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Overly self conscious
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At what point does a partner/playmate/meet being overly self conscious start to impede on your enjoyment of sex with them?
Or may be it doesn’t and as long as you get a bit who cares if they want to remain covered from head to foot in flannelette. I shouldn’t really say flannelette as it implies I’m referring to only women being overly self conscious and that is not the case.
Would being asked to look away whilst undressing or being told you were not allowed to look take something away from the experience? Is keeping it all under the covers quaint or quite restrictive?
Are activities like watching each other masturbate (in the same room that is), liking melted ice cream off each other and all the things which need a degree of self confidence insignificant as long as the pole goes in the hole… or is it important to be able to experiment, explore and feel you are both relaxed?
At what point does reserve become restrictive or inhibition become inhibitive?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find people who are self conscious in the bedroom takes away my enjoyment...
I had brief relationship with someone who suffered inhibitions...
I felt I was walking on eggshells...certainly impeded on any spontaniety....if I was larking around in a playful manner I`d sense her closing up...her mind was filled with self....kinda felt quite distant....
Also felt repressed....that ain`t a good vibe fer me...sex isn`t a matter of shame or like a secret....I abhor secrets...thats my stuff I guess...
Try as I might I couldn`t help transmogrify her feelings into some of my own...
We drifted apart...I was unable to offer the time and patience..it wasn`t a serious relationship...
Nope fer me ...I wouldn`t feel a liason was worth the price of dealing with inhibited emotions, unless it was a committed relationship..
I`d rather have a cuppa tbh... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel self conscious when i meet a man and he keeps looking at my face. Not that i think there is anything wrong with my face, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.  |
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It's a challenge when in the bedroom to not intimidate my current sexual conquest.
But I insist on them to have at least as big a head as my two.
No room for self consciousness when Funky is doing his naked dance of love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely the key is to recognise a woman is feeling less confident and back off a little so they feel at ease?
I've never met anyone from this site but have from others. maybe the 'swinger' label is the problem as people have to 'prove they're proper swingers'?
I just let things unfold and then undress (;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone with bad hangups i wouldnt e looking to meet through swinging. Might be different if i was looking for a relationship but i am not and swinging is about fun for me and hangups are out.  |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
Hmmm...
If someone really has hangups and felt that uncomfortable, I really don't think they would be on a site like this. But I have no doubts there are people on here who are coy for whatever reason.
On first meeting, Mrs R may come across as having a hangup, but she hasn't! She is a shy person when she meets new people although that has improved greatly as we have played. Yes, she thinks that she could have a better body, but I think she is happy with how she looks in general. Then again, don't all women think that? (generalisation)
We have met plenty of newbies and perhaps that is why we see it a little differently. We have noticed that there are a lot of people who just will not meet new "swingers". There was even a thread about it. How their experience started, I don't know! 
What may look like a hangup can be overcome very easily by doing what someone else on here has said... Back off and give them time, so nicely said "SexyRay".
In fact, we love "Coy" and one of our meets, although she is confident as hell, plays coy with me sometimes and it is sooo damned sexy. So would have no problem meeting people with hangups and seeing where it leads. For us a social is just as good as playtime. We started at the bottom rung and someone helped us, so we will help others! |
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"
In fact, we love "Coy" and one of our meets, although she is confident as hell, plays coy with me sometimes and it is sooo damned sexy. "
Do you think you would find it as sexy if you knew your meet wasn't playing at being coy and really was constantly worried about keeping bits covered and how they looked?
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I am interested in seeing where (or if) there is a line at which it starts to be a turn off.
But the other interesting side to this will be if singles meeting will generally have different views to couples meeting.
Is it different when it is your primary sex rather than the additional something extra?
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I wouldnt say the self consciousness is a turn off for me...but the fact that my lovely wife hates herself because of her figure will always impact on her sexual enjoyment in bed...because she isnt happy with the way she looks she naturally assumes I cant be too happy with it either...and as we all know...trying to make love to someone who is holding back to whatever degree isnt easy..
No matter how many times I try to reassure her that it really doesnt matter...and it really doesnt.
Its also 50% of the reason we will never swing or even soft swing...which is no big deal for me as I have my own reasons anyway. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"I am interested in seeing where (or if) there is a line at which it starts to be a turn off.
But the other interesting side to this will be if singles meeting will generally have different views to couples meeting.
Is it different when it is your primary sex rather than the additional something extra?
"
I have seen from both sides of the coin so to speak, and its a turn off either way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone with bad hangups i wouldnt e looking to meet through swinging. Might be different if i was looking for a relationship but i am not and swinging is about fun for me and hangups are out. "
aye |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"
In fact, we love "Coy" and one of our meets, although she is confident as hell, plays coy with me sometimes and it is sooo damned sexy.
Do you think you would find it as sexy if you knew your meet wasn't playing at being coy and really was constantly worried about keeping bits covered and how they looked?
