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Ghosting but...
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation." I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? | |||
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"We can never control what others do or the reasons why they do it. " Of course not. I’m just asking questions. I think you couldn’t possibly like a person and ghost, I’m wondering if that’s true. | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them?" Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills." Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise. | |||
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"We can never control what others do or the reasons why they do it. Of course not. I’m just asking questions. I think you couldn’t possibly like a person and ghost, I’m wondering if that’s true." I think anything is possible on fab. It's never quite the same mindset as the outside world. And how often do we see people on fab admitting they are scared of feelings... and that "feels" are a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or run away from just in case they catch a bad case of..... Sorry I have no better answers but sometimes logic and fab are complete strangers. | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills." Oh. | |||
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"Yeah I think it's quite common. Especially in this kind of environment. So many people are adamant they don't want to develop any sort of relationship or feelings that they shut down and cut off. It makes me a bit sad that the fear of feelings stops what could be something incredible. I understand that people have their reasons, broken hearts don't mend easy but nothing can compare to being in love. "  | |||
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"Yeah I think it's quite common. Especially in this kind of environment. So many people are adamant they don't want to develop any sort of relationship or feelings that they shut down and cut off. It makes me a bit sad that the fear of feelings stops what could be something incredible. I understand that people have their reasons, broken hearts don't mend easy but nothing can compare to being in love. " I shut down because a singers site is not the place to look for love. The fact love found us is immaterial  | |||
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"We can never control what others do or the reasons why they do it. Of course not. I’m just asking questions. I think you couldn’t possibly like a person and ghost, I’m wondering if that’s true. I think anything is possible on fab. It's never quite the same mindset as the outside world. And how often do we see people on fab admitting they are scared of feelings... and that "feels" are a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or run away from just in case they catch a bad case of..... Sorry I have no better answers but sometimes logic and fab are complete strangers." Ain't that the truth | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise." But are you in a couple already, ie. not looking for feelings because of that? | |||
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"You can, i've done it in the past with guys i've liked because i've thought that they wouldn't possibly be interested in me, so easier to ignore first before they ignored me. It has gotten me into trouble, because their perception and my perception have been totally different. " So after having a really good ongoing connection you’ve just disappeared, no word or explanation? | |||
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"We can never control what others do or the reasons why they do it. Of course not. I’m just asking questions. I think you couldn’t possibly like a person and ghost, I’m wondering if that’s true. I think anything is possible on fab. It's never quite the same mindset as the outside world. And how often do we see people on fab admitting they are scared of feelings... and that "feels" are a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or run away from just in case they catch a bad case of..... Sorry I have no better answers but sometimes logic and fab are complete strangers." But they are in the real world. | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise. But are you in a couple already, ie. not looking for feelings because of that? " Im talking about in my single days on here before Cheffy and i got together | |||
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" So after having a really good ongoing connection you’ve just disappeared, no word or explanation?" Yep. Because I've felt I wasn't worth their attention. | |||
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"I think it can be easier to just cut the person off than have to deal with feelings, especially if they are one sided. I have done this in the past." Yes, obviously I get how it would be if you didn’t feel it for someone and they obviously liked you, although obviously telling them would be better! But, it’s trying to get my head around the fact that someone can ghost (actual disappear) if they did like someone... it makes no sense to me, I keep coming back to the fact that they obviously didn’t like the person! | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise. But are you in a couple already, ie. not looking for feelings because of that? Im talking about in my single days on here before Cheffy and i got together" I'm intrigued now, if you used to cut people off when you felt too close, which I can understand, how did you and Cheffy manage to get together? | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise. But are you in a couple already, ie. not looking for feelings because of that? Im talking about in my single days on here before Cheffy and i got together" That wasn’t addressed to you! | |||
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"We can never control what others do or the reasons why they do it. Of course not. I’m just asking questions. I think you couldn’t possibly like a person and ghost, I’m wondering if that’s true. I think anything is possible on fab. It's never quite the same mindset as the outside world. And how often do we see people on fab admitting they are scared of feelings... and that "feels" are a bad thing to be avoided at all costs or run away from just in case they catch a bad case of..... Sorry I have no better answers but sometimes logic and fab are complete strangers. But they are in the real world. " True. And maybe I could have worded it better. Everything we do even fab is part of the real world. But with fab it seems often to be a case that we try and put things in boxes to insulate us from the inconveniences of the"real world" I don't think it can ever work despite the claims of others. Generally we don't live our lives in silos whete we can divorce any part of our bodies mind or emotions from other parts of us. Yet read the posts above. So many try or do actually do so. I wonder what richness of life we deny ourselves if that's how we interact with others... | |||
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" So after having a really good ongoing connection you’ve just disappeared, no word or explanation? Yep. Because I've felt I wasn't worth their attention. " Ahh. And did you think it would hurt them? | |||
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"If I like someone, who likes me, I enjoy every moment with them. I had many years with someone who treated me abysmally, so I make the most of what I'm given now. I've had my happy ever after, and it wasn't forever, so I can afford to make a decision that could end with me losing someone later in life. "  | |||
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"I think it can be easier to just cut the person off than have to deal with feelings, especially if they are one sided. I have done this in the past. Yes, obviously I get how it would be if you didn’t feel it for someone and they obviously liked you, although obviously telling them would be better! But, it’s trying to get my head around the fact that someone can ghost (actual disappear) if they did like someone... it makes no sense to me, I keep coming back to the fact that they obviously didn’t like the person! " Sorry, I meant I liked them and the feeling wasn't mutual. For me it was a control thing, I couldn't control that he didn't like me back so felt I wanted to take control back by cutting contact...if that makes sense! | |||
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"Any feelings become involved... I'm gone " Okay. But would you ghost? I’m presuming if feels are not what you want, you’d a) tell them upfront and not act on that way (I’m not specifically talking about Fab) and b) if they developed, would you not tell them it’s over? | |||
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"I think it can be easier to just cut the person off than have to deal with feelings, especially if they are one sided. I have done this in the past. Yes, obviously I get how it would be if you didn’t feel it for someone and they obviously liked you, although obviously telling them would be better! But, it’s trying to get my head around the fact that someone can ghost (actual disappear) if they did like someone... it makes no sense to me, I keep coming back to the fact that they obviously didn’t like the person! Sorry, I meant I liked them and the feeling wasn't mutual. For me it was a control thing, I couldn't control that he didn't like me back so felt I wanted to take control back by cutting contact...if that makes sense!" Yeah I understand that. It’s not that kinda situation though that I’m trying to get my head around. But yeah, I can understand that if you thought your feels were not reciprocated then you’d cut, yeah. | |||
