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Bitchy girls...
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I don’t really fall in this camp because I’m a proper softie and I wouldn’t want to make other people feel bad. 
I have no idea how to deal with girls who behave like that though. I mean I’m almost 45 and really thought that I’d left all of that shit behind at school. 
My self preservation instinct is simply to take myself out of the situation and have as little to do with the people involved as possible but in the workplace that’s pretty tricky. It’s starting to wear me down. I just want to get on with what I have to do and not have to deal with schoolgirl behaviour. 
Anyone have any advice? And if you’re one of them, why is that? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you jealous? I don’t understand why women don’t support other women. Be it here or in real life I’ve just never understood the need to be unkind or not inclusive when it comes to nights out or social things. To have a group outing and exclude one person but invite everyone else is just awful. |
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I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no advice as I’m the same as you, I’ve never been able to compete with bitchy women. I much preferred to work with the men. I think it is a form of jealousy and their insecurities, just sending hugs as it can be quiet soul destroying to have to deal with it on a daily basis. X |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?"
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have taken the view that I’m too bloody old, have enough real life problems and moved out of the “you’re not coming to my birthday party” camp once my milk teeth fell out. Life’s too short to let muppets upset it.
Some people court drama, why I don’t know.
Do as you would be done by. |
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I would confront the person. I hate gossip and hate people belittling others. If they can't act like an adult and be in the same place as others then that's their choice, I don't have time for it. They can feel awkward or give looks, but I'll just carry on.
You're right it does bring you down. outside the workplace I just remove those people from my life but if I can't then I just ignore it and make sure others know I don't want to hear it.
I think it's down to jealousy and bitterness. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I think it is mainly due to an inferiority complex. They must feel threaten by you somehow. "
I’ve bypassed them all in terms of career and now I do all the events (some of which have been taken from the secretary who hates me) so I suspect that will have a lot to do with it but she’s knocking 60 and surely old enough to know better? It’s wearing me down. I’ve never been mean to any of them. |
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I think it's low self esteem in part. They think everyone feels the same about them as they feel about themselves so they get in first with the nastiness. Excluding people who don't agree with them from their circle makes them feel safe and validated.
If they're saying bitchy things one of the best ways to deal with it is to ask them to repeat what they said as if you can't believe it. Or laugh and say "I know you can't possibly have meant that the way it sounded, nobody would be that nasty".
Things like exclusion on nights out etc isn't bitching it's bullying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think they must be really insecure inside or jealous. It was one of the reasons I went self employed. Where I worked it was mainly women staff and they were always slagging each other off behind each others backs which means you know they are doing the same behind your back. And I would home in tears. I have always got on better with guys then girls. They are just mean and I am not so I don't cope well in that environment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On a few occasions I’ve encountered it, I’ve ‘called them out’. I’ve done it with blokes too who think there’s nothing better than ‘bantering’. It happened to me where one person would continually denigrate me in the ‘name of banter’. After a few public occasions when I decided making a public scene wasn’t appropriate, I got the opportunity to five him some direct feedback. He was all apologetic, saying he didn’t mean it, it was all banter. He has never done it since.
Confronting the behaviour is my preferred option. |
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me. "
Well that's just bloody pathetic she doesn't have a right to exclude someone. Not everyone gets on in life,but we're all grownups at the end of the day. How would she have liked it if someone else chose the decision to exclude her.
What do your other colleagues think about it? |
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"I think it is mainly due to an inferiority complex. They must feel threaten by you somehow.
I’ve bypassed them all in terms of career and now I do all the events (some of which have been taken from the secretary who hates me) so I suspect that will have a lot to do with it but she’s knocking 60 and surely old enough to know better? It’s wearing me down. I’ve never been mean to any of them."
Age isn't significant. One of the nastiest colleagues I had was in her sixties. You're young, you're doing well some people can't handle that. |
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I dislike this too and would aim to find or pinpoint those who engineered the exclusion and tell them my feelings and have them explain - plus agree to inclusion in future. It doesn't resolve the need that they have to help themselves feel good at your expense but may open the channels for helping to weaken their desires against you or improve your understanding of them.
