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What do women consider to be a good first message ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some good ideas there lol but I'm getting the vibe that most prefer a message that's got a little bit of a personal touch rather than the generic "
Have a think about how you'd feel if you got 50 mails all just saying "hi".
Chances are, most women and couples just delete or don't reply so don't spend ages writing something that will just be ignored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Funny and sarcastic get my attention. The ones I speak to, always strated with a witty and dry message. The problem is, everyone likes a different approach. So what will attract one person, will put off another  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Funny and sarcastic get my attention. The ones I speak to, always strated with a witty and dry message. The problem is, everyone likes a different approach. So what will attract one person, will put off another . "
spot on I reckon |
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Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude.."
That personally doesn't work for me. If it gets me laughing or smiling, it gets me responding |
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude..
That personally doesn't work for me. If it gets me laughing or smiling, it gets me responding "
Ok so a nice witty message which makes you laugh and if you're not attracted after seeing his face pic.. what then? A polite no thanks lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude..
That personally doesn't work for me. If it gets me laughing or smiling, it gets me responding
Ok so a nice witty message which makes you laugh and if you're not attracted after seeing his face pic.. what then? A polite no thanks lol
"
Usually Continue chatting haha. I don't use this site only to meet people to have sex with. Sometimes, friendships can be formed |
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude.."
I'm put off by face pics right off the jump. |
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This made me smile
CONGRATULATIONS : you have won a HOLIDAY !! ......in the Caribbean island of Cuba. The best bit wait for it..... you get to GO with me ?
Please reply now to receive your AMAZING holiday. |
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My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol "
Attraction can grow. I'm not saying that all women will feel like that. Your point is very valid. You have to remember, some message from a distance, so are not always looking to meet. Some enjoy the banter. Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. Have I played with someone because their personality was so good that, despite not being initially blown away by their face pic, I was still interested? That would be a yes. He became an fwb of mine and we are still close friends 5 years on. So yes, a witty and dry message will get my attention. As stated in a comment I made earlier. Not everyone will be the same though. I can only speak for myself |
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"My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol
Attraction can grow. I'm not saying that all women will feel like that. Your point is very valid. You have to remember, some message from a distance, so are not always looking to meet. Some enjoy the banter. Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. Have I played with someone because their personality was so good that, despite not being initially blown away by their face pic, I was still interested? That would be a yes. He became an fwb of mine and we are still close friends 5 years on. So yes, a witty and dry message will get my attention. As stated in a comment I made earlier. Not everyone will be the same though. I can only speak for myself "
He didn't blow you away with his pic but you found him attractive.. if you didn't fancy him.. you wouldn't meet him.. most women have a type.. not all but most.. my point is, attraction is more of a key than sense of humour on a site like this.. I am just stating for the majority |
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"My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol
Attraction can grow. I'm not saying that all women will feel like that. Your point is very valid. You have to remember, some message from a distance, so are not always looking to meet. Some enjoy the banter. Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. Have I played with someone because their personality was so good that, despite not being initially blown away by their face pic, I was still interested? That would be a yes. He became an fwb of mine and we are still close friends 5 years on. So yes, a witty and dry message will get my attention. As stated in a comment I made earlier. Not everyone will be the same though. I can only speak for myself
He didn't blow you away with his pic but you found him attractive.. if you didn't fancy him.. you wouldn't meet him.. most women have a type.. not all but most.. my point is, attraction is more of a key than sense of humour on a site like this.. I am just stating for the majority "
Not true for me either. Personality outweighs looks by a huge margin. I can fall for someone's personality and their looks will grow on me. Never, ever would that work the other way around. |
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""Hi" with a face photo.
My point exactly lol "
didnt read the rest of the thread. I read about 1% of the copy paste messages or the thoughtful ones, I jump straight to the pic and decide if I will read the message from that. So if they just want to put a "hi" to start with I don't mind. |
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Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority |
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""Hi" with a face photo.
My point exactly lol
didnt read the rest of the thread. I read about 1% of the copy paste messages or the thoughtful ones, I jump straight to the pic and decide if I will read the message from that. So if they just want to put a "hi" to start with I don't mind."
