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If you were Prime Minister
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id take away all consumer good related holidays eg valentines,Easter and Xmas sorry but they've had their day id also remove speed cameras from our roads and introduce speeding fines for electric powered chairs on our pavements ,id also do away with parking wardens and make it illegal for women to be bi on a sex site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Free Cake vouchers for everyone on milestone birthdays (18th, 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th etc).
Yeah, sod the obesity crisis! Free cake!
Redeemable in registered bakeries / stores. Definite vote winner!  |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Id give everyone Wednesday off work with no drop in pay as well as weekends.
Id cyclists would need to be registered and insured and they would have to use cycle lanes where they are available.
All school aged children would get a healthy balanced meal at school free of charge.
Alcohol tax would be trebled.
Canabis would be legalised and taxed as tobacco.
I'll think of more....
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"I would ensure that bicycles and mobility scooters have number plates on. Too many going through red lights.
Come on any more?
"
Thats ot really that tongue in cheek is it?
All drivers have to be cyclists for a year just to see how vulnerable it can feel. |
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"I would ensure that bicycles and mobility scooters have number plates on. Too many going through red lights.
Come on any more?
Thats ot really that tongue in cheek is it?
All drivers have to be cyclists for a year just to see how vulnerable it can feel."
Then 2 years on a moped.  |
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Accessibility of Universal income for all, paving the way for the millions who will be out of work.
Mandatory driving and style advice, once a threshold of people notify that someone is in dire need.
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"Ban most lorries from the road and invest in helicopter freight. The sky is relatively traffic free.
I guess you don't know much about helicopter load capacities."
Train people to build more helicopters then innit  |
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"Ban most lorries from the road and invest in helicopter freight. The sky is relatively traffic free.
I guess you don't know much about helicopter load capacities.
Train people to build more helicopters then innit "
I like this idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As Prime Minister i would instruct all MP's under a 3 line whip to pass an emergency motion to bring down the price of Ferrero Rocher by 50% with immediate effect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Making the weekend a threesome day event.
Friday's Saturday and Sundays
Or Saturday Sunday's and Monday.
No need for this five day working week kerfuffle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make sure every man has his own bitch (women sorry
What breed? Spaniels are gorgeous. shit sues
A cock..a..poo
lav ra poo dull
A bull...dog "
clit ish? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id use mi6 to assasinate the royals and burocratic loons and declare myselp emperor and rule you all with an iron fist
Muhahahahahahaaaaaaa
Bow before me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make sure every man has his own bitch (women sorry
What breed? Spaniels are gorgeous. shit sues
A cock..a..poo
lav ra poo dull
A bull...dog clit ish?
I’m all doggied out "
als insatiable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ban most lorries from the road and invest in helicopter freight. The sky is relatively traffic free.
But helicopters cannot land in built up city centres!"
So they’ll be plenty of roofs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What new interesting laws would you introduce?
Tongue in cheek, nothing too dark and heavy please, not feeling that today...
"
I would have a strong plan B if brexit negotiations don't bear too much fruit  |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
Reduce drink driving limit to Zero. Offenders have mandatory ban for 12 months.
Repeat offenders lose licence for life.
Drink Drivers who get into an accident and cause injury get 5 years hard labour. Those who cause deaths get Life with Hard Labour.
Speeders lose licence for 12 months. Repeat offenders lose licence for Life.
D*unken & anti social behaviour yobs get 1 yr of clearing up rubbish, graffitti cleaning and pot hole filling in work plus other community work without pay.
Stop paying foreign aid budget and transfer into UK projects.
Clear out masses of tiers of Managers on the NHS and use savings to pay for Nursing staff, equipment & drugs.
Increase Defence budgets to pay for new personnel & equipment.
Company bosses who sell off to other countries ownership get fined all their pay-off salaries. Keep Britain British!
Company bosses who run businesses into the ground but reap financial rewards, lose all financial gains.
Ban tetailers from moving stocks around store shelving so we can find everything!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ban privately owned banks.
Round up the greedy bastards who destroyed our economy, claim their wealth and assets back and send them to a concentration camp. I'm sure there's an abandoned Butlins or something we could convert.
