FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Had an affair.

Had an affair.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Had an affair. It came out and he is fighting to save his marriage. We made plans for a future but when the shit hit...he wants the wife back. I get that. But what i.dont get is he still wants me coz the sex is good so he says and his wife won't give him it just now. He says he still loves me. Am i being used? I have feelings for him but so confused

thanks in advance for any replies x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah you are. He wants his wife. If he loved you he wouldn't be going back to her. He's being selfish and wanting best of both.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Walk away, before it gets even more messy. He's using you for the sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Had an affair. It came out and he is fighting to save his marriage. We made plans for a future but when the shit hit...he wants the wife back. I get that. But what i.dont get is he still wants me coz the sex is good so he says and his wife won't give him it just now. He says he still loves me. Am i being used? I have feelings for him but so confused

thanks in advance for any replies x"

He may have feelings for both of you, that's not uncommon.

If he's coming to you everytime he wants sex and no other time.. You're being used.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes let him go .Not worth it ,he's using you .Plenty of single men who will appreciate you .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He had the chance to be with you and didn't!... Move on to the next one xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hello lovely.

Reading what you have written, it sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and all that. So he wants sex with you because his wife won't give it to him right now? He is a selfish pig and I think, no, I know you can do sooo much better than that.

I appreciate you have feelings, but honestly, they will soon pass as soon as you see him for what he is. A total and utter wanker!!

Hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m really sorry you’re in that situation.... but you need to walk away, and realise you deserve better x

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By *entleman Caller GlasgowMan over a year ago

Bellshill

I agree. Clearly he would have a lot of grovelling to do at home, so his physical activity with his wife will be months away. It seems a bit respectful to you to still want sex with you but choose to spend his life with his wife.

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By *tonMessCouple over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

thanks in advance for any replies x

He may have feelings for both of you, that's not uncommon.

If he's coming to you everytime he wants sex and no other time.. You're being used."

This

I had an 'affair'... he left his mrs and we are now happy.

Dont be used, sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to me.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

There’s a little phrase with cake and eat it in, that I think applies here.

Up to you how you want to be treated ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Darling walk away he's wanting the best of both worlds you deserve a man who wants you 100% not to be the bit on the side xx

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

Don't fuck cheats and the problem doesn't enter your life.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

thanks in advance for any replies x"

So he says he wants you because the sex is good. There is your answer. When it comes to it you are nothing more than a good fuck to him. He loves his wife not you. If he loved you he has had the opportunity to be with you. He chose her. Walk away whilst you still have a bit of self respect left....or hang on and be deluded.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

thanks in advance for any replies x"
1. You say hes fighting for his marraige and wants his wife back.

2.He wants you because the sex is good and hes not getting it at home.

If hes fighting to save his marraige move on and let him do that if it doesnt work out then he will be free to do as he wishes .... never be someones 2nd option

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks everyone. I knew all the answers deep down but just need to hear it from.others to be 100% sure. Feeling

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

You've answered your own question really 'he wants you, because the sex is soo good'

He got caught cheating, he wants his wife, she will be keeping an eagle eye on him for a while to come. When do you think he will be able to see you for the great sex?

You know you're being used, so have some dignity and leave him to it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"

He still loves his wife. He will want you because there is a lack of sex with the wife. Wifey is probably majorly pissed off at him for having an affair, which will be adding to his lack of intimacy with her. If he has had an affair then there are big problems in the relationship anyway, before you even got involved with him. His head will be all over the place about this. The wife is going to feel massively betrayed by him and will be blaming you for trying to break her marriage up, she will projecting all her insecurities and fears onto you. That bitch tried to steal my Man etc. She probably can't comprehend that her lack of affection towards her husband could be the factor that led him looking elsewhere in the first place and I'm sure you didn't know he was married when you first met him.

Time to bin him and forget about him. He wants you for sex cause he's not getting any off the wife, so he is using you and he's chosen the wife over you. He wants his cake doesn't he? If he really loved you, he would be with you and would be trying to get a divorce and end everything with the wife.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"

Dump his sorry ass!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fuck cheats and the problem doesn't enter your life."

This

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By *angtidy42Couple over a year ago

Redditch

Sorry to hear what's happened to you. Don't let it carry on as he's having his cake and eating it. It's not nice been on your own and waiting for fleeting visits.