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" Ahh. And did you think it would hurt them?" No, because I didn't think my disappearing would bother them. | |||
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"Yes. I've done it to people I've liked and even cared about at times when my life has simply been too complicated and too trying and I've felt that I was only bringing others down with me. It was only when someone did it to me that I realised how hurtful it is and that I really wasn't saving them any grief, just replacing it with a sense of abandonment, hurt and self-doubt. I try not to do it any more now and when things are tough I just tell people I need time and hope that they'll understand and still be there when I'm ready. " Thank you. That’s helpful to read. | |||
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"If I like someone, who likes me, I enjoy every moment with them. I had many years with someone who treated me abysmally, so I make the most of what I'm given now. I've had my happy ever after, and it wasn't forever, so I can afford to make a decision that could end with me losing someone later in life. "I definitely wouldn't ghost him, because I had feelings for him. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure "I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful. 17:42 last Sunday. Last contact. | |||
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" Ahh. And did you think it would hurt them? No, because I didn't think my disappearing would bother them. " Thank you for answers xx | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. Yeah, I’d consider doing that now if I saw the signs. Too easy to convince yourself that you can make it work, otherwise. But are you in a couple already, ie. not looking for feelings because of that? Im talking about in my single days on here before Cheffy and i got together I'm intrigued now, if you used to cut people off when you felt too close, which I can understand, how did you and Cheffy manage to get together? " He was safe bet. He had a wife. We were just fwbs. One weekend about a year into our fwb relationship where we would play as and when (and in the meantime i carried on seeing others and using kestrels etc) his wife was away with her mother and we booked a naughty weekend away in a little B and B in Weymouth. We had an amazing time just chilling out and being ourselves with no worries. The Sunday morning we were laid in bed together and something just clicked. It just worked. We were so relaxed and comfortable with each other. He said very seriously "this really works doesnt it?" And i knodded. A couple of weeks later he left her to move in with me. We are 4 years down the line and very in love and happy. We are soul mates. I couldn't have hoped or dreamt to find what we have. It found us.  | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
"I feel your pain.You run through every eventuality in your head and can drive yourself crazy! Was it something you said? Has something happened that you don't know about? Was it all lies? How can he say he cared if he can do this to me? Etc Big hugs. I've been there before, I ended up getting my closure but it was months afterwards. Time does help | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
"I’m sorry this happened but have you a plan in place for if they contact you? Will you pick up from last Sunday or use this weeks emotions to realise possiblyit may happen again and safeguard yourself. You don’t have to answer here. Just contemplate it. I’ve been in emotional pain and prolonging it hurts more. | |||
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" Ahh. And did you think it would hurt them? No, because I didn't think my disappearing would bother them. Thank you for answers xx" This is the crux of the matter. How much you think it will affect the other person. I would struggle to hurt someone else's feelings. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
I feel your pain.You run through every eventuality in your head and can drive yourself crazy! Was it something you said? Has something happened that you don't know about? Was it all lies? How can he say he cared if he can do this to me? Etc
Big hugs. I've been there before, I ended up getting my closure but it was months afterwards. Time does help"Nods. Sadly I am the common denominator in each romantic interaction that goes wrong. It’s rather amusing really! | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
I’m sorry this happened but have you a plan in place for if they contact you? Will you pick up from last Sunday or use this weeks emotions to realise possiblyit may happen again and safeguard yourself. You don’t have to answer here. Just contemplate it. I’ve been in emotional pain and prolonging it hurts more. "I didn’t feel nervous with him. I’ve never not felt nervous. Never. I had actually thought, oh I get it now, I get what people mean when they say you just know and it feels easy and right, and I was in the moment and I was happy and... so no, if he gets back in contact after doing this, I think it’s already broken sadly. I want him to get in contact so we both can have closure, I feel terribly for him to have got into a state that he felt he had to that or to be suffering for having done it, I’d like to know he’s safe. But I think it’s unlikely. I just want to be able to say thank you. Thank you for the time we did have and I forgive you. Be well. I’d like to understand why. But I won’t make someone feel bad for doing the best they were able to do at the time. I’d like it to stop hurting though, and to feel that I’m not worthless. | |||
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" Ahh. And did you think it would hurt them? No, because I didn't think my disappearing would bother them. Thank you for answers xx This is the crux of the matter. How much you think it will affect the other person. I would struggle to hurt someone else's feelings. " Upsetting someone else is horrific. It destroys me. | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs "He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
I’m sorry this happened but have you a plan in place for if they contact you? Will you pick up from last Sunday or use this weeks emotions to realise possiblyit may happen again and safeguard yourself. You don’t have to answer here. Just contemplate it. I’ve been in emotional pain and prolonging it hurts more.
I didn’t feel nervous with him. I’ve never not felt nervous. Never. I had actually thought, oh I get it now, I get what people mean when they say you just know and it feels easy and right, and I was in the moment and I was happy and... so no, if he gets back in contact after doing this, I think it’s already broken sadly. I want him to get in contact so we both can have closure, I feel terribly for him to have got into a state that he felt he had to that or to be suffering for having done it, I’d like to know he’s safe. But I think it’s unlikely. I just want to be able to say thank you. Thank you for the time we did have and I forgive you. Be well. I’d like to understand why. But I won’t make someone feel bad for doing the best they were able to do at the time.
I’d like it to stop hurting though, and to feel that I’m not worthless. "I get that. I hope you get to say the right words. Big hugs lady. I wish I could tell you how to stop the pain but I find distraction helps. I find mine in the gym these days. Remember you have worth. | |||
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"I have done it because s much as we liked each other there were too many complications that stopped us being together as much as we both wanted. I couldn’t face saying goodbye and the begging of don’t go. I needed to make a clean break for both our sakes. X " But was there a sense it was coming? | |||
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"The flight response is strong in some." What was the danger though? | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
I’m sorry this happened but have you a plan in place for if they contact you? Will you pick up from last Sunday or use this weeks emotions to realise possiblyit may happen again and safeguard yourself. You don’t have to answer here. Just contemplate it. I’ve been in emotional pain and prolonging it hurts more.
I didn’t feel nervous with him. I’ve never not felt nervous. Never. I had actually thought, oh I get it now, I get what people mean when they say you just know and it feels easy and right, and I was in the moment and I was happy and... so no, if he gets back in contact after doing this, I think it’s already broken sadly. I want him to get in contact so we both can have closure, I feel terribly for him to have got into a state that he felt he had to that or to be suffering for having done it, I’d like to know he’s safe. But I think it’s unlikely. I just want to be able to say thank you. Thank you for the time we did have and I forgive you. Be well. I’d like to understand why. But I won’t make someone feel bad for doing the best they were able to do at the time.
I’d like it to stop hurting though, and to feel that I’m not worthless.
