FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Men crying
Men crying
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Pussies!... only joking 
When I was a younger man, I would see and hear things on the telly or the radio or have conversations. Perhaps things I would come across in real life, the unpleasantries of life. Famine, war zones, terminal illness, those sorts of things. While being harrowing and not nice to deal with... deal with it I did and, these things very rarely reduced me to tears.
I find as I get older, these things are so much more emotionally draining and my eyes are more inclined to well up.
I know it's not just me, other men have told me the same.
So why is it?
And, is it the same for you women? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally,I find crying to be very therapeutic. It's a good way to release a lot of stress,tension and angst. better out than in.
I consider it to be more of a strength than a weakness. So,if a man cries, he seems, to me, to be a man who is in control of his emotions rather than a man who allows his emotions to get the better of him. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've become far more sentimental as I've grown older. Its due to developing empathy... Ie we can feel what others are going through and it resonates to a greater level |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s heathy to cry - emotional tears (as opposed to having something in your eye) actually contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Pussies!... only joking
When I was a younger man, I would see and hear things on the telly or the radio or have conversations. Perhaps things I would come across in real life, the unpleasantries of life. Famine, war zones, terminal illness, those sorts of things. While being harrowing and not nice to deal with... deal with it I did and, these things very rarely reduced me to tears.
I find as I get older, these things are so much more emotionally draining and my eyes are more inclined to well up.
I know it's not just me, other men have told me the same.
So why is it?
And, is it the same for you women?"
It's the same for me. But when i was younger i was straight. So it may well be a gay thing?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying."
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I know this will sound stupid but since I got pooch in 2016 I find myself getting more emotional at everything . It took getting a dog for me to start showing real tears . Now I can't fuckin stop welling up . I guess it shows he's now the love of my life . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally,I find crying to be very therapeutic. It's a good way to release a lot of stress,tension and angst. better out than in.
I consider it to be more of a strength than a weakness. So,if a man cries, he seems, to me, to be a man who is in control of his emotions rather than a man who allows his emotions to get the better of him."
This.  x
Let it out. If things are really bad I create a crying situation as it relieves the stress. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have worked with women who cry very easily, especially if we had a male boss and there were certain tasks they didn't like doing. One woman in particular cried at an interview to determine who was to be promoted and got the promotion! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying.
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why."
Because when we get immersed in a good drama we empathise with the characters to a greater extent and start to see things through their eyes. News broadcasts of sad events are not sufficiently long to develop that ‘advanced empathy’.
Scientifically speaking, when we watch films or tv dramas with highly emotional content, our brain releases oxytocin -- a potent hormone that also behaves as a neurotransmitter in the brain.
Oxytocin is the hormone that helps us connect with other humans and compels us to be more empathic, loving, trusting and unselfish individuals.
If we cry therapeutically regularly we increase the development these capabilities/charactistics |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying.
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why.
Because when we get immersed in a good drama we empathise with the characters to a greater extent and start to see things through their eyes. News broadcasts of sad events are not sufficiently long to develop that ‘advanced empathy’.
Scientifically speaking, when we watch films or tv dramas with highly emotional content, our brain releases oxytocin -- a potent hormone that also behaves as a neurotransmitter in the brain.
Oxytocin is the hormone that helps us connect with other humans and compels us to be more empathic, loving, trusting and unselfish individuals.
If we cry therapeutically regularly we increase the development these capabilities/charactistics "
I'm doomed then because I rarely cry nowadays.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally,I find crying to be very therapeutic. It's a good way to release a lot of stress,tension and angst. better out than in.
I consider it to be more of a strength than a weakness. So,if a man cries, he seems, to me, to be a man who is in control of his emotions rather than a man who allows his emotions to get the better of him.
This. x
Let it out. If things are really bad I create a crying situation as it relieves the stress. "
Catharsis is really good- smashing the hell out of pillows and raging until I sob uncontrollably has been really helpful in my personal development |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying.
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why.
Because when we get immersed in a good drama we empathise with the characters to a greater extent and start to see things through their eyes. News broadcasts of sad events are not sufficiently long to develop that ‘advanced empathy’.
Scientifically speaking, when we watch films or tv dramas with highly emotional content, our brain releases oxytocin -- a potent hormone that also behaves as a neurotransmitter in the brain.
Oxytocin is the hormone that helps us connect with other humans and compels us to be more empathic, loving, trusting and unselfish individuals.
If we cry therapeutically regularly we increase the development these capabilities/charactistics
I'm doomed then because I rarely cry nowadays. "
Maybe you don’t need to? May be you’re all cried out or simply too content. Maybe you have repressed it and it will flood out at some time? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally,I find crying to be very therapeutic. It's a good way to release a lot of stress,tension and angst. better out than in.
I consider it to be more of a strength than a weakness. So,if a man cries, he seems, to me, to be a man who is in control of his emotions rather than a man who allows his emotions to get the better of him."
Very much this, I find it very endearing for a man to cry in front of me. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying.
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why.
