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The trouble with former FWBs
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By *tonMess OP Couple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Ok, so as a single lady I had several really good, reliable Friends with Benefits. Most have remained good friends and fully respect that my circumstances have changed and I no longer have need for them sexually but may at some point in the future invite them to join us.
There was one who just couldn't get his head round it though. He would continually message asking if I was free, reminding me of the time we did this that and the other, saying I was the best sex he ever had etc. Cheffy and I both use this profile and read our messages, sometimes his messages would make me cringe a little knowing the man I love was going to have to read them.
Block him I hear you all say... but I was reluctant to block him because inspite of all this he had been a good friend to me and saw me through some pretty tough times. I almost felt sorry for him as he lives alone and I cant recall him ever having a girlfriend as such. I also had a sneaky suspicion that if he was blocked he might resort to just turning up sometime.
After his last message I was quite abrupt with him, told him in no uncertain terms we would NEVERfuck again because he clearly cant take no for an answer. Next day his status was "Just so lost dont see any point in this anymore". I ignored it. Later it said "bottle of jd down just feel shit" again I ignored it.
Today he has gone UNLOS and I feel dreadful.
Dunno what I expect you lot to say or do... just feels a bit better getting it off my chest  |
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By *ltravioletWoman
over a year ago
In amongst the Unicorns & fairy dust |
I had a similar experience about 4years ago with a Fab guy, we were great fwb’s . I had to cut all contact with him after he’d gone unlos he pestered me with texts and phone calls , one day he came to my work ( colleagues new he was a friend ) with a huge bunch of flowers the card simply said sorry , I wasn’t in the office that day so never heard/ seen anything from him for about 18 months . 2 weeks ago we bumped into each other and I was really upset to know that he’d had a breakdown ,,, so not giving advice but if you know this person well then you will know what to do x |
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By *tonMess OP Couple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Thanm you... I no longer have a number for him and I wouldn't want to just go round as I dont want to give him false hope.
Think I will give him a week or so and if he doesn't pop back up on here i will drop him a note in the post to say sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you've any reason to be sorry. He obviously likes you more than you like him but as hard as it is he needs to accept things as they are. He could have remained a good friend without the sex but didn't want to. In most cases they'll be down for a few weeks then back to normal. I think if ye do chat again and he's not cool with staying as just friends then the best thing to do is cut all contact completely and move on. Contact here and there can be worse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its been four years for gods sake, you'd have thought he would have got the message and moved on by now 
Im good but I aint that good  "
Ya I wouldn't feel so bad if I was you. It sounds like you basically had to be that blunt because he was refusing to take the hint..... for years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would just leave him be.
He needs to sort his head out and he won’t be able to do that if you pop up again.
He knows how to get hold of you if he wants to. |
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I've had similar issues in the past. It's tough when you consider them a friend as well as a fuck but they fixate on the latter.
I've just had to be very consistent in my message that nothing sexual will happen again. I ignore the sexual messages now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The guy clearly has issues, but he is neither your problem nor your responsibility. Further contact can only inflame the situation, let's not forget that he put up the status specifically to trigger you.
Harsh but true. Some people you just have to cut off. |
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"I would just leave him be.
He needs to sort his head out and he won’t be able to do that if you pop up again.
He knows how to get hold of you if he wants to."
I agree,contacting him again will just give him hope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest you should have cut contact a long time ago. Clearly in his mind you keeping contact has given him hope. I kinda feel sorry for the bloke... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest you should have cut contact a long time ago. Clearly in his mind you keeping contact has given him hope. I kinda feel sorry for the bloke... "
Why feel sorry for him? He clearly has zero respect for the wishes or boundaries of the OP, he simply wants to get his own way and is not averse to emotional manipulation. This isn't the behaviour of someone who cares for the object of their attentions. |
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"I would just leave him be.
He knows how to get hold of you if he wants to.
I agree,contacting him again will just give him hope."
As mentioned, the status is a hidden message to you.
Continue with your life and put this chapter behind you x
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
He just couldn't accept you have moved on.
You have done nothing at all wrong, it is a shame that he's going through what he's going through, there may be other factors that you are unaware of, that have nothing whatsoever to do with you that are also involved, maybe having a rough time at work or another relationship, not necessarily sexual.
Anyway regardless of what it is, you have done the right thing and none of it is your responsibility. I do believe that any contact, he may see as reaching out to him, to be back in your life, possibly in a sexual way, you may have to go through all this again.
I would just accept that sometimes people have to be cut off, and it can be for their own good, just as much as yours. |
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"To be honest you should have cut contact a long time ago. Clearly in his mind you keeping contact has given him hope. I kinda feel sorry for the bloke...
Why feel sorry for him? He clearly has zero respect for the wishes or boundaries of the OP, he simply wants to get his own way and is not averse to emotional manipulation. This isn't the behaviour of someone who cares for the object of their attentions."
Yeah can't be doing with emotional manipulation. |
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