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The no contact rule... does it work?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I met this girl through tinder, she was amazing, beautiful, creative. Almost perfect. She showed a high level of interest right away. She chased the first date and even asked to pull it forward.
The first date was great. We actually went 4 different places and I lead into the first kiss at the end she immediately text me saying she had loads of fun. She also chased for the second date.
2 days later we met up on a second again, It was great. However I told her I really liked her, she said she really likes me too. So I thought it was going okay. She said she liked Romantic and mushy, nice guys.
3rd We had a great time, she was laughing, blushing and linking up with me without even thinking - but here is where I made my mistake. I told her I deleted tinder, because I didn't think there was any need for it. After that date she said she had uni work the following weekend so we couldn't meet up. I text her every day! And finally got the lets just be friends speech saying there just wasn't any spark (but there clearly was). I'm crushed because of how much I liked her. But with dating advice, I responded. Okay, Well I'm not looking for friends, if you change your mind, text me. She sent me a nice but take care response. My sister had a go at me for being blunt. Which made me fumble, I text her one more time sayin I knew where I went wrong it's my fault but I'm not looking for friendship and for her to text me if she changes her mind.
So she went from a high level of interest to less than 5. I haven't contacted her all week and deleted her info because of your advice. But would you say I've royally screwed this up?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't think it's down to me deleting tinder. But I do think it's because I text her nearly every day after. Being needy and weak. We sexted one day then 4 days later I was friendzoned. I believe it's because I didn't give her space because I was so into her and I messed up.
I get it. I've been there. I've had women say these things and text me daily from the get go and then it becomes to a point where I loose my interested because they are so keen and I end up not being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it's down to me deleting tinder. But I do think it's because I text her nearly every day after. Being needy and weak. We sexted one day then 4 days later I was friendzoned. I believe it's because I didn't give her space because I was so into her and I messed up.
I get it. I've been there. I've had women say these things and text me daily from the get go and then it becomes to a point where I loose my interested because they are so keen and I end up not being. "
So this is your answer. You've judged the situation based on knowing her and how things were.
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"I don't think it's down to me deleting tinder. But I do think it's because I text her nearly every day after. Being needy and weak. We sexted one day then 4 days later I was friendzoned. I believe it's because I didn't give her space because I was so into her and I messed up.
I get it. I've been there. I've had women say these things and text me daily from the get go and then it becomes to a point where I loose my interested because they are so keen and I end up not being. "
So are you suggesting that if you hadn't contacted her for a week she would still be keen?
My personal opinion is that if you need to adhere to some kind of set of rules to get a relationship underway it's not going to go anywhere.
Just be natural and yourself it's the only way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Okay. I am moving on. It's stupid to get so into someone so quickly. I'm usually very level headed. It sucked, it hurt. I do feel like of I hadn't text her and let her miss me then it wouldn't have been friendzoned.
Scarcity creates value.
Which is what I didn't do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing that ever involves artifical rules or stupid games about any part of any relationship ever works!
Once people start thinking rules and games and scarcity and other such bollucks they stop being authentic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why second guess it? It could be because you told her you deleted tinder, it could be because you texted her loads, or it could be something completely unconnected like the guy she's fancied for months but thought she had no chance with unexpectedly asked her out. You don't know, you'll probably never know, why beat yourself up...
But if you think there is something to be learned, then learn from it. But always be yourself rather that second guess being the person you think others want or expect you to be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rules don't work.
There could be a simple explanation that maybe you didn't click like she said. (Harsh but true)
You may not have been the only guy she was chatting to or having dates with.
The no contact rule actually rules in general don't work. Everyone is different.
We've all had a similar experience.
Brush yourself off, head up high, climb back on the horse and ride it like you stole it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Okay. I am moving on. It's stupid to get so into someone so quickly. I'm usually very level headed. It sucked, it hurt. I do feel like of I hadn't text her and let her miss me then it wouldn't have been friendzoned.
Scarcity creates value.
Which is what I didn't do."
It would have made for a crap relationship if you were constantly worried about doing or saying the wrong thing. Think of it as a lucky escape.
If someone is worth your time, they will love you for you. |
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"Why second guess it? It could be because you told her you deleted tinder, it could be because you texted her loads, or it could be something completely unconnected like the guy she's fancied for months but thought she had no chance with unexpectedly asked her out. You don't know, you'll probably never know, why beat yourself up...
