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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man is sitting in a pub having a drink with his mates, when the landlord came over over to him, and said I think you've had enough Jack, best you went home. The man Said nonsense, and stood up, where upon he just collapsed onto the floor. Realising the landlord was right he crawled his way to the door and pull himself up by the handle. As he opened the door he fell into the road. Luckily he was only a few doors across the road so he called his way to his front door. Pull himself up and open the door and fell into his own house. Where upon he pulled himself up the stairs, and fell into bed.
The next morning his wife came in and said you had far too much to drink last night didn't you Jack.
Jack replied how do you know. His wife replied. The landlord has just phoned, you left your wheelchair in the pub. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some twat sitting there holding his cock.
Then I realised the telly wasn't on."
your on a roll dude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman weightlifter goes the doctors,
"I've been taking steroids for the last 6 months and I've grown a cock"
Doctor say's Anabolic ?
No she say's just a cock |
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Ok i know its long but still..
A young family buy their first home.they got it cheap because they bought it while the rest of the estate was still being built.
Their 5yr old daughter playing in the garden keeps talking to the builders and escaping through the fence to "help"
Her mom taking them a cup of tea now an again they take the girl on as sort of site mascot ..over the weeks they all start throwing there shrapnel in a little wage packet for her ..her mom realises she has built up over £100 so sugests they go to the bank to start a savings account.
The lady in the bank indulging the little girl says "wow .where did you get all this "
The little girl says "working"
Smiling the lady in the bank says "and are you working next week too ?
The little girls stops and thinks and says
"Well i will be if the Tossers at Dewsons ever deliver the fuckin bricks" |
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Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun.
"Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer.
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh.
"Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons! |
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A cockold couple had arranged a meet at their house but on the morning of the meet, mother nature cruelly struck.
They contacted the guy, with the intention of rescheduling but he was very insistent the meet went ahead explaining that he actually had a period fetish.
After a drink and a chat, the wife began to undress, then opened her legs to slowly remove her tampon.
....Well, it was like a red rag to a bull! |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
A couple from Tommy Cooper:
Police arrested two kids last night. One was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid. They charged one and let the other one off.
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I was in a Chinese restaurant the other night when a duck walked over to the table and said "your eyes are like emeralds and your smile lights up the room like the sun."
I called the waiter over and said "No. I ordered the AROMATIC duck" |
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"A cockold couple had arranged a meet at their house but on the morning of the meet, mother nature cruelly struck.
They contacted the guy, with the intention of rescheduling but he was very insistent the meet went ahead explaining that he actually had a period fetish.
After a drink and a chat, the wife began to undress, then opened her legs to slowly remove her tampon.
....Well, it was like a red rag to a bull!"
Cuckold*   stupid phone  |
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