Most Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads that don't have that need to nurture a child
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
Fixed it for you op
Are you correcting my spelling?
"
Nop just making is sound a bit better for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
Something like,
Are you basically saying I should have kept my OP shorter? "
Not at all - I don’t agree with it though. I think the only area where it’s more difficult for a father is the legal side of it.
However, if you ever want to support single Dads, you should check out Dads House. They’re a small organisation for single parents. They run advice/legal sessions, a food bank, they have a breakfast club. Mother’s are welcome too, but it mainly centres around the male role. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What about the single mums who also have to carry out the male role which isn't natural to them?
I don't see why being male is relevant? Both sexes have to adapt to being both Mum and Dad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love seeing a Dad spending time with his children and putting them as his first priority. Far too many leave the upbringing to the Mum."
There's a dad that takes his 2 little kids to a cafe for lunch and he sits and talks to them and answers all their questions no matter how daft they sound.
It's lovely to watch because so many parents just sit and look at their phones. I love seeing them together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been a single Dad, one of the hardest parts is the bitchy disaproving women at the school gate. My children actually got excluded from some birthday parties and the like because the mums thought it was unnatural that they didn't have a mum to bring them.
But they were great kids, now great parents themselves.
And I learned it's not men that repress women into the carer role, but women who demand and defend it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about the single mums who also have to carry out the male role which isn't natural to them?
I don't see why being male is relevant? Both sexes have to adapt to being both Mum and Dad. "
Because of my title and my opening post.
Start your own thread about how great women are at doing DIY. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What about the single mums who also have to carry out the male role which isn't natural to them?
I don't see why being male is relevant? Both sexes have to adapt to being both Mum and Dad.
Because of my title and my opening post.
Start your own thread about how great women are at doing DIY. "
I was questioning your thread though. Why the need to single them out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there are good and bad parents regardless of gender!! X"
Very true, some people shouldn’t be parents and that goes for as many women as it does men. Being a single parent is hard work, being mum and dad can be a thankless task. So I commend anyone regardless of gender for being a single parent x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What about the single mums who also have to carry out the male role which isn't natural to them?
I don't see why being male is relevant? Both sexes have to adapt to being both Mum and Dad.
Because of my title and my opening post.
Start your own thread about how great women are at doing DIY.
I was questioning your thread though. Why the need to single them out? "
Why not? I will take the high five. Put up a single mums thread, or a generic parenting thread or how about a high 5 to all those without children. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What about the single mums who also have to carry out the male role which isn't natural to them?
I don't see why being male is relevant? Both sexes have to adapt to being both Mum and Dad.
Because of my title and my opening post.
Start your own thread about how great women are at doing DIY.
I was questioning your thread though. Why the need to single them out? "
Why not?
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"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something. "
I don't know where you get your assumptions about men not being as nurturing as women but you're wrong!
Men face challenges because we still see child rearing as a predominately female role.
Baby changing rooms used to be in women's toilets: now they are in the disabled toilets.
Family structures have changed, roles are no longer defined.
I had a husband who was more hands on than me. Hat's off to single parents regardless of gender: I'm glad I didn't have to do it alone. |
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"I think the motion that men aren't as connected to their children is a false statement. Throughout the animal kingdom males play a big role in caring for and raising their offspring.
Similarly I hate it when men looking after their children are referred to as baby sitting. It belittles the role they take in their child's care and up bringing.
I am not a parent and doubt I ever will be now (the clock is running out if clicks sadly) but I've seen many examples of parenting both good and bad on both sides. "
Exactly! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
I don't know where you get your assumptions about men not being as nurturing as women but you're wrong!
Men face challenges because we still see child rearing as a predominately female role.
Baby changing rooms used to be in women's toilets: now they are in the disabled toilets.
Family structures have changed, roles are no longer defined.
I had a husband who was more hands on than me. Hat's off to single parents regardless of gender: I'm glad I didn't have to do it alone."
Word! |
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"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
So your experiences are more true than others? You are very dismissive of other people's arguments and what they have experienced but your own argument is purely based on what you have experienced.
You are doing your fellow man a great disservice in my eyes.
Also.... Lots more animals than the beaver and the badger have males taking a nurturing role. We too are an animal and have evolved to share the parenting role. If we hadn't then we would be living in matriarchal herds, only allowing men in to mate the sod off.
"
Saved me typing!