For those saying personality is a massive part, I agree, but I haven't got time to chat to everyone that messages me to see if their personality is attractive. So I go from the pic and hope they have a good personality too. It would be different in a situation where I met them face to face at a club for instance. |
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""Hi" with a face photo.
My point exactly lol
didnt read the rest of the thread. I read about 1% of the copy paste messages or the thoughtful ones, I jump straight to the pic and decide if I will read the message from that. So if they just want to put a "hi" to start with I don't mind.
For those saying personality is a massive part, I agree, but I haven't got time to chat to everyone that messages me to see if their personality is attractive. So I go from the pic and hope they have a good personality too. It would be different in a situation where I met them face to face at a club for instance. "
I agree.. attraction is probably number when then personality.. you could be exchanging words with a guy for weeks because he makes you laugh and when you see his pic and there is no attraction.. then it's leading to disappointment.. everyone is in a different situation I suppose.. how much time do you have for someone.. depends what you are looking for etc |
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude.."
That's one way for sure - others are available. I don't ask for face pics immediately because I do not give mine out to all and sundry. I look for a RANGE of pics that attract me, a profile that indicates an interesting personality, and if I see those, even if he only says Hi I will reply.
BUT, original wit or humour will sometimes make me answer without the rest, it kind of trumps everything to be honest.  |
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"My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol
Attraction can grow. I'm not saying that all women will feel like that. Your point is very valid. You have to remember, some message from a distance, so are not always looking to meet. Some enjoy the banter. Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. Have I played with someone because their personality was so good that, despite not being initially blown away by their face pic, I was still interested? That would be a yes. He became an fwb of mine and we are still close friends 5 years on. So yes, a witty and dry message will get my attention. As stated in a comment I made earlier. Not everyone will be the same though. I can only speak for myself
He didn't blow you away with his pic but you found him attractive.. if you didn't fancy him.. you wouldn't meet him.. most women have a type.. not all but most.. my point is, attraction is more of a key than sense of humour on a site like this.. I am just stating for the majority
Not true for me either. Personality outweighs looks by a huge margin. I can fall for someone's personality and their looks will grow on me. Never, ever would that work the other way around. "
Yup, I've had that too. |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority "
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa? |
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""Hi" with a face photo.
My point exactly lol
didnt read the rest of the thread. I read about 1% of the copy paste messages or the thoughtful ones, I jump straight to the pic and decide if I will read the message from that. So if they just want to put a "hi" to start with I don't mind.
For those saying personality is a massive part, I agree, but I haven't got time to chat to everyone that messages me to see if their personality is attractive. So I go from the pic and hope they have a good personality too. It would be different in a situation where I met them face to face at a club for instance.
I agree.. attraction is probably number when then personality.. you could be exchanging words with a guy for weeks because he makes you laugh and when you see his pic and there is no attraction.. then it's leading to disappointment.. everyone is in a different situation I suppose.. how much time do you have for someone.. depends what you are looking for etc "
I haven't got the patience to chat to someone for weeks to then meet them and not find them attractive in person  the reason I actually prefer not to do personal meets. |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?"
Haha, ditto again! |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?"
Ok so say you chat for weeks... and you get on in every way.. then you see his face pic and you are not attracted to him in the slightest.. are you telling me you liking his sense of humour would over come the attraction side..? |
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I like the ones that basically say . I've seen your profile, I'm interested . Have a look at mine if you feel the same then let's chat .. simple straight to the piont. But not everyone is the same . |
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""Hi" with a face photo.
My point exactly lol
didnt read the rest of the thread. I read about 1% of the copy paste messages or the thoughtful ones, I jump straight to the pic and decide if I will read the message from that. So if they just want to put a "hi" to start with I don't mind.
For those saying personality is a massive part, I agree, but I haven't got time to chat to everyone that messages me to see if their personality is attractive. So I go from the pic and hope they have a good personality too. It would be different in a situation where I met them face to face at a club for instance.