But if you think there is something to be learned, then learn from it. But always be yourself rather that second guess being the person you think others want or expect you to be"
This!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you modify your future approach to take in to account what you think went wrong this time, then chances are you could meet somebody who is similar, but who thinks you aren't as in to them as they are you. Or a whole list of other situations that aren't ideal for your needs. |
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"Okay. I am moving on. It's stupid to get so into someone so quickly. I'm usually very level headed. It sucked, it hurt. I do feel like of I hadn't text her and let her miss me then it wouldn't have been friendzoned.
Scarcity creates value.
Which is what I didn't do."
You're a person not a commodity. It was friendzoned because she knew you weren't compatible. |
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"If you modify your future approach to take in to account what you think went wrong this time, then chances are you could meet somebody who is similar, but who thinks you aren't as in to them as they are you. Or a whole list of other situations that aren't ideal for your needs."
Yep. That's why just being yourself is the best option. |
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"Nothing that ever involves artifical rules or stupid games about any part of any relationship ever works!
Once people start thinking rules and games and scarcity and other such bollucks they stop being authentic."
Yes I agree, too much of about by far, just be yourself and if they don't like that - well they're not right for you! |
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"If you modify your future approach to take in to account what you think went wrong this time, then chances are you could meet somebody who is similar, but who thinks you aren't as in to them as they are you...
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Exactly! I need someone to pursue me or I lose interest, the next girl the OP meets could be totally different to the last! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't compromise yourself for someone else's needs. You will find someone compatible who will embrace everything you are... Not make you doubt yourself.
I for one think texts everyday are really nice when it's someone you are getting to know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d rather have a guy who is genuine, texts me because he’s interested in me and my day and who likes to hear from me than a guy who plays games using some silly cack handed archaic take on how to date.
If a guy/gal comes on too strong but you like them then there are ways to tell them to back off without ruining the potential of the relationship. I personally like to know that someone is thinking about me. I also have no problem in telling them to back off if they’re coming on too strong too soon.
This time it wasn’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean that next time you meet someone that it won’t all fall into place. Just chill out, be yourself, relax and enjoy the dates.
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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago
nr Letterkenny |
"Why second guess it? It could be because you told her you deleted tinder, it could be because you texted her loads, or it could be something completely unconnected like the guy she's fancied for months but thought she had no chance with unexpectedly asked her out. You don't know, you'll probably never know, why beat yourself up...
But if you think there is something to be learned, then learn from it. But always be yourself rather that second guess being the person you think others want or expect you to be"
sound advice don't over think it simply didn't work out next time the same strategy may broker the deal. So don't change be yourself it will win through in the end. |
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She just wanted a shag mate..... simples!!! Get the shag next time and take it from there... it then has more chance of developing into something more, but you turned a friendly fun situation into something too deep too quickly.
Girls just want to have fun!!! Just like us blokes in the beginning! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awwww. Of course it's because you deleted the app. 
Unless knowing the girl I can say why. Maybe she had a full schedule of guys to get through from tinder |
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"I do feel like of I hadn't text her and let her miss me then it wouldn't have been friendzoned."
The friendzone isn't real.
" Scarcity creates value."
Human affection (of any sort) isn't a commodity with a tradeable value.
tbh life's too short to play these games.
I'm all for wholeheartedly showing as much affection as you want. Fuck "weak" and "needy". Those are bullshit words.
Find someone who wants to be bothered by you as much as you want to bother them. Anyone less is not worth it.
Do you really want to be with someone who treats your shows of affection with disdain? |
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"I do feel like of I hadn't text her and let her miss me then it wouldn't have been friendzoned.
The friendzone isn't real.
Scarcity creates value.
Human affection (of any sort) isn't a commodity with a tradeable value.
tbh life's too short to play these games.
I'm all for wholeheartedly showing as much affection as you want. Fuck "weak" and "needy". Those are bullshit words.
Find someone who wants to be bothered by you as much as you want to bother them. Anyone less is not worth it.
Do you really want to be with someone who treats your shows of affection with disdain? "
Wise words |
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In my opinion it sounds like you're expecting too much from a few dates where you haven't even gotten intimate yet!
Maybe you read the situation wrong or maybe you are coming in too strong?
Just going on limited information, maybe I'm wrong |
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She is aware of what she wants and thinks of you, which changes as she gets dates with the guy.
Most people who you date a few times you should not expect to date longer term because the probability is that you won't and neither party would be able to assess suitability well.
Don't start dates with foregone conclusions. Keep things light and keep some distance.
We may do some things wrong but it's better for us to fully let others to be free to explore dating with us on a light and casual basis. Assume that they learn about their needs by dating us, more so than that we make errors.
We need to let go at such points and lighten up |
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