Invest heavily in our farming and manufacturing industry to provide more employment opportunities, reduce the money spent on the dole and our reliance on foreign imports (which will be taxed more heavily to encourage us to buy our own goods).
Bring back the old paper notes because these new ones look like bloody monopoly money.
Repeal the investigatory powers act so that the people can have a wank without the government knowing what they get off to.
Allow homeless people to sleep in the spare rooms at Buckingham palace. Most little old ladies get by with a small 1 bedroom flat, I don't see why the Queen can't.
Invite President Trump and his wife to stay. Use the old British charm on his wife to get her into bed, take pictures and use them to troll him on Twitter. |
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"Ban most lorries from the road and invest in helicopter freight. The sky is relatively traffic free.
But helicopters cannot land in built up city centres!
So they’ll be plenty of roofs. "
Pay people more to paint a big white H on top of them |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"Legalise cannabis. Introduce a four day working week. Between the ages of 16 to 21 if your not in education, learning a trade then off to the military you go for 3 years. "
I think National Service should be brought back. It would make men and women of them and yes girls should also do it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ban most lorries from the road and invest in helicopter freight. The sky is relatively traffic free.
But helicopters cannot land in built up city centres!"
I beg to differ, done it many times... |
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"Give people in the uk the right to bare arms. Then we can see if its the gun's fault, or if Americans are just mental.
Sleeveless shirts I assume?
Sorry if my dyslexia offends you big man."
Not at all...and I’m tiny...shrinking by the second actually... |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
I'd introduce wank breaks as standard in the work place. 6 hour days similar to Sweden and no tax on toys.
I'd get rid of consumer holidays ie card days that more and more frequently make others feel inadequate if they don't fall into a bracket |
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By *eesideMan
over a year ago
margate sumwear by the sea |
We'll to start with id......
I wood make smoking and alcohol illegal like dru9s are. This will reduce crime rates 100%
I wood remove all speed cameras as thay don't work. In sted i wood have it that the person that corsses a car crash will loose Thar licence for ever. That way people wood drive mor safely as thay will Onley get 1 chance at it.
Cars crashed in to trees ect with no one els involved won't count.(luckey escape)
I wood incress national minimum wage to £20 a hour. This will incurige people to get jobs.
O And id blow up the chanal tunnel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
All drivers have to be cyclists for a year just to see how vulnerable it can feel."
You get my vote. Such a shame to see so much ignorance towards people who’ve made different transport choices. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground |
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground "
Sounds like a vote winner to me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
Sounds like a vote winner to me "
I thought so what's my prize as prime minister I am allowed to accept gifts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would give females two days off each month with full pay...’period days’!
I agree with this or we could rename them ironing days xx "
oooooooo controvercial |
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
Sounds like a vote winner to me I thought so what's my prize as prime minister I am allowed to accept gifts "
I should think it would be a P45 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
Sounds like a vote winner to me I thought so what's my prize as prime minister I am allowed to accept gifts
I should think it would be a P45"
do they get such a thing |
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
Sounds like a vote winner to me I thought so what's my prize as prime minister I am allowed to accept gifts
I should think it would be a P45do they get such a thing "
Probably...they are paid after all...but your other reward would be a holiday and lots of money on the US lecturing circuit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
Sounds like a vote winner to me I thought so what's my prize as prime minister I am allowed to accept gifts
I should think it would be a P45do they get such a thing
Probably...they are paid after all...but your other reward would be a holiday and lots of money on the US lecturing circuit."
letch ur ring circuit ok I'll do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground "
people would have to hitch a lift in one of those helicopters, then |
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Relaxed rules for sex shops/cinemas, as long as not near to schools.
Gloryhole provision in every town.
Public transport cheaper at peak periods when roads are congested
Homeless can live in properties owned by overseas owner, if valued over £500k and left empty.
Lane hogging results in 100 hours community service first offense, with doubling of hours each subsequent breach
Parliament relocated back to Tamworth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id put a crippling tax on all car drivers and fine you for speeding ,for parking ,for not displaying SORN ,for not having an MOT and for having wheels that touch the ground
people would have to hitch a lift in one of those helicopters, then "
the new smart ones that just have a joystick ? |
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I'd make it impossible for someone on benefits to be better off not working than working.