Your worth far more and should not be someone's second choice.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman over a year ago

Tamworth

Whether he's using you or just confused about what he wants himself, it's unfair to drag you into that confusion and the mess. He needs to make his choice and stick to it.

On the face of it, it sounds like he's made that choice - do you really want someone who can hurt his wife then, on going back, still try to carry on doing the thing that caused the hurt?

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

OP when the shit hit the fan he had the opportunity to choose either you or his wife. He chose to try and work things out with his wife and didn't choose to be with you.

Save yourself any further heartache and just walk away.

At the moment you are just a convenient fuck while he isn't getting any at home.

Also, how can he fix things at home properly if he is still seeing you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely you don't need a swinging forum to tell you to have some self respect and leave a man who's clearly using you for sex well behind. You'll be sad for a while but then you'll move on and realise no one deserves to be treated as he's treating you and his wife!

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By *-4pleasureCouple over a year ago

Belfast

"Thanks everyone. I knew all the answers deep down but just need to hear it from.others to be 100% sure. Feeling

xx"

I'm sure his wife's not dancing on the table either

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Am i being used?

Yes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The fact that you posted this OP, eludes to the fact that you already know the answer to this. I personally can only see it in you ending up with a broken heart, if you allow it to continue. He's already chosen her over you. The fact that he wants to save his marriage, proves she is above you in his list of priorities. He may have feelings for you, but his actions show that this is not enough. If you are happy to always be second best, then continue with your affair. He's already said he wants to continue seeing you because the sex is so good. I'm sorry, but that is a neon sign. If I were in your position, I wouldn't just walk away, I'd run. You deserve far more than being someone's bit on the side.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah you are. He wants his wife. If he loved you he wouldn't be going back to her. He's being selfish and wanting best of both. "

Completely agree with this.

That's why I can come across as a bitch sometimes. I don't let men get attached, but I don't let myself get attached either. He likes the sex with you and is using you like men have for millenia. They have their Wife/Queen to be their love and mother of children and they have their wh*res/concubines to satisfy them sexually and have fun with. You both serve different functions to him. He sees you as fun and sex and he likes you, but you will NEVER be his wife.

You either accept that and stay as his mistress and sex toy, and potentially break up a marriage and destroy lives.

Or you walk away and find yourself a man who wants to turn YOU into his wife.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it helps you to walk away, because let’s face it - this is what you need to do - then perhaps framing it to yourself, to help you wean off, is to think that *if you are ever meant to be, then leaving now gracefully and giving him space to sort his feelings out, as right now no good will come of you being together” is a useful trick.

It helps you distance yourself immediately but doing so using the feelings you have for him as you think you’re investing in the “later on” for when he might be ready and able to be with you. But the actuality is you give yourself detachment and distance and time to grieve, process and move on.

Hugs x

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By *orticiaWoman over a year ago

Wirral

"OP when the shit hit the fan he had the opportunity to choose either you or his wife. He chose to try and work things out with his wife and didn't choose to be with you.

Save yourself any further heartache and just walk away.

At the moment you are just a convenient fuck while he isn't getting any at home.

Also, how can he fix things at home properly if he is still seeing you?

This. If he was genuine about the plans you made for your future, he'd have left her when the shit hit the fan to be with you.

You say he's fighting for his marriage & you get that. If I'd made plans with someone for the future that included him leaving his wife, I would most definitely not get that at all.

Walk away. He made his choice. He chose her.

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By *ork10Man over a year ago

York

Walk away cut of contact if it's meant to be your paths will cross in the future, but remember he's a cheat.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Then for a while you will feel like you were never enough, it's your fault and you will wonder what you did wrong to make him want to stay with the person he was running to you from.

Ultimately, and after a long time of soul searching you will realise that actually. You are good enough and whilst it was fun and what you had was great it wasn't to be. Someone will come along and you'll smile again when you least expect it.

Being the other woman is fun, until it is not and then you are left feeling empty,

Hoping that the guy gets his shit together and decides what it is he does want from life.

Sending hugs, it's shit But you know what, you will be ok.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

thanks in advance for any replies x"

Yep

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple over a year ago

markinch

You have an affair with married guy, she finds out , hes staying with her, you have feelings for him , your on a sex sight , im confused,

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Don't fuck cheats and the problem doesn't enter your life."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd say no you're not being used. His wife just doesn't understand him like you do and if you just hang on for another few years I'm sure the pair of you will be skipping happily off into the sunset together

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

He chose her.

in capitals it goes .....

