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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now ...
Before you all judge me about "judgey" not being a word - I know it isn't... but I think it should be 
It appears that some "swingers" aren't very open minded on here ...
Do you think you're open minded?
What does being open minded mean to you?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I seek one regular playmate. I often get messages along the line of....thank god there are women on here that don't sleep with the whole site....
To me, instant no meet. It is school ground stuff. Wanting anyone t o say yes to sex, but calling the girls who say yes a slag  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's natural to question other people's tastes and behaviour but I am accepting and in some ways fascinated by them. I've had some really interesting conversations with people with specific kinks.
As long as things are legal and everyone involved is making an informed choice then live and let live I say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to be open minded but there are just a few things that don't sit right with me, that being said I wouldn't judge someone for indulging in those things and it wouldn't change my opinion on someone If I found that they did.
I'm pretty vanilla, I've always said that so I make a conscious effort to not judge certain kinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good word judgey...I think we are all judgey to some decree on here the difference is if you are judgey and vocal or just judgey for yourself ie to make your choices. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
"
There is a difference between using judgement and being judgemental or ‘judgey’ as the OP implies.
Judgemental implies being overly critical and condemnatory, where as using judgement is being discerning. If no criticism is made and it is simply a preference I don’t see that as ‘judgey’.
That said although I endeavour to be non-judgemental I do find myself being judgemental from time to time. But I’ll keep at it maybe one day I’ll get there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
"
I have a strict criteria of what I do and do not find SEXUALLY attractive, for which this site is all about. Because I don't want to have sex with bald, thin, tattooed men, is because I don't fancy them. I am not even vaguely suggesting men with these features 'are not good enough'.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
"
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol "
You not wrong there |
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With regards the Fab community surely being open minded means not judging others' attitudes and approaches to swinging.
If somebody wants to shag anyone,fine. If somebody wants just one regular, fine.
If somebody is looking to satisfy a fantasy or explore their sexuality, fine.
If somebody wants a one word profile or wants to write War and Peace, fine.
Unfortunately the forum has too many posters who seem to think their own approach is perfect and everyone should be just like them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
There is a difference between using judgement and being judgemental or ‘judgey’ as the OP implies.
Judgemental implies being overly critical and condemnatory, where as using judgement is being discerning. If no criticism is made and it is simply a preference I don’t see that as ‘judgey’.
That said although I endeavour to be non-judgemental I do find myself being judgemental from time to time. But I’ll keep at it maybe one day I’ll get there."
Yet your preferences implied that you made a judgement, even of you keep that judgement for yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now ...
Before you all judge me about "judgey" not being a word - I know it isn't... but I think it should be
It appears that some "swingers" aren't very open minded on here ...
Do you think you're open minded?
What does being open minded mean to you?
"
To me open minded encompasses a lot, firstly the ability to accept that others have different ideas to my own that I am happy about and others i choose to disagree with, secondly willing to try new things out whether sexually or anything in life and if don't like just don't do again and possibly again |
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now ...
Before you all judge me about "judgey" not being a word - I know it isn't... but I think it should be
It appears that some "swingers" aren't very open minded on here ...
Do you think you're open minded?
What does being open minded mean to you?
"
That I accept and possibly would try other kinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm pretty judgey about some Fabsters love of drama and inability to be emotional adults in a scene that pretty much requires it.
Think I got out of the judgey side of bed this morning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol "
My point was that your sexual preferences come from a judgement. Let's say for the sake of the argument that asian men aren't your thing (sexual preferences) how would you have come to that conclusion without making a judgement ? Even if you keep your judgement for yourself (the reason why you don't like asian men) it is still a judgement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I judge people all the time bother positively and negatively. We all do it, it's human nature.
I don't see what's wrong with that and I don't see how its linked to me being open minded |
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
"
I don't think it does at all - I'm not looking for young fabulous bearded folk, doesn't mean I think you're inferior!  |
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol
My point was that your sexual preferences come from a judgement. Let's say for the sake of the argument that asian men aren't your thing (sexual preferences) how would you have come to that conclusion without making a judgement ? Even if you keep your judgement for yourself (the reason why you don't like asian men) it is still a judgement. "
It CAN be, of course, but unless their profile wording reveals their attitude you can't really tell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people need to refer to a dictionary. Judgement and preferences are different. If I prefer cod and chips, it does not mean I am judging haddock "
If you don't like haddock for instance, there must be a reason why ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I judge people all the time, whether I voice that opinion is another matter entirely.
Am I open-minded, a lot more than when I 1st landed on here, however there are some things that don’t sit right with me / will never understand & don’t agree with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people need to refer to a dictionary. Judgement and preferences are different. If I prefer cod and chips, it does not mean I am judging haddock
If you don't like haddock for instance, there must be a reason why ? "
For no other reason than I don't like the taste. That is a taste preference, not a judgement.