Annoying when people start threads then become dismissive when others put forward an alternative view/their opinion in the "discussion".  |
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"Infuriating claptrap! It’s this type of excusing that allows for issues of emotional labour being carried by women entirely as if it’s par the course.
I’ve admiration for any parent coping on their own regardless of sex."
|
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"Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
"
That's how it came across to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
must admit though I couldn't cope without a good network of friends..
I see women with their children and they have so much more patience than us guys generally
True about friends and family.
But it’s the point about ‘generally’ more patient. And that’s how I see it. People above can argue there own cases, some are/some arnt etc. Or male species in some animals look after the young. (I think badgers or beavers do, I’m unsure). But I’m talking about humans, and people I’ve seen do it. I admire the hard work they’ve put in, something that may not have come naturally.
So your experiences are more true than others? You are very dismissive of other people's arguments and what they have experienced but your own argument is purely based on what you have experienced.
You are doing your fellow man a great disservice in my eyes.
Also.... Lots more animals than the beaver and the badger have males taking a nurturing role. We too are an animal and have evolved to share the parenting role. If we hadn't then we would be living in matriarchal herds, only allowing men in to mate the sod off.
Saved me typing!
Annoying when people start threads then become dismissive when others put forward an alternative view/their opinion in the "discussion". "
Sorry. Did I annoy you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn’t this basically saying “well done to all of the single parents, but especially to the Dad’s, ‘cause it’s a bit harder for you. Here, have a pat on the back”.
"
Looks like it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something. "
i find this slightly offensive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been a single Dad, one of the hardest parts is the bitchy disaproving women at the school gate. My children actually got excluded from some birthday parties and the like because the mums thought it was unnatural that they didn't have a mum to bring them.
But they were great kids, now great parents themselves.
And I learned it's not men that repress women into the carer role, but women who demand and defend it."
Some women complain about every little thing that isn't praising them for being fantastic. It gets really boring.
Why can't there be a thread about single dads without women complaining that mums aren't part of the thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
i find this slightly offensive "
Hahaha. Honestly? Your offended? Honestly? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
i find this slightly offensive
Hahaha. Honestly? Your offended? Honestly? "
Man up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been a single Dad, one of the hardest parts is the bitchy disaproving women at the school gate. My children actually got excluded from some birthday parties and the like because the mums thought it was unnatural that they didn't have a mum to bring them.
But they were great kids, now great parents themselves.
And I learned it's not men that repress women into the carer role, but women who demand and defend it.
Some women complain about every little thing that isn't praising them for being fantastic. It gets really boring.
Why can't there be a thread about single dads without women complaining that mums aren't part of the thread. "
Not everyone’s complaint with the thread was as per your assertion.
Mine, for example, was absolutely not with the admiration for single dads (that’s a great topic) but with the OP’s premises of why they should be praised which I find hugely problematic. It’s equally boring when people don’t actually understand the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
i find this slightly offensive
Hahaha. Honestly? Your offended? Honestly?
Man up. "
what a fool. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m not one before you ask.
But, I realised just the other day during a conversation, as much as I thank my Mum for bringing up 3 kids alone, and how hard it must be, he harder it may have been for a male.
I respect the fact that men might not have that maternal instinct. The need to nurture a child, something that’s in a females DNA. It’s in nature, it just is.
Men might not have that subconscious thing going on, and I have complete admiration for all single parents. But more today for the single Dads.
*maybe I should sign off with Discuss or something.
i find this slightly offensive
Hahaha. Honestly? Your offended? Honestly?
Man up.
what a fool. "
That’s an assumption, but thanks for your input.
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Not read the whole thread so possibly this has been said. I played a huge role in both my kids growing up. My youngish is almost 16. To me it's totally incomprehensible how any real dad couldn't. I split with my partners not my kids. My son is now 29 and no longer just my son he's my best mate. He even plays 2nd dad to his half sister and I think that's just the way it should be..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not read the whole thread so possibly this has been said. I played a huge role in both my kids growing up. My youngish is almost 16. To me it's totally incomprehensible how any real dad couldn't. I split with my partners not my kids. My son is now 29 and no longer just my son he's my best mate. He even plays 2nd dad to his half sister and I think that's just the way it should be....."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Where’s the good vibes in this place? Is everyone hungover?
