FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How open and honest should people be?
How open and honest should people be?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Should people have to give their real name?
Full list of previous sexual partners?
Results of their last sti test?
Their home and work address?
.
What question that someone wouldn't answer, would stop you meeting them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't answer anything that would lead to any dramas or the like getting near my kids, like home address, precise location, my last name.
But that said, my pin number for my bank card is 1569.
It's useless without the card  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Face pictures are a must once you gain trust in my opinion as you have to have a physical attraction (no bursting into song)
Couldn’t meet someone without seeing face pic that’s weird
Personal info I’m not bothered about as long as people are honest with me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should people have to give their real name?
Full list of previous sexual partners?
Results of their last sti test?
Their home and work address?
.
What question that someone wouldn't answer, would stop you meeting them? "
I think people should be open and honest - as in don’t deceive another person. Does that mean they have to disclose everything about themselves, no - but in balance with the harm or impact that not doing so has on the other person by disallowing them the opportunity to make an informed choice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Should people have to give their real name?
Full list of previous sexual partners?
Results of their last sti test?
Their home and work address?
.
What question that someone wouldn't answer, would stop you meeting them?
I think people should be open and honest - as in don’t deceive another person. Does that mean they have to disclose everything about themselves, no - but in balance with the harm or impact that not doing so has on the other person by disallowing them the opportunity to make an informed choice. "
The problem is, people don't like it if someone doesn't answer a question. So it's sometimes better to just lie - for example about the job they do or the town they live in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Should people have to give their real name?
Full list of previous sexual partners?
Results of their last sti test?
Their home and work address?
.
What question that someone wouldn't answer, would stop you meeting them?
I think people should be open and honest - as in don’t deceive another person. Does that mean they have to disclose everything about themselves, no - but in balance with the harm or impact that not doing so has on the other person by disallowing them the opportunity to make an informed choice.
The problem is, people don't like it if someone doesn't answer a question. So it's sometimes better to just lie - for example about the job they do or the town they live in. "
If there was something asked of me that I didn’t feel I wanted to disclose, than that’s what I’d say. Ask me exactly my job, I’ll explain the extent of our interaction or relationship thus far and why I don’t think it’s relevant for them to know or something I’m particularly wanting to share yet. And so on. If someone is unable to balance understanding safety and separation of life to casual interactions or that we simply aren’t intimate or close enough yet to exchange that, then they really aren’t someone I’m particularly wanting to spend time with.
It’s not dishonest to say I don’t want to give you all my info, it is to lie. I prefer the former approach.
I don’t think it’s okay to withhold certain information (for example being married) as that is not allowing the other person choice to proceed or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I make up all sorts of shit or tell people it's completely irrelevant to the swinging situation. If they aren't cool with that then we aren't compatible. I don't ask personal questions of others so don't expect to have to answer them. |
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There's no lies on our profile and we're happy to answer pretty much any personal questions when we're getting to know potential playmates. We sign our messages with our real names and give our numbers out if we think there's a real chance of meeting...We do expect a bit of reciprocation though and getting to know each other is part of the fun isn't it? |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
I don't need a face picture, mainly because I don't share mine, years of being on the BDSM scene and seeing some of the fall out from people falling out about that has left me very very cautious of what personal details I give out.
Same with real names, I use the same pseudonym in the BDSM scene so much and for so long that Jayne is as much my real name as my real name, it's what my friends call me (given most of my friends are from the scene) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ll give what ever information I feel comfortable with giving.
A couple of people on here are on my Facebook and others will never be, all depends how much a trust someone.
If someone won’t meet me because I won’t give them the information they want, than so be it |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
Having said these are the things Im not looking for...charmingly dishonest with intent to disceive has happened to me on here. The unspoken word says it all!!
I like to know something about a person as I'm interested in them for me this helps with a connection. Im also not looking for one offs so maybe this makes a difference.