HE CHOSE HER

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fuck cheats and the problem doesn't enter your life.

Amen to that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I will miss him but I know all of you are right in what you say. The fucked up thing is I'm supposed to be intelligent and I have a good career. So why on earth am I letting this happen to me?? I don't get me at all. Can't believe I was so naieve to believe his bullshit but it still hurts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I will miss him but I know all of you are right in what you say. The fucked up thing is I'm supposed to be intelligent and I have a good career. So why on earth am I letting this happen to me?? I don't get me at all. Can't believe I was so naieve to believe his bullshit but it still hurts

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice.

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By *orticiaWoman over a year ago

Wirral

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Then for a while you will feel like you were never enough, it's your fault and you will wonder what you did wrong to make him want to stay with the person he was running to you from.

Being the other woman is fun, until it is not and then you are left feeling empty,

Hoping that the guy gets his shit together and decides what it is he does want from life.

Sending hugs, it's shit But you know what, you will be ok.

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By *irestorm 500Couple over a year ago

coventry

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice. "

Exactly we all want to love and be loved and despite everything we can't help who we fall in love with.

Whatever happens I hope everything works out for you. X storm x

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By *ineMan over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice. "

This

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

You enjoyed what you had. It's a gain not a loss.

I don't agree that you were used. He enjoyed being with you too.

In the end tho ........ he made his choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"

No judging because I did it but you are fucked now either way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Emotion and intelligence are not interconnected. See it as a learning experience. Only allow yourself to be open to someone who has the potential to reciprocate the way you deserve, in future. For now, just do a little crying and give yourself time to heal. Sending cwtches your way..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you can put your feelings aside why not just carry on fucking him if it's good? You know now that he will choose her so you can just fuck.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice. "

There was a clear choice at the start, get involved or not.

Op, respect yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice.

There was a clear choice at the start, get involved or not.

Op, respect yourself."

I agree.

I’m talking about choice of feeling sad, hurt, the feelings - not the actions though.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice.

There was a clear choice at the start, get involved or not.

Op, respect yourself.

I agree.

I’m talking about choice of feeling sad, hurt, the feelings - not the actions though."

Ah right,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"
yes you said it the sex is good ,you're in a difficult place if he loses his wife he loses his kids probably

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

thanks in advance for any replies x

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner"

...lets just hope they aren't married tho. Couldn't imagine that being said if the OP was a man.

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By *ameoneMan over a year ago

nottingham

Ok read a few comments...lol please don't beat me up if I'm wrong.

Let's look at a few things here...u guys had an 'affair'. Somewhere u knew wat would have happened in the end, maybe he is with her for the kids, wealth etc. Or maybe truely he loves her n not u or u both?!! What he told u only u would know while u guys were having a romp. Now you can use him back as just a fuck buddy n carry on having fun on a mutual understanding with no relationship or just get another guy.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I haven't read all the thread,how did it come 'out'?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell him no to the sex and see what happens x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you were his wife and he cheated on you and you found out, I think your desire for him might wane just a teensy eeensy bit... so really he can’t be surprised that she’s reluctant.

separate sex and love, the two things don’t belong together in my opinion. Ignore all his messages. Don’t contact him. Wipe him out of your life completely. Hard. But doable. Time heals (and a new fuckbuddy!) good luck chic x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

thanks in advance for any replies xyes you said it the sex is good ,you're in a difficult place if he loses his wife he loses his kids probably

Nonsense,my ex cheated he certainly didn't lose his kid's.

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By *isalashes888400Couple over a year ago

ennis

some men dont know how good they have it.we had a cple msg us recently,the lady half said her partner on here was married to someone else.i said is it not enough the prick has u/wife, witout getin you to msg other women for him/

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

thanks in advance for any replies x

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner

...lets just hope they aren't married tho. Couldn't imagine that being said if the OP was a man. "

Nope funny isn’t it. Do we know if she knew he was married?

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

thanks in advance for any replies x

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner

...lets just hope they aren't married tho. Couldn't imagine that being said if the OP was a man.

Nope funny isn’t it. Do we know if she knew he was married?"

I'd say from the first 3 words of the post 'had an affair' yep. Definitely knew at some point.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

thanks in advance for any replies x

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner

...lets just hope they aren't married tho. Couldn't imagine that being said if the OP was a man.

Nope funny isn’t it. Do we know if she knew he was married?