A collective act is bullying of course. Tough kindness on your part may do them some good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dislike this too and would aim to find or pinpoint those who engineered the exclusion and tell them my feelings and have them explain - plus agree to inclusion in future. It doesn't resolve the need that they have to help themselves feel good at your expense but may open the channels for helping to weaken their desires against you or improve your understanding of them.
A collective act is bullying of course. Tough kindness on your part may do them some good."
This  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it is mainly due to an inferiority complex. They must feel threaten by you somehow.
I’ve bypassed them all in terms of career and now I do all the events (some of which have been taken from the secretary who hates me) so I suspect that will have a lot to do with it but she’s knocking 60 and surely old enough to know better? It’s wearing me down. I’ve never been mean to any of them."
It's their problem not yours but easy to say if you aren't in the middle of it. Keep your dignity and keep smiling. |
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me. "
That's horrible. Sorry its happened.
As I said before that isn't bitchiness it's bullying. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I don’t really tell anyone else cause there’s no point in dragging other people in. Thing is, I love my job and this is just a tiny part of it so it’s not really that big a deal but there are times that it makes me so mad but when I get mad I cry. I can’t do the confrontation thing (apart from the fact that I really shouldn’t have to) and our HR is laughable so I’m not even considering going down that route.
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me. "
Seriously grow a pair and say something if you've done nothing wrong for them to dislike you. The other girl wasn't slow in telling you x |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me.
Seriously grow a pair and say something if you've done nothing wrong for them to dislike you. The other girl wasn't slow in telling you x"
I’m not worried about the size of my nuts, I just know that I’m not really that great with confrontation and the last thing I want is to exploit my own weakness in front of her so I mostly just ignore it. This week it’s really got me down though. |
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me.
Seriously grow a pair and say something if you've done nothing wrong for them to dislike you. The other girl wasn't slow in telling you x
I’m not worried about the size of my nuts, I just know that I’m not really that great with confrontation and the last thing I want is to exploit my own weakness in front of her so I mostly just ignore it. This week it’s really got me down though. "
It would. I left a job because of one woman's behaviour. She'd seen my cv and the fact that I was more qualified than her made her think she could treat badly. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Just slash the bitches tyres or is that a bit extreme?!"
m
A tad extreme! It would just be nice not to have to deal with her being nice to me one day and nasty the next. She may have her own shit going on and isn’t aware of how she’s behaving but there’s really no need for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A shame the group didn't feel they were large enough, diplomatic enough or accommodating enough to be able to include you both in the lunch. Clearly their social shortcomings not yours. If the receptionist is often the social organiser maybe a gentle but frank word with her, an observation that you too would like to spend time outside of work with colleagues and a request to be more inclusive might help?
We don't always get on with colleagues, but careful seating arrangements and diplomacy from colleagues can help make socials work for everyone.
I hope you find a way through this. It can really eat away at one's confidence.
Also, is there any kind of workplace mentoring scheme? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me.
Seriously grow a pair and say something if you've done nothing wrong for them to dislike you. The other girl wasn't slow in telling you x
I’m not worried about the size of my nuts, I just know that I’m not really that great with confrontation and the last thing I want is to exploit my own weakness in front of her so I mostly just ignore it. This week it’s really got me down though. "
I wasn’t good at confronting others. I used to feel anxious in conflict situations and avoid them. I would either pussy foot around the issue or lose my rag and sledgehammer the other person. Dealing with the sources of my anxiety and rehearsing and practising confronting really helped me. I practised so much I quite enjoy it now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me.
Seriously grow a pair and say something if you've done nothing wrong for them to dislike you. The other girl wasn't slow in telling you x
I’m not worried about the size of my nuts, I just know that I’m not really that great with confrontation and the last thing I want is to exploit my own weakness in front of her so I mostly just ignore it. This week it’s really got me down though. "
Say it when your passing her walking out the door then so you can just go in your car n drive off. Don't mention it again and the balls in her court if she chooses to ignore it. Least she'll know she's not being nice x |
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"Just slash the bitches tyres or is that a bit extreme?!m
A tad extreme! It would just be nice not to have to deal with her being nice to me one day and nasty the next. She may have her own shit going on and isn’t aware of how she’s behaving but there’s really no need for it. "
Good job I didn't suggest taking out a contract on her then! You just need to jokingly say when you see her in the morning "so then what kinda mood are we in today bitchy or non bitchy,just so I know to stay the stuff away from you?".
