Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left. It was only I rounded the corner I realised what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL |
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A little boy is crying in Tesco Express in Sunderland
The security guard asks him "what's up, son?"
The little boy replies, "I can't find mummy"
The man says, "what's mummy like?"
And the little boy replies, "big cocks and Bacardi breezers". |
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