If I’ve really and truly upset/offended or you find my opening post disturbing in some way. Ha e a look around at the post such as
I’m sick of ‘some people’ because of abc. threads (you mean someone in particular but not allowed to name)
There’s too many threads bashing people, and when I’ve singled out a conversation I’ve had away from fab, (not against the rules, unlike what stupid pm you had) and brought my thoughts here, you try to bring me down to your level of ‘I have to include everyone ‘. No I don’t, unless there’s a rule I missed.
Single dads rock today. And that was that.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
"
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have? |
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"Where’s the good vibes in this place? Is everyone hungover?
If I’ve really and truly upset/offended or you find my opening post disturbing in some way. Ha e a look around at the post such as
I’m sick of ‘some people’ because of abc. threads (you mean someone in particular but not allowed to name)
There’s too many threads bashing people, and when I’ve singled out a conversation I’ve had away from fab, (not against the rules, unlike what stupid pm you had) and brought my thoughts here, you try to bring me down to your level of ‘I have to include everyone ‘. No I don’t, unless there’s a rule I missed.
Single dads rock today. And that was that.
"
I don't think anyone was knocking you for the point of your post....single dad's do rock!
I think it was that you made a point of saying that it's harder for men...that's what people are disagreeing with Bee |
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?"
Nope. Plenty of women don't have that natural instinct and plenty of men do! I genuinely don't think a persons gender makes it any more/less difficult for them to parent. But that's my opinion, based on my experiences. I can disagree with you without telling you you're wrong |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?
Nope. Plenty of women don't have that natural instinct and plenty of men do! I genuinely don't think a persons gender makes it any more/less difficult for them to parent. But that's my opinion, based on my experiences. I can disagree with you without telling you you're wrong "
I can have a perfectly adult conversation with anyone who will talk with me, rather than at me.
You right, and some parents find it easier than others. I know, but as a guy, who finds it hard, and would find it much more difficult if I was a single parent of 3 (like my mum). I wonder how I’d have copped, and blame most of that doubt on being male.
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"Men and women are just as capable as being great parents and shit ones. None are greater than the other"
Agreed - and there’s many a product of the ‘care’ system who could tell you that all too many mums are far from nurturing!
Lost count of the number of whinging threads/statuses I’ve seen over the years on day 2 of the summer holidays!
I think some men do an amazing job as parents - but I also think that, somehow, we expect less of men than we do of women - except as a provider!
I saw a couple of single dads when I lived on a council estate as a young Mum. Their kids were usually very grubby, had a poor diet and didn’t do very well educationally - yet the dads got heaps of praise for ‘coping’! The standards were set far lower for them than they were for women!
Conversely, I feel that as a single mum I have to cope admirably as both Mum and dad as well as provider - with no leeway at all. Perhaps this is just my expectation of myself though, rather than other’s expectation of me! |
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"Where’s the good vibes in this place? Is everyone hungover?
If I’ve really and truly upset/offended or you find my opening post disturbing in some way. Ha e a look around at the post such as
I’m sick of ‘some people’ because of abc. threads (you mean someone in particular but not allowed to name)
There’s too many threads bashing people, and when I’ve singled out a conversation I’ve had away from fab, (not against the rules, unlike what stupid pm you had) and brought my thoughts here, you try to bring me down to your level of ‘I have to include everyone ‘. No I don’t, unless there’s a rule I missed.
Single dads rock today. And that was that.
"
I've certainly took no offence and get what your saying but I don't think single dad's should have more prays than any parent. If you've any kind of intelligence about you when you decide to have a child your responsibility is set be that with a partner or alone. There's no refunds if it gets hard it's never really easy you just get on with it and do the best you can. Personally though I had 2 classic examples of the shitteyist perants possibly so maybe that made me realise just what a vital job this bringing up kids really is.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?"
I think it's harder for women without the maternal instinct that society expects her to have. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Where’s the good vibes in this place? Is everyone hungover?
If I’ve really and truly upset/offended or you find my opening post disturbing in some way. Ha e a look around at the post such as
I’m sick of ‘some people’ because of abc. threads (you mean someone in particular but not allowed to name)
There’s too many threads bashing people, and when I’ve singled out a conversation I’ve had away from fab, (not against the rules, unlike what stupid pm you had) and brought my thoughts here, you try to bring me down to your level of ‘I have to include everyone ‘. No I don’t, unless there’s a rule I missed.
