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Stop touching me...
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
As I’m getting older I’m more and more aware of personal space invaders and the less comfortable I am being touched by strangers. 
I wish I could explain it better, I’m quite a touchy feely person with my friends but I don’t want random people touching me unsolicited. I spoke to one of my mates about it and she said I sound unhinged (helpful) but I’m actually beginning to wonder if she’s right.
At a gig on Saturday night, now I appreciate we’re all in the standing area (wasn’t my first choice), but there’s surely got to be a limit as to how close you stand to someone in front of you. The guy behind me touched my arse at least three times whilst in conversation with the person he was with (talking with his hands) and the girls doing their slut drop dancing at the other side of me spilt a drink over my friend and made me just want to leave. 
There have been a few more examples but I’m actually starting to feel like a total loser and should get over myself but does anyone else feel the same way about personal space and strangers? 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is your space.
I don't like people encroaching imto my space uninvited, even if it was a gorgeous stranger in a vanilla environment.
You aren't unhinged. Sometimes an "accidental" touch that isn't rebuffed can lead to a casual grope... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's kinda sad but this sort of behaviour is not acceptable these days and no one should have to experience it. Reminds me of Jimmy Savior days!! Not good..
Next time it happens, be polite and warn them. It soon put an 32nd to it and also warns other perverts too. |
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I hate people in my personal space. I wouldn't contemplate going to a gig where I was in the standing up bit (whatever it's called). Sitting in regular seats on a plane makes me very uncomfortable because you can't really avoid contact with your neighbour. A friend's father stands way to close and it just makes me want to shout "pervert" in the middle of Marks and Spencer's food hall but I just step back.
If you're a weirdo so am I. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I’m actually not sure there was anything sexual about it... it appeared to be accidental.
However, each time it happens it makes me jump. People on the bus, in the street, in queues in shops, on the tube in London... just stop standing so close. There’s no need.  |
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Being touched by a random stranger?? Hell no!! I don't even like them breathing near me loooool. Like you OP, I'm a very tactile person with people I know and like.... My squishy hugs are legendary and as anyone who's ever shared a bed with me will tell you, I've nomadic hands and gypsy lips lol. But around strangers or people I don't know well enough to be comfortable around??? I need space.... Lots and lots of space lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree,
A couple if years ago I was working at a catering manager. On a Thursday the g4s van used to turn up to collect the weeks banking. One driver in particular was a little bit familiar one week but I just thought it was accidental. He was a pleasant enough older guy, 60 ish I guess, I hadn't been there long and one if my Co workers said he was always a bit familiar(just a hand on your back at he's passing kinda thing).
A few weeks later he was back again and I was taking a veg delivery at the same time. As he passed me he touched my arse.. I looked up and straight at the veg guy who actually looked as shocked as me. I actually said to him did he just do what I think he did, veg guy agreed.
So I complained to the local g4s office. Said it wasn't appropriate and the response I got was, he's been with us for years he wouldn't do such a thing etc etc.
They also continued to send him every few weeks and he got really shirty about the whole thing..
I wasn't that bothered for myself but it made me think how hard it is for a younger person (or anyone really) who plucks up the courage to complain and gets fobbed off.
I am big enough and mean enough to look after myself but it makes you think.
Sorry for hijacking your thread O. P
X |
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Obviously if you go to a festival to watch a band, then it's inevitable that you're gonna come into close proximity of other people, but to have other people shuffling too close behind you in a supermarket queue boils my piss sometimes  |
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"I agree,
A couple if years ago I was working at a catering manager. On a Thursday the g4s van used to turn up to collect the weeks banking. One driver in particular was a little bit familiar one week but I just thought it was accidental. He was a pleasant enough older guy, 60 ish I guess, I hadn't been there long and one if my Co workers said he was always a bit familiar(just a hand on your back at he's passing kinda thing).
A few weeks later he was back again and I was taking a veg delivery at the same time. As he passed me he touched my arse.. I looked up and straight at the veg guy who actually looked as shocked as me. I actually said to him did he just do what I think he did, veg guy agreed.
So I complained to the local g4s office. Said it wasn't appropriate and the response I got was, he's been with us for years he wouldn't do such a thing etc etc.