And you'd need a licence to have kids which would involve a series of tests to prove you've got the intelligence to know basics like
A, 2 litres of fizzy drinks and a bag of crisps isn't a good breakfast.
B, calling your child Mercedes or Bugatti is stupid
C, fizzy orange isn't one of your five fruits a day |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"I'd make it impossible for someone on benefits to be better off not working than working.
And you'd need a licence to have kids which would involve a series of tests to prove you've got the intelligence to know basics like
A, 2 litres of fizzy drinks and a bag of crisps isn't a good breakfast.
B, calling your child Mercedes or Bugatti is stupid
C, fizzy orange isn't one of your five fruits a day"
A licence to have kids is something I would introduce. Teaching manners in school and at home would be compulsory! None of this mothers attending courses crap on how to be mothers! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make sure every man has his own bitch (women sorry
Already got one (Bitch not bitch though)
Twat"
Oh yeah... I'm alright Jack!
I'd sack everyone in the meteorological office. Fed up of the shit weather they give us.
Then I'd employ a new bunch of people that can provide the weather we want and deserve! I would run a more personalized and localised system providing Goldilocks weather to all. If you're a farmer or allotment holder and you need a bit of rain, you can have it. If you need a warm breeze to get your washing dry or want to be snowed in and have a day off work you can. The rest of the time it will be sunshine all round.
Weather presenters will keep there jobs... they are just the messenger's! They will have to wear skimpier costumes though and I want to see Tomasz Schafernaker giving the finger more often as it pleases me immensely! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would make it a criminal offence for councils to discriminate against swingers clubs.
I would subsidise condoms so they were freely available everywhere.
I would also make sanitary products free. I would pay for that with an increase on VAT for actual luxury "vanity" items, such as cars over £100,000. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd introduce extremely harsh punishments for anyone caught dropping litter. Even those throwing cigarette butts on the street would face a £10,000 fine,twenty years in jail on hard labour or be made to hand deliver speeding fine notification letters. hey'd have to get them signed for and there would be an amnesty on anyone taking out their rage on the bearer of that letter.
Ok,I think that's solved all the worlds major issues,now I'll retire with a massive golden handshake and a lucrative after dinner speaking contract. Politics is just so easy. |
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"What new interesting laws would you introduce?
Tongue in cheek, nothing too dark and heavy please, not feeling that today...
"
One weekend a month where all the WiFi networks and data network are shut down,TV , internet everything is switched off apart from emergency services.
Hopefully people will put their phones down and start talking to each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats "
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures. |
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"I would make sure every man has his own bitch (women sorry
Already got one (Bitch not bitch though)
Twat
Oh yeah... I'm alright Jack!
"
She’s also a very good Bitch...stays to heel, begs for treats, litter-trained...umm, wrong thread methinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What new interesting laws would you introduce?
Tongue in cheek, nothing too dark and heavy please, not feeling that today...
One weekend a month where all the WiFi networks and data network are shut down,TV , internet everything is switched off apart from emergency services.
Hopefully people will put their phones down and start talking to each other."
But I use my phone to talk to people, like family and friends that are to far away to hear me even if I shout very loud!
Agreed about the other stuff but I still want to be able to use my phone for calls please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures."
yes but hatless or money in the coffers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures.yes but hatless or money in the coffers "
Would you have to pay more for a larger hat? Would you have to pay more for wearing a baseball cap backwards? Would there be tax breaks for bishops mitres,queens crowns and firemens helmets?
We need to know the details. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures.yes but hatless or money in the coffers
Would you have to pay more for a larger hat? Would you have to pay more for wearing a baseball cap backwards? Would there be tax breaks for bishops mitres,queens crowns and firemens helmets?
We need to know the details."
no its an uncomplicated tax across the board even hairnets included you look great in a hat so I suggest you pay up or take the forefit |
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100% tax on personalised number plates. If you are willing to spend money to get one set of numbers and letters rather than another, you obviously have far more money than you know what to do with. |
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
"
On a similar note, I would make slap a 100% tax on tights and a 95% subsidy on stockings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
"
so that you could strip him every day in your mind |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind "
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. "
I have an all over tan and wear briefs boxers aren't supportive enough for me |
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. I have an all over tan and wear briefs boxers aren't supportive enough for me "
Doesn’t that last observation belong on a different thread (about bragging amongst other things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. I have an all over tan and wear briefs boxers aren't supportive enough for me
Doesn’t that last observation belong on a different thread (about bragging amongst other things? "
ha do you think I just love the sun and am of French origin but I'm English not a Mediterranean thought in my body but boxers make my balls ache |
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. I have an all over tan and wear briefs boxers aren't supportive enough for me
Doesn’t that last observation belong on a different thread (about bragging amongst other things? ha do you think I just love the sun and am of French origin but I'm English not a Mediterranean thought in my body but boxers make my balls ache "
Agree entirely...mic eece skin tight briefs for Twat...just feels better...and of course being tiny I fit into them very easily  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for every man who has an office job to wear a suit and tie. This is for personal reasons for me so quite selfish but as I’ll be the PM it would have to happen
so that you could strip him every day in your mind
Yes something along that theme....oh and he would have to mandatory wear crisp white boxers underneath and have a regular spray tan - pasty pale flesh would be a no no. I have an all over tan and wear briefs boxers aren't supportive enough for me
Doesn’t that last observation belong on a different thread (about bragging amongst other things? ha do you think I just love the sun and am of French origin but I'm English not a Mediterranean thought in my body but boxers make my balls ache
Agree entirely...miceece skin tight briefs for Twat...just feels better...and of course being tiny I fit into them very easily "
lol sharing is caring |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures.yes but hatless or money in the coffers
Would you have to pay more for a larger hat? Would you have to pay more for wearing a baseball cap backwards? Would there be tax breaks for bishops mitres,queens crowns and firemens helmets?
We need to know the details.no its an uncomplicated tax across the board even hairnets included you look great in a hat so I suggest you pay up or take the forefit "
Thank you,that's very kind but I have six hats so it could get expensive.I might find the forfeit a more attractive proposition.More details,please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Id tax anyone wearing hats
That would just drive hat wearing underground. It would be prohibition all over again. All you are doing there is creating a new criminal underclass who will ruthlessly stop at nothing to indulge their illicit pleasures.yes but hatless or money in the coffers
Would you have to pay more for a larger hat? Would you have to pay more for wearing a baseball cap backwards? Would there be tax breaks for bishops mitres,queens crowns and firemens helmets?
We need to know the details.no its an uncomplicated tax across the board even hairnets included you look great in a hat so I suggest you pay up or take the forefit
Thank you,that's very kind but I have six hats so it could get expensive.I might find the forfeit a more attractive proposition.More details,please."
lol hey I have many scenarios to put forward as you must know by now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for fit good looking men to wear lime green mankini’s on the beach mankinis noooooooo
Mankinis yesssssss
Awaiting influx of pics to my inbox....."
you can have pics of me on beach |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"I would make it mandatory for fit good looking men to wear lime green mankini’s on the beach mankinis noooooooo
Mankinis yesssssss
Awaiting influx of pics to my inbox.....you can have pics of me on beach "
Hot flush starting! You do realise I am a lady of a certain age....phew phew... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would make it mandatory for fit good looking men to wear lime green mankini’s on the beach mankinis noooooooo
Mankinis yesssssss
Awaiting influx of pics to my inbox.....you can have pics of me on beach
Hot flush starting! You do realise I am a lady of a certain age....phew phew... "
get yer specs out |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"I would make it mandatory for fit good looking men to wear lime green mankini’s on the beach
I have a Santa mankini - will that do?"
I’ll give consideration to it if the wearer is fit and good looking... |
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"I would make it mandatory for fit good looking men to wear lime green mankini’s on the beach
I have a Santa mankini - will that do?
I’ll give consideration to it if the wearer is fit and good looking... "
Umm...not sure about that  |
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