I agree.. attraction is probably number when then personality.. you could be exchanging words with a guy for weeks because he makes you laugh and when you see his pic and there is no attraction.. then it's leading to disappointment.. everyone is in a different situation I suppose.. how much time do you have for someone.. depends what you are looking for etc
I haven't got the patience to chat to someone for weeks to then meet them and not find them attractive in person the reason I actually prefer not to do personal meets."
Exactly... it saves disappointment and you could lead someone on |
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"I like the ones that basically say . I've seen your profile, I'm interested . Have a look at mine if you feel the same then let's chat .. simple straight to the piont. But not everyone is the same . "
Along with a face pic right? |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?
Ok so say you chat for weeks... and you get on in every way.. then you see his face pic and you are not attracted to him in the slightest.. are you telling me you liking his sense of humour would over come the attraction side..? "
Maybe, maybe not. But he has a much better chance than he would have just saying hi and sending me the picture right off. At this point I'd have something else to go on besides looks. I can definitely be attracted to someone's personality. I'd rather an average looking guy with a great personality than some handsome bastard that's dull as fuck. |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?
Ok so say you chat for weeks... and you get on in every way.. then you see his face pic and you are not attracted to him in the slightest.. are you telling me you liking his sense of humour would over come the attraction side..?
Maybe, maybe not. But he has a much better chance than he would have just saying hi and sending me the picture right off. At this point I'd have something else to go on besides looks. I can definitely be attracted to someone's personality. I'd rather an average looking guy with a great personality than some handsome bastard that's dull as fuck. "
No I definitely agree with you.. there has to be personality in the first message as first impressions count but my point is that there has to be a little attraction to that person for you to want to go further.. I'm not shallow in any way, and yes it's always good to get on with someone as building chemistry and then meeting is way better.. butthe point I'm trying to make us simple.. a face pic with a good first message saves disappointment later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?
Ok so say you chat for weeks... and you get on in every way.. then you see his face pic and you are not attracted to him in the slightest.. are you telling me you liking his sense of humour would over come the attraction side..?
Maybe, maybe not. But he has a much better chance than he would have just saying hi and sending me the picture right off. At this point I'd have something else to go on besides looks. I can definitely be attracted to someone's personality. I'd rather an average looking guy with a great personality than some handsome bastard that's dull as fuck. "
This  . I've had some lovely looking men message me, with bland profiles and messages. I don't respond. I've had ones then, that are average in looks, who've really piqued my interest with what they have to say about themselves. Perhaps I'm just wired differently, or it's because I'm looking for someone regular. But I've been really happy with those I've engaged with/met and wouldn't change my approach |
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"Everyone wants to see a face pic.. you definitely want to see who you are talking too.. the point here is does looks matter or personality? On swinging/sex site I'd say looks..? I'm talking about the majority
I won't show my face until I've decided if I like someone's personality. If I don't like them why would I care what they look like or vice versa?
Ok so say you chat for weeks... and you get on in every way.. then you see his face pic and you are not attracted to him in the slightest.. are you telling me you liking his sense of humour would over come the attraction side..?
Maybe, maybe not. But he has a much better chance than he would have just saying hi and sending me the picture right off. At this point I'd have something else to go on besides looks. I can definitely be attracted to someone's personality. I'd rather an average looking guy with a great personality than some handsome bastard that's dull as fuck.
No I definitely agree with you.. there has to be personality in the first message as first impressions count but my point is that there has to be a little attraction to that person for you to want to go further.. I'm not shallow in any way, and yes it's always good to get on with someone as building chemistry and then meeting is way better.. butthe point I'm trying to make us simple.. a face pic with a good first message saves disappointment later "
Yeah, I know that's what you're saying. I just disagree. I've chatted to absolute fucking crackers for a weeks waiting for their personality to surface and it never did. So, there are no guarantees either way. Unless you have banging good looks a face pic first might actually hinder your attempts at a getting a meet. If your personality is a stronger asset than your face, feature that first. Can't hurt, might help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi" alone just won't stand out.
Avoid clichés; there may be half a dozen almost identical messages in a woman's inbox all asking how they are and how they are finding the site!