I'd say from the first 3 words of the post 'had an affair' yep. Definitely knew at some point."

Call me heartless,but I have no sympathy then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Trust me from someone that knows, I’ve been there and been ‘that’ person who had the affair, I got found out and thankfully I put all my energy back into my marriage and my husband forgave me, we had another five happy years (we split for different reasons).

But speaking from experience, trying to save your marriage takes a lot of work, a lot of trust and ultimately being together most of the time, if he wants to save it he won’t be going out anymore without his wife no matter what he thinks now. She will be watching him like a hawk and quite rightly so.

Move on to a chap who is single and can give you all the time in the world x

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By *orruptedAngelCouple over a year ago

norwich

I (female)was in a similar situation to you OP, I was the other woman although I didn't know he was still with his wife (was told they'd split up blah blah blah) I stupidly believed him until I found out the truth from his wife!!! He'd told me previously he loved me and we'd talk about the future together!! I got very hurt as although they did temporarily split once she found, he was telling me he planned to leave her for me..... I suddenly realised I didn't actually want him knowing he could do that to his wife!!! Why would you want a man like that?? It hurt me for a while but I soon moved on and found a decent guy

anyway OP he chose her!!!! Get some self respect and move on! I feel sorry for his wife, leave them to work on their marriage!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You proactively got involved with a married man. Deal with it and don't bleat when he leaves you.

Michael.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And for people saying there is someone better round the corner, it could indeed be another married man op chooses.

Michael

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Move on sweetheart...

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By *evaquitCouple over a year ago

Catthorpe

thanks in advance for any replies x

God that’s awful, we guys have our brains in our underpants as usual

Anyway dump him babe

Someone better is around the corner

...lets just hope they aren't married tho. Couldn't imagine that being said if the OP was a man.

Nope funny isn’t it. Do we know if she knew he was married?

I'd say from the first 3 words of the post 'had an affair' yep. Definitely knew at some point.

Call me heartless,but I have no sympathy then."

We're in agreement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/02/18 04:49:25]

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By *ornyDubMan25Man over a year ago

Berlin

No good comes of this situation...

This man is cheating on a woman he supposedly loves enough to marry and share his life with. Yes this can happen but when he is caught reality should kick in and he should be able to make a decision pretty quickly regarding whether his marriage is worth saving.

Given he's decided for himself that he wants to save his marriage and he doesn't even respect his wife enough to end the extra curricular while they sort out their issues I can only conclude that this chap is just a horny pig and is not worthy of any woman that gets concerned enough to ask for advice on the situation!

Phuck that dude... he isn't worth the effort of holding the phone to your ear

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/02/18 04:58:57]

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By *ornyDubMan25Man over a year ago

Berlin

Also I'll add that my sympathy is for his wife in this situation!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies xyes you said it the sex is good ,you're in a difficult place if he loses his wife he loses his kids probably

Nonsense,my ex cheated he certainly didn't lose his kid's."
hey wasn't on about cheating just on about leaving ,the kids take sides depending on age and circumstances and I said probably if you're going to quote me at least read what I said my point was made from my own experience and I never cheated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"his wife won't give him it just now"

His wife tell you that?

He's chosen her. I'm pretty sure the rebonding sex will be out of this world.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forget about trying to figure out if someone is using you. Are you getting what you want from them? No! Well that's all that matters.

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By *lceeWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"If it helps you to walk away, because let’s face it - this is what you need to do - then perhaps framing it to yourself, to help you wean off, is to think that *if you are ever meant to be, then leaving now gracefully and giving him space to sort his feelings out, as right now no good will come of you being together” is a useful trick.

Hugs x

This. I have used this before and it works. Once you have distance, perspective will swiftly follow.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Am i being used? "

The short, easy answer is "Yes you are".

The more adult observation is that you are old enough to be able to enjoy every sexual encounter you have, or not, and to choose not to have them if you don't enjoy them.

Sex shouldn't be treated as a commodity: to "give" to someone in the hope that it may persuade the other person to leave their partner and be exclusive to you.

And let's face it, he has already proved he isn't capable of exclusivity.

Unless the sex is worth the inevitable hassle on the horizon, walk away and find someone without the added complications.

Good luck with your decision.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"his wife won't give him it just now

You do realise he is getting it with her too? Men and women that have affairs (see above my last post) will say ANYTHING to get you where they want you, think about it, he is lying to his wife where he is going etc that he has probably been with for years, why wouldn’t he lie to you?

