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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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yep still going thru my emails. heres another one
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7.. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamp so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail ?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one
enjoys it?
22. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you
send it by sea it is called cargo?
23. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days
a year, why are there locks on the door?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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yep hun, still got 150 hotmail to go thru, so heres another one
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
* If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
* The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
* Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
* The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. (The democratic strategy.)
* When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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