I get that. I hope you get to say the right words. Big hugs lady. I wish I could tell you how to stop the pain but I find distraction helps. I find mine in the gym these days. Remember you have worth. "Perhaps this is just life conspiring to get me to the gym! | |||
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"The flight response is strong in some. What was the danger though?" Depth of feeling. Some guys just can’t go there. They can’t express how they feel whether that’s sadness, fear, anger so act out. Whatever he was afraid of it caused him to do a Forrest Gump | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. "My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be. I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat" | |||
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"The flight response is strong in some. What was the danger though? Depth of feeling. Some guys just can’t go there. They can’t express how they feel whether that’s sadness, fear, anger so act out. Whatever he was afraid of it caused him to do a Forrest Gump " I rationally get that. He was incredibly expressive though, that’s kinda what has me confused. I’m (to use your word from earlier) discerning, but I didn’t see it coming. And then as you know, I didn’t see the other thing coming either, so perhaps I’m really rather stupid! | |||
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"Yes. I've done it to people I've liked and even cared about at times when my life has simply been too complicated and too trying and I've felt that I was only bringing others down with me. It was only when someone did it to me that I realised how hurtful it is and that I really wasn't saving them any grief, just replacing it with a sense of abandonment, hurt and self-doubt. I try not to do it any more now and when things are tough I just tell people I need time and hope that they'll understand and still be there when I'm ready. " This is the right approach in my opinion. The other person has feelings too. It may be Fab but we're still dealing with living, thinking and feeling human beings. I can understand abruptly cutting off someone who's abusive but not when both parties were getting along. | |||
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"The flight response is strong in some. What was the danger though? Depth of feeling. Some guys just can’t go there. They can’t express how they feel whether that’s sadness, fear, anger so act out. Whatever he was afraid of it caused him to do a Forrest Gump I rationally get that. He was incredibly expressive though, that’s kinda what has me confused. I’m (to use your word from earlier) discerning, but I didn’t see it coming. And then as you know, I didn’t see the other thing coming either, so perhaps I’m really rather stupid! " Or human’s are complex and men are notoriously emotionally inept at times. I value my emotional intelligence but there are things as you no doubt have realised can’t deal with. So act out. Others demons are theirs and are not a reflection of you. Not spotting a demon is not an act of stupidity it is likely that the fucker was wearing a cloak. | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be.
I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat" "I wonder. I would never ever try and stop someone though, I mean, if someone said they weren’t in to me, I can take it - I have done! If someone betrayed my trust like done something they said they wouldn’t, I can take it - I have done! I might ask if they’d be willing to talk me through understanding it to hep me process but when and if someone doesn’t, I just walk away and I’ll wish them luck. I’m not perfect but I was the best me I’ve been with him, because I’d actually had a disappointment prior to us when the guy I liked and a girl I was friends with liked each other, and so I wasn’t expecting anything, and then serendipity, this guy turns up. And it works. I can’t make contact again. Do you mean you think he will? I no longer think he will. | |||
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"Yes in my younger days, it just wasn't the right time or it wouldn't have worked, also protect myself as I was fragile in some ways." X | |||
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"Yes. I've done it to people I've liked and even cared about at times when my life has simply been too complicated and too trying and I've felt that I was only bringing others down with me. It was only when someone did it to me that I realised how hurtful it is and that I really wasn't saving them any grief, just replacing it with a sense of abandonment, hurt and self-doubt. I try not to do it any more now and when things are tough I just tell people I need time and hope that they'll understand and still be there when I'm ready. This is the right approach in my opinion. The other person has feelings too. It may be Fab but we're still dealing with living, thinking and feeling human beings. I can understand abruptly cutting off someone who's abusive but not when both parties were getting along." Yes, that’s the bewildering thing. | |||
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"The flight response is strong in some. What was the danger though? Depth of feeling. Some guys just can’t go there. They can’t express how they feel whether that’s sadness, fear, anger so act out. Whatever he was afraid of it caused him to do a Forrest Gump I rationally get that. He was incredibly expressive though, that’s kinda what has me confused. I’m (to use your word from earlier) discerning, but I didn’t see it coming. And then as you know, I didn’t see the other thing coming either, so perhaps I’m really rather stupid! Or human’s are complex and men are notoriously emotionally inept at times. I value my emotional intelligence but there are things as you no doubt have realised can’t deal with. So act out. Others demons are theirs and are not a reflection of you. Not spotting a demon is not an act of stupidity it is likely that the fucker was wearing a cloak." Well, I’m still the common denominator in all my failed romantic attempts - there has to be a rather large portion of culpability coming my way. | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be.
I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat"
I wonder. I would never ever try and stop someone though, I mean, if someone said they weren’t in to me, I can take it - I have done!
If someone betrayed my trust like done something they said they wouldn’t, I can take it - I have done! I might ask if they’d be willing to talk me through understanding it to hep me process but when and if someone doesn’t, I just walk away and I’ll wish them luck.
I’m not perfect but I was the best me I’ve been with him, because I’d actually had a disappointment prior to us when the guy I liked and a girl I was friends with liked each other, and so I wasn’t expecting anything, and then serendipity, this guy turns up. And it works.
I can’t make contact again. Do you mean you think he will?
I no longer think he will. "Well my guess is he will contact you, people can be unpredictable though as everyone knows. Personally I don't really get why people would do this, even a text or a note if you don't have the guts to tell someone it's over. Maybe not the best time to say this but this kind of reinforces what the person is really about. | |||
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"Sometimes saying goodbye or finding the words to say goodbye is too hard. So some people just don’t say it. Because if they don’t say it, then to their mind they’ve not closed the door, it’s left ajar so they can come back into your life. It can be quite cowardly, if there are no feelings on their part - it’s the easy way out. But i think that it must cost them greatly if they had feelings. And i think that not getting to say goodbye properly will always linger with them, even just a tiny bit. A regret left unspoken. And that must weigh heavy on the soul. It’s hard for those just left, questioning what happened, but the truth is that it was very unlikely anything they did specifically, it was just poor timing. That’s what i like to think. " To be so easily thrown away and not remembered is a hard thing to swallow. I shall remember it as you have beautifully composed. | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be.
I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat"
I wonder. I would never ever try and stop someone though, I mean, if someone said they weren’t in to me, I can take it - I have done!
If someone betrayed my trust like done something they said they wouldn’t, I can take it - I have done! I might ask if they’d be willing to talk me through understanding it to hep me process but when and if someone doesn’t, I just walk away and I’ll wish them luck.
I’m not perfect but I was the best me I’ve been with him, because I’d actually had a disappointment prior to us when the guy I liked and a girl I was friends with liked each other, and so I wasn’t expecting anything, and then serendipity, this guy turns up. And it works.
I can’t make contact again. Do you mean you think he will?
I no longer think he will. Well my guess is he will contact you, people can be unpredictable though as everyone knows.