Should I go to a club then thats a total differant ball game.  |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Aside from face pics and if we are unsure as to whether they are genuine or not the requirement to have a phone conversation (we will provide the phone number if they don't want to give their) people should only divulge what they feel confident to tell. Over time if we meet the same people regularly more and more of our personal life be shared and the same can be said of those we meet. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
We would like to hope we are pretty open. People we meet know our real names, friends usually become facebook friends too.
With regard to others I would hope they would give their real christian names, we dont really need to know much more but as a friendship develops you tend to learn more about them and them about us.
As far as initial messaging goes we would insist on seeing a face picture and we would need to establish some kind of rapport. |
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We always use our real names, really don’t see the point of being dishonest, as you normally get caught out. If you are going to be intimate with someone, surely a real name is a good way to start, but don’t need to know about their life, some people don’t like using their real names and I suppose that is there prerogative but it wouldn’t stop us meeting as long as everyone ‘clicked’ |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
"99.9% of (fabbers) do not tell the truth anyway. I divulge the basics about myself. But, certainly not the fundamentals about myself."
You have a very dim view of people dont you?
Thats very high %... we prefer to take each persons word, there is no point in lying it wont get them anywhere. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
All these people giving fake names, do you never worry you'll bump into someone from fab when you're on a work night out or something, they're d*unkenly shouting the wrong name across the pub at you as you pretend not to know them? That's my fake name fear  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll give a face pic and extremely limited personal info - only 2 regular meets know my real name. We're having NSA sex so details are irrelevant, and I don't want to know anything about them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll give a face pic and extremely limited personal info - only 2 regular meets know my real name. We're having NSA sex so details are irrelevant, and I don't want to know anything about them "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"99.9% of (fabbers) do not tell the truth anyway. I divulge the basics about myself. But, certainly not the fundamentals about myself.
You have a very dim view of people dont you?
Thats very high %... we prefer to take each persons word, there is no point in lying it wont get them anywhere."
Aye, lol. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"All these people giving fake names, do you never worry you'll bump into someone from fab when you're on a work night out or something, they're d*unkenly shouting the wrong name across the pub at you as you pretend not to know them? That's my fake name fear "
If they are d*unk then I would just say that they must have the wrong person. Then give them a proper dressing down the next time I was sober.
I've had it happen with someone from the BDSM scene and I was not happy. Thankfully never anyone from the swinging scene. |
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"All these people giving fake names, do you never worry you'll bump into someone from fab when you're on a work night out or something, they're d*unkenly shouting the wrong name across the pub at you as you pretend not to know them? That's my fake name fear "
We did this with a guy weve known on here for years. We met him in a bar with his mates and he invited us to join him. We started using the name we thought was his real name but after saying it a few times his mates were like why you calling so and so that? Then it twigged lol. Was awkward but funny.
We used to call our selves jen and Bruce but we used to forget all the time and end up using our real names in conversation. It’s just easier to tell the truth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm as open and as honest as I feel I need to to with whomever I choose to be with.
But my middle name is Gurtrude 
Dirty gurty, indeed "
Shhhhh.... it's always the quiet ones Butler |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty is the key
I do use my real first name and if I'm asked about my job or more personal stuff if it's someone I believe I can trust I will always be open and honest. It's simpler that way. If I don't want to divulge personal information then I simply don't. |
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Doesn't Playdar come into the equation here?
We general can smell BS if it's being dished out and if something doesn't sit right, we don't go further. We don't see the need to know everything but do need to establish some form of connection and level of trust. That probably varies in a club, where it is more opportunity against spending an evening with someone(s) with maybe a view for repeat meets. That said, we've made really good friends with a couple we met at a club and that was unexpected but nonetheless, a fantastic thing for us to stumble into 
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Honesty is the key
I do use my real first name and if I'm asked about my job or more personal stuff if it's someone I believe I can trust I will always be open and honest. It's simpler that way. If I don't want to divulge personal information then I simply don't. "
Honesty is the key |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quite like to know a name and feel that theyre not being cagey in general chit chat. I dont need to know any specifics,but do like to think i've connected enough to someone to be trusted with the basics. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I can't count the number of 'real name' Steve's, Rob's and Mike's I've met with a different real name. I prefer to stick to the name they give me.