Like you say she may have her own shit going on,but that's no excuse to treat others like crap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t really fall in this camp because I’m a proper softie and I wouldn’t want to make other people feel bad.
I have no idea how to deal with girls who behave like that though. I mean I’m almost 45 and really thought that I’d left all of that shit behind at school.
My self preservation instinct is simply to take myself out of the situation and have as little to do with the people involved as possible but in the workplace that’s pretty tricky. It’s starting to wear me down. I just want to get on with what I have to do and not have to deal with schoolgirl behaviour.
Anyone have any advice? And if you’re one of them, why is that? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you jealous? I don’t understand why women don’t support other women. Be it here or in real life I’ve just never understood the need to be unkind or not inclusive when it comes to nights out or social things. To have a group outing and exclude one person but invite everyone else is just awful. "
All of the above..... I smell a hint of a bitch and I’m off in the opposite direction. My own personal opinion is that they fall into two camps, bullies and people whose lives are so dissatisfying that they feel the need to make everyone else’s the same. Well said OP....... I really relate to your wavelength. Lxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t really fall in this camp because I’m a proper softie and I wouldn’t want to make other people feel bad.
I have no idea how to deal with girls who behave like that though. I mean I’m almost 45 and really thought that I’d left all of that shit behind at school.
My self preservation instinct is simply to take myself out of the situation and have as little to do with the people involved as possible but in the workplace that’s pretty tricky. It’s starting to wear me down. I just want to get on with what I have to do and not have to deal with schoolgirl behaviour.
Anyone have any advice? And if you’re one of them, why is that? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you jealous? I don’t understand why women don’t support other women. Be it here or in real life I’ve just never understood the need to be unkind or not inclusive when it comes to nights out or social things. To have a group outing and exclude one person but invite everyone else is just awful. "
I went though this in my early 30s a bunch of girls at work led by one very chatty bitch who had digs at me from my hair to my clothes my work ability it was hard going into work and I was going to hand my notice in
but instead I lost it and told the main girl that if she didn't get off my back then id tell the bosses exactly what kind of woman they had working for them then I walked away
it worked though so though it isn't easy OP stand up for yourself x |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Thank you... you’ve all actually made me feel much better already. 
It does start to make you feel as though it’s you so it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in thinking that sort of behaviour is not cool.
I don’t know what sort of shortcomings they have in their lives but when it spills into how they’re treating people in the office it’s really not ideal. Twice I’ve had to apologise to a client because the receptionist has been rude to her I assume purely cause she’s coming in to see me. I’ve started meeting people outwith the office to avoid the situation altogether.
The snotty secretary barged into our room last week to leave something for my roomie and as I started to tell her he was off all week she walked out and slammed the door while I was mid sentence. Rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On a few occasions I’ve encountered it, I’ve ‘called them out’. I’ve done it with blokes too who think there’s nothing better than ‘bantering’. It happened to me where one person would continually denigrate me in the ‘name of banter’. After a few public occasions when I decided making a public scene wasn’t appropriate, I got the opportunity to five him some direct feedback. He was all apologetic, saying he didn’t mean it, it was all banter. He has never done it since.
Confronting the behaviour is my preferred option."
I agree... job done.
If not an option - be overtly nice to the organiser and let her know it must be so awkward for her doing something so socially inept as not including you and how drawing attention to herself in such a manner will bring with it such criticism... that she is so brave to take that route.
The immaturity of your work colleagues would create frustration and the non inclusion is rejection..... perhaps let a few know you haven’t been included and let that be organic and wait for a result.
Also the work review is an area for airing ur concerns ...
Big hugs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you... you’ve all actually made me feel much better already.
It does start to make you feel as though it’s you so it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in thinking that sort of behaviour is not cool.
I don’t know what sort of shortcomings they have in their lives but when it spills into how they’re treating people in the office it’s really not ideal. Twice I’ve had to apologise to a client because the receptionist has been rude to her I assume purely cause she’s coming in to see me. I’ve started meeting people outwith the office to avoid the situation altogether.