Single dads rock today. And that was that.
I've certainly took no offence and get what your saying but I don't think single dad's should have more prays than any parent. If you've any kind of intelligence about you when you decide to have a child your responsibility is set be that with a partner or alone. There's no refunds if it gets hard it's never really easy you just get on with it and do the best you can. Personally though I had 2 classic examples of the shitteyist perants possibly so maybe that made me realise just what a vital job this bringing up kids really is...."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?
I think it's harder for women without the maternal instinct that society expects her to have. "
So is it easier for a man without maternal those instincts ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The single dads I know do a great job, and normally have far more patience than I do lol"
They just ignore them. Men switch off better from all the moaning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men and women are just as capable as being great parents and shit ones. None are greater than the other
Agreed - and there’s many a product of the ‘care’ system who could tell you that all too many mums are far from nurturing!
Lost count of the number of whinging threads/statuses I’ve seen over the years on day 2 of the summer holidays!
I think some men do an amazing job as parents - but I also think that, somehow, we expect less of men than we do of women - except as a provider!
I saw a couple of single dads when I lived on a council estate as a young Mum. Their kids were usually very grubby, had a poor diet and didn’t do very well educationally - yet the dads got heaps of praise for ‘coping’! The standards were set far lower for them than they were for women!
Conversely, I feel that as a single mum I have to cope admirably as both Mum and dad as well as provider - with no leeway at all. Perhaps this is just my expectation of myself though, rather than other’s expectation of me! "
Good points |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?
I think it's harder for women without the maternal instinct that society expects her to have. "
Oh 100%. Being a woman in my 30s, I’m expected to have children... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The single dads I know do a great job, and normally have far more patience than I do lol
They just ignore them. Men switch off better from all the moaning. "
That’s down to the individual and their patience. My Mum manages to completely switch off with her 8 Grandchildren. They squeal as they run around her house at Christmas. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?
I think it's harder for women without the maternal instinct that society expects her to have.
Oh 100%. Being a woman in my 30s, I’m expected to have children..."
Your biological clock is ticking? |
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It's a sad world that expects less from a man in terms of parenting than a woman. I still feel uncomfortable when some people seem amazed I'm a single dad. Why should this be surprising? Are they not my kids? Do I not love them? Are women not human too and capable of moving away from their kids? So why is it surprising that I should be raising my kids? I am their dad, my responisbility is far more than just providing biological material.
I count my self very lucky have my kids. I would be lost and broken without them. They are both the reason I am continuously knackered (3 and 6 but apperently it gets easier), I am always saying ffs under my breath, but why I am happy. Kids are a product of two people and its always a sad situation when one of those people is in a circumstances where one if left by them self to raise the kids. My respect is for all people who find them self in this situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a sad world that expects less from a man in terms of parenting than a woman. I still feel uncomfortable when some people seem amazed I'm a single dad. Why should this be surprising? Are they not my kids? Do I not love them? Are women not human too and capable of moving away from their kids? So why is it surprising that I should be raising my kids? I am their dad, my responisbility is far more than just providing biological material.
I count my self very lucky have my kids. I would be lost and broken without them. They are both the reason I am continuously knackered (3 and 6 but apperently it gets easier), I am always saying ffs under my breath, but why I am happy. Kids are a product of two people and its always a sad situation when one of those people is in a circumstances where one if left by them self to raise the kids. My respect is for all people who find them self in this situation."
Thanks dude, and here’s a hi 5. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was raised in a single parent household by my Daddy and he was wonderful.
Me being the littlest with two big brothers.
I always remember him working 12 hour night shifts, then taking us to School, picking us up before him going to work again.
He hated people judging him and he was paranoid about social services (remember this was the 70's) so we were always immaculate.
Only time I ever saw him lose his temper was with a teacher who had a nasty habit of hitting me on the arm.
Dad noticed the bruises and went ballistic! Shouted that he never laid a finger on us and no one else had the right too, saying that if social services saw me he'd be the one in trouble.
The teacher apologised and he never hit me again lol. Different times.
I advocate single Dads because of my own experiences, don't get me wrong all single parents do a wonderful job but single Dads can sometimes feel up against it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was raised in a single parent household by my Daddy and he was wonderful.
Me being the littlest with two big brothers.
I always remember him working 12 hour night shifts, then taking us to School, picking us up before him going to work again.