They also continued to send him every few weeks and he got really shirty about the whole thing..
I wasn't that bothered for myself but it made me think how hard it is for a younger person (or anyone really) who plucks up the courage to complain and gets fobbed off.
I am big enough and mean enough to look after myself but it makes you think.
Sorry for hijacking your thread O. P
X"
Did you mention it to your own employer? They have a responsibility to ensure you are comfortable in your workplace. Sexual harassment doesn't just apply to colleagues  |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I agree,
A couple if years ago I was working at a catering manager. On a Thursday the g4s van used to turn up to collect the weeks banking. One driver in particular was a little bit familiar one week but I just thought it was accidental. He was a pleasant enough older guy, 60 ish I guess, I hadn't been there long and one if my Co workers said he was always a bit familiar(just a hand on your back at he's passing kinda thing).
A few weeks later he was back again and I was taking a veg delivery at the same time. As he passed me he touched my arse.. I looked up and straight at the veg guy who actually looked as shocked as me. I actually said to him did he just do what I think he did, veg guy agreed.
So I complained to the local g4s office. Said it wasn't appropriate and the response I got was, he's been with us for years he wouldn't do such a thing etc etc.
They also continued to send him every few weeks and he got really shirty about the whole thing..
I wasn't that bothered for myself but it made me think how hard it is for a younger person (or anyone really) who plucks up the courage to complain and gets fobbed off.
I am big enough and mean enough to look after myself but it makes you think.
Sorry for hijacking your thread O. P
X"
Hijack all you like... it’s nice to know I’m not on my own. That sort of touching is sexual harassment though and absolutely should be taken seriously. I’d not hesitate in dealing with that but when it’s innocent brushing past someone it makes me feel so uncomfortable and then I feel like I’m overreacting if that makes any sense.
I managed to stave off a panic attack on Saturday night by leaving and just sitting outside the theatre by the doors but then two of the slut dancing girls came out and literally sat on top of me trying to squeeze onto one chair.
I really had to stop myself screaming ‘stop fucking touching me’ at the top of my voice. |
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By *ucianpoundCouple
over a year ago
Cap d’Agde, France |
"As I’m getting older I’m more and more aware of personal space invaders and the less comfortable I am being touched by strangers.
I wish I could explain it better, I’m quite a touchy feely person with my friends but I don’t want random people touching me unsolicited. I spoke to one of my mates about it and she said I sound unhinged (helpful) but I’m actually beginning to wonder if she’s right.
At a gig on Saturday night, now I appreciate we’re all in the standing area (wasn’t my first choice), but there’s surely got to be a limit as to how close you stand to someone in front of you. The guy behind me touched my arse at least three times whilst in conversation with the person he was with (talking with his hands) and the girls doing their slut drop dancing at the other side of me spilt a drink over my friend and made me just want to leave.
There have been a few more examples but I’m actually starting to feel like a total loser and should get over myself but does anyone else feel the same way about personal space and strangers?
"
See article"
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/13/its-not-groping-or-fondling-it-is-sexual-assault
This issue came up during our recent trip to Gran Canaria.
Whilst leaving Fun4All, wife went to chat to lady at bar whom she had danced with whilst I was paying the bill by the entrance.
The lady's partner, whom hadn't said a word just reached around and fondled her arse.
Wifes reaction was to stand back and slap the guy around the head.
I was unaware of all this until we got out of the club,
Second occasion a few days later in 2X2, wife was dancing erotically on pole with female friend when some fat guy wandered over and again grabbed her arse.
Again very upset ( I was engaged with a friend in the playroom at the time ) and when told went to look for the guy to report him.
It seemed however that the reaction of most of our friends, particularly females was that this is 'what you expect' in swinging.
However this is not acceptable, until these two occasions we would have said that most guys in this lifestyle are respectable and considerate.
In every case, the offenders should be reported to club managers and subsequently barred
This is the only time this has happend in swing clubs, we live in Cap D'Agde and are regular club goers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree,
A couple if years ago I was working at a catering manager. On a Thursday the g4s van used to turn up to collect the weeks banking. One driver in particular was a little bit familiar one week but I just thought it was accidental. He was a pleasant enough older guy, 60 ish I guess, I hadn't been there long and one if my Co workers said he was always a bit familiar(just a hand on your back at he's passing kinda thing).