The snotty secretary barged into our room last week to leave something for my roomie and as I started to tell her he was off all week she walked out and slammed the door while I was mid sentence. Rude. "
She's obviously a bit of a nut job. Just be nice to everyone. Especially her! and keep yourself right. She'll trip herself up eventually x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t let them get you down.
Chin up, chest out and turn the other cheek.
It says far more about them, and folk with sense will be able to see how unpleasant they are. |
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Make notes of times and dates and any witnesses. Your HR might be toothless but if you can present evidence in black and white to your line manager or boss at your next 121 you have more of a case for her being approached for being unprofessional.
They should take action, particularly as the overspill of her being a tw@t to you is affecting your clients/customers also.
Good luck |
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"Thank you... you’ve all actually made me feel much better already.
It does start to make you feel as though it’s you so it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in thinking that sort of behaviour is not cool.
I don’t know what sort of shortcomings they have in their lives but when it spills into how they’re treating people in the office it’s really not ideal. Twice I’ve had to apologise to a client because the receptionist has been rude to her I assume purely cause she’s coming in to see me. I’ve started meeting people outwith the office to avoid the situation altogether.
The snotty secretary barged into our room last week to leave something for my roomie and as I started to tell her he was off all week she walked out and slammed the door while I was mid sentence. Rude. "
I worked for a woman who was rude to everyone. It was hugely embarrassing and several times I chased people down to corridor to explain it wasn't personal. People complained about her but nothing was ever done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve encountered a few people like that in my time. Being a quieter person I used to be an easy target for people and their nasty ways. The old saying kill people with kindness really is true so now I just do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have had to apologise to two clients already her personal feelings for you are spilling over into her professional role and she should be pulled up for it.
Equally you have been told that this secretary hates you but you don't write that it was her idea to not include you, it was someone else's idea to keep you both apart.
since you have not confronted her about it or been unkind towards her previously I would question if their is some one else perhaps causing trouble and creating the problem? This secretary could be getting told that it is in fact you who hates her.
Is their any chance someone else is stirring the pot as they say from a distance and watching the fall out whilst keeping themselves out of the spot light and out any possible repercussions.
Blokes can be just as bad and I have known a few bullies in my time.
Hope things work out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This sounds like the lady in question resents you because you have taken the responsibilities she once had away from her and feels she is slowly being edged out by you and that you are perceived as a threat to her overall position in the company ,me personally I'd be glad if someone took some of the crap jobs I have to do of my hands and let me concentrate at what I do best ,I've also been excluded from the odd work social or not found out about it till too late and have made arrangements else where but I say to myself hope they enjoy it I'm not going to let it ruin my plans and as soon as I click off I forget all about work and that's what you should do as soon as you leave work switch off and enjoy your time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you... you’ve all actually made me feel much better already.
It does start to make you feel as though it’s you so it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in thinking that sort of behaviour is not cool.
I don’t know what sort of shortcomings they have in their lives but when it spills into how they’re treating people in the office it’s really not ideal. Twice I’ve had to apologise to a client because the receptionist has been rude to her I assume purely cause she’s coming in to see me. I’ve started meeting people outwith the office to avoid the situation altogether.
The snotty secretary barged into our room last week to leave something for my roomie and as I started to tell her he was off all week she walked out and slammed the door while I was mid sentence. Rude. "
If it's affecting clients can you tell your bosses about it? That will affect their business. Put in a complaint about her behaviour.
As for the night out, is it a work outing or just people from work going out? If it's the latter there's not much you can do, people can go out with their friends. I'd make sure that people knew I wasn't invited though, in case she'd told them it was me being a bitch and not going. Hugs OP x |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
You’re all very wise. Thanks for all the advice. 
I’m not sure if there’s someone else in there stirring the pot, I just feel as though they’ve got their merry little coven and like to bitch about me. I’m the first to admit that I’m probably super annoying cause I’m ridiculously efficient and like things done ‘just so’ which means my attention to detail makes me really good at my job. Without blowing my own trumpet, the biggest issue is most likely that I show them up. If there’s an extra mile to go then I go it and don’t complain cause I really want to do a decent job.