I suspect you are not so intellectually challenged to actually believe it is judgement. I suspect you are just baiting. I will leave you to your idea of fun. Enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol
My point was that your sexual preferences come from a judgement. Let's say for the sake of the argument that asian men aren't your thing (sexual preferences) how would you have come to that conclusion without making a judgement ? Even if you keep your judgement for yourself (the reason why you don't like asian men) it is still a judgement.
It CAN be, of course, but unless their profile wording reveals their attitude you can't really tell. "
No matter how you express it w, you still hold a judgement at the end of the day.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
There is a difference between using judgement and being judgemental or ‘judgey’ as the OP implies.
Judgemental implies being overly critical and condemnatory, where as using judgement is being discerning. If no criticism is made and it is simply a preference I don’t see that as ‘judgey’.
That said although I endeavour to be non-judgemental I do find myself being judgemental from time to time. But I’ll keep at it maybe one day I’ll get there.
Yet your preferences implied that you made a judgement, even of you keep that judgement for yourself. "
Again making a judgement is not the same as judgemental. I don’t like anchovies- I don’t like the taste so I make a judgement about eating them. I don’t condemn anchovies because I don’t like them I just choose not to eat them. |
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"I like to think I'm open minded about people's sexual kinks and desires. Just because I may not be into something doesn't mean I can mock them for their choice."
I’m the same, Live and let live, it may not be my thing but as long as it doesn’t cause harm, do what you want - short time on Earth, long time in the box, so get a move on, stop concerning yourself with others lives, it takes up too much valuable time and energy, there’s a lot to see and do 
A x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I consider myself very open minded when it comes to sex and sexuality, and whilst I do not understand or have an interest in some of the activities that may encompass I certainly would not judge it - in fact I enjoy trying to get an appreciation of the appeal by talking about subjects I don't understand and in some instances may come to be more interested in trying them personally.
I do think for a so called liberated lifestyle that there are some who can be judgemental though - a good example being the thorny subject of bisexual men, who still in some areas seem to be considered pariahs to a greater or lesser degree - evidence of this being how bisexual male play is frowned upon in most clubs on any night apart from a specified Bi Night, yet bisexual female play is encouraged and almost expected on any night.
Now I totally respect the preferences of those that may not want to play with bisexual men but to frown upon them playing together in a club is one form of judgemental that in a supposedly open minded lifestyle that I don't understand.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I consider myself very open minded when it comes to sex and sexuality, and whilst I do not understand or have an interest in some of the activities that may encompass I certainly would not judge it - in fact I enjoy trying to get an appreciation of the appeal by talking about subjects I don't understand and in some instances may come to be more interested in trying them personally.
I do think for a so called liberated lifestyle that there are some who can be judgemental though - a good example being the thorny subject of bisexual men, who still in some areas seem to be considered pariahs to a greater or lesser degree - evidence of this being how bisexual male play is frowned upon in most clubs on any night apart from a specified Bi Night, yet bisexual female play is encouraged and almost expected on any night.
Now I totally respect the preferences of those that may not want to play with bisexual men but to frown upon them playing together in a club is one form of judgemental that in a supposedly open minded lifestyle that I don't understand.
"
Great example of the difference |
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I try to separate behaviour from identity, so I can say I don't agree with that thing you're doing without judging you as a human being.
But whilst swingers may be more open minded about sexual practice I don't think that makes them moreso in general, there are some deeply entrenched beliefs displayed on here, and a fair amount of emotional baggage displayed daily.
I call myself open minded as I am always willing to consider alternative viewpoints, but that does not mean I don't know my own mind. |
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To me, being open minded means letting people get on with whatever it is that floats their boat so long as it's not harming others. That doesn't mean I've not had an involuntary shudder at some of the sexual stuff I've read about on here but I recognise that's my own personal reaction to something which doesn't appeal coming into play rather than me 'judging' those concerned as somehow being 'wrong'. I'm quite sure that my own experiences and preferences would elicit a similar response in some so I'm in no position to get pointlessly judgey.
The private, consensual, sexual behaviour of others really isn't anyone else's business. I prefer to reserve my judgement for things which *really* matter like dishonesty, sexism, racism, spite and so on ... |
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol
My point was that your sexual preferences come from a judgement. Let's say for the sake of the argument that asian men aren't your thing (sexual preferences) how would you have come to that conclusion without making a judgement ? Even if you keep your judgement for yourself (the reason why you don't like asian men) it is still a judgement.
It CAN be, of course, but unless their profile wording reveals their attitude you can't really tell.
No matter how you express it w, you still hold a judgement at the end of the day.
"
Not necessarily. ..I may have no judgement about Asian men, just continually go for the blue eyed blonds - a POSITIVE judgement! If I put 'no asians' on my profile then sure, that's judgmental.