He hated people judging him and he was paranoid about social services (remember this was the 70's) so we were always immaculate.
Only time I ever saw him lose his temper was with a teacher who had a nasty habit of hitting me on the arm.
Dad noticed the bruises and went ballistic! Shouted that he never laid a finger on us and no one else had the right too, saying that if social services saw me he'd be the one in trouble.
The teacher apologised and he never hit me again lol. Different times.
I advocate single Dads because of my own experiences, don't get me wrong all single parents do a wonderful job but single Dads can sometimes feel up against it.
"
Your dad sounds fabulous.
Yes, I agree there are social issues that lead to gendered difficulties for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was raised in a single parent household by my Daddy and he was wonderful.
Me being the littlest with two big brothers.
I always remember him working 12 hour night shifts, then taking us to School, picking us up before him going to work again.
He hated people judging him and he was paranoid about social services (remember this was the 70's) so we were always immaculate.
Only time I ever saw him lose his temper was with a teacher who had a nasty habit of hitting me on the arm.
Dad noticed the bruises and went ballistic! Shouted that he never laid a finger on us and no one else had the right too, saying that if social services saw me he'd be the one in trouble.
The teacher apologised and he never hit me again lol. Different times.
I advocate single Dads because of my own experiences, don't get me wrong all single parents do a wonderful job but single Dads can sometimes feel up against it.
"
Good post. Thanks. I give a big Hi5 to your dad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Your dad sounds fabulous.
Yes, I agree there are social issues that lead to gendered difficulties for sure. "
Thanks hon, yes he was. And he dealt with teenage daughter stuff well lol. Only time I saw him flustered was When I started my periods lol, on the phone to my Aunt in a flap who bustled in with all manner of weird things girls need. I remember walking into the kitchen after I'd bathed and my Aunt sat at the table with my Dad who was crying bless him.
I lost him 22 years ago and it nearly killed me.
But yes I think isolation can be an issue.... I used to run a single Dad's support group when I worked for Surestart, they'd come for bacon butties and a cup of tea. I'd give any advice they needed, even if it was just a chat and of course supervise the little ones so the Dads could talk. Support network is so important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Your dad sounds fabulous.
Yes, I agree there are social issues that lead to gendered difficulties for sure.
Thanks hon, yes he was. And he dealt with teenage daughter stuff well lol. Only time I saw him flustered was When I started my periods lol, on the phone to my Aunt in a flap who bustled in with all manner of weird things girls need. I remember walking into the kitchen after I'd bathed and my Aunt sat at the table with my Dad who was crying bless him.
I lost him 22 years ago and it nearly killed me.
But yes I think isolation can be an issue.... I used to run a single Dad's support group when I worked for Surestart, they'd come for bacon butties and a cup of tea. I'd give any advice they needed, even if it was just a chat and of course supervise the little ones so the Dads could talk. Support network is so important."
Completely! The social constructs and misinformation about stereotyping sexes can hurt both. It’s a real problem.
High five to your dad. I totally support the OP’s sentiment in that, whatever the issues I find in other purported facts and inability to hear others. |
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There are some challenges/minor anoyences I have experiance as a single dad.
Being thought of as a less capable parent. Often perfectly lovely people being unwitting very patronising (especially when my son was just months old). Sort of talking to you like you hadn't got a clue with a baby because I'm not the mum.
Not fitting in with all the single mum's. Going to tots groups I was often the only male. Made some nice friends and had some good conversations. But the tots group I found is a place where women get away from the men in their life and want to talk about woman things. Which is perfectly fine but obviously as a man you'd find your self sort of shut out and isolated.
People making a big deal of it because I'm a man. Lovely of them but really uncomfortable. I hate people making out it's a really special thing to want to sacrifice and raise my kids. They are my kids, isn't that what every parent wants to do?
Personally I found dating and meeting people harder. The singles range in my group is a lot made up of single mums. Now it's hard enough when one person is a single parent and the other can be flexible but a devil to meet when both are full time single parents and thus not very flexible.
When people assume your a weekend dad. I remember one single mum saying to me at a play area one weekend 'it's hard work isn't it? At least you can hand yours back at the end of the weekend and enjoy the peace'. That assupmtion and statement really got to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have loads of respect for any good parent, single or otherwise but it's not harder for a man than a woman...I don't agree with that.