Most of the qualified staff recognise that which makes them really happy. I have a work ethic such that is probably unlike most of the non-legal staff here and it doesn’t make me popular with them.
However they’re not paying my salary and I mostly don’t really care what people think about me in the negative. I can sleep at night because I’ve done a decent days work for a decent days pay. If that makes people dislike me then I really can’t help them. I just find it tricky to deal with cause it’s not like I’ve trampled over anyone to get here. What’s so terrible about wanting to do a good job? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I'm like you OP, I will take myself out of any confrontational situation and don't get involved with bitchiness in the workplace.
However if it is directed at me I will only take so much before it stresses me out and there'll be nothing else to do but talk to the person involved! That's only happened on a couple of occasions and it's done the job.
I usually get straight to the point and say something like 'do you have a problem with me?'
It's mean that they've not included you tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have met bitchy girls from all walks of life. In work, so called friends but this place takes the biscuit. I've had so many females sent me bitchy messages here. I just block and ignore. There are also some genuinely nice females here too. I think it's part and parcel of life. |
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The anthropological position of a group of women is that they all exist on the same level. If one is struggling, women flock to her to boost her up. If she’s way above them...they will do anything to bring her down.
There can be no Tall Poppies...human nature. I rest my case |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Use the “I” and “you” system.. I feel that there might be something that’s annoying you about me? Do you think it would be a good idea to have a chat about it or am I imagining it.
Might open the doors or at least close them. Either way it’s out in the open. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone. |
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"You’re all very wise. Thanks for all the advice.
I’m not sure if there’s someone else in there stirring the pot, I just feel as though they’ve got their merry little coven and like to bitch about me. I’m the first to admit that I’m probably super annoying cause I’m ridiculously efficient and like things done ‘just so’ which means my attention to detail makes me really good at my job. Without blowing my own trumpet, the biggest issue is most likely that I show them up. If there’s an extra mile to go then I go it and don’t complain cause I really want to do a decent job.
Most of the qualified staff recognise that which makes them really happy. I have a work ethic such that is probably unlike most of the non-legal staff here and it doesn’t make me popular with them.
However they’re not paying my salary and I mostly don’t really care what people think about me in the negative. I can sleep at night because I’ve done a decent days work for a decent days pay. If that makes people dislike me then I really can’t help them. I just find it tricky to deal with cause it’s not like I’ve trampled over anyone to get here. What’s so terrible about wanting to do a good job? "
Sorry, don't know if I am missing something but is your only complaint about your colleague's behaviour that you were not invited to a work do? |
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"If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone. "
Really!? It stands to reason that not everyone will like everyone they work with. If someone didn't like you, why waste more time than you have to interacting with them? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again. "
Isn't that doing the same thing? |
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"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?"
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?
I found out about it by accident when someone asked if I was going to the lunch for another colleagues 40th and it was the first I’d heard about it. Apparently our receptionist decided that it would be awkward cause one of the other secretaries hates me. "
Well, we all love you here, forget them. Don't let the haters keep you away from what you want to do. If they have a problem, then let them have it, it is after all their problem. Life's too short to deal with all the BS and drama. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone.
Really!? It stands to reason that not everyone will like everyone they work with. If someone didn't like you, why waste more time than you have to interacting with them? "
Because I'm evil. I like making people squirm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone.
Really!? It stands to reason that not everyone will like everyone they work with. If someone didn't like you, why waste more time than you have to interacting with them?
Because I'm evil. I like making people squirm. "
.
Or in other words
..
..
Female |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow  "
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t really fall in this camp because I’m a proper softie and I wouldn’t want to make other people feel bad.
I have no idea how to deal with girls who behave like that though. I mean I’m almost 45 and really thought that I’d left all of that shit behind at school.
My self preservation instinct is simply to take myself out of the situation and have as little to do with the people involved as possible but in the workplace that’s pretty tricky. It’s starting to wear me down. I just want to get on with what I have to do and not have to deal with schoolgirl behaviour.
Anyone have any advice? And if you’re one of them, why is that? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you jealous? I don’t understand why women don’t support other women. Be it here or in real life I’ve just never understood the need to be unkind or not inclusive when it comes to nights out or social things. To have a group outing and exclude one person but invite everyone else is just awful. "
ignore
You won't get on with everyone in this world .trick is to not let it bother you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone.