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You enjoyed what you had. It's a gain not a loss.

I don't agree that you were used. He enjoyed being with you too.

In the end tho ........ he made his choice. "

(and it isn't often I agree with Granny)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not going to judge you for having an affair, we're all human, we follow our hearts (or genitalia) when we should know better. I hope all the people throwing shade have never done something without thinking through the consequences.

People can only treat you how you allow them to. He can only use you for sex if you let him. If you continue to see him, you're just delaying getting hurt till further down the line. You know already that he's chosen his wife over you, and when you detach your feelings from the situation you'd probably never normally allow yourself to be someone's second choice. I know it's really hard, but you need to cut yourself off from him and get over him. It's horrible being in love with someone you can't have, but that's just it - you can't have him. You're not the first woman in this situation and you won't be the last. You need to let go.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone too"
can you do that? How?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Hey add me on Kik"

"I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone too

can you do that? How?

I miss the forums...

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone toocan you do that? How?

Forum mods can

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

thanks in advance for any replies x"

Yes... Dump him now. Don't waste more time being second place. You deserve more.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess. "

Exactly. . The harsh truth is that lots of men will say any old bollocks if it gets them sex. Telling a woman you love them is a pretty common way to try to get a fuck, whether you believe it or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone toocan you do that? How?

Forum mods can

"
Ahhh you a mod then?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell him no to the sex and see what happens x"
you can bet he’ll not hang around.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I've removed posts. If you quoted them your post will be gone toocan you do that? How?

Forum mods can

Ahhh you a mod then?

Yep!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell him no to the sex and see what happens x you can bet he’ll not hang around. "

This! Thereby proving he's using her and lying about loving her.

Tell this slimeball of a fella to foxtrot oscar, ASAP & leave wifey to give him the blueballs treatment he deserves.

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By *ouplenewmkCouple over a year ago

milton keynes

"
. I get u 100% Hun. It’s hard and crap and u feel what will u do with out them. Not just the sex but the text and friendship

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess. "

She never said the man was on here, therefore you shouldn't assume he was a swinger.

There is a difference between swinging and a man and woman having an affair

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

Exactly. . The harsh truth is that lots of men will say any old bollocks if it gets them sex. Telling a woman you love them is a pretty common way to try to get a fuck, whether you believe it or not. "

Of course, those are the only things a man would say

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

Exactly. . The harsh truth is that lots of men will say any old bollocks if it gets them sex. Telling a woman you love them is a pretty common way to try to get a fuck, whether you believe it or not.

Of course, those are the only things a man would say

"
not all men are the same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A wise woman once said to me, never play second fiddle to anyone. It’s true. Don’t be someone’s second. Be their first.

Good luck. I hope you untangle yourself and stop getting used

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A wise woman once said to me, never play second fiddle to anyone. It’s true. Don’t be someone’s second. Be their first.

Good luck. I hope you untangle yourself and stop getting used

As Maya Angelou said...

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

I reckon he probably will. He seems like the sort of guy who has to be with someone.

Not sure how the OP would feel if she knew he was only with her because his wife had thrown him out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah you are. He wants his wife. If he loved you he wouldn't be going back to her. He's being selfish and wanting best of both. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A wise woman once said to me, never play second fiddle to anyone. It’s true. Don’t be someone’s second. Be their first.

Good luck. I hope you untangle yourself and stop getting used

As Maya Angelou said...

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.""

Ooh. Love this.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

No but he probably will to make sure he has a bed for the night.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

and have someone to do his dirty washing...

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

I reckon he probably will. He seems like the sort of guy who has to be with someone.

Not sure how the OP would feel if she knew he was only with her because his wife had thrown him out. "

Maybe OP is waiting in the wings for his wife to kick him out. Love conquers all they say! Unsure who ‘they’ are so don’t ask!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

I reckon he probably will. He seems like the sort of guy who has to be with someone.

Not sure how the OP would feel if she knew he was only with her because his wife had thrown him out. "

Assuming he isn't able to find someone else. I've seen it happen and the other woman was devasted, because he didn't go to her when his wife kicked him out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This situation is new for you but certainly not new in history. It happens. It's about what you want. You are numero uno. I don't believe there is any bad party. Relationships between people are incredible. Far too many 1950s mindsets going on in relationships and not enough of personal evolution and lack of understanding about modern day relationships. Key word always is communication. Onwards & upwards...for all.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

So much this!