Maybe not. But do you not think it’s expected to be harder for him than her. Just taking into account the natural maternal instincts a female is supposed to have?
I think it's harder for women without the maternal instinct that society expects her to have.
So is it easier for a man without maternal those instincts ? "
A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes. |
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"There are some challenges/minor anoyences I have experiance as a single dad.
Being thought of as a less capable parent. Often perfectly lovely people being unwitting very patronising (especially when my son was just months old). Sort of talking to you like you hadn't got a clue with a baby because I'm not the mum.
Not fitting in with all the single mum's. Going to tots groups I was often the only male. Made some nice friends and had some good conversations. But the tots group I found is a place where women get away from the men in their life and want to talk about woman things. Which is perfectly fine but obviously as a man you'd find your self sort of shut out and isolated.
People making a big deal of it because I'm a man. Lovely of them but really uncomfortable. I hate people making out it's a really special thing to want to sacrifice and raise my kids. They are my kids, isn't that what every parent wants to do?
Personally I found dating and meeting people harder. The singles range in my group is a lot made up of single mums. Now it's hard enough when one person is a single parent and the other can be flexible but a devil to meet when both are full time single parents and thus not very flexible.
When people assume your a weekend dad. I remember one single mum saying to me at a play area one weekend 'it's hard work isn't it? At least you can hand yours back at the end of the weekend and enjoy the peace'. That assupmtion and statement really got to me."
You sound like a lovely man - and i’m delighted to see from reading your profile that you’ve met someone special!
Yes - I said that expectations are lower for many single dads and I stand by that - but - thinking about it - it must be very isolating for single dads as the vast majority of pre-school groups/support networks are aimed almost exclusively at mums and their children - not dads!
Anyway - I’m sending you a huge hug!
Nice thread op - even if it IS giving voice to a few differing opinions! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was raised in a single parent household by my Daddy and he was wonderful.
Me being the littlest with two big brothers.
I always remember him working 12 hour night shifts, then taking us to School, picking us up before him going to work again.
He hated people judging him and he was paranoid about social services (remember this was the 70's) so we were always immaculate.
Only time I ever saw him lose his temper was with a teacher who had a nasty habit of hitting me on the arm.
Dad noticed the bruises and went ballistic! Shouted that he never laid a finger on us and no one else had the right too, saying that if social services saw me he'd be the one in trouble.
The teacher apologised and he never hit me again lol. Different times.
I advocate single Dads because of my own experiences, don't get me wrong all single parents do a wonderful job but single Dads can sometimes feel up against it.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes. "
I was in that situation in the 90's and hope things have improved. But you are 100% wrong in your assumption, you clearly have no idea how important it is not to fail when most looking your way are waiting for the failure not to offer support as the mums did to each other, but to say told you so, and shake their heads at your failure meeting their expectations.
Had social services called out on me twice once because my son was not in school uniform, taken to sliding down the corridor on his knees and got through 2 pairs of trousers in as many days. So I sent him to school in jeans for the rest of the week until I could get to the shops. The other time my daughter had bruises. She was bullied at school, but the gate gang called it in to report me without asking.
It was hard, because I was isolated, grieving my wife's death, and facing the mums club who did not like a man raising children.
Societies norms are enforced by society. Ànd anyone outside that is willed to fail. But when it's parenting you are dealing with you must not fail. Mum, dad, or couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes.
I was in that situation in the 90's and hope things have improved. But you are 100% wrong in your assumption, you clearly have no idea how important it is not to fail when most looking your way are waiting for the failure not to offer support as the mums did to each other, but to say told you so, and shake their heads at your failure meeting their expectations.
Had social services called out on me twice once because my son was not in school uniform, taken to sliding down the corridor on his knees and got through 2 pairs of trousers in as many days. So I sent him to school in jeans for the rest of the week until I could get to the shops. The other time my daughter had bruises. She was bullied at school, but the gate gang called it in to report me without asking.
It was hard, because I was isolated, grieving my wife's death, and facing the mums club who did not like a man raising children.
Societies norms are enforced by society. Ànd anyone outside that is willed to fail. But when it's parenting you are dealing with you must not fail. Mum, dad, or couple. "
I was answering a specific question so you've taken what I said out of context. I think a non maternal mother falls into your category as being outside society norms... wouldn't you agree? So don't assume that I have no clue what it's like to be expected to fail at something. Throughout history women have been expected to fail at pretty much everything except raising children. I'm not arguing that single men don't have it hard. You've clearly missed my point as it's something close to your heart. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes.