Really!? It stands to reason that not everyone will like everyone they work with. If someone didn't like you, why waste more time than you have to interacting with them?
Because I'm evil. I like making people squirm. .
Or in other words
..
..
Female "
Nah, if it was because I'm female I would talk about her behind her back and try to get everyone else to not like her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz."
.
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I found out that someone I worked with didn't like me I'd make it my mission to have as much interaction with that person as possible. I'd be nice and helpful, and do everything with a smile; knowing it was killing them inside.
As for the not being invited to the party, I would have a word with the the person who brought up about her not liking me and the person who decided to not invite me. I'm unsociable anyway, so it wouldn't bother me not getting invited out by anyone.
Really!? It stands to reason that not everyone will like everyone they work with. If someone didn't like you, why waste more time than you have to interacting with them?
Because I'm evil. I like making people squirm. .
Or in other words
..
..
Female
Nah, if it was because I'm female I would talk about her behind her back and try to get everyone else to not like her."
.
Don't panic, I think that base is already covered  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz..
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching "
Bitchin' is bitchin' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz..
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching
Bitchin' is bitchin'"
.
Noooo bitchin means hot to trot.. Where you been since 1986 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Worst thing I've seen is in the office where one girls talking to another and slagging her off to another in same office via chat on the computer but everyone's all smiles I just walked out and thought what do they say about me when I come in huffing and puffing coz they ain't done what I need doing to sort my job out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz..
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching
Bitchin' is bitchin'.
Noooo bitchin means hot to trot.. Where you been since 1986 "
Getting a life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh goodness.
In the department I work in, I work with four other women and three of those will bitch about each other while being nice to each other's faces so I keep them at arm's length as I know if someone bitches to you about someone else, they're probably talking about you too.
I just keep out of their reindeer games and I treat everyone who works in the building nicely but I don't get too close. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh goodness.
In the department I work in, I work with four other women and three of those will bitch about each other while being nice to each other's faces so I keep them at arm's length as I know if someone bitches to you about someone else, they're probably talking about you too.
I just keep out of their reindeer games and I treat everyone who works in the building nicely but I don't get too close. "
I bet they all do it via chat on work pcs |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
Sorry, don't know if I am missing something but is your only complaint about your colleague's behaviour that you were not invited to a work do? "
No... I’m antisocial... it was more an example of the behaviour I’m dealing with. I actually don’t care so much about the dislike of me, not everyone will get on in a workplace, but that it’s spilling over to clients and other staff isn’t cool with me. |
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"I hate people like that,most have to work to earn a living so why can’t they be civil when they're there,it makes for a much nicer environment particularly if the job itself is awful.
Why have they excluded one person?"
They probably found out she is on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it is mainly due to an inferiority complex. They must feel threaten by you somehow.
I’ve bypassed them all in terms of career and now I do all the events (some of which have been taken from the secretary who hates me) so I suspect that will have a lot to do with it but she’s knocking 60 and surely old enough to know better? It’s wearing me down. I’ve never been mean to any of them."
I think you have your answer there... Sad, immature behaviour from a so called grown up... Sadly common in life and on here sometimes too.
Fortunately one of the worst I have come across here has now gone UNLOS which is so much better... That kind of behaviour is unnecessary and silly
Take heart... She is clearly jealous of you... And you're lovely x |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified."
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz..
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching
Bitchin' is bitchin'.
Noooo bitchin means hot to trot.. Where you been since 1986
Getting a life "
.
Now your getting the hang of the bantz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh goodness.
In the department I work in, I work with four other women and three of those will bitch about each other while being nice to each other's faces so I keep them at arm's length as I know if someone bitches to you about someone else, they're probably talking about you too.
I just keep out of their reindeer games and I treat everyone who works in the building nicely but I don't get too close. I bet they all do it via chat on work pcs"
We don't use computers in my department.  |
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"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow "
Not so, men can be dreadful bullies in the workplace over long periods.
To be honest I really wouldn't be interested in going out to lunch with a bunch of bitchy women anyway, I can't stand them, stuff their lunch would be my attitude!!