Personally I don't really get why people would do this, even a text or a note if you don't have the guts to tell someone it's over. Maybe not the best time to say this but this kind of reinforces what the person is really about."Yes. I wonder how I was so easily fooled if he’s not a good person. I wholeheartedly believed him to be good. | |||
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"I think I would've been ghosted if I hadn't forced a response from him. I asked the guy if he wanted to meet again and he said I think it's best that we don't. He said you're a really nice good person but I'm not looking for anything serious. All further messages to him were subsequently ignored then he deleted his account! Thing was after two meets with him and me going a tad crazy when he went quiet on me, like I called him all the cunt names under the sun and said some comments about his personal appearance and wishes him to come to harm, even after that he still met me another 5 times. Was only when I told him that I was starting to have feelings for him that he said it was best we left it there saying he really enjoyed spending time with me but he only wanted casual. Was it his conscious telling him that it's not fair to sleep with someone when you know they like you, was it just him having enough and wanting to move on to other things. I'll never know, but I'm still thinking about him when he's not giving me a seconds thought. " Hugs x | |||
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"I have done it because s much as we liked each other there were too many complications that stopped us being together as much as we both wanted. I couldn’t face saying goodbye and the begging of don’t go. I needed to make a clean break for both our sakes. X But was there a sense it was coming?" Yes, we were in different countries, I had my children I couldn’t leave. I kept in contact with him for longer than was emotionally sensible for us both, I tried to say we couldn’t carry on but he had answers for everything. X | |||
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"I thought I had a connection with somebody, met was good, lots in common but I now feel I am being ghosted and just want to know if i'm wasting my time hoping for a reply, I kept it casual, said I enjoyed our meeting and was there chance of a second and still no response....... -x-" Oh I’m sorry. To be honest this thread is my closure. I just sent the one message when I realised he’s ghosted me, to say I just hoped he was okay. And I’ve not really had the energy or ability to talk it out. This is my throwing it into the ether and letting him go. Letting all my disappointments and failures go. I can survive, I always do. My fragile heart is a strong little thing and has taken a pounding but it keeps on beating. One day, it’ll be my turn. Xx | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be.
I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat"
I wonder. I would never ever try and stop someone though, I mean, if someone said they weren’t in to me, I can take it - I have done!
If someone betrayed my trust like done something they said they wouldn’t, I can take it - I have done! I might ask if they’d be willing to talk me through understanding it to hep me process but when and if someone doesn’t, I just walk away and I’ll wish them luck.
I’m not perfect but I was the best me I’ve been with him, because I’d actually had a disappointment prior to us when the guy I liked and a girl I was friends with liked each other, and so I wasn’t expecting anything, and then serendipity, this guy turns up. And it works.
I can’t make contact again. Do you mean you think he will?
I no longer think he will. Well my guess is he will contact you, people can be unpredictable though as everyone knows.
Personally I don't really get why people would do this, even a text or a note if you don't have the guts to tell someone it's over. Maybe not the best time to say this but this kind of reinforces what the person is really about.
Yes. I wonder how I was so easily fooled if he’s not a good person. I wholeheartedly believed him to be good."Perhaps he's a good guy in many ways but simply not good at ending a relationship, perhaps doesn't care about ex partners at all, or the prospect of the "chat" with you is too uncomfortable at this stage. Never easy or straightforward, not your fault but that's no consolation at this stage. | |||
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"Been reading a lot about limerence. This guy has become my limerent object! " Limerence is hard, hard work. | |||
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"I have done it because s much as we liked each other there were too many complications that stopped us being together as much as we both wanted. I couldn’t face saying goodbye and the begging of don’t go. I needed to make a clean break for both our sakes. X But was there a sense it was coming? Yes, we were in different countries, I had my children I couldn’t leave. I kept in contact with him for longer than was emotionally sensible for us both, I tried to say we couldn’t carry on but he had answers for everything. X " I could understand that better. There’s obvious reasons. | |||
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"Ghosts may have trouble communicating and if they do may get a bad reaction from someone, much the same as people ghosting, they either can't communicate or chose not to because of the consequences that they perceive will happen. Bottom line people should talk ffs
He was a very, very good communicator though. Hence my attraction. My best guess would be that you are a better communicator though, possibly at a level where he may be challenged and knows how uncomfortable the "chat" would be.
I would guess you will make contact again within a few weeks for the "closure chat"
I wonder. I would never ever try and stop someone though, I mean, if someone said they weren’t in to me, I can take it - I have done!
If someone betrayed my trust like done something they said they wouldn’t, I can take it - I have done! I might ask if they’d be willing to talk me through understanding it to hep me process but when and if someone doesn’t, I just walk away and I’ll wish them luck.
I’m not perfect but I was the best me I’ve been with him, because I’d actually had a disappointment prior to us when the guy I liked and a girl I was friends with liked each other, and so I wasn’t expecting anything, and then serendipity, this guy turns up. And it works.
I can’t make contact again. Do you mean you think he will?
I no longer think he will. Well my guess is he will contact you, people can be unpredictable though as everyone knows.
Personally I don't really get why people would do this, even a text or a note if you don't have the guts to tell someone it's over. Maybe not the best time to say this but this kind of reinforces what the person is really about.
Yes. I wonder how I was so easily fooled if he’s not a good person. I wholeheartedly believed him to be good. Perhaps he's a good guy in many ways but simply not good at ending a relationship, perhaps doesn't care about ex partners at all, or the prospect of the "chat" with you is too uncomfortable at this stage.
Never easy or straightforward, not your fault but that's no consolation at this stage."X | |||
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"It's happening to me now or I'm being played." Oh no. Hug? | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates?" I don’t understand. | |||
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"Been reading a lot about limerence. This guy has become my limerent object! Limerence is hard, hard work." I'd never heard about it. Had one session with a counsellor (nhs) arranged through my gp. She said that it's a clinical psychotherapist I need and that it would take about 6 months for a referral. In the mean time I've been given some literature and been told to read up on limerence and there's forum for people that experience it. She said mine has most likely been caused by not having my father around and my mum pushing me out when she had my sister with the new guy. It's abandonment from primary caregivers in child hood that can cause it. I've had two limerent objects in the last 8 years, the first one was replaced by the second most recent guy! | |||
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"Been reading a lot about limerence. This guy has become my limerent object! Limerence is hard, hard work. I'd never heard about it. Had one session with a counsellor (nhs) arranged through my gp. She said that it's a clinical psychotherapist I need and that it would take about 6 months for a referral. In the mean time I've been given some literature and been told to read up on limerence and there's forum for people that experience it. She said mine has most likely been caused by not having my father around and my mum pushing me out when she had my sister with the new guy. It's abandonment from primary caregivers in child hood that can cause it. I've had two limerent objects in the last 8 years, the first one was replaced by the second most recent guy! " You getting the referral for the clin psych though? I’m definitely aiming to find a new general therapist. I think I need to have a ringfenced space to think but with limits on it. I’m finding I’m over ruminating again and I’m feeling very low. (That sounds like I’ve got one now that I’m firing!! Ha ha!) | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand." Like years ago we could only ring people's house phones or actually call round their house or send a letter. Now we have so many ways to contact each other. We know that it only takes seconds to fire off a text. If you have no phone signal you could be connected to your home broadband and can send a WhatsApp. We can see when they were last online, can see if they've read our messages which is an extra sting when you want to hear from someone and you can see they've been online but just choosing not to contact you. Years ago when there was only post or house phones you didn't know if they were genuinely busy or not, kind of like Schrödinger's cat! | |||
