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Fucking fuming!
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Health and safety...... to paraphrase "provide evidence of how you grassed up a colleague who wasn't adhering to our over bearing h&s policy, If you don't then you're not performing. If you yourself don't score 100% for H&S then you're not performing." No pay rise for you...
"Hey John, just grassing on you so i can have a pay rise. Obviously you won't get one. Sucks to be you. Afterwards, can you give me a hand fitting the widget valve?"..... |
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" No one likes having to do all that performance measuring crap for work right?! Well we've just been given ours. In the main they are unachievable. However, one of the "goals and objectives" is essentially black m ail! Every year we have the opportunity to fill out an anonymous survey on staff engagement including how we think our manager has performed. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But wait... One of our performance goals is a better-than-last-year employee engagement score.... so if engagement dosent improve (or we mark our shit manager down again) we can't have a pay rise!  what the fuck!?"
I think that you might want to point that out to the HR Department quite quickly and get it changed. If not, raise a grievance under the grievance procedure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Health and safety...... to paraphrase "provide evidence of how you grassed up a colleague who wasn't adhering to our over bearing h&s policy, If you don't then you're not performing. If you yourself don't score 100% for H&S then you're not performing." No pay rise for you...
"Hey John, just grassing on you so i can have a pay rise. Obviously you won't get one. Sucks to be you. Afterwards, can you give me a hand fitting the widget valve?"....."
Maybe its a massive test of your loyalties. If you all stay loyal to workmates you get to pass and have a large pay rise. Un loyal ones get flushed. I doubt it though.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" No one likes having to do all that performance measuring crap for work right?! Well we've just been given ours. In the main they are unachievable. However, one of the "goals and objectives" is essentially black m ail! Every year we have the opportunity to fill out an anonymous survey on staff engagement including how we think our manager has performed. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But wait... One of our performance goals is a better-than-last-year employee engagement score.... so if engagement dosent improve (or we mark our shit manager down again) we can't have a pay rise! what the fuck!?"
Sounds like we work at the same place!! |
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"I always told my managers what I thought of them, and why. Yeah, I never got promoted beyond the first level....  "
That surprises me, I’ve found men easier to manage generally and have promoted them partly because of that. Just before I get any negative comments I have promoted women to management too when they’ve been the best person for the role  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Urgh!
(Grrrrrr)
I fucking hate bullshit like this.
It's just a way of saying you're just a number- and we're going to fuck you ( not in a good way ) unless you bend over and submit
Cunts.
I REALLY hate my job at the moment - but I'm not sure I want to leave this job for another job with the same old shit!
Boring - I can't wait to retire!
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" No one likes having to do all that performance measuring crap for work right?! Well we've just been given ours. In the main they are unachievable. However, one of the "goals and objectives" is essentially black m ail! Every year we have the opportunity to fill out an anonymous survey on staff engagement including how we think our manager has performed. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But wait... One of our performance goals is a better-than-last-year employee engagement score.... so if engagement dosent improve (or we mark our shit manager down again) we can't have a pay rise! what the fuck!?"
so have fun and none of you fill it out what can they really say then
you get your pay rise as nothing bad gets written
 |
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One place I've worked the staff had to do a "satisfaction" survey every year, meant to be anonymous but at the end of it you had to give your location, grade, sex and age so maybe not so anonymous after all... |
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"One place I've worked the staff had to do a "satisfaction" survey every year, meant to be anonymous but at the end of it you had to give your location, grade, sex and age so maybe not so anonymous after all..."
I make those bits up!!
B x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" No one likes having to do all that performance measuring crap for work right?! Well we've just been given ours. In the main they are unachievable. However, one of the "goals and objectives" is essentially black m ail! Every year we have the opportunity to fill out an anonymous survey on staff engagement including how we think our manager has performed. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But wait... One of our performance goals is a better-than-last-year employee engagement score.... so if engagement dosent improve (or we mark our shit manager down they) we can't have a pay rise! what the fuck!?"
If you tell managers they are wonderful, theyll believe you.
If you say they are rubbish they wont.
Either way, nothing changes so,tell them what they want to hear and reap the benefits.
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I used to work in retail management and once said about a member of upper management "he's not god, he's just a shopkeeper who gets paid more than we do" ...my peers were shocked...the person in question was reported to have said " I like him, he's got balls" ... however working with some management sent me dolallytat so got out of it for sanitys sake |
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" No one likes having to do all that performance measuring crap for work right?! Well we've just been given ours. In the main they are unachievable. However, one of the "goals and objectives" is essentially black m ail! Every year we have the opportunity to fill out an anonymous survey on staff engagement including how we think our manager has performed. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But wait... One of our performance goals is a better-than-last-year employee engagement score.... so if engagement dosent improve (or we mark our shit manager down again) we can't have a pay rise! what the fuck!?
so have fun and none of you fill it out what can they really say then
you get your pay rise as nothing bad gets written
"
Ah, they're saying any non compliance will be seen as a behavioural issue. Therefore they can take disciplinary action. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have a word with your manager as its likeky he's been set very similar targets.
Then have an honest and open discussion about thiers and yours working relationship and how you can achieve better engagment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have a word with your manager as its likeky he's been set very similar targets.
Then have an honest and open discussion about thiers and yours working relationship and how you can achieve better engagment"
I’d be interested to hear how that goes |
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"Health and safety...... to paraphrase "provide evidence of how you grassed up a colleague who wasn't adhering to our over bearing h&s policy, If you don't then you're not performing. If you yourself don't score 100% for H&S then you're not performing." No pay rise for you..."
I think they’ve got hold of the wrong (unsafe) end of the H&S stick. Is there not an option to provide an example of how you prevented a client or subcontractor from killing or maiming themselves? Works well at our place. |
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You can’t make this shit up. Organisations are insane 