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By *09309309Woman over a year ago

Dublin

thanks in advance for any replies x"

I feel like you are being taken advantage of. He is using your feelings for him to get what he wants from both situations. If you didn't have an emotional connection to him and it was just sex, I'd say just take what you want out of the situation and don't worry about the other part of his life as it's not your business as a fuck buddy. But it seems you are emotionally invested, you have been told you are much more than a fuck buddy and he's selfishly trying to keep himself happy at all costs and that is not fair to you. Know your worth x

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

Lots of people have been in this situation ...

But the thing is he probably has a lot to lose

Wife

Children

Home

Money

Extended family /friends

And he has to face the shame.

Just walk away hun ... hold your head up.. and learn by this lesson ... he lied to both you and his wife .... and right now he is trying to win his wife back telling her how sorry he is ....and that you meant nothing ...

You deserve better .

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

thanks in advance for any replies x"

How many times do you read married men stating how much they love their wives, will never leave, just looking for sex?

You are the sex bit: he wants or is offering no more from you. Why do you expect to be treated better than his wife?

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"You've answered your own question really 'he wants you, because the sex is soo good'

He got caught cheating, he wants his wife, she will be keeping an eagle eye on him for a while to come. When do you think he will be able to see you for the great sex?

You know you're being used, so have some dignity and leave him to it!"

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Surely you don't need a swinging forum to tell you to have some self respect and leave a man who's clearly using you for sex well behind. You'll be sad for a while but then you'll move on and realise no one deserves to be treated as he's treating you and his wife!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP. Thank you for deleting the unnessasary attack on me.

Michael.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess. "

And I bet if he knew about swinging and/or had the wherewithal to swing, he'd be doing that instead. Sex with guaranteed nsa and no pressure to leave the marriage, why wouldn't any man want that? Ime

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Most aspects have been covered, so I will add this: If you carry on the affair, and she finds out again, she may leave him. If she does it isn't a sure thing that he will want to be with you.

I reckon he probably will. He seems like the sort of guy who has to be with someone.

Not sure how the OP would feel if she knew he was only with her because his wife had thrown him out. "

He'll probably start looking around for someone more "suitable". Doubt the op would be happy either. Would you trust someone who cheated with you?

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Well if I was you if the sex is that great I'd carry on seeing him whilst meeting others knowing that it's never going to go any further.

Why should he be the only one to have his cake and eat it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

She never said the man was on here, therefore you shouldn't assume he was a swinger.

There is a difference between swinging and a man and woman having an affair "

He is having casual sex with someone other than his wife.

The OP is having sex with someone she knows to be married

That sounds like swinging.

That sounds like what happens regularly on this site.

There is much discussion on here about 'Can singles be swingers?', 'Can cheaters be swingers?' etc, my take is simply this: I do not know his situation, his marriage, his life, his wife. So if I can't walk in his shoes, who am I to judge him. However, since it is he who has made this particular bed, neither will I show much sympathy were he to come here moaning about his predicament. He hasn't.

The OP similarly chose her path. As an adult it is up to her to chose whether she wants casual sex with or without the grief that comes with an affair, or marriage either to a singleton or to someone else's husband. Either way I don't see her as a victim. (In that sense I somewhat agree with Germaine Greer.)

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"No good comes of this situation...

Phuck that dude... he isn't worth the effort of holding the phone to your ear

Yup, this.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Stop. Feelings are feelings.

They aren’t rational. It wasn’t a choice.

There was a clear choice at the start, get involved or not.

Yup. You choose to get in the car and go and meet them the first, the second the third....every single time. Having an affair is a choice. If you don't want to fall in love with a married man, don't fuck with them!

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By *rs TootyWoman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Aww I feel for you hon.. the best thing to do is walk away. It’s gonna hurt like a fu*cker when you have feelings for him, however, better walking now than hurting even more every time he walks out the door. He had a choice and whatever the reasons, he chose his wife. If he came back to you as a single person that would be amazing. He’s playing on your feelings purely for his own benefit. You deserve and are worth more than to be his option. Hugs.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"OP. Thank you for deleting the unnessasary attack on me.

Michael. "

It wasn't the op it was a moderater.

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By *ilmissplumpyWoman over a year ago

Wolverhampton

thanks in advance for any replies x"

You are being used & you are so worth so much more..... As a woman who has been the wife i could say more, however we are all human and all want love

Reclaim your dignity....kick him to the kerb!