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"limerence, now there's a word you don't hear everyday, infatuation, not the healthiest state of mind! Hopefully with a little bit of time this will diminish, especially due to the fact this has happened. " Just to clarify, I’m not suffering infatuation. I’m processing bereavement, I’m clear he’s gone. | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand." neither do i ... tis why i asked. years ago, if a date turned out to be high maintenance or barking or just generally difficult in someway then ceasing contact wasn't an issue ... now with the digital age, ceasing contact or 'ghosting' is seen as some kind of abuse. i was just curious as to why the shift in attitude ... i don't have any answers, i'm just curious as to the socialogical shift in perception. | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand. Like years ago we could only ring people's house phones or actually call round their house or send a letter. Now we have so many ways to contact each other. We know that it only takes seconds to fire off a text. If you have no phone signal you could be connected to your home broadband and can send a WhatsApp. We can see when they were last online, can see if they've read our messages which is an extra sting when you want to hear from someone and you can see they've been online but just choosing not to contact you. Years ago when there was only post or house phones you didn't know if they were genuinely busy or not, kind of like Schrödinger's cat!" I get all that. I didn’t understand the question as to whether it’s really a thing. It’s just another name for someone disappearing, yes it’s a thing and isn’t related to the medium of comms. I’m not sad because he’s no longer on whatsapp, but that he’s no longer in my life! | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand. neither do i ... tis why i asked. years ago, if a date turned out to be high maintenance or barking or just generally difficult in someway then ceasing contact wasn't an issue ... now with the digital age, ceasing contact or 'ghosting' is seen as some kind of abuse. i was just curious as to why the shift in attitude ... i don't have any answers, i'm just curious as to the socialogical shift in perception. " Ahh I see. But was it ever acceptable for two non-barking, non-high maintenance and non-difficult in some way people to have one just disappear? I appreciate you may have decided I must be one or all of those three things in this situation, but suspend your disbelief for a second, and then say of your mate just ceased contact with you - you wouldn’t wonder about it? | |||
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"Been reading a lot about limerence. This guy has become my limerent object! Limerence is hard, hard work. I'd never heard about it. Had one session with a counsellor (nhs) arranged through my gp. She said that it's a clinical psychotherapist I need and that it would take about 6 months for a referral. In the mean time I've been given some literature and been told to read up on limerence and there's forum for people that experience it. She said mine has most likely been caused by not having my father around and my mum pushing me out when she had my sister with the new guy. It's abandonment from primary caregivers in child hood that can cause it. I've had two limerent objects in the last 8 years, the first one was replaced by the second most recent guy! " Yep limerance was the experience that fucked me up 4 years ago | |||
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"My friend reckons that the guy I'm hung up on actually put a stop to meeting again because he liked me and possibly started to have feelings. That's what I will never understand, I'm of the same mind as you there, why would you not want to see or hear from someone that you liked? I don't understand it. " Philophobia | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand. neither do i ... tis why i asked. years ago, if a date turned out to be high maintenance or barking or just generally difficult in someway then ceasing contact wasn't an issue ... now with the digital age, ceasing contact or 'ghosting' is seen as some kind of abuse. i was just curious as to why the shift in attitude ... i don't have any answers, i'm just curious as to the socialogical shift in perception. Ahh I see. But was it ever acceptable for two non-barking, non-high maintenance and non-difficult in some way people to have one just disappear? I appreciate you may have decided I must be one or all of those three things in this situation, but suspend your disbelief for a second, and then say of your mate just ceased contact with you - you wouldn’t wonder about it? " soz for the bad choice of words... they weren't aimed at you or anything. however, if contact just disappeared in times gone by, then you just had to move on. now we have socila media, so is posting about the hurt from so called 'ghosting' a vehicle to aid emotional recovery or is it just lashing out to get even or something else entirely? | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates?" I don't think we live in the digital age so much as the disposable age.... everything seems to be disposable, even people. | |||
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"surely it is a necessity in the digital age ... prior to so much intrusive connectivity in everyday life, there was no requirement for 'Ghosting' .... now in the 21st century it's become a 'thing' ... is it really a 'thing' or just another kind of emoticon that people use in status updates? I don’t understand. neither do i ... tis why i asked. years ago, if a date turned out to be high maintenance or barking or just generally difficult in someway then ceasing contact wasn't an issue ... now with the digital age, ceasing contact or 'ghosting' is seen as some kind of abuse. i was just curious as to why the shift in attitude ... i don't have any answers, i'm just curious as to the socialogical shift in perception. Ahh I see. But was it ever acceptable for two non-barking, non-high maintenance and non-difficult in some way people to have one just disappear? I appreciate you may have decided I must be one or all of those three things in this situation, but suspend your disbelief for a second, and then say of your mate just ceased contact with you - you wouldn’t wonder about it? soz for the bad choice of words... they weren't aimed at you or anything. however, if contact just disappeared in times gone by, then you just had to move on. now we have socila media, so is posting about the hurt from so called 'ghosting' a vehicle to aid emotional recovery or is it just lashing out to get even or something else entirely?" You see I completely disagree with you. If this had happened to me in times gone by I would have been equally sad and equally confused. I’m posting and talking with the forum exactly as I would with friends. Yes, it’s an aid to emotional recovery - talking. No, I am not lashing out to get even. What other entirely different thing do you think it might be? And to be completely clear, my thread was posing the question would someone ever disappear “ghost” if it wasn’t about just not liking the other person, and some people have said yes. You’re not talking about that. You’re talking about ghosting when someone clearly has gone off the other. Not what I’m discussing. (Although I don’t suggest for a minute it might not have been the case in my own experience, just that it wasn’t the premise of the thread debate) | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though "Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it? | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?"Indeed | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed"Okay. I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident. | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. " Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. | |||
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"I really liked this lass on here and we arranged to meet and we decided a pub and I got there early. I saw her walk in look at me then ignore me all night. Ithought if your not interested just tell me" Oh I’m sorry to hear that. That hurts too, although isn’t ghosting. | |||
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"I have deliberately destroyed a relationship because I thought I was no good for them. I suppose that’s similar" It’s destructive, yes. Not ghosting. It’s the fact you actually spend some time thinking something entirely different has happened that is hideous. Cruel. | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct." Maybe he is confused himself. Can't let go, but not able to carry on. | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct." And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... | |||
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"I have deliberately destroyed a relationship because I thought I was no good for them. I suppose that’s similar It’s destructive, yes. Not ghosting. It’s the fact you actually spend some time thinking something entirely different has happened that is hideous. Cruel." Both cowardly though | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... " Philophobia is a real thing. The fear of love can drive some really distorted behaviour | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... I've given up trying to understand the whys and ifs of how people treat each other in this disposable world. Treat others how you would like to be treated not to much to ask or is it! "  | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... Philophobia is a real thing. The fear of love can drive some really distorted behaviour" It's true sadly. But those that fear love for whatever reason miss out on what makes so much of life worth living. Overcoming any fear takes a whole raft of bravery being prepared to expose ourselves to another and knowing that in the process we may be hurt or broken and yet still daring to do it anyway. I believe we only ever regret what we did not dare to do. Ghosting it's a way of not doing not taking a risk being negative as much about ourselves as those who may be ghosted. But we cannot change how another behaves or reacts no matter how much we may wish we could. And perhaps that damages both the ghost and those they ghost in equal measure. | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed
Okay.