Make a direct reference to something on their profile. A compliment, humour and avoidance of text-speak also helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Funny and sarcastic get my attention. The ones I speak to, always strated with a witty and dry message. The problem is, everyone likes a different approach. So what will attract one person, will put off another . "
Yes, everyone will respond to the same message differently. I personally hate funny/sarcastic messages so would delete and block |
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Whatever you do, don't copy and paste. I've a guy who has sent me at least 6 or 7 of exactly the same (very long) message, word for word. I didn't reply to the first one because he's married, but he kept sending it once a month until I blocked him
For me, mention something on my profile, it shows you've been interested enough to read it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly just a polite hello and introduction.. nothing rude.. but it's mainly you're face pic that takes you to second base.. if he or she likes the look of you then she will want to chat to you further.. how you go from there is down to you're attitude..
That's one way for sure - others are available. I don't ask for face pics immediately because I do not give mine out to all and sundry. I look for a RANGE of pics that attract me, a profile that indicates an interesting personality, and if I see those, even if he only says Hi I will reply.
BUT, original wit or humour will sometimes make me answer without the rest, it kind of trumps everything to be honest. "
HMMM original wit or humour yep that was it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My point is.. most guys on here will message you because they want sex.. friends with benefits.. open relationship etc.. so in some form they would want to get intimate.. being polite and funny will only get you to a certain point which I agree everyone should be that way.. be on the best of manners and respectful... it's good to make a women laugh.. however.. to take it further you would want to be attracted to them surely..? After weeks of chatting you finally get to see his face pic and then tell him he's not you're type lol
Attraction can grow. I'm not saying that all women will feel like that. Your point is very valid. You have to remember, some message from a distance, so are not always looking to meet. Some enjoy the banter. Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. Have I played with someone because their personality was so good that, despite not being initially blown away by their face pic, I was still interested? That would be a yes. He became an fwb of mine and we are still close friends 5 years on. So yes, a witty and dry message will get my attention. As stated in a comment I made earlier. Not everyone will be the same though. I can only speak for myself
He didn't blow you away with his pic but you found him attractive.. if you didn't fancy him.. you wouldn't meet him.. most women have a type.. not all but most.. my point is, attraction is more of a key than sense of humour on a site like this.. I am just stating for the majority
Not true for me either. Personality outweighs looks by a huge margin. I can fall for someone's personality and their looks will grow on me. Never, ever would that work the other way around. "
Not true for me either, I agree with these ladies |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
You have to feel a bit for single guys on here, there isn't one single 'way' to write a message! Personally I look at profiles before I open the message, if they fit my preferences re height, distance and being able to accomadate then I'll reply.
I like a face pic attached
I like short, cheerful messages
An indication they have read my profile
Could give loads of things not to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you need advice how to chat a girl up in a bar or cafe ??
"
He quite possibly would! The internet age has seen an alarming fall in real-life social skills. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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personally I don't answer messages that just purely say 'hi' I'm so bored of those, i need something to catch my attention something witty or a naughty comment usually works for me haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no generic right message. Profiles will only tell you what the author wants to, but are a useful filter. I like watching forum posts to give an insight to the real person and as to whether I find their mind attractive. I've already found them physically attractive. I will usually message based on a forum comment and I've made some nice friends that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iv read these threads before and when I message I always make the effort an read the profile and the rest. Sometimes I get a reply sometimes not which is fine and to be expected.
I know a fella on here though and he has muscles and a 6 pack and just messages saying not much more than hello an then shows them his pics and he gets a lot of replies. I think you can write whatever you want but it’s goin to come down to whether the person you are messaging finds you attractive. There will be exceptions to this of course |
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"Mention something from their profile.
The words, not the pictures.
This..... I've a long tedious profile... anyone who actually reads it and mails me pretty much deserves a response!"
Mine is not that long, nor complicated....and to be fair it does kind of put a lot of guys off as they don’t really understand it ha ha.....but I still get the “chancers” the faf how’s u, hiya hun .....and all that dross....
So a message that takes on board the words, rather than the pictures....that might deem a reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've realised that the more I wanted to meet someone, the more effort I put into the message, although when you put effort into a witty masterpiece, and see it deleted unread it's a bummer, and almost all women / couples who have contacted me first, started with"Hi, how are you?"
Still the ends are worth the means |
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