LMP

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I just don't get how people can feel sorry for someone who is knowingly having an affair with a married man. Would you people be saying "aw hun you deserve more" if it was a man posting. I very much doubt it.

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobodies right in this situation ,you're all wrong the wife coz she had an affair the drove the hubby to have an affair and the OP who entered into an affair knowing it was an affair but and I've said it before if you have feelings and you're seeing and getting intimate with someone on a regular basis then the sex thing turns to a love thing ........its valentines day Wednesday

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well if I was you if the sex is that great I'd carry on seeing him whilst meeting others knowing that it's never going to go any further.

Why should he be the only one to have his cake and eat it?"

Ha best advice given so far on this thread!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just don't get how people can feel sorry for someone who is knowingly having an affair with a married man. Would you people be saying "aw hun you deserve more" if it was a man posting. I very much doubt it.

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck."

Exactly as per my thoughts posted earlier today.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck."

Exactly

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck."

If a man had posted this it would be a very different thread, I agree

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Get smart OP and use this situation to your advantage and stop playing the injured party.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck.

If a man had posted this it would be a very different thread, I agree

Oh yeah!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Nobodies right in this situation ,you're all wrong the wife coz she had an affair the drove the hubby to have an affair and the OP who entered into an affair knowing it was an affair but and I've said it before if you have feelings and you're seeing and getting intimate with someone on a regular basis then the sex thing turns to a love thing ........its valentines day Wednesday

I don't think the wife did have an affair that drove him to have an affair. Unless I've missed something.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If a man had posted this it would be a very different thread, I agree

I know, he would be getting called all the bastards under the sun and rightly so.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

She never said the man was on here, therefore you shouldn't assume he was a swinger.

There is a difference between swinging and a man and woman having an affair

He is having casual sex with someone other than his wife.

The OP is having sex with someone she knows to be married

That sounds like swinging.

That sounds like what happens regularly on this site.

I enjoyed reading this, you clearly missed my point.

Enjoy your swinging life

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck.

If a man had posted this it would be a very different thread, I agree

Oh yeah!"

Or people would make assumptions...Oh wait they already are.

An affair is different to swinging

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think the wife did have an affair that drove him to have an affair. Unless I've missed something."
poetic licence

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By *llfoursWoman over a year ago

north east

You know the answer to your question already. You’re 46 or so your profile says, you’re not an idiot. You don’t need us to tell you what you already know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your aiding and abetting the break up of someones marriage .

That involves in laws out laws kids houses finances grief stress heartbreak upset etc etc etc ....

Always try and think "would I like this done to me ??

A roger rabbits only a score .....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks everyone. I knew all the answers deep down but just need to hear it from.others to be 100% sure. Feeling

xx"

Buy him a blow up doll and a card for valentines day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This sort of thing pisses me off. Plenty of single guys here that are decent.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"This sort of thing pisses me off. Plenty of single guys here that are decent. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This sort of thing pisses me off. Plenty of single guys here that are decent. "

All men are bastards....fact

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"This sort of thing pisses me off. Plenty of single guys here that are decent.

All men are bastards....fact"

My best mate says they are all utter, utter bastards, and he should know.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

If he really wants you then he'll find his way back to you. It sounds like you're both suited to each other so good luck."

This exactly. Some people just need to wake up and smell the coffee.

OP he doesn't want you. You are just a fuck to him. Can you not see that? He had the opportunity to leave his wife and he chose not to. He is lying to his wife do you seriously think he doesn't lie to you? Find somebody who is free to be with you, unless of course you love the drama, then crack on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This sort of thing pisses me off. Plenty of single guys here that are decent.

All men are bastards....fact"
you traitor

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You'll be conflicted right now OP, because if he truly loved her why would he have been with you so much in the first place, why did he say the things he did.

Miss H, really?

Along with many of the couples on here, I love my wife very much, but we still have sex with other people. That's what this site is, no?

Why did he tell her those things? Because that is the price she demanded to assuage her guilt for fucking a married man. That's my guess.

She never said the man was on here, therefore you shouldn't assume he was a swinger.

There is a difference between swinging and a man and woman having an affair

He is having casual sex with someone other than his wife.

The OP is having sex with someone she knows to be married

That sounds like swinging.

That sounds like what happens regularly on this site.

Do you have sex with people your partner doesn't know about?