But if they are rude to clients that that is a disciplinary matter and something needs to be done. I would either warn her that if she does it again you will lodge a complaint, or just go ahead and complain. |
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"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
"
I've heard this many times but never read it that I recall - some damn good stuff there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a woman thing, us men are fine, occasionally we'll have a scrap but next week it's all back to who's round is it anyhow
Oh please. I've listened to loads of men bitch about each other. They call it bantz..
Noooo bantz is humourous bitching
Bitchin' is bitchin'.
Noooo bitchin means hot to trot.. Where you been since 1986
Getting a life .
Now your getting the hang of the bantz "
"you're" dude  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?! "
I have spent time with people I knew didn't like me. Years in a classroom, in fact. I now realise it's their problem and I pretend it doesn't exist. When people know you know, and it doesn't bother you, they no longer bother you. Worked for me, anyway. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?!
I have spent time with people I knew didn't like me. Years in a classroom, in fact. I now realise it's their problem and I pretend it doesn't exist. When people know you know, and it doesn't bother you, they no longer bother you. Worked for me, anyway. "
I’m okay with avoiding her at work. Whatever the issue is, it’s hers and not mine. It’s just got me down a bit having to constantly skirt round people on eggshells to do my job effectively.
I’m not okay sharing a hotel room/bathroom/nakedness around her. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?! "
To be fair you didn't elaborate what the trip was for, just like you didn't elaborate in your first post that it isn't just you being upset that they didn't invite you to lunch but that you are also not happy with working with said people.
You are asking the wrong person though as I wouldn't give two hoots if a work colleague didn't like me, I would still do the job I am paid to do. I just wouldn't meet outside of work with them. |
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"I don’t really fall in this camp because I’m a proper softie and I wouldn’t want to make other people feel bad.
I have no idea how to deal with girls who behave like that though. I mean I’m almost 45 and really thought that I’d left all of that shit behind at school.
My self preservation instinct is simply to take myself out of the situation and have as little to do with the people involved as possible but in the workplace that’s pretty tricky. It’s starting to wear me down. I just want to get on with what I have to do and not have to deal with schoolgirl behaviour.
Anyone have any advice? And if you’re one of them, why is that? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you jealous? I don’t understand why women don’t support other women. Be it here or in real life I’ve just never understood the need to be unkind or not inclusive when it comes to nights out or social things. To have a group outing and exclude one person but invite everyone else is just awful. "
It’s obviously bothering you
Or you wouldn’t of started a bitchy thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?!
I have spent time with people I knew didn't like me. Years in a classroom, in fact. I now realise it's their problem and I pretend it doesn't exist. When people know you know, and it doesn't bother you, they no longer bother you. Worked for me, anyway.
I’m okay with avoiding her at work. Whatever the issue is, it’s hers and not mine. It’s just got me down a bit having to constantly skirt round people on eggshells to do my job effectively.
I’m not okay sharing a hotel room/bathroom/nakedness around her. "
Why do you have to walk on eggshells around people? Regardless of her not liking you, you are in your place of work and have a job to do. Fuck her, and get on with the job. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"To be fair you didn't elaborate what the trip was for, just like you didn't elaborate in your first post that it isn't just you being upset that they didn't invite you to lunch but that you are also not happy with working with said people.
You are asking the wrong person though as I wouldn't give two hoots if a work colleague didn't like me, I would still do the job I am paid to do. I just wouldn't meet outside of work with them. "
The lunch is really just an example of how petty it all is. I’m not arsed about going to lunch, I’m arsed about someone making a conscious decision not to invite me to a lunch because someone else doesn’t like me. There was no regard to the person who the lunch was for who I get on well with.
I’d like to be able to get on with my job and I’m not unhappy to work with them but they are clearly not happy working with me so I avoid contact where possible. When it’s not possible I am polite and friendly and rise above it to maintain some degree of professionalism, usually by email to avoid dealing with snotty responses although that’s not always the case but at least I have the replies in writing.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?!
I have spent time with people I knew didn't like me. Years in a classroom, in fact. I now realise it's their problem and I pretend it doesn't exist. When people know you know, and it doesn't bother you, they no longer bother you. Worked for me, anyway.