Because when we get immersed in a good drama we empathise with the characters to a greater extent and start to see things through their eyes. News broadcasts of sad events are not sufficiently long to develop that ‘advanced empathy’.
Scientifically speaking, when we watch films or tv dramas with highly emotional content, our brain releases oxytocin -- a potent hormone that also behaves as a neurotransmitter in the brain.
Oxytocin is the hormone that helps us connect with other humans and compels us to be more empathic, loving, trusting and unselfish individuals.
If we cry therapeutically regularly we increase the development these capabilities/charactistics
I'm doomed then because I rarely cry nowadays.
Maybe you don’t need to? May be you’re all cried out or simply too content. Maybe you have repressed it and it will flood out at some time?"
I haven't repressed it. I have been in too many situations recently where crying would waste time when I needed to take action. When it's over I have Mr N to talk to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are a few possibilities it my mind
1. We may have developed personally and become more comfortable with being emotionally expressive.
2. We have moved beyond our conditioning and moved beyond the introjection that ‘big boys don’t cry’
3. We have developed our sense of compassion and our ability to really empathise with others
4. We have repressed our emotions for so long and so often that we enforce their containment for any longer and leak from our eyes. Tears are not the only display of emotion that may leak, it may also be our anger through grumpiness and our fears through irrational worrying.
I agree with this. However I cry much less and less easily now than when I was younger. I find that although I feel compassion and very real sadness over some things I don't tend to be moved to tears. Then some stupid fictional drama kills off a midwife and I cry! No idea why.
Because when we get immersed in a good drama we empathise with the characters to a greater extent and start to see things through their eyes. News broadcasts of sad events are not sufficiently long to develop that ‘advanced empathy’.
Scientifically speaking, when we watch films or tv dramas with highly emotional content, our brain releases oxytocin -- a potent hormone that also behaves as a neurotransmitter in the brain.
Oxytocin is the hormone that helps us connect with other humans and compels us to be more empathic, loving, trusting and unselfish individuals.
If we cry therapeutically regularly we increase the development these capabilities/charactistics
I'm doomed then because I rarely cry nowadays.
Maybe you don’t need to? May be you’re all cried out or simply too content. Maybe you have repressed it and it will flood out at some time?
I haven't repressed it. I have been in too many situations recently where crying would waste time when I needed to take action. When it's over I have Mr N to talk to."
That just suggests emotional competence to me as your switching your emotions to something more productive |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry. "
My aunt never, ever cried, even when her mother died. Lots of people called her hard or said she had no feelings. I thought that was unkind of them. Not everyone shows their feelings the same way and nobody is better or worse than another person for showing them differently. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I know this will sound stupid but since I got pooch in 2016 I find myself getting more emotional at everything . It took getting a dog for me to start showing real tears . Now I can't fuckin stop welling up . I guess it shows he's now the love of my life ."
Awww that is so sweet,brought a tear to my eye that x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like to think of emotion as the Energy behind Motion. It is the fuel we need to act effectively.
Becoming more emotionally intelligent and competent makes our actions in the world more effective.
Recognising, expressing and using emotion healthily is a foundation for a better life and world in my view. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a serial blubber and pretty much always have been - thing is though I well up at things like John Lewis Xmas ads or DIY SOS and don't even mention the last 15 minutes of Toy Story 3 (I was a blubbering wreck in the cinema!!) - yet other things I "should" get emotional about I don't so much as get moist eyes  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry. "
It does show feelings but actions show how much someone cares |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I know this will sound stupid but since I got pooch in 2016 I find myself getting more emotional at everything . It took getting a dog for me to start showing real tears . Now I can't fuckin stop welling up . I guess it shows he's now the love of my life .
Awww that is so sweet,brought a tear to my eye that x"
Thankyou xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a serial blubber and pretty much always have been - thing is though I well up at things like John Lewis Xmas ads or DIY SOS and don't even mention the last 15 minutes of Toy Story 3 (I was a blubbering wreck in the cinema!!) - yet other things I "should" get emotional about I don't so much as get moist eyes "
Films are engineered to pull at our heartstrings, real life events aren’t created in the same way so we will often respond quite differently. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this will sound stupid but since I got pooch in 2016 I find myself getting more emotional at everything . It took getting a dog for me to start showing real tears . Now I can't fuckin stop welling up . I guess it shows he's now the love of my life .
Awww that is so sweet,brought a tear to my eye that x Thankyou xx "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When I was a child I cried at absolutely everything until about age 11, I was super emotional. I think I cried so much I exhausted any excess liquid my body doesn't need as I haven't cried since  "
I think its possible to feel the emotions that cause many people to cry but express them differently. Grief is frequently expressed as anger, embarrassment as laughter,fear as bravado for instance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Crying is healthy for us - we've evolved to have this ability, so it's stupid to curtail men, or anyone, from having their release.
As people age they often shed imposed limitations that reduce their liberty to be themselves and gain confidence to step outside of the crowd.
It's tragic that men were bullied into becoming 'hard'.
One expression I dislike is 'man up', when used to cut sensitivity |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Makes for interesting reading.