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Errrr.... Short answer. I don't know! Looking at it as I do (with rose coloured glasses  ) I would assume that they are not happy about the way they look. As the guy up there somewhere said, back off and see where it goes.
I suppose if it was a serious case, we wouldn't play, but we can always have a laugh and try to make the person a bit more at ease. If it was a couple though, I would seriously question any partner who would put him/her spouse in that position.
Untried for me, but that is how I think I would react as although sex is what we are here for, it is not everything.
(strange voice) Com ean Meestor Rumour and lie on za couch! So how long has sex been just a bonus when svingging?   |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"I am interested in seeing where (or if) there is a line at which it starts to be a turn off.
But the other interesting side to this will be if singles meeting will generally have different views to couples meeting.
Is it different when it is your primary sex rather than the additional something extra?
"
I see where you are coming from (metaphorically) ! Not really much use me answering because we are perhaps different to the majority on here. We love the sex, but we are not at all only driven by the sex. Both of us are quite happy to meet as a social and not play, even if we had been led to believe… From what we have read on this and past threads, quite a few would not consider meeting without the sex. And, although they themselves were beginners once themselves, they wouldn’t meet newbies!
That is not a criticism of anyone, it is just how it is, but for our part, we actually like meeting newbies and some of the best fun we have had has been with them…
So, we will leave you to get the answers you need and watch with interest. xxxx
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"I am interested in seeing where (or if) there is a line at which it starts to be a turn off.
But the other interesting side to this will be if singles meeting will generally have different views to couples meeting.
Is it different when it is your primary sex rather than the additional something extra?
I see where you are coming from (metaphorically) ! Not really much use me answering because we are perhaps different to the majority on here. We love the sex, but we are not at all only driven by the sex. Both of us are quite happy to meet as a social and not play, even if we had been led to believe… From what we have read on this and past threads, quite a few would not consider meeting without the sex. And, although they themselves were beginners once themselves, they wouldn’t meet newbies!
That is not a criticism of anyone, it is just how it is, but for our part, we actually like meeting newbies and some of the best fun we have had has been with them…
So, we will leave you to get the answers you need and watch with interest. xxxx
"
we also meet newbies (like you said we all had to start somewhere) and are happy with just socials not met anyone who had a hang up that got in the way but would hope if we did we would handle it with the upmost sensitivity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there was something I wasn't meant to see I'd wonder why I wasn't meant to see it which would make me want to see it even more. Best to just get ya kit off and get it over with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anything that adversely effects being able to act on impulse, go with the flow of passion or the ability to reach a good level of relaxed intimacy would have a detrimental impact on my enjoyment.
Sadly being overly self conscious can fall into that category for me.
I guess 'being overly self conscious' becomes a turn off for me when it's irrational or when it dominates proceedings.
Having said that I do have different thresholds depending on the type of relationship and the individual, so it's difficult to be definitive on where my 'cut off point' is until put in the situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found the more I've liked a GF the harder it is to be uninhibited, but that's cool because if you really like them you want to stay with them and grow together. Nice to have somwhere to grow to rather than busting out the gimp mask first night.
But I must admit I worked with a woman who I could've but she put me off when she recounted how she can't have sex with a light on. She was so self-conscious about her body. She had one of the roundest, peachiest asses I've ever seen in smart dress pants but her self-consciousness completely put me off finding out how it felt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all have little bits about ourslves we dont like, i know i do, but to be honest once im in the swing of things i couldnt care less about my wobbly bits as if my play mate is good enough i dont have time to think about them lol
Im usually quick to cover up once play is over but i think thats fine as you've finished
I think if it was the other person being overly paranoid i would try to be understanding but if it persisted it would put me off meetig them again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a nice skinny young man in my bed once, he kept saying his cock wasnt very big. Looked pretty good to me though, and i certainly enjoyed playing with it. OOh, young man! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the real key to relaxing is playing with people you know are attracted to you, getting to know them a little and knowing what they like
Rather than meeting someone who seems happy to meet you regardless of your looks and thinking ...do they like me or are they just fucking me for the sake of it
I remember meetung a guy once who told me after we had had sex i wasnt really his type but he didnt want to waste the hotel room
That made me feel a little self conscious for weeks after, i was thinking does he like me or is he just fucking me for the sake of it with every guy i met lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nervous is cool...
As is being a little self conscious..
Both lie within the realms of my expectations , when meeting someone...and it can lead to a tangible frisson..
Overly self conscious, kinda leads me down the road of subduing my natural vibe...and although compromise is something I hold as a virtue..in a nsa situation, someone not being comfy naked, and needing lots of space and or attention...does`t thrill me...
Swinging is somewhat selfish I guess...playing to our wants and needs.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been made fun of and ridiculed all my life, I have been incredibly self conscious of myself and am still a little when I walk into a new club. Going to Chams last year for the Beach party and my first time there, was such a fantastic experience for me, no name calling, nothing, everyone so friendly and I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders And in the bedroom I am fine now too |
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