I'm honest and open but won't give out identifying information until I know someone. I was found, and followed, just with my first name and an indication of my line of work.
I'm Lickety at socials as that's my Fab name and persona.
Be honest in intent.
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Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should people have to give their real name?
Full list of previous sexual partners?
Results of their last sti test?
Their home and work address?
.
What question that someone wouldn't answer, would stop you meeting them? "
I like first names. Everything else is a bonus, although I don't need personal details, private life can stay private in my books. Although I like to ask the (single) people I meet if they have a partner and gauge their reaction... |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
"
You are not out of touch! And definitely not worth leaving the site over, but I understand where you are coming from.
You two have always just done your own thing any way, so just carry on with your own enjoyment, though I feel you may be feeling a bit distrustful just now which I understand just never question your own morality! |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"I'm happy to answer questions but not straight away, I have to have a feeling of trust. "
Not forgetting we are all here for different reasons and prefer to do things in different ways |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
"
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
"
See, to me that's the kind of stuff I'd have no problem sharing and think it's very important that people are honest about. I really don't get though what relevance my name, where I live and even what I do for a living has when meeting for sex. I guess for me I'm vague with the truth where it could impact my everyday life. If that means that people won't trust me to be honest about the important stuff (as far as I'm concerned) then so be it. I don't want to meet anyone who's gonna think it's a big deal when they find out I'm not called Scarlet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you realise that we're all just a bunch of (horny) strangers is the time where you have to ask yourself whether you care about that person's life / sexual history or marital status.
Unless you become good friends in real life then how much of any of it is true?
The "single straight guy" you meet could be a married man that indulges in gay bareback gangbangs.
Or the single woman you meet could be hiding a whole lot of STI secrets ...
No one really knows anyone!
The people I work with would never guess how I spend my weekends.
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
See, to me that's the kind of stuff I'd have no problem sharing and think it's very important that people are honest about. I really don't get though what relevance my name, where I live and even what I do for a living has when meeting for sex. I guess for me I'm vague with the truth where it could impact my everyday life. If that means that people won't trust me to be honest about the important stuff (as far as I'm concerned) then so be it. I don't want to meet anyone who's gonna think it's a big deal when they find out I'm not called Scarlet."
Agree with you on this one Scarlet.
If I'm meeting someone whether it be for a social or sex I don't really give a flying fcuk what job they do, their star sign, their "real " name or their address.
Ok maybe their star sign.
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"I can appreciate that some people want to keep their identity a secret for several reasons, but I don't give too hoots, and ma surname is the same as a current dog food advert  "
Ace Winger Pedigree-Chum? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
See, to me that's the kind of stuff I'd have no problem sharing and think it's very important that people are honest about. I really don't get though what relevance my name, where I live and even what I do for a living has when meeting for sex. I guess for me I'm vague with the truth where it could impact my everyday life. If that means that people won't trust me to be honest about the important stuff (as far as I'm concerned) then so be it. I don't want to meet anyone who's gonna think it's a big deal when they find out I'm not called Scarlet.
Agree with you on this one Scarlet.
If I'm meeting someone whether it be for a social or sex I don't really give a flying fcuk what job they do, their star sign, their "real " name or their address.
Ok maybe their star sign.
"
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"Honesty is the key
I do use my real first name and if I'm asked about my job or more personal stuff if it's someone I believe I can trust I will always be open and honest. It's simpler that way. If I don't want to divulge personal information then I simply don't. "
Exactly this. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
You are not out of touch! And definitely not worth leaving the site over, but I understand where you are coming from.