I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident. "Oops! Made a boo boo posting on this thread Misunderstood what ghosting was until I Googled it  | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... Philophobia is a real thing. The fear of love can drive some really distorted behaviour It's true sadly. But those that fear love for whatever reason miss out on what makes so much of life worth living. Overcoming any fear takes a whole raft of bravery being prepared to expose ourselves to another and knowing that in the process we may be hurt or broken and yet still daring to do it anyway. I believe we only ever regret what we did not dare to do. Ghosting it's a way of not doing not taking a risk being negative as much about ourselves as those who may be ghosted. But we cannot change how another behaves or reacts no matter how much we may wish we could. And perhaps that damages both the ghost and those they ghost in equal measure. " | |||
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"Never known anyone to ghost someone because they like them... Quite the opposite. Yeah. I still come back to this as my gut instinct. And yet go back and read the thread. So many here have admitted they have ghosted someone because they fear what may happen if feelings grow.... I'll never understand the fear that makes someone run from a future they cannot see. Perhaps it's me that's out of sync with so much of how we treat other people.... Philophobia is a real thing. The fear of love can drive some really distorted behaviour It's true sadly. But those that fear love for whatever reason miss out on what makes so much of life worth living. Overcoming any fear takes a whole raft of bravery being prepared to expose ourselves to another and knowing that in the process we may be hurt or broken and yet still daring to do it anyway. I believe we only ever regret what we did not dare to do. Ghosting it's a way of not doing not taking a risk being negative as much about ourselves as those who may be ghosted. But we cannot change how another behaves or reacts no matter how much we may wish we could. And perhaps that damages both the ghost and those they ghost in equal measure. " | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed
Okay.
I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident.
Oops! Made a boo boo posting on this thread Misunderstood what ghosting was until I Googled it "Put the drink down and step away from the thread, my lover! | |||
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"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed
Okay.
I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident.
Oops! Made a boo boo posting on this thread Misunderstood what ghosting was until I Googled it
Put the drink down and step away from the thread, my lover! "Yesh mish | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed
Okay.
I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident.
Oops! Made a boo boo posting on this thread Misunderstood what ghosting was until I Googled it
Put the drink down and step away from the thread, my lover!
Yesh mish "Bedtime, and then you can get up and go boarding. Come on, I’ll tuck you in. Xx | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I'm not proud to say that I have. At the time I truly thought it was for the best, and I still think it was. It's still a horrible feeling though
Horrible feeling for you as the person doing it?
Indeed
Okay.
I can’t reconcile that you still think not saying this is over is not better. Actually telling the person you’re going. I spent 24hrs wondering if if he’d had an accident.
Oops! Made a boo boo posting on this thread Misunderstood what ghosting was until I Googled it
Put the drink down and step away from the thread, my lover!
Yesh mish
Bedtime, and then you can get up and go boarding. Come on, I’ll tuck you in. Xx"You are too kind, taking pity on a lowly d*unkard as myself... (advance warning, I may pull you in to bed too though)  | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills." I find it really sad that you weren't able to be honest with them about your feelings if you liked and respected them | |||
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"In response to your original question Blanche, yes amazingly I think it does happen when people are keen on you. I was listening to a podcast about this only yesterday which said as much. Like you I had always assumed it was because someone had gone off the boil or lost interest. Whatever the reason it's still pretty rude/cowardly in my book. " Thank you. I’ve still no idea in my case. But given the fact I’m a huge doubter of someone liking me and as I’d said, I had no nerves about this with him - I genuinely felt entirely confident in him and his actions and intent - it’s really thrown me. If he didn’t like me, then I’m frightened that my gut instinct is so wildly off, if he did like me then it’s just so crushingly sad. I feel a bit paralysed and numb. | |||
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"In response to your original question Blanche, yes amazingly I think it does happen when people are keen on you. I was listening to a podcast about this only yesterday which said as much. Like you I had always assumed it was because someone had gone off the boil or lost interest. Whatever the reason it's still pretty rude/cowardly in my book. Thank you. I’ve still no idea in my case. But given the fact I’m a huge doubter of someone liking me and as I’d said, I had no nerves about this with him - I genuinely felt entirely confident in him and his actions and intent - it’s really thrown me. If he didn’t like me, then I’m frightened that my gut instinct is so wildly off, if he did like me then it’s just so crushingly sad. I feel a bit paralysed and numb."
I'm really sorry this has happened to you, it's really horrible when you are keen on someone and they treat you in this way. Don't doubt your instincts. I'm sure he liked/likes you but for whatever reason can't bring himself to contact you. Also think, if someone is prepared to treat you like this, was he really that great? As I said before, I think this is really bad behaviour, and no excuse for it. | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. I find it really sad that you weren't able to be honest with them about your feelings if you liked and respected them" Most knew me well enough to understand and just gave me some space if the feelings were coming from my side. Those who were getting too close on their side were also fully aware of what i would do if i found they were wanting more than i was prepared to give. It worked for me. And as i have said previously here i had many fwb and most are still damned good mates (without benefits!) today. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
"It's cruel and completely unnecessary. I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late. Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that. | |||
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" And perhaps that damages both the ghost and those they ghost in equal measure. " I fucking hope so | |||
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"I did it regularly in my single days if they got too close or i felt i was becoming too keen on them. Self preservation. I can comprehend someone running if they’re not into the other person but, are you genuinely saying you’ve ghosted someone when *you* were too keen on them? Yes. Like i said. Self preservation. I didnt want or need complications. I had MANY fwb, still in regular contact with many of them but they know the score now. But yes, if i found myself wanting to see more of them or them demanding too much of my time i ran for the hills. I find it really sad that you weren't able to be honest with them about your feelings if you liked and respected them Most knew me well enough to understand and just gave me some space if the feelings were coming from my side. Those who were getting too close on their side were also fully aware of what i would do if i found they were wanting more than i was prepared to give. It worked for me. And as i have said previously here i had many fwb and most are still damned good mates (without benefits!) today." You are lucky to have such understanding friends. I would be surprised if your username refers to having gone to Eton where I would have expected you to learn confidence, manners and consideration for others feelings, not just your own! | |||
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"I would be surprised if your username refers to having gone to Eton where I would have expected you to learn confidence, manners and consideration for others feelings, not just your own! " As an aside, have you seen the Tories? Consideration for others isn't a strong point of theirs. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that."Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go"It's not always so easy. | |||
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"I would be surprised if your username refers to having gone to Eton where I would have expected you to learn confidence, manners and consideration for others feelings, not just your own! As an aside, have you seen the Tories? Consideration for others isn't a strong point of theirs." True, but public schoolboys are taught some semblance of good manners - maybe only to be used when it suits them eh? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I would be surprised if your username refers to having gone to Eton where I would have expected you to learn confidence, manners and consideration for others feelings, not just your own! As an aside, have you seen the Tories? Consideration for others isn't a strong point of theirs. True, but public schoolboys are taught some semblance of good manners - maybe only to be used when it suits them eh? " I think you've got it | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy. "Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts."It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I would be surprised if your username refers to having gone to Eton where I would have expected you to learn confidence, manners and consideration for others feelings, not just your own! As an aside, have you seen the Tories? Consideration for others isn't a strong point of theirs. True, but public schoolboys are taught some semblance of good manners - maybe only to be used when it suits them eh? " I think Eton is the lady of the couple. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation. "No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her"If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself. Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me." It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece. "Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her"What if his excuse is he suffers from depression, or a close relative died suddenly and he's struggling to cope with his grief? We don't know his character or anything about him, but people are writing him off as a bad person (which he could be, of course, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until proved orherwise). | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens."In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens.