I was in that situation in the 90's and hope things have improved. But you are 100% wrong in your assumption, you clearly have no idea how important it is not to fail when most looking your way are waiting for the failure not to offer support as the mums did to each other, but to say told you so, and shake their heads at your failure meeting their expectations.
Had social services called out on me twice once because my son was not in school uniform, taken to sliding down the corridor on his knees and got through 2 pairs of trousers in as many days. So I sent him to school in jeans for the rest of the week until I could get to the shops. The other time my daughter had bruises. She was bullied at school, but the gate gang called it in to report me without asking.
It was hard, because I was isolated, grieving my wife's death, and facing the mums club who did not like a man raising children.
Societies norms are enforced by society. Ànd anyone outside that is willed to fail. But when it's parenting you are dealing with you must not fail. Mum, dad, or couple.
I was answering a specific question so you've taken what I said out of context. I think a non maternal mother falls into your category as being outside society norms... wouldn't you agree? So don't assume that I have no clue what it's like to be expected to fail at something. Throughout history women have been expected to fail at pretty much everything except raising children. I'm not arguing that single men don't have it hard. You've clearly missed my point as it's something close to your heart. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes.
I was in that situation in the 90's and hope things have improved. But you are 100% wrong in your assumption, you clearly have no idea how important it is not to fail when most looking your way are waiting for the failure not to offer support as the mums did to each other, but to say told you so, and shake their heads at your failure meeting their expectations.
Had social services called out on me twice once because my son was not in school uniform, taken to sliding down the corridor on his knees and got through 2 pairs of trousers in as many days. So I sent him to school in jeans for the rest of the week until I could get to the shops. The other time my daughter had bruises. She was bullied at school, but the gate gang called it in to report me without asking.
It was hard, because I was isolated, grieving my wife's death, and facing the mums club who did not like a man raising children.
Societies norms are enforced by society. Ànd anyone outside that is willed to fail. But when it's parenting you are dealing with you must not fail. Mum, dad, or couple.
I was answering a specific question so you've taken what I said out of context. I think a non maternal mother falls into your category as being outside society norms... wouldn't you agree? So don't assume that I have no clue what it's like to be expected to fail at something. Throughout history women have been expected to fail at pretty much everything except raising children. I'm not arguing that single men don't have it hard. You've clearly missed my point as it's something close to your heart. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was answering a specific question so you've taken what I said out of context. I think a non maternal mother falls into your category as being outside society norms... wouldn't you agree? So don't assume that I have no clue what it's like to be expected to fail at something. Throughout history women have been expected to fail at pretty much everything except raising children. I'm not arguing that single men don't have it hard. You've clearly missed my point as it's something close to your heart. "
Apologies, I was reacting from the wounded heart not the head. I know I was not perfect, but I was as good as any parents anywhere.
But the hurdles were set higher, because I was a man, and the primary school pickup group would report me for everything even if they were worse. Stuck a bigger chip on my shoulder than I realised... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately in "real life" someone within my family doesn't give a fuck about his kids, and as I have lost 2 desperately wanted children it boils my blood. I do way more for his kids than does.
Total wanker.
I also know a female (not family) who has kids and really doesn't want them... This also boils my blood.
I applaud ANY person, man or woman, who is a great parent... xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have the same expectations and resulting pressures from society to be a natural parent, so in that way yes.
I was in that situation in the 90's and hope things have improved. But you are 100% wrong in your assumption, you clearly have no idea how important it is not to fail when most looking your way are waiting for the failure not to offer support as the mums did to each other, but to say told you so, and shake their heads at your failure meeting their expectations.
Had social services called out on me twice once because my son was not in school uniform, taken to sliding down the corridor on his knees and got through 2 pairs of trousers in as many days. So I sent him to school in jeans for the rest of the week until I could get to the shops. The other time my daughter had bruises. She was bullied at school, but the gate gang called it in to report me without asking.
It was hard, because I was isolated, grieving my wife's death, and facing the mums club who did not like a man raising children.
Societies norms are enforced by society. Ànd anyone outside that is willed to fail. But when it's parenting you are dealing with you must not fail. Mum, dad, or couple. "
Your story is the kind of thing I thought the OP was referring to. |
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