I was very lucky with the people that bought me up. Although I have never seen my dad cry, even when his mother died, I could hear him sobbing in his bedroom. That's the only time though! My mum taught me that it's ok and, even good for me to cry so, I've never had a problem with it. I've always been the sort of person that cares, I think that as a teenager and young man, I just never felt like it over most things I guess.
I think as people mature their ability to empathize is greater due to the back catalogue of life experiences.
The word sentimental has been used... I wonder if the more and, the stronger we love or, have loved makes us more susceptible to sentimentality.
One of you mentioned that their emotions have become a lot stronger since a dog became part of his life. I think I can trace the beginning of my change to the day my first child was born, like it was some kind of hormonal switch. I don't think it matters what or who the object of our love is but, I think there is a strong connection to having felt that kind of love at some point.
I have verbally reassured both my boys that it is OK to cry and, that it's the people that don't think it's ok that have the problem. To back that up, they have both seen me cry on more than one occasion so, even though I want them to be happy, I also want them to know how to feel comfortable when they're not, and to be kind to their peers if they find them wanting. I think they will be ok!
The worst thing about these forums isn't the dicks (guilty, at times) or the rude people or the bickering or, any of the negatives... that can be walked away from at any time. The worst thing is that some times you wish you could respond to every body personally but most of the time that is impossible!
Clem... maybe it's because you were gay but didn't know it or, didn't know how to deal with it so led a straight life. Perhaps more a conscious or subconscious denial of the self rather than a gay thing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The only thing that makes me cry is brass military band music...I do love a good trumpeting  "
Well... apart from rather stupidly shooting yourself in the foot (and I thought I was Mr Sausage Fingers ) and listening to stuff you don't like... your the man Dave |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing that makes me cry is brass military band music...I do love a good trumpeting
Well... apart from rather stupidly shooting yourself in the foot (and I thought I was Mr Sausage Fingers ) and listening to stuff you don't like... your the man Dave "
.
I was testing my steel toe cap boots.... There not all there cracked up to be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry.
My aunt never, ever cried, even when her mother died. Lots of people called her hard or said she had no feelings. I thought that was unkind of them. Not everyone shows their feelings the same way and nobody is better or worse than another person for showing them differently. "
Not to mention that nobody truly knows what went on in any particular relationship - we don't all have loveable parents. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry.
My aunt never, ever cried, even when her mother died. Lots of people called her hard or said she had no feelings. I thought that was unkind of them. Not everyone shows their feelings the same way and nobody is better or worse than another person for showing them differently.
Not to mention that nobody truly knows what went on in any particular relationship - we don't all have loveable parents."
Oh she did love her, she was my grandmother. My aunt expressed sorrow and grief in her own way, she might have cried in private.
When she was dying herself she was stoically and we talked about it with each other with sadness but no tears. She left me her books and one of her poetry books fell open at "Crossing the Bar". That made me cry when I came across it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find crying shows you have feelings and caring. But in saying that i know one man that would go out his way to help outhers and is very caring but ive never seen him cry.
My aunt never, ever cried, even when her mother died. Lots of people called her hard or said she had no feelings. I thought that was unkind of them. Not everyone shows their feelings the same way and nobody is better or worse than another person for showing them differently.
Not to mention that nobody truly knows what went on in any particular relationship - we don't all have loveable parents."
Or, maybe like my dad she cried when she was alone but would never own up to it. Some people only let their emotions out in complete privacy. If I hadn't heard my dad when his mum died, I would still believe it was something he never did. That generation saw it as a weakness never to be shown or shared. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I hate crying. It's not a "man up be a man man man MAN!!!!"thing, I just hate the way it feels, I can't see properly, my jaw aches from fighting it back, the runny nose everything about it just sucks.
That said, certain things trigger me into sobbing my heart out.
The haka
Seeing the Staffordshire regiment marching.
The living years by Mike and the mechanics.
In pursuit of happiness staring Will Smith
When goose dies in top gun
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I hate crying. It's not a "man up be a man man man MAN!!!!"thing, I just hate the way it feels, I can't see properly, my jaw aches from fighting it back, the runny nose everything about it just sucks.
That said, certain things trigger me into sobbing my heart out.
The haka
Seeing the Staffordshire regiment marching.
The living years by Mike and the mechanics.
In pursuit of happiness staring Will Smith
When goose dies in top gun
"
It's ok KB...don't fight it...let it out! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't mind crying when some things move me, such as the one you mentioned OP (war, death...) Although, it is not really crying as I force myself not to, especially if there is people around. It is just tears here and there.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm seen as a witty, can take anything on type of guy. Couldn't be further from the truth.
When my kids say nice things to me I have to walk out of the room as it makes me cry and I never want them to see that. In fact I'm fuckin welling up typing this, what a fanny. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally I think it is a great strength in a male... Especially if they admit it... Crying is not a bad thing and men and women should allow it to flow where and when necessary.
My grandad was very emotional and cried lots and I loved him all the more for it especially given his generation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