A few weeks later he was back again and I was taking a veg delivery at the same time. As he passed me he touched my arse.. I looked up and straight at the veg guy who actually looked as shocked as me. I actually said to him did he just do what I think he did, veg guy agreed.
So I complained to the local g4s office. Said it wasn't appropriate and the response I got was, he's been with us for years he wouldn't do such a thing etc etc.
They also continued to send him every few weeks and he got really shirty about the whole thing..
I wasn't that bothered for myself but it made me think how hard it is for a younger person (or anyone really) who plucks up the courage to complain and gets fobbed off.
I am big enough and mean enough to look after myself but it makes you think.
Sorry for hijacking your thread O. P
X
Hijack all you like... it’s nice to know I’m not on my own. That sort of touching is sexual harassment though and absolutely should be taken seriously. I’d not hesitate in dealing with that but when it’s innocent brushing past someone it makes me feel so uncomfortable and then I feel like I’m overreacting if that makes any sense.
I managed to stave off a panic attack on Saturday night by leaving and just sitting outside the theatre by the doors but then two of the slut dancing girls came out and literally sat on top of me trying to squeeze onto one chair.
I really had to stop myself screaming ‘stop fucking touching me’ at the top of my voice. "
I don't do peopleing very well.. Trains are a nightmare and I have never been to a concert /gig for similar reasons. If I do it would have to be seated...
Maybe you should have shouted at them... People take liberty's unintentional or not it's still invading your personal space..
X |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
That’s happened to me at a party years ago... the guy and his poor mortified wife were ejected. Rightly so.
I’m talking about innocent space invaders though, in every day life rather than in a sexual situation. The etiquette there is pretty straightforward I would say. It’s a bit cloudy in day to day situations it seems. That’s the bit that makes me uncomfortable.
I wouldn’t hesitate in telling someone who had touched me inappropriately where to go.
But the man on the bus who’s grabbed a handful of my hair while he was standing up... what do you say to that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I HATE my personal space being invaded!
Unsolicited touching, standing too close to me in a queue, people that stand near me while I'm eating - I hate that!
But then I'm not a people person  |
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"That’s happened to me at a party years ago... the guy and his poor mortified wife were ejected. Rightly so.
I’m talking about innocent space invaders though, in every day life rather than in a sexual situation. The etiquette there is pretty straightforward I would say. It’s a bit cloudy in day to day situations it seems. That’s the bit that makes me uncomfortable.
I wouldn’t hesitate in telling someone who had touched me inappropriately where to go.
But the man on the bus who’s grabbed a handful of my hair while he was standing up... what do you say to that? "
Fuck off touching my hair? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" But the man on the bus who’s grabbed a handful of my hair while he was standing up... what do you say to that? "
Ah, but was your hair down loose and hanging over the seat hand rail thingy? Cos i've had that it's totes awkward to move it without feeling like you're playing with the hair! 
Just say "ow!!!!" And give a death glare next time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't like folk coming too close to me either. My old boss used to put his hand on my shoulder and stand right behind me when giving dictation. Once or twice i accidentally swivelled my chair around thinking he'd gone and was faced with his crotch. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stand any closer than an arms length away and I'm irritated!
What is it with people who stand so close in a queue that you can feel them breathing on your neck
I guess some cultures are happy with it...I'm not! |
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Yep mouth breathers are the worst, stood right up in your grill breathing like a sex pest in your earhole when you're in a queue. Usually they're obese and out of breath from walking 20 yards as well. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Wanders in...
Reads thread...
Slips untouched into the quietness of an empty man cave.. "
Yup... I hear you. Getting home to the sanctuary of my woman cave made me breathe a sigh of relief.
I know I’m not a people person... I get to the stage where I’m peopled out but I can usually survive a night out without keeling over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone who is very claustrophobic, I feel your pain. I had a moment on a crowded bus recently (steamed up windows too) and felt sick and panicky.
