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The silent treatment
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If you do, how and why do you use this?
I prefer to generally talk things through but if worn down, not listened to or someone just wants solely their own own needs met, I will back off and not entertain engaging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I go silent on someone it means I’m either angry, hurt or sad by something they’ve done. I do it to give myself breathing space & not say anything I might regret at a later date. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do, how and why do you use this?
I prefer to generally talk things through but if worn down, not listened to or someone just wants solely their own own needs met, I will back off and not entertain engaging. "
In a conflict situation I tend to rise to,the occasion and assert myself at first, however if the conflict doesn’t get resolved through direct talking and appears to be escalating I withdraw and reflect to really understand on what is going on. During that time I won’t engage until Ihave thought it through. If the thought through approach doesn’t help to resolve it then my next option varies. Depending how important the relationship is to me will determine what I do next. If it’s important I may well concede even if I think I’m right just to keep the peace, but the quality of the relationship is never really the same. If it’s no longer important to me I just cut off communication and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do, how and why do you use this?
I prefer to generally talk things through but if worn down, not listened to or someone just wants solely their own own needs met, I will back off and not entertain engaging.
In a conflict situation I tend to rise to,the occasion and assert myself at first, however if the conflict doesn’t get resolved through direct talking and appears to be escalating I withdraw and reflect to really understand on what is going on. During that time I won’t engage until Ihave thought it through. If the thought through approach doesn’t help to resolve it then my next option varies. Depending how important the relationship is to me will determine what I do next. If it’s important I may well concede even if I think I’m right just to keep the peace, but the quality of the relationship is never really the same. If it’s no longer important to me I just cut off communication and move on."
If I am furious and I know expressing my anger in the first place is not going to help the situation I go straight to stage 2 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do, how and why do you use this?
I prefer to generally talk things through but if worn down, not listened to or someone just wants solely their own own needs met, I will back off and not entertain engaging.
In a conflict situation I tend to rise to,the occasion and assert myself at first, however if the conflict doesn’t get resolved through direct talking and appears to be escalating I withdraw and reflect to really understand on what is going on. During that time I won’t engage until Ihave thought it through. If the thought through approach doesn’t help to resolve it then my next option varies. Depending how important the relationship is to me will determine what I do next. If it’s important I may well concede even if I think I’m right just to keep the peace, but the quality of the relationship is never really the same. If it’s no longer important to me I just cut off communication and move on.
If I am furious and I know expressing my anger in the first place is not going to help the situation I go straight to stage 2"
That may include letting off steam with someone close to me who will listen and help me think it through. |
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"If you do, how and why do you use this?
"
I don't really 'use' anything, so if I stop talking it generally means I am just too hurt to communicate (and possibly angry as a result of being hurt). I will never stone wall someone though, I think that is the ultimate disrespect, I will simply say 'No, I do not want to talk right now.' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've recently backed off from a person in my life for three weeks, as they were having a bad effect on my mental health and I needed time to myself and well away from them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or of I'm hurt and my emotions are not acknowledged or seemingly important. I give someone a chance to listen to me, for a while. "
Same. I try to talk and if they won't listen I give up.
I don't initially stop speaking to make a point.
In a conflict situation I usually say nothing as it's best to let them have their say. |
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"If I go silent on someone it means I’m either angry, hurt or sad by something they’ve done. I do it to give myself breathing space & not say anything I might regret at a later date."
I like this answer.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not something I like doing or having it used on me. I much prefer to talk a problem over. It’s ok to back away from a person while initially the anger subsided enough to have a conversation that doesn’t descend into swapping criticism but to use it long term is emotionally abusive. X |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"If I go silent on someone it means I’m either angry, hurt or sad by something they’ve done. I do it to give myself breathing space & not say anything I might regret at a later date."
I do this. It gives me time to process what's going on and time to work out what I want to do about it. |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
I'll withdraw and be quiet until i feel that what I want to say won t be in anger.
I always prefer to talk it out.
There are very few occasions in life when I will just remove a person from my life |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Breathing space, if I get angry then I get angry and lose common sense which could very well see me say something in the heat of the moment which i would regret once I have calmed down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Breathing space, if I get angry then I get angry and lose common sense which could very well see me say something in the heat of the moment which i would regret once I have calmed down. "
Totally agree with this one.
I don’t use silent treatment as a punishment or a signal of anger but instead I acknowledge that I’m annoyed and will discuss a matter at a later point when things have calmed. I take time to reflect, consider other perspectives, gather my thoughts and articulate them well.
Communication is as key as having an open mind to others perspectives, thoughts and feelings. But I do believe that it’s not always good to try and resolve things in the heat of the moment when tempers are flared as things can be said and done which aren’t meant and cannot be taken back at a later point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use this as a way to regroup. I do warn someone that I will be going quiet though. There's someone who I needed to do this with, very recently, so I could accept the dynamic change, to move on as just friends. I needed to figure out if I could do that. Sometimes a little bit of space, with no contact, helps me figure out a few things.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only go silent on someone, when talking doesn't work anymore.
Hurt, angry or upset, I need to talk it through. However, if talking fails, I just walk away. |
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"I use this as a way to regroup. I do warn someone that I will be going quiet though. There's someone who I needed to do this with, very recently, so I could accept the dynamic change, to move on as just friends. I needed to figure out if I could do that. Sometimes a little bit of space, with no contact, helps me figure out a few things. "
Yes, sometimes it might even take something dramatic to make someone back off for a few weeks to get some 'clear water', to get your head straight, but never to play games. |
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I've read most answers and of those i've read they don't really employ or 'use' the 'silent treatment'
Silent treatment is a form of control and manipulation.
To mix two of the posts above......
If you need time to reflect before discussing an issue tell the person. It's okay to say I can't discuss this now. I'll contact you when i'm ready.
Silent treatment is mentally and emotionally cruel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've read most answers and of those i've read they don't really employ or 'use' the 'silent treatment'
Silent treatment is a form of control and manipulation.
To mix two of the posts above......
If you need time to reflect before discussing an issue tell the person. It's okay to say I can't discuss this now. I'll contact you when i'm ready.
Silent treatment is mentally and emotionally cruel."
True |
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