I’m okay with avoiding her at work. Whatever the issue is, it’s hers and not mine. It’s just got me down a bit having to constantly skirt round people on eggshells to do my job effectively.
I’m not okay sharing a hotel room/bathroom/nakedness around her.
Why do you have to walk on eggshells around people? Regardless of her not liking you, you are in your place of work and have a job to do. Fuck her, and get on with the job. "
|
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
Why do you have to walk on eggshells around people? Regardless of her not liking you, you are in your place of work and have a job to do. Fuck her, and get on with the job. "
Cause I need her to behave like a professional and not be rude to people simply cause they’re coming in to see me. Whatever her feelings towards me, a degree of professionalism is all I’m asking.
She is also in a place of work and has a job to do but when you go in to ask her to do something and she’s on the phone to her mum do you think she stops chatting to deal with the work request?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Why do you have to walk on eggshells around people? Regardless of her not liking you, you are in your place of work and have a job to do. Fuck her, and get on with the job.
Cause I need her to behave like a professional and not be rude to people simply cause they’re coming in to see me. Whatever her feelings towards me, a degree of professionalism is all I’m asking.
She is also in a place of work and has a job to do but when you go in to ask her to do something and she’s on the phone to her mum do you think she stops chatting to deal with the work request?
"
Are you her line manager? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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U should have a rule that you can't use your mobile in work time for personal issues my company did that yes ago as some of the staff where constantly on theirs texting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"U should have a rule that you can't use your mobile in work time for personal issues my company did that yes ago as some of the staff where constantly on theirs texting "
I would think that's a rule in every work place. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
Why do you have to walk on eggshells around people? Regardless of her not liking you, you are in your place of work and have a job to do. Fuck her, and get on with the job.
Cause I need her to behave like a professional and not be rude to people simply cause they’re coming in to see me. Whatever her feelings towards me, a degree of professionalism is all I’m asking.
She is also in a place of work and has a job to do but when you go in to ask her to do something and she’s on the phone to her mum do you think she stops chatting to deal with the work request?
Are you her line manager? "
No. I’m almost certain that telling him would make it all worse. |
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My boss told the receptionist she could come on our trip this year. I told him about the lunch episode and said that I wasn’t at all comfortable with her coming and he immediately backed me so at least I have that but when she finds out I’m gonna be enemy number one all over again.
Isn't that doing the same thing?
I agree with that and thought so earlier but couldn't be bothered to read the entire thread to find out what happened at lunch to see if it was justified.
You would both be happy sharing a room with someone you know dislikes you? You’d want to spend four days away from home with said person? It’s one thing to sit in company over lunch with a colleague who hates you, it’s another ball game altogether to have them be your assistant for the weekend. It’s not a jolly, it’s work. It’s not an atmosphere I’m willing to endure on an event. I’m not sure it is the same thing. I want someone who is competent and happy to work with me. I don’t think that’s wrong?! "
Surely if that's the case and your boss knows and is standing by you they would say something to her, or arrange a meeting to discuss the matter?
But in regards to the trip away, like rugby said, you didn't elaborate on it and I wouldn't want to share a room with someone I disliked. However, with it being a work situation it's something I'd just have to get on with, some people aren't given the choice. Luckily you have a boss who listens to you in some areas and respects your wishes. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"
Surely if that's the case and your boss knows and is standing by you they would say something to her, or arrange a meeting to discuss the matter?
But in regards to the trip away, like rugby said, you didn't elaborate on it and I wouldn't want to share a room with someone I disliked. However, with it being a work situation it's something I'd just have to get on with, some people aren't given the choice. Luckily you have a boss who listens to you in some areas and respects your wishes."
I am lucky to have the support of my boss, for sure. It makes like a shitload easier to deal with stuff. Office politics aren’t really my bag so I’m already out of my comfort zone being stuck in the middle of it.
Fortunately I do get a choice on that particular trip and I’m able to take the super duper helper I had last year so it’s all good on that front. I’m actually not sure why the other girl would even want to come if she doesn’t like me. Bizarre.
I’m hoping it’ll all blow over eventually and I’m just having a bit of a grump about it - I know it’s not Thursday
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