Not liking the taste of haddock may be described as making a judgement, but that's not what the op meant by 'judgy', she was talking about people being judgemental, in my judgement!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seek one regular playmate. I often get messages along the line of....thank god there are women on here that don't sleep with the whole site....
To me, instant no meet. It is school ground stuff. Wanting anyone t o say yes to sex, but calling the girls who say yes a slag "
Amen to that!! God I sound American...
But I totally agree with you. I've been judged for being a swinger.. On a swinger's site. Go figure lol |
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I'm somewhat open minded and find time to pause for thought a great way to reflect on others or a point a real help. I expect others to have an open mind towards my life choices and so feel I should give others the same.
Some people are more prone to be judgey than others, it's their default behavioural position but is still a choice.it's tough as we've been indoctrinated all of our lives by society.
Ultimately we can only control ourselves but our own influence does rub off on others. I could be seen by others as very promiscuous - I'm lucky that I allow myself that choice and enjoy myself, letting others enjoy their own choice to be bitter about it or be happy I'm enjoying myself.
I've rambled a bit. I naturally spend less time and give notice to those who are repressive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
Having a sexual preference isn't judging lol
My point was that your sexual preferences come from a judgement. Let's say for the sake of the argument that asian men aren't your thing (sexual preferences) how would you have come to that conclusion without making a judgement ? Even if you keep your judgement for yourself (the reason why you don't like asian men) it is still a judgement. "
Preferences don't come from judgement, I find tall, slim men sexually attractive doesn't mean I judge those who aren't tall and slim
If something is pleasing to my eye then that's what it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people need to refer to a dictionary. Judgement and preferences are different. If I prefer cod and chips, it does not mean I am judging haddock
If you don't like haddock for instance, there must be a reason why ?
For no other reason than I don't like the taste. That is a taste preference, not a judgement.
I suspect you are not so intellectually challenged to actually believe it is judgement. I suspect you are just baiting. I will leave you to your idea of fun. Enjoy."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
There is a difference between using judgement and being judgemental or ‘judgey’ as the OP implies.
Judgemental implies being overly critical and condemnatory, where as using judgement is being discerning. If no criticism is made and it is simply a preference I don’t see that as ‘judgey’.
That said although I endeavour to be non-judgemental I do find myself being judgemental from time to time. But I’ll keep at it maybe one day I’ll get there."
Totally agree with you.
What I find often happens here is that few understand or know how to disagree with someone without it being perceived as a 'personal' attack whereas one has simply disagreed with what that person has said. It's called having a different opinion. Too many link the person and the opinion.
I have a few friends who'd disagree with me of some things and if anything they are more valuable as friends than those who agree for the simple reason that they challenge me and cause me to keep myself aligned. Those friends are true friends who probably have my interest at heart. Those who just agree are more likely to be looking after their own interests and more worried what others thing about what they say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all judge one way or another.
For instance, stating very strict and specific sexual preferences in your profile, implies that you judged that the ones who do not fit your criterias aren't good enough for you.
There is a difference between using judgement and being judgemental or ‘judgey’ as the OP implies.
Judgemental implies being overly critical and condemnatory, where as using judgement is being discerning. If no criticism is made and it is simply a preference I don’t see that as ‘judgey’.
That said although I endeavour to be non-judgemental I do find myself being judgemental from time to time. But I’ll keep at it maybe one day I’ll get there.
Totally agree with you.
What I find often happens here is that few understand or know how to disagree with someone without it being perceived as a 'personal' attack whereas one has simply disagreed with what that person has said. It's called having a different opinion. Too many link the person and the opinion.
I have a few friends who'd disagree with me of some things and if anything they are more valuable as friends than those who agree for the simple reason that they challenge me and cause me to keep myself aligned. Those friends are true friends who probably have my interest at heart. Those who just agree are more likely to be looking after their own interests and more worried what others thing about what they say."
You have a similar definition of a good friend to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wasn't long ago someone on a forum called me a married cheat after a comment I'd put up about the subject. Judged without ever chatting to me, knowing me nor even checking my profile either. It's amazing how some are quick to do this and often keep harping on about not judging others....But it's common place here with the double standards. |
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Each to their own is what I say, do what you want with who you want and don’t take any notice of anyone else, people will look at pics and preferances and judge you that’s what people do I’m afraid
P.s I love your new pic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wasn't long ago someone on a forum called me a married cheat after a comment I'd put up about the subject. Judged without ever chatting to me, knowing me nor even checking my profile either. It's amazing how some are quick to do this and often keep harping on about not judging others....But it's common place here with the double standards."
massive double standards at times! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pride myself on being open minded and liberal. Of course I'll pass judgement on some things, but for the most part, I live and let live.
A preference is most definitely a seperate thing. |
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