FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > It is not ok to cheat or is it?
It is not ok to cheat or is it?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It is never ok, but I saw a comedy program series, where you might think it would be.
His wife wasnt interested, he always tried to make contact with her, she was always busy and didnt fancy it or sex, then he went to a party alone with work.
At the party they all sat around the table and when it was time to dance, he thought twice if he would.
He went up and approached a woman and they played one of those sensual music things where you stand close like your hugging eachother for a long time, he stood there with her dancing for a long time even when the others have left, it was quite sad, but at the same time you were glad to see him happy.
What would you do in his situation? would you take it further? Or sit down and talk to his wife? I reckon talking to the wife would be a good start. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we can never really understand a relationship that we aren’t in ourselves, so I wouldn’t say what he should or shouldn’t do.
From my own experience thiugh being in a relationship where your emotional and physical needs are neglected over a long period of time can be soul destroying, and can lead you to do things you never thought you would.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think it’s okay for one person in a relationship to, unilaterally and permanently, end the sex lives of both people.
I think things are usually multi-layered and complex. "
As above, life is complicated, |
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This is where people chime in with “talk to your wife”. The sad truth sometimes is that if she doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s not a discussion you’re having.
I think we’ve all done stuff that makes us happy in the moment despite possible long term consequences. Eating chocolate to deceiving a loved one, they’re all just shades on the same colour (I’m not saying they’re the same at all, but the feeling and reasons can be) |
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"It is never ok, but I saw a comedy program series, where you might think it would be.
His wife wasnt interested, he always tried to make contact with her, she was always busy and didnt fancy it or sex, then he went to a party alone with work.
At the party they all sat around the table and when it was time to dance, he thought twice if he would.
He went up and approached a woman and they played one of those sensual music things where you stand close like your hugging eachother for a long time, he stood there with her dancing for a long time even when the others have left, it was quite sad, but at the same time you were glad to see him happy.
What would you do in his situation? would you take it further? Or sit down and talk to his wife? I reckon talking to the wife would be a good start."
I think it's the right place to start, yes, and if they are not equally committed to making the marriage work in all aspects then I believe it's probably best to end it. |
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"I think we can never really understand a relationship that we aren’t in ourselves, so I wouldn’t say what he should or shouldn’t do.
From my own experience thiugh being in a relationship where your emotional and physical needs are neglected over a long period of time can be soul destroying, and can lead you to do things you never thought you would.
"
I agree, but I left. Snatched moments would not have worked for me but I can see where it's the only option some may think they have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s a complicated thing to comment on, during my marriage my husband cheated on me numerous times, looking at it from the perspective you quoted yes he probably had good cause to. But getting the other side of the story, he was an abusing , controlling and manipulative man. I avoided sex as much as possible when given the choice but often I didn’t have the choice. So often you don’t get both sides of the story to make an informed decision x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we can never really understand a relationship that we aren’t in ourselves, so I wouldn’t say what he should or shouldn’t do.
From my own experience thiugh being in a relationship where your emotional and physical needs are neglected over a long period of time can be soul destroying, and can lead you to do things you never thought you would.
"
Almost nothing worse than someone you love neglecting your needs over a long period and refusing to do anything to help.
Been there before. One of my lowest points. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing is black and white. Cheating is always seen to be a terrible thing, but unless you are that person in that situation, you have no idea what they are going through or the lengths they have gone to to not get to that point. |
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It’s not ok to cheat. What is the point really. If you want to ruin a perfectly good relationship off you go but many are not attracted to attached people. But I reckon at least half the single men !!!!! On here are attached. Remember discreet is the key word |
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It would depend on the agreed rules that partners decide in the relationship. Their definition of cheating may be very different to that of others. I'd expect communication before a partner broke any agreements. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a complicated thing to comment on, during my marriage my husband cheated on me numerous times, looking at it from the perspective you quoted yes he probably had good cause to. But getting the other side of the story, he was an abusing , controlling and manipulative man. I avoided sex as much as possible when given the choice but often I didn’t have the choice. So often you don’t get both sides of the story to make an informed decision x "
Ouch did you kick him out?
You should have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With most things in life I think I'm quite easy going, try not to be judgemental. But with cheating there are was never an excuse. They were scumbags, simple as.
Life experiences and even talking to some folk on here (and in real life) have mellowed my views a bit. If you're the type to go out of a weekend and fuck about behind your partner's back when you've not even tried to address any relationship problems then you're still a scumbag.
If you've tried but been unable to resolve them, still love your partner but perhaps due to kids, mortgage and everything else, can't separate, then I feel sorry for you. No one's a winner in that situation.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"With most things in life I think I'm quite easy going, try not to be judgemental. But with cheating there are was never an excuse. They were scumbags, simple as.
Life experiences and even talking to some folk on here (and in real life) have mellowed my views a bit. If you're the type to go out of a weekend and fuck about behind your partner's back when you've not even tried to address any relationship problems then you're still a scumbag.
If you've tried but been unable to resolve them, still love your partner but perhaps due to kids, mortgage and everything else, can't separate, then I feel sorry for you. No one's a winner in that situation.
"
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Definitely a complicated subject, from personal experience, a woman's sex drive can completely disappear after kids, but if all those men in that situation left their partners, there would be a lot more single mums knocking about!
From my POV, this sort of no-strings arrangement is a lot less "betraying" than having a romantic affair with the girl from accounts... It's akin to using prostitutes - there's not emotional connection. I'm not comparing ladies on here to prostitutes of course - it's a quid-pro-quo arrangement, bit the lack of emational involvement is the same, therefore, in my mind at least, I don't consider it being "unfaithful" in the same was as a romantic affair would be. |
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