In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place."I don't know if you've read the thread, but if you have you'll know you're preaching to the converted. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens.
In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place.
I don't know if you've read the thread, but if you have you'll know you're preaching to the converted."I'm not preaching. Just airing my thoughts and own experiences. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens.
In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place.
I don't know if you've read the thread, but if you have you'll know you're preaching to the converted.
I'm not preaching. Just airing my thoughts and own experiences. "It's an expression. It doesn't literally mean preaching. What you're actually doing is telling me how it feels when I already know. Hth | |||
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens.
In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place.
I don't know if you've read the thread, but if you have you'll know you're preaching to the converted.
I'm not preaching. Just airing my thoughts and own experiences.
It's an expression. It doesn't literally mean preaching.
What you're actually doing is telling me how it feels when I already know. Hth "It was more an open comment for anyone reading. | |||
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"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. " You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. | |||
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"I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone as it just leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and no closure
I’ve never experienced anything quite so painful.
17:42 last Sunday. Last contact.
It's cruel and completely unnecessary.
I had the same thing in November last year. I was utterly broken. Two days ago he got in touch and told me he'd wanted me to wait for him to change his mind. Too fucking late.
Don't wait. You're worth more than someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like that.
Hear hear! Don't wait, and if he contacts you again in 6 months expecting to pick up where you left off, tell him where to go
It's not always so easy.
Nobody said it was. But hopefully if it's said enough, estella will have second thoughts.
It's a very difficult thing to do, when he's in your head. We don't know why he's done it, or if he will show up again with an explanation.
No explanation can excuse that behaviour in my opinion. It's totally up to Blanche what she does of course, but accepting his excuse just condones his behaviour and gives him licence to do the same again without the risk of losing her
If he lets her know why he did it it will help her let go. It's the loose end that keeps us hanging on and it's very difficult to cut that tie yourself.
Things go through your head like "Has he met someone else." "Did I say something to put him off." "Has he had bad news and can't face talking to me."
It's like doing a jigsaw and not having the last piece.
Yes. Hopefully blanche will no longer care if that happens.
In time, hopefully. It can put you in a dark place.
I don't know if you've read the thread, but if you have you'll know you're preaching to the converted.
I'm not preaching. Just airing my thoughts and own experiences.
It's an expression. It doesn't literally mean preaching.
What you're actually doing is telling me how it feels when I already know. Hth
It was more an open comment for anyone reading. "Then don't quote me or write as though you are responding to me | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. " Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. " I see most people posting here are women talking about men who ghost. . As a man I would say don't over analyse it. Men are essentially simple creatures and other things being equal if they like someone they will continue contact with them. I would say the two main reasons for men ghosting are as follows. 1. They are married. They have enjoyed the holiday from their marriage but it is now getting too deep for them. 2. They just wanted a fuck but said all the emotional stuff that women tend to like in order to get said fuck. The novelty of the fuck has worn off and they don't want to deal with the emotional fall out. In both cases the men were duplicitous and don't want to be confronted with their duplicity. Caliban very rarely likes to see his face in the glass. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind." Do you think sometimes they are finding it difficult to let go? That they may be having a hard time, not knowing what to do and worried they might be ending a good thing? I try to see things from different angles- which is all what ifs, of course, but I don't like to write people off. Which is why I find it hard to let go. It's fucking annoying really, and I empathise with Estella. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. Do you think sometimes they are finding it difficult to let go? That they may be having a hard time, not knowing what to do and worried they might be ending a good thing? I try to see things from different angles- which is all what ifs, of course, but I don't like to write people off. Which is why I find it hard to let go. It's fucking annoying really, and I empathise with Estella. " Now Blanche. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind." I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. I see most people posting here are women talking about men who ghost. . As a man I would say don't over analyse it. Men are essentially simple creatures and other things being equal if they like someone they will continue contact with them. I would say the two main reasons for men ghosting are as follows. 1. They are married. They have enjoyed the holiday from their marriage but it is now getting too deep for them. 2. They just wanted a fuck but said all the emotional stuff that women tend to like in order to get said fuck. The novelty of the fuck has worn off and they don't want to deal with the emotional fall out. In both cases the men were duplicitous and don't want to be confronted with their duplicity. Caliban very rarely likes to see his face in the glass. " Do you not think there are many more complicated men in the world? Most men have no feelings? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. " When it's a man I've met on here, just for sex, I don't give him a second thought. I don't need a goodbye. When someone starts to declare feelings it changes my perspective on it; and he's the one who has changed the game, so he should end it. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. I see most people posting here are women talking about men who ghost. . As a man I would say don't over analyse it. Men are essentially simple creatures and other things being equal if they like someone they will continue contact with them. I would say the two main reasons for men ghosting are as follows. 1. They are married. They have enjoyed the holiday from their marriage but it is now getting too deep for them. 2. They just wanted a fuck but said all the emotional stuff that women tend to like in order to get said fuck. The novelty of the fuck has worn off and they don't want to deal with the emotional fall out. In both cases the men were duplicitous and don't want to be confronted with their duplicity. Caliban very rarely likes to see his face in the glass. Do you not think there are many more complicated men in the world? Most men have no feelings? " For various sociological reasons, I would say men are less emotionally complicated than women. Once a man gets beyond, say, thirty, if he likes a woman he will generally be quite happy to fall into a relationship with her. When men ghost, in most cases there will be some straightforward reason for it, like being married, rather than some deep seated emotional complication. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. When it's a man I've met on here, just for sex, I don't give him a second thought. I don't need a goodbye. When someone starts to declare feelings it changes my perspective on it; and he's the one who has changed the game, so he should end it. " Indeed. But men can get caught up in good sex and declare feelings as that is the best way to keep the good sex going. The feelings were never, in fact there, and when the sex novelty wears off the man discovers that. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. " As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted." The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. " but also ghosting. "Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. " It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. " You're basing this on how you feel. I think it's a huge assumption that most men don't have feelings. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. but also ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. " That's what I think too. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. You're basing this on how you feel. I think it's a huge assumption that most men don't have feelings. " | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. but also ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. " But then if they continue to stay in touch when you have said you need some time to sort your head out, you can ghost with a clear conscience. We would all do that if we had told someone we didn't want contact and they continue to contact us. In most cases, a man will ghost because he got himself in deeper than he now wants to be and he can't face the embarrassment and recriminations if he is honest. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. When it's a man I've met on here, just for sex, I don't give him a second thought. I don't need a goodbye. When someone starts to declare feelings it changes my perspective on it; and he's the one who has changed the game, so he should end it. Indeed. But men can get caught up in good sex and declare feelings as that is the best way to keep the good sex going. The feelings were never, in fact there, and when the sex novelty wears off the man discovers that. " This is what I thought about my partner of 8 years. He suddenly declares he definitely loves me, a few months after saying he thinks our sex only relationship has come to an end-that I said ok to. We still have amazing sex almost weekly, and I'm not sure if he actually meant what he said or had a little panic about giving up the great sex. I thought men for simplistic. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. but also ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. But then if they continue to stay in touch when you have said you need some time to sort your head out, you can ghost with a clear conscience. We would all do that if we had told someone we didn't want contact and they continue to contact us. In most cases, a man will ghost because he got himself in deeper than he now wants to be and he can't face the embarrassment and recriminations if he is honest. " How do you know that for definite though. We need a survey. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. but also ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. But then if they continue to stay in touch when you have said you need some time to sort your head out, you can ghost with a clear conscience. We would all do that if we had told someone we didn't want contact and they continue to contact us. In most cases, a man will ghost because he got himself in deeper than he now wants to be and he can't face the embarrassment and recriminations if he is honest. How do you know that for definite though. We need a survey. " You're right we do, but no one would be honest | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. When it's a man I've met on here, just for sex, I don't give him a second thought. I don't need a goodbye. When someone starts to declare feelings it changes my perspective on it; and he's the one who has changed the game, so he should end it. Indeed. But men can get caught up in good sex and declare feelings as that is the best way to keep the good sex going. The feelings were never, in fact there, and when the sex novelty wears off the man discovers that. This is what I thought about my partner of 8 years. He suddenly declares he definitely loves me, a few months after saying he thinks our sex only relationship has come to an end-that I said ok to. We still have amazing sex almost weekly, and I'm not sure if he actually meant what he said or had a little panic about giving up the great sex. I thought men for simplistic." Bottom line. Men will say anything for good sex. If you want to know if a man loves you, look at his behaviour, not his words. | |||
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"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. When it's a man I've met on here, just for sex, I don't give him a second thought. I don't need a goodbye. When someone starts to declare feelings it changes my perspective on it; and he's the one who has changed the game, so he should end it. Indeed. But men can get caught up in good sex and declare feelings as that is the best way to keep the good sex going. The feelings were never, in fact there, and when the sex novelty wears off the man discovers that. This is what I thought about my partner of 8 years. He suddenly declares he definitely loves me, a few months after saying he thinks our sex only relationship has come to an end-that I said ok to. We still have amazing sex almost weekly, and I'm not sure if he actually meant what he said or had a little panic about giving up the great sex. I thought men for simplistic. Bottom line. Men will say anything for good sex. If you want to know if a man loves you, look at his behaviour, not his words. " How does a man in love behave? | |||
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"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. but also ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. It would appear not. Men realise that saying anything that the woman could interpret as leaving the door open would encourage the woman to stay in touch. If I'm being kind, I suspect it's more a case of, like many other scenarios, the man not knowing what to do, so does nothing. But then if they continue to stay in touch when you have said you need some time to sort your head out, you can ghost with a clear conscience. We would all do that if we had told someone we didn't want contact and they continue to contact us. In most cases, a man will ghost because he got himself in deeper than he now wants to be and he can't face the embarrassment and recriminations if he is honest. How do you know that for definite though. We need a survey. You're right we do, but no one would be honest "Therein lies the problem lol | |||
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"Oh Blanche, I could have written some of the things you've said which is both comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I can get why people might disappear if they're just chatting online but if you've met in person more than once, and you've told that person you want to carry on seeing them, to disappear is cruel. And don't get me started on that other common phenomenon known as the "slow fade"!" Hope you’re alright xx Well, I’d known of ghosting and seen people discuss it, and I’ll be honest I did always assume that it would only happen if one person was clearly being clingy or demanding or as a poster earlier said “barking” etc, and when one person overtly was more into the other - and I guess I always assumed there was a little bit of blame there - not excusing the ghoster at all but some culpability for the person who was left. But I know how I’ve behaved and I know if I’m displaying any of the above, and I wasn’t. I appreciate that’s subjective, and I’m open to the fact that another might interpret it differently but I can still give myself a reasonable self assessment. Well at least I can say I’ve encountered this now and it’s taught an even greater empathy for anyone else experiencing it. And a greater sensitivity to always end things with people. I certainly have dropped contact with people in my time, if there’s been a betrayal or such but I think that’s in a place of them knowing what happened, and after the conversation about it. | |||
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"Blanche have been reading this thread over it’s precededings... sending big hugs lovely feel like I’m on the verge on being here myself. Feelings are such cruel things when they get trampled on xx" | |||
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"Bottom line is if you have been having some sort of relationship with someone and want to end it, the least you can do is send one message saying so. Whatever emotional issues you have there's no excuse not not to do that. It's one message, not the Gettysburg Address. You can't help wondering why they haven't sent that one simple message. It takes 30 seconds to say goodbye. The mulling it over, and not being able to get it out of your head, drives you to distraction. No amount of people telling you to forget them can shake them out of your brain. It's like grieving; it gets easier to think about them over time, but they never go away. Because they are cunts. They want the door left open for them to walk back in of they change their mind. I'm not sure about that. I think most women are more pissed off by being ignored than by an explanation. Hence your chances of a second chance if you do a rethink are higher in the latter case than in the former. As you say, men are simplistic. I doubt they'd see it that way. And pissed off is a crude and dismissive description of how it feels to be ghosted. The "pissed off" referred to various methods of ending a relationship, not just ghosting. Men may be simplistic, but they are not stupid. If I wanted to leave the door open on a relationship, I would spin some line about now not being the right time and needing some time to sort my head out etc etc. . Most men will realize that if you ghost, nine times out of ten you are burning your boats. " "Men are simplistic" More gender stereotyping? This simple trogladye smells some one talking bollucks.... When did men become more simplistic than women....and if thats really your opinion of men ..we are just performing seals... Then perhaps you need to recalibrate some of your prejudices. Do you really think guys who are ghosted don't ask thenselves exactly the same questions....even if they don't rattle their gums in the forums about it. Sorry I forgot; men are too thick to walk and chew him at the same time and can only think or feel with their cock in their hand..
Btw there were onky 272 words in the Gettysburg address. A level of brevity and precision and a complete absense of gender stereotyping this thread cannot match. | |||
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