You two have always just done your own thing any way, so just carry on with your own enjoyment, though I feel you may be feeling a bit distrustful just now which I understand just never question your own morality! "
And shock horror that thread has now been removed
Maybe Fab does indeed endorse that level of secrecy  |
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
You are not out of touch! And definitely not worth leaving the site over, but I understand where you are coming from.
You two have always just done your own thing any way, so just carry on with your own enjoyment, though I feel you may be feeling a bit distrustful just now which I understand just never question your own morality!
And shock horror that thread has now been removed
Maybe Fab does indeed endorse that level of secrecy "
Shocking !
 |
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"I can appreciate that some people want to keep their identity a secret for several reasons, but I don't give too hoots, and ma surname is the same as a current dog food advert
Ace Winger Pedigree-Chum?"
I'm more of a Pal than a Chum actually |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that. "
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
You are not out of touch! And definitely not worth leaving the site over, but I understand where you are coming from.
You two have always just done your own thing any way, so just carry on with your own enjoyment, though I feel you may be feeling a bit distrustful just now which I understand just never question your own morality!
And shock horror that thread has now been removed
Maybe Fab does indeed endorse that level of secrecy
Shocking !
"
It is indeed! Where is the integrity? |
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
You are not out of touch! And definitely not worth leaving the site over, but I understand where you are coming from.
You two have always just done your own thing any way, so just carry on with your own enjoyment, though I feel you may be feeling a bit distrustful just now which I understand just never question your own morality!
And shock horror that thread has now been removed
Maybe Fab does indeed endorse that level of secrecy
Shocking !
It is indeed! Where is the integrity? "
Sadly lacking , and that’s never a good thing is it ?
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Honesty and integrity are different. But you cannot have integrity if you are not honest.
For me I expect truthful answers if I ask a question. I’m happy to be told “it’s none of my business” if I’m being too nosy. I don’t always ask too many questions, specially in a club situation, and in that situation I don’t really care who you are. But anyone I let into my life or my home I expect them to be truthful about the things I ask them. I am clear about the things that are important to me. If someone chose to ignore that then I would assume they didn’t think enough of me to be truthful and it would probably be the end of it.
V x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx"
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers. "
Should I get my coat and leave now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers.
Should I get my coat and leave now "
There's no time to get your coat. Just run!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers.
Should I get my coat and leave now
There's no time to get your coat. Just run!!"
Hate the “singles ain’t swingers” nonsense, swinging is a state of mind |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers.
Should I get my coat and leave now
There's no time to get your coat. Just run!!
Hate the “singles ain’t swingers” nonsense, swinging is a state of mind"
I agree. x |
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers.
Should I get my coat and leave now
There's no time to get your coat. Just run!!
Hate the “singles ain’t swingers” nonsense, swinging is a state of mind"
Agree totally . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well since there’s a fair few fab members who don’t think people need to divulge their hiv status if they have it , it’s a pointless exercise discussing whether we use real names , where you work etc...
I truly despair sometimes , and since the hiv thread came up , I am seriously thinking of leaving fab as it seems I must be so out of touch .
Oh jeez, are you serious? That’s so depressing that someone wouldn’t have integrity over something as serious as that.
Got to agree with you both
The lack of integrity shown by most swingers is widespread, it’s depressing xx
That thread was about a single guy. Singles can't possibly be swingers.
Should I get my coat and leave now
There's no time to get your coat. Just run!!
Hate the “singles ain’t swingers” nonsense, swinging is a state of mind
Agree totally . "
i agree but there two side to a story but on here it all one side |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to find out quite a lot about the people I meet, comes through chatting / having a social as opposed to interrogation
Personal info I disclose on here is fairly neutral, depending on how the meet goes and if we plan to meet again I’ll disclose more over time.
I won’t answer anything about my personal situation until I know the person well. |
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My real name is Mr Dickhead to people that know me well, otherwise I'm just called Richard, or any other deviation thereof 
That's why I haven't met anyone new recently.