Fuck off people  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I absolutely bloody hate it, there's an arrogance and overconfidence in some folk, they make far too great an assumption that you, me, anybody really doesn't mind if they just invade the personal space everyone should be afforded, for whatever reason.having to tell someone to back up a bit because they don't apparently get the unwritten rules really gets on my nerves.. going on buses, trains etc..pains in the arse who need a poke in the eye. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm protective of my personal space and I always have been. I hate it in work if a work colleague or guest grabs my arm and I pull it back automatically and I don't like people hovering behind me, especially if it's in a supermarket and they're practically shoving their trolley up your arse. 
I'm a bit iffy with hugs too unless I initiate them. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Wanders in...
Reads thread...
Slips untouched into the quietness of an empty man cave..
Yup... I hear you. Getting home to the sanctuary of my woman cave made me breathe a sigh of relief.
I know I’m not a people person... I get to the stage where I’m peopled out but I can usually survive a night out without keeling over. "
People are OK.
But at least you know where you are with dogs.
Off to hug my collies |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"As someone who is very claustrophobic, I feel your pain. I had a moment on a crowded bus recently (steamed up windows too) and felt sick and panicky.
Fuck off people "
It’s like that every morning... I’ve started to get a later bus so I don’t have to deal with that. The more steamed up the windows get and if I open a window it’s rudely closed about 30 seconds later. I just keep thinking about all those germs I’m inhaling.
As for the hugging uninvited thing... one of our trainees got d*unk at the Christmas lunch and clearly thought it was cool to hug me.
It’s a bit of a thing for me... a handshake is manageable but our clients have also taken to hugging me. They don’t hug other people. What is that all about?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know what you mean. The oft frequented mosh pit of my youth at The Leadmill is now very much a thing of the past. Ever since i've had a driving license there's been little need for the chaos of public transport which is a relief as i'm growing increasingly tired and frustrated with crowds.
Or perhaps that's the cause - removing ourselves from the melee means that we lose the desensitising effect of constant exposure to it. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I know what you mean. The oft frequented mosh pit of my youth at The Leadmill is now very much a thing of the past. Ever since i've had a driving license there's been little need for the chaos of public transport which is a relief as i'm growing increasingly tired and frustrated with crowds.
Or perhaps that's the cause - removing ourselves from the melee means that we lose the desensitising effect of constant exposure to it. "
Yeah I’m too old for the mosh pit for sure but I still expect a little bit of room for my standing space. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know what you mean. The oft frequented mosh pit of my youth at The Leadmill is now very much a thing of the past. Ever since i've had a driving license there's been little need for the chaos of public transport which is a relief as i'm growing increasingly tired and frustrated with crowds.
Or perhaps that's the cause - removing ourselves from the melee means that we lose the desensitising effect of constant exposure to it.
Yeah I’m too old for the mosh pit for sure but I still expect a little bit of room for my standing space. "
Is that to cater for your Zimmer frame? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know what you mean. The oft frequented mosh pit of my youth at The Leadmill is now very much a thing of the past. Ever since i've had a driving license there's been little need for the chaos of public transport which is a relief as i'm growing increasingly tired and frustrated with crowds.
Or perhaps that's the cause - removing ourselves from the melee means that we lose the desensitising effect of constant exposure to it.
Yeah I’m too old for the mosh pit for sure but I still expect a little bit of room for my standing space.
Is that to cater for your Zimmer frame? "
I'd duck if i were you. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I know what you mean. The oft frequented mosh pit of my youth at The Leadmill is now very much a thing of the past. Ever since i've had a driving license there's been little need for the chaos of public transport which is a relief as i'm growing increasingly tired and frustrated with crowds.
Or perhaps that's the cause - removing ourselves from the melee means that we lose the desensitising effect of constant exposure to it.
Yeah I’m too old for the mosh pit for sure but I still expect a little bit of room for my standing space.
Is that to cater for your Zimmer frame? "
Now why didn’t I think of that?! Can I borrow your spare?! |
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"so now I wonder.. how many guys got their crotch groped or ass pinched by random girls?
Axel"
Quite often on nights out by middle aged women when I'm leaning over the bar waiting to get served! I don't take offence but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't go down well if I did the same!! |
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