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

? Maya Angelou

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

You enjoyed what you had. It's a gain not a loss.

I don't agree that you were used. He enjoyed being with you too.

In the end tho ........ he made his choice. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Using her for sex don't be stupid she knows hes married.

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By *ilk_TrayMan over a year ago

Hampshire

He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

karma

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better. "

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair .......

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"If a man had posted this it would be a very different thread, I agree

I know, he would be getting called all the bastards under the sun and rightly so."

You’re so right! If a man on here admitted to seeing a married woman and she dumped him then he would be the biggest b/s to roam the earth. OP has had an affair with a married man, it’s hurt his wife and probably kids but I’ve not seen the word cheat used. Double standards Fabbers as you slate cheaters non stop

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you have sex with people your partner doesn't know about? "

No, but that still doesn't make me feel able to judge him for his choices.

I suspect, at clubs, we have probably met men who were 'playing away', so technically you could say we have been complicit.

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By *estinysswingersCouple over a year ago

Worsley

Sounds like he wants his cake and eating it too. He wants to keep you basically as his mistress with no intention of leaving his wife.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair ......."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better. "
Maybe its his wife that deserved better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Happened to me before I met C, met a guy, dated for a while fell for him, found out he was married, but carried on the relationship, promised me the world, wasn't happy in his marriage so he said, connected with my family,friends, colleagues. When his wife found out she threw him out started divorce proceedings, he then decided his world wasn't worth living without her, begged her to take him back, 3 months later he was back at my door, I still love you, etc. Hard decision but had to make the right choice and shut the door on him. OP you have to show him your stronger. Good luck x

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better. Maybe its his wife that deserved better "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair ......."

. Some would say she's getting exactly what she deserved

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

? Maya Angelou

Wise words

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair .......

. Some would say she's getting exactly what she deserved "

How do you know she knew he was married from the outset?

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By *ineMan over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

I wonder how many people posting here have never done something they may have later regretted?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I wonder how many people posting here have never done something they may have later regretted?

Don't be silly... Every one is Mary fucking Poppins in here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how many people posting here have never done something they may have later regretted?

Don't be silly... Every one is Mary fucking Poppins in here

Haven’t seen her in the forums for while

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how many people posting here have never done something they may have later regretted?

Don't be silly... Every one is Mary fucking Poppins in here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/02/18 23:28:12]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fuck cheats and the problem doesn't enter your life."

This totally sums it up! I’ve learnt the hard way and agree with this wholeheartedly

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

Don't have sex with anyone, ever.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thanks in advance for any replies x"

Cake and eating it, come to mind. I am sorry to say that he is using both you and his wife. He doesn't want to part with her for a load of reasons: kids, house, car, finances, dog/cat/budgie and yet he wants you for the thrill of illicit sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how many people posting here have never done something they may have later regretted?

Don't be silly... Every one is Mary fucking Poppins in here

"
perfect in every way lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't have sex with anyone, ever.

"
no orgasmic pleasure .........ever oh my

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair .......

. Some would say she's getting exactly what she deserved

How do you know she knew he was married from the outset? "

I don't but I don't care either if she knew. She was fuckin about with a married man, who let's face it was only with her for sex. Free prostitute springs to mind

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair .......

. Some would say she's getting exactly what she deserved

How do you know she knew he was married from the outset?

I don't but I don't care either if she knew. She was fuckin about with a married man, who let's face it was only with her for sex. Free prostitute springs to mind

What an absolutely deplorable thing to say!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He’s using you for the sex because he can’t get it at home.

Doesn’t have the balls to leave his wife for you. Get rid and find someone who is willing to make you number 1, not a second option.

You deserve better.

Why does she deserve better ?

She knew he was married , and willingly entered into an affair .......

. Some would say she's getting exactly what she deserved

How do you know she knew he was married from the outset?

I don't but I don't care either if she knew. She was fuckin about with a married man, who let's face it was only with her for sex. Free prostitute springs to mind

As I’m sure the people on here meeting you are only meeting you for sex, I presume you consider yourselves free prostitutes too then?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Just bide your time I'm sure he'll probably fuck off his family and come running if the sex is good.

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By *ouplelookingforadultfunCouple over a year ago

Oxfordshire

Just saying, if this was a man putting this thread on here he'd be slated to hell and back.

But a woman puts it and it's all "it's ok Hun, move on, you'll be ok"!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One